This is ridiculous!

I stared at the food for a while before I shook my head and ordered one of the maids to pack up everything. I was never and will never be a fan of Tuwo. Never.

"Would you like anything Ranki ya dade?(your highness)" she asked

"No. Its okay" I replied with a smile and hopped into the shower. I washed off real quick and dressed up in a loose fitting black kaftan with golden embroidery. I wrapped a golden scarf round and unpacked my drawing tools from my bag pack. Some creative designing can help relieve my stress.

Designing is my life. I love it so much its the only reason I breathe. I was glad Abba approved of my request to study Fashion Designing and Technology at ESMOD in Paris. It was a dream come true for me when I finally received my designer's license few months after my graduation. I can't wait to start my own fashion line. That's when I get back to Marseille insha Allah.

I felt something flip in my stomach as a sudden thought dawned on me. Wait...am I really going back? Well Abba never mentioned why I was here. I just have to be patient for a while. I wasn't planning on staying here forever though. My life belongs elsewhere.

I started making outlines of a dress with a blunt black pencil and then made it bolder with a sharper one. I was thinking of designing a wedding dress. A classy one! Just as I was pinning in the colors,a soft knock came through the door and before I could usher the person in,the door swung open and there stood another maid.

"Can I help you?"

"Sorry Ranki ya dade. But Hajia wants to see you right now"she says as she lowers her head.

"Did she say why?"

Who was I kidding? The woman never disloses her plans to anyone.

"No. But she wants you right now in her living room" was all the maid said.

I sighed and stood, adjusting my veil as I headed to the door.

What is this woman's problem? What does she want this very night? A leg massage? Bedtime story? What??? Urgh!!!. I was getting infuriated by the minute.

I salaamed and waited for someone to usher me into the living room. And the moment I got in,I knew this was a serious situation.

My father,the Waziri himself was seated on one of the cushions, a grim look on his face as he gently pulls at the beads of his Tasbaha(rosary). His only sister,Aunt Ralia sits beside him,her face holds an unreadable expression. Then the closest Aide of the Emir in personal matters regarding his household and most especially his wives and children,the Jakadiya herself,Hajiya Tabawa was present too. There were one or two unfamiliar faces whom I assumed where Hajiya's 'amebo' partners and followers. Wow! This is not good.

They all answered my salaam and I quickly found a spot and sat down,making sure Hajiya Babba will find it difficult to see my face from where she sat on her 'throne'.

"Ke Baturiya!" She snaps and I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Come sit in front of me" she pats the tip of her walking stick on a spot. I rolled my eyes and crawled to the spot,huffing as I crossed my legs.

"Jakadiya,its your cue to speak" She orders. Hajiya Tabawa clears her throat and adjusts her veil,nervousness etched on her face.

"As you all know we've all gathered here for no other reason than to discuss the marriage of Baturiya and Yarima" she speaks.

Okay wait....did jakadiya just said something about Marriage here? Like my marriage? With whom? Yarima?

"Hajiya I thought we weren't talking about this anymore" Abba spoke for the first time. "I thought I made my opinion clear to you two weeks ago"

"Sule, the only reason you're here is because you're the girl's father,not because I'm asking for your opinion. It's best you keep quite" Hajiya Babba said ever so calmly.

"But I'm her father! I have every right to choose a husband for her. And I don't want her to marry Yarima. " Abba replied his voice shaking with something that sounded like anger and defeat moulded together."I want her to live a normal life like her mother. Not this complicated life you're pushing her into"

"Yaya!" Aunt Ralia calls in a warning tone.

"Leave us" Hajiya Babba barks and all those unfamiliar faces scrambled out. But Jakadiya stayed behind.

"Look here Sule. The last time I let you made your own choice, you ended up marrying an outsider who brought so much chaos in this kingdom. I'm not letting you make that mistake now with your daughter. She's the only girl, a representative of this family. And the only place I see fit for her is this emirate. Baturiya is marrying Yarima and that is final. Mark my words" she said with finality in her tone and I can see my Abba's face getting harder and harder with every word she utters.

