Oh, modern age dating.

      Forget the love letters. They've become a rarity amongst this population; nearing the brink of extinction.

      Humanity has "evolved". Online dating is the new in. Millions of suitors available at the swipe of your finger. Sounds promising, right?

      It can be great. Lots of people find their life partner this way. I've met many interesting people, that I never would have interacted with without these apps.

     But a relationship that starts behind a screen, leaves more room for rapid escapes. Leaves room for hiding and avoiding the truth. Leaves room to be deleted in a single motion.

      Online dating comes with a pool of ghost.

      You can speak to someone everyday with a grin and thrumming heart as you think things are going well. And in the next hour, they might be gone. Blocked. Silent. On to the new conquest.

     You stop hearing from them all of a sudden.

     You see them posting stories on instagram. Too busy to answer your message but not to share their life online.

     You see a picture of them with someone new and feel as though you never even existed in their world.

      You see them moving on without any sort of explanation on where things went wrong.

      You've been ghosted.

      You've heard of the concept before.

     You may have even been the ghoster in the past.

     You didn't think ghosts could inflict so much pain.

Why Does it Hurt?

      Ghosts find themselves between the living world and the dead. When someone ghosts you, that connection feels like it doesn't fully die. It feels like it's stuck in this in between.

     Because you don't know what really happened.

     Did they lose interest?

     Did they face some sort of tragedy?

     Did their phone plummet in the toilet?

     Did they find someone new?

     Were they scared?

     Being ghosted comes with uncertainty and confusion. It can also come with anger, sadness, resentment and frustration, but the first two are the reason for the pain.

     Because not knowing what went wrong leads to assumptions.

      You assume that you did something wrong. That you did something to give them the "ick" . That you somehow disappointed them or made them angry. That you came on too strong or didn't show them enough affection.

     You assumed they've found someone better.

     You assume that they were only playing games; that you didn't mean anything to them.

     You might be replaying old conversations, trying to discover what wrong sentence lead to this outcome.

     So many possibilities...

     Let it be known that you didn't do anything wrong.

     You didn't do anything to deserve that sort of treatment.

     You were a human trying to get to know another person. There's no magic blue print. Every relationship is unique. There's going to be ups and downs.

      Don't blame yourself.

      Because even if you did do "something wrong", the fact that they didn't have in them to communicate that to you is in itself a reminder that you deserve better.

      A successful relationship relies on communication. It's not all rainbows and sunshine. Your partner is likely to do or say things that you disagree with. It doesn't have to mean the end. Most people are able to talk things through; to compromise; to try to understand each other's perspectives.

      Ghosting leaves no room for that.

      Do you really want that future you envisioned, with someone that runs away from reality?

Honesty is the best policy.

      Don't ghost someone with the intention of sparing their feelings. You are not doing them a service.

      Maybe I'm a little hypocritical. Because lord knows I don't always share what I'm really feeling. I still struggle to admit to someone when I'm feeling insecure, losing or gaining interest.

      I know that I have the habit of "dry" replies, hoping they get the hint without me having to voice it.

      But I'm working on it. I'm working on being more open. I don't want people to feel like I've ghosted them. I'd rather someone know exactly how I feel, good or bad, because the truth leaves no room for regret.

      Sure, the truth may not bring the outcome you desire.

     Maybe your truth is a love confession that receives a rejection in turn.

      But isn't it better to lay all your cards out then to be forced to hang on to them for the rest of your life with the thought of what if?

      Don't be the reason someone hangs on to old cards. Grant them that release with your honesty.

     We have the rest of eternity to be ghosts. Now is not the time for it.