Disclaimer: Chapter contains two flashbacks. Also, it is mildly mature | 16+

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Akshara Birla was in her room folding clothes, rather absentmindedly. There was a lot going on in her mind. She played with the hooks of the blouse as she recalled the information that had hit them very hard.

(Flashback- 6 Months Ago)

Akshara kept pressing Abhimanyu about his conversation with the gynaecologist. He tried to shake it off but she knew something was clearly wrong.

Abhimanyu: Tum kya kr rahi ho bahar? Andr chalo, tumhe rest krna chahiye....

Akshara was about to speak when she spotted Arohi coming their way. She knew whatever Abhimanyu was hiding, she wanted her nosy sister's nose out of it. So, she dragged Abhimanyu into their room and shut the door.

Akshara: Abhi, mujhe pta hai kuch toh baat hai. Please.

Abhimanyu: Koi baat nahi hai Akshu..

Akshara new better. The moment he turned away, she knew it was bothering him a lot. She went near him and took his hand in hers. There was slight bruising on his knuckles along with some brushed off dust. Sighing, she pulled him towards the bed and made him sit. She bought a clean, damp cloth and began nursing his knuckles.

Abhimanyu took in her features. She was silently doing her work but he knew it was a temporary silence. She would ask again as soon as she finishes with his wounds. He also knew that he should not hide anything from her. He gulped and decided to tell her the truth. She finished applying an ointment on his bruises.

Abhimanyu: Akshu, vo...

Akshara paused and looked at him with assurance. She did not interrupt him but let him collect himself. Abhimanyu's eyes became slightly moist but he shook the tears away and held her hands.

Abhimanyu: Akshu, aaj jo tumhari reports aayi thi na...

Akshara: Kya tha meri reports me? Tumne toh kaha tha sb thik hai...

Abhimanyu: Vo reports okay they pr ek aur test tha jiske reports mujhe gynac ne directly diye...

Akshara gulped, preparing herself for the worst. She wanted keep her mind numb and not think but Abhimanyu's next words blew her mind.

Abhimanyu: The reports suggest internal injury. Tumhe conceive krne me problem ho skti hai Akshu...

Akshara paled. She'd have trouble conceiving a child!? Reflexively, her hands went to her abdomen. This very morning, she had a beautiful baby talk with her husband. Surely, fates won't be this cruel to her! She never made beautiful memories with her mother and now she will never be able to make memories as a mother too?! Her lower lip trembled.

Abhimanyu: Akshu?

Abhimanyu whispered softly and cupped her face. Worry clear in his eyes. He wanted to know what was going through his wife's head.

Abhimanyu: Akshu? Talk to me! Please aise chup mt ho jao...

Akshara: Abhi...

She let out a soft cry. Hot tears were streaming down her face.

Abhimanyu: shhh....

Akshara: Mai kabhi maa nahi ban paungi kya Abhi?

Abhimanyu: Aisa nahi kaha doctor ne Akshu. Tumhe conceive krne me problem ho skti hai kaha...

The words gave slight hope to Akshara but the fact that her getting pregnant might not happen without difficulty hurt her a lot. Abhimanyu wiped her tears and pulled her in for a hug. It did not take her long to understand that even he was shaken by the whole news. She broke out of the hug and wipes his tears as well.

Akshara: Problem hogi, ye kaha hai na? Kabhi ho hi nahi skta, aisa thoda kaha hai? Hum aur doctors se puchenge, aur opinion lenge. Waise bhi issue internal injury se hua hai, vo bhi toh heal ho skti hai...

Abhimanyu nodded and kissed her cheeks. The morning, beautiful with their baby talks concluded with a night plagued with what ifs and thoughts.

(Flashback ends)

Akshara remembered how the very next day Abhimanyu made a list of every gynaecologist he knew. After extensive background check on them all, he finalized a particular doctor who stayed in Delhi. Abhimanyu mailed him Akshara's reports. The doctor asked for a few more tests and their reports. After doing what was asked, it was found that Akshara had shown very slight improvement. It meant that the wounds were healing.

The gynaecologist suggested some medicines. He said that even when getting pregnant might be difficult for the beautiful couple, it wasn't impossible. Although, they must not rush things and leave it to fate. Abhira were hopeful and could live with that.

While they stayed positive, something was making Akshara worry a lot. It had been a month since she noticed this.

(Flashback- 1 months Ago)

Abhira were in the bed. The sheets a mess under them while the covers were on the floor along with their clothes. Akshara moaned as Abhimanyu moved above her. She could feel all her stress and worries melt under her husband's caress. She was nearing her climax and begged him to go faster.

In the next minutes or so, she reached her peak and closed her eyes. Abhimanyu followed soon after but instead of staying inside her, he pulled out and laid on the bed. Akshara frowned. Her eyes suddenly widened as she realized that this wasn't the first time Abhimanyu had pulled out of her. Why would he do this? Wouldn't it be more pleasurable if he stayed in? Was he? Was he trying to not get her pregnant?

Abhimanyu turned and smiled at her. He took her in his arms and headed to the bathroom. Later, he cuddled her to sleep. While he dozed off in his wife's arms, she laid awake with her thoughts eating her away.

(Flashback ends)

This past month, Akshara noticed more and more that whenever they made love, Abhimanyu would pull out soon. It cannot be coincidence every time! While she wanted to approach the subject with him, she couldn't. At first, she wasn't sure if she was thinking right? What if she was simply reading too much into the situation? Then, A few things happened in their family that claimed their attention and after that, Abhimanyu left for a conference for a week.

When thoughts aren't expressed through words, they plague the mind! Same happened with Akshara. She was stressed. Always wondering why Abhimanyu is doing all this. Conceiving would be hard for her. Why is he making this even harder!?