My heart was already beating erratically in my heart. Ya Allah what is all this? Tears were already welling up in my eyes.

"Jakadiya go on!"

Jakadiya clears her throat one more time.

"So we talked matters with Mai Martaba(His Majesty) and Sarauniya(The Queen)and they've somewhat agreed on the issue since Yarima's wife is not ready to return to her matrimonial home. "

He has a wife? Oh Allah!

"What do you mean by 'somewhat'?" Hajiya asks.

"Well.." Jakadiya adjusted her veil again. "Sarauniya was not quite keen on the issue. She doesn't want Baturiya to...."

"What nonsense!" Hajiya Babba barks and startled everyone in the room. "She is not the boy's mother so she doesn't decide on matters like this. Da uwarshi na raye data bani hadin kai(if to say his mum was live she could've supported me)" she huffed.

"Well...we have decided the wedding should take place on Friday. The Nikah will be done after jumu'ah prayers and then a small Walima will hold here before she'll be conveyed to her husband's house insha Allah" Jakadiya explains. "Though Yarima would like to come and meet the bride-to-be before the wedding takes place to see if they can go on with the Nikah"

Oh! So he's in this too.

"Excuse me?" I managed to speak for the first time,my voice thick with tears. Everyone turns to look at me. "Why are you all acting like I'm a piece of rock? I'm the one whom the subject of the discussion is all about and you're already tuning me out. I haven't yet agreed to marry the guy and you're already planning a wedding? For real?" My voice was beginning to pick up speed.

"What nonsense!" Hajiya barks,this time hitting her walking stick on the floor, Nanny McPhee style. "Who says you have to agree to marry him before we proceed? Duk nan wajen manyan ki ne, you talk when you are asked to, not when you want to"

I ignored her and continued talking. "Have you all considered whether I want to even get married at this point in my life? Have you thought of what I want to do? The goals I want to accomplish and the dreams I want to make a reality? Have you?"

Hajiya Babba huffed. "There's nothing you cannot do in your matrimonial home as long as you put your mind into it. Don't come here and bore us with your westernized beliefs. Haven't you seen......"

"I don't want to get married please just stop!" I screamed.

"Miriam!" Aunt Ralia warned.

"You see Sule. You have disobeyed me countless times in front of this girl and she's already picking it up. How shameful" she shakes her head vigorously. I wish it falls off her neck. "Ralia,take her out. Sule we have a serious discussion to make"

Aunt Ralia reaches forward to hold me but I push her away.

"I'm not going anywhere! I have the right to say whatever I want to say. I am not marrying Yarima. I will not be manipulated and ripped off my youthfulness by some arranged marriage." I screamed as tears wet my cheek. I turned  to Abba who's jaw was tightened and his eyes fixated on the carpet. "Abba kana jinta (Can you hear her)? Auren dole fa Abba.  Please help me I can't do this wallahi"

Aunt Ralia pulls me hard by the arm and I kept jerking away but she was way too strong and I was afraid she'll get my arm fractured so I just gave up struggling and followed her into Hajiya's room.

"Leave us!" She said the moment we got in and all the maids rushed out,closing the door behind them. I fell on the floor in a heap of sobs and sniffs,my body shaking uncontrollably due to the effect of my cries.

"Shhhh....its okay. It's going to be okay" Aunt Ralia hugs me to her side,her hand running in circles on my back.

"No its not!. Its not going to be okay!" I shriek as I sit up straight. "You just saw how she was trynna ruin my life right there. She ruined my mother's happiness and now she's ruining mine too? I can't let this happen Aunt Ralia. She's not God . She can't decide what's to happen and what's not to happen. My fate does not lie in her hands. She can't just marry me off to some dude whom I don't know. This is not fair." The tears stung as they touched my lips and I swallowed hard.

