I spend hours laying in bed thinking about you.

     Thinking about you and me and what we could be.

     And I am hit with awful questions...

     Do I truly want you?

     Do I want this specific relationship with you? Or do I simply want arelationship, and this is the present opportunity?

      Do I want you? Or the relationship status that you could come with it?

     Do I want you? Or am I desperate for a romantic partner?

      Do I want you? Or do I simply want somebody, and I saw potential in you to be that somebody?

      Do I want you to love me because I crave romance and love you in turn? Or do I seek only to prove to myself that I can be loved?

      So many questions; not enough answers.

     Unpleasant reflections rest ahead, but I know that I must find those answers, because to leave them unanswered is unfair to you. It's unfair to me.

      I don't want you to be a mean of appeasing my broken ego, and vice versa. It's not up to you to heal the insecurities in my heart, just as it's not up to me to heal yours. If this works out and we can heal together than that's a bonus. But that shouldn't be the only purpose of the relationship.

      I want to want you for the most genuine reasons. I don't want to want you or love you with the unknown intention of ticking off the goal of attaining a certain status. Of attaining a relationship status. Of attaining a goal that society tells me I should be prioritizing.

      In this very moment, I think that I do want you. Because if it was just the relationship status that I wanted, there are many easier ways that I could attain so.