Ryan walked to the bed, sat down, and put his head into his hands.

"You're not supposed to put it in your wallet. I took it out of my coat pocket and slipped it into my jeans before we left Duets. Trying to be smooth, just in case..."

I got up onto my knees, and moved behind his back, trailing kisses along his shoulders, up to his ear. I nibbled the lobe before whispering, "I'm on the pill."

He turned his face towards me, his mouth a grim line, making me concerned he was about to confess he had an STD. Or maybe he was worried that I had one.

"I'm clean Ryan. I was tested just a couple weeks ago as part of my annual gyno visit. And I haven't had sex since then."

"I'm clean too. I've tested regularly since college."

"Okay, so problem solved." I reached around to stroke him before his enthusiasm waned anymore.

One part of him responded, but his face remained shrouded. I removed every inch of my body that touched his.

"Unless you think I'm lying about being on birth control?"

Ryan spun towards me. His brows high on his forehead and his eyes wide. "No!"

"With what I said before I guess I couldn't blame you if you..."

Ryan crawled towards me. "That's not it at all!"

The shift in his mood was palpable, heavy. He pressed his body against mine, muscles all strained tension, trying not to put his full weight on me. But I wanted his burden.

His voice was tight, filtered through gritted teeth. "I want to do this Vivian..."

"Then let's do this Ryan."

His left hand played with the curls on my pillow. His eyes scanned my face. I wasn't sure what sign he was looking for.

What more could I say to convince him?

"You can always pull out before the grand finale." I smiled, hoping the teasing would add some levity to the moment.

Ryan smiled back. His dimples a solace, like oases in the desert plains of his face. I pecked one. As I went to kiss the other side, Ryan captured my mouth instead.

I snaked a leg out from beneath him, opening myself wider to him as my hips rose up in wordless invitation.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"I am. I hope you..."

Ryan finally breached the last remaining gap between us, making the final part of my sentence come out more like a growl than a word.

"...are!"

With only a few strokes he had me arching my back and moaning. The more vocal I became, the more I felt his arms shake on either side of my head.

Dropping onto one elbow, he kissed the hollow below my right ear, and said, "I'm not going to last long if we keep up this rhythm, and I want to make it last."

I nodded. "Flip over. Let me get on top. Maybe that will help."

Ryan rolled onto his back, as I pivoted to straddle him. His fingers blanched the skin of my thigh with a firm grip, while he fondled my breasts, almost tenderly, using the opposite hand. The contrast of sensation brought keen pleasure.

I braced one palm on my headboard and the other on a handful of his chest. Swiveling my hips to test out our new position more completely, I found it just as gratifying as the last one. "This definitely works for me."

"Good." The response more grunt than syllable.

I threw my head back, curls skimming the skin along my spine. Grinding down, harder and slower, made Ryan clasp both hands onto my haunches. "Easy now," he hissed through his teeth as he brought a hand to my clit.

That was exactly what I needed. The first coils of a potentially massive orgasm started to twist inside of me. "Oh yes Ryan!"

Wanting to know if he was enjoying himself as much as I was, and hoping he was watching how much pleasure I was taking in him, I looked down at Ryan's face. He bit his top lip with eyes closed, making such a pained expression, that I instantly became concerned he was picturing his former fiancé. If I could make eye contact with him, to assure that he was seeing me and not a memory, then I knew that my internal spring would wind tight enough to snap.

"Ryan, look at me."

His eyes sprang open. "Oh God Vivian! I'm trying so hard not to..."

His body began to convulse and stutter beneath me.

In the midst of his climax, Ryan called out, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" while he literally lifted me off of his erection and tossed me onto the bed beside him, making a huge mess of my sheets, and my emotions.

My room became deathly silent but for Ryan's labored breaths. His chest heaved as the air rattled in and out through his nose. Mouth resolutely shut. Eyelids firmly sealed. He shook his head.

I laid there for a couple minutes, body ungratified and heart discontented, then finally sat up. Preparing to get out of bed and clean myself off, I said, "You know Ryan, a baby is always a risk you take when you have sex. Even protected sex. So if you were that concerned about accidentally impregnating me, or that I'm trying to trap you or something, then we shouldn't have done this."

Ryan was the giuggiola at that point. He wouldn't meet my eye when he said, "That's not it Vivian."

"Then what the fuck was that about?" I threw hands up in the air. My Italian showing. "Because I can't for the life of me begin to think of any good reason for you to catapult me off of your dick like that!"

Ryan scrubbed both hands across his face. "I did that, didn't I?" He began to snicker through his fingers.

A giggle started to bubble up inside of me too. "Yeah. You sure as shit did!"

His snicker turned into a full-fledged belly laugh. "Do you always swear this much when you're angry?"

"I guess I do. But I don't know that I'm really angry. I'm mostly..." Unable to stop myself from laughing then, meant that my brain couldn't find the correct word. "I'm mostly..."

"Horny?" Ryan suggested, through tears.

I nodded, holding my stomach as I suffered through my peals, and toppled back over onto the mattress beside Ryan.

We both let our fits run their course, and as soon as we regained the power of speech, Ryan turned toward me and said, "I haven't had sex in a year. And I haven't had unprotected sex with anyone since I broke off my engagement."

"Oh!" My voice sounded more surprised than I wanted it to.

"My Dad always told me that he wanted me to find the kind of love that he had with my Mom. They were each other's best friend, and as long as they had each other, they were home. I don't think he felt that I'd found that with my ex. So after Tita's intervention, I vowed to take a break from sex."

"A year is a pretty significant break."

"There wasn't really a specific amount of time set as an end date. I told myself I'd reevaluate when I felt like my head was on straight again."

"So..." I wanted to ask him if sleeping with me signified that he believed his life was in order now. But I was too chicken. "...what now?"

"Now, since I couldn't last longer than a virgin, I need to defend my manhood and give you at least three orgasms. And if you let me get a second chance tonight, I promise to last significantly longer."

For all his talk of conquests, he looked at me with the eagerness of a teenager. But maybe that was his gimmick - the dashing, wounded soldier, the wandering soul with no roots, who had the boyish charm of a Boy Scout when he needed to.

I aimed my best schoolmarm face at him, the one I always used with the athletes. It's a withering display of squinting eyes and alternating compressed lips with those puckered up like I'd sucked on a lemon. "Well they do say that you never get a second chance to make a first impression."

Ryan rolled onto his stomach and then lifted up onto his hands and knees. He cocked his head to the side and gave me a puppy dog look. "As a huge fan of 'Pride and Prejudice' you should know that first impressions aren't the ones that matter the most."

Certainly the novel had first introduced me to the idea that the second impression matters far more, but life had often reaffirmed that lesson. I said, "But if I get fooled twice Ryan, the shame is on me."

Perhaps I was being selfish, or stupid, or both. Only time would tell. I reached up and ran my hand along Ryan's stubbled jawline.

He leaned into my palm, then kissed my wrist, before he started to crawl backwards down the bed. "Don't worry Vivian, I have plenty of hiya for the both of us."

Before I could ask what hiya was, Ryan's head was between my legs, his tongue making first contact. I inhaled sharply and held my breath, suffocating the possibility of speech.

He paused, looked into my eyes, and then tipped his head up with a smile. "And if this next part doesn't improve your impression of me, it should at least make me hard enough to take another swing. Three strikes before an out. Am I right?"

Rolling my eyes, I chuckled, then said, "Sure thing Coach! Get your head back into the game!"

Ryan wiggled his eyebrows. "Play ball!"