Akshara was startled as a rose suddenly appeared in front of her face out of nowhere. Her trance broke and she looked up from the folded shirt to her husband's face. He was beaming and had a fresh red rose in his hand. Akshara tried to give him a smile of her own but failed. A smile that did not reach the eyes did not go unnoticed by Abhimanyu. He kissed her cheek and put the rose in her hair. He put the clothes away and sat behind her, pulling her to his chest.

Abhimanyu: Akshu? Meri Jaan! Dekho tumhara docman ghar aya hai aur tum khush hi nahi ho!

He said started pecking her cheek.

Akshara: Aisa nahi hai Abhi...

Abhimanyu: Jhoot...bolo na kya hua hai? Kissi ne kuch kaha hai kya?

Akshara: Nahi...vo..

Abhimanyu: Vo?

Akshara stuttered, suddenly nervous. Abhimanyu quickly caught onto the tense tone and moved to sit in front of her. He held her hands in assurance.

Abhimanyu: Kya hua hai Akshu?

Akshara: You don't want kids?

Akshara asked simply but her simple question shook him. Abhimanyu had no clear answer for this. He loved kids! He wanted kids! But he wanted his wife more. No! He needed her!!

Akshara: Bolo na Abhi? Batao mujhe...

She said when he did not answer.

Abhimanyu: we spoke about this. I don't know why you are asking again?

He said and looked away from her face. Akshara grabbed his chin and made him face her- something she learned from him.

Akshara: Say this to my face.

Abhimanyu did not speak.

Akshara: I am not stupid Abhi. I know what you are doing. We spoke about this. We will let things happen when they'd happen pr tum kya krte ho ye tumhe bhi pata hai. Mai pregnant houngi ya nahi ye toh baad ki baat hai. Tum to uski gunjaish hi nahi banne de rahe. It is like you don't want me to get pregnant.

Abhimanyu sighed. He expressions giving away his guilt.

Akshara: (suddenly realizes) THAT'S IT! ISN'T IT!? YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GET PREGNANT!

Abhimanyu looked away from her face, unable to take the hurt in her eyes.

Akshara: (whimpers) why?

Abhimanyu: Akshu...

Akshara: Why Abhi? Why!?

Abhimanyu: Please...

Akshara: Please kya? Kyu kr rahe ho tum ye sb!!!

Abhimanyu ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. He stood up. He did not know what to tell her. She stood up and grabbed his collar- hurt and angry!

Akshara: Tumhe jawab dena padega Abhimanyu Birla! Kyu kr rahe ho tum aisa!

Abhimanyu: Because I cannot let you get pregnant!!

He screamed the answer to her face. His eyes teared up when he saw the anger melt away from her face, leaving pure hurt behind.

Akshara: W-what!?

She had internally hopped to be wrong but him accepting this made her feel broken.

Abhimanyu: I- I cannot lose you ...I cannot!!!

Akshara gave him a confused face but Abhimanyu let out his fears that he bottled up inside him, clearing her doubts.

Abhimanyu: I love you. You are more than just my love. You are my life! Your reports said pregnant hona would be difficult but even if you do get pregnant, changes of you surviving it are very slim. I refuse to be in a world without and so I have decided that I do not want kids!

Akshara slumped on the floor, blown by the revelation! Abhimanyu wiped his tears.

Abhimanyu: I do want children Akshu! But not at this cost. NEVER at this cost!

Akshara: This is not only your decision to make...

She said in a low voice. She was still trying to digest the piece of information he gave her but she didn't like how he decided for them both.

Abhimanyu: what?

Akshara: You cannot decide this on your own Abhi. What if I still want children?

Abhimanyu: When the time comes, we can adopt or think of something else but it is a no on you getting pregnant.

Akshara: what if I want to conceive? Feel our baby...

Abhimanyu: No! I will never let this happen!

Akshara: (angry) and I have no say in this?

Abhimanyu: If you had to chose between conceiving a baby and my life, what would you chose?! Hun!?

Abhimanyu shot back. Akshara looked down. She knew her life being at stake had jumbled up everything.

Akshara: what if we go to another doctor? There must be something....

She said in a desperate tone.

Abhimanyu: You think I wouldn't have done everything in my power already. You have healed love- almost. But almost everyone said your pregnancy could be life threatening.

Akshara: Abhi....I...

Her throat choked. She did not know what to say. Abhimanyu held her.

Akshara: We- I...your dream Abhi...mai moti gabbu si aur....aur...

She sobbed into his chest as he pulled her into a hug. Together they cried away their fears, pain and hurt. Abhimanyu caressed her hair while his own tears flowed freely for the first time since he discovered this news.

Abhimanyu: Bs Akshu...please.

He pulled back and kissed her now red nose.

Abhimanyu: I know it hurt us but Akshu, hum kuch na kuch soch lenge na....please...

Akshara: Abhi, mujhe ek aur baat ka bura laga

Abhimanyu: Kya?

Akshara: tumne ye mujhe kyu nahi bataya? Hum kuch na kuch soch lenge, HUM ABHI! Hum saath me!...I deserved to know...

Abhimanyu looked away in shame before apologizing. That night, after Abhira mourned the loss of children they might never have, they slept in each other's arms but sleep was the last thing in Akshara's mind. There was a resolve to find a solution. One can always find the solution, the key is to never stop looking for it. Snuggling into her husband's chest, she slept too.

Together, they dissolved their worries into a dreamland away from the harsh realities, where it was just them and their three children.

............

Thoughts?

Also, news for all the readers who have read Yeh Dooriyan. Upon requests, I've published an alternate ending with Akshara and Samarthya, the book is available on my profile.

xoxo