"Miriam" she calls softly. It feels so good to have someone that calls me by real name. Not that 'Baturiya' of a thing. "There are certain things in life that are meant to happen no matter the situation. You just have to accept them. Accept this marriage as Qadr and I assure you Allah will bring out the best in it"

"So you're also on her side huh?" I huffed. "Unbelievable!"

You're her daughter anyways so you have to be on her side dama ai.

"I'm not on anyone's side. But you know,Hajia has been choosing spouses for everyone in this family even before you were born. I was ballistic at first when she wanted me to marry Yusuf but look,we have four kids and are happy Alhamdulillah. You just have to put Allah first in every situation. Leave everything in His hands and insha Allah it'll work out well"

"I can't let this happen Aunt Ralia. No No No. I need to do something. She can't just make decisions off hand." I buried my face in my hands and cried. "I have to go back to France. I can't stay here"

"There's nothing you can do. Just pray okay? Do istikhara and if you have a positive feeling about it then its all Khayr insha Allah" she whispered soothingly.

"And if its not?"

She smiled at me.

"Then it shall not happen. Trust me, when you put Allah first and want nothing more but what he decides for you, then no harm will come to you insha Allah. Just put your trust in him okay?" She places a comforting hand on my shoulder and I nod. "And stop talking about going back to France. The farthest you can go from here is Kaduna before securites will apprehend you. You know how she has people all over"

I sighed in defeat. What kind of twist has my life taken all of a sudden?

We were silent for a while as she just hugged me while I cried softly into her shoulder. I finally gave up crying and looked up.

"Why does she want me to marry him anyways? Is it because I'm the only girl? What of Yusrah? Isn't she her granddaughter too?"

Yusrah is my cousin and Aunt Ralia's eldest daugter.

"Well..first Yusrah is just sixteen remember? She's still in secondary school so she can't just be married to Yarima. And she's not her favorite granddaughter though."

"I'm not either. I'm like the worst" I roll my eyes.

"Stop being mean" she hits my arm playfully. "Seriously she thinks you're the best person to marry Yarima."

"Why?"

"You see three years ago,they had this really big fight with Ameerah his wife and there was a near divorce issue but then Ameerah went back to her parent's house and later on returned their baby. She flew to Saudi months later and as rumours reached us,she's now running her own business there or was it that she got into medical school? I can't really remember the gist" she explaind ."So he's been sorta single for like three and a half years now and baby Noor needs a mother figure in her life so...." She trails of,shrugging her shoulders.

"This is ridiculous. So I'm like a babysitter of some sort. Clean his room,nurse his child,cook meals and get paid at the end of the month. I can do all this without getting married to him. Can't I ?"

She sighs in defeat and pats my shoulder.

"You need some rest darling. Make du'a and sleep. I'll see you in the morning" she hugs me one last time and heads out.

I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees,several thoughts raiding my mind. I wish I will just wake up and realize this is all a  dream.

Funny how life can take scary turns.

Just few years back I thought I was the happiest girl on earth. I had a loving mother who was supporting me from all angles and showering me with all the love in this world,an understabdinf step dad who made it his duty to bring  me doughnuts anytime I have a bad day in school and sometimes give me a ride to my yoga classes, and a darling half sister who was there for me through stomach cramps, and anxiety disorders, depression, breakups, being my bestfriend and my confidant. And now? Now they are nowhere to be found. No one to share my sorrows with. No one to wipe my tears away. Just no one. Just me and my miserable self.

I broke down in tears once more.

It was around half past one that I decided to finally give up crying and crawl back to my room. Hajia was still in the living room having hushed discussions with jakadiya. Abba was nowhere to be found,probably back to his chamber. I didn't give them a second glance as I made my way out to my room.

On reaching my room,I quickly shut the door and clicked the lock in. I rushed to the bathroom and performed wudu. I sprayed the prayer mat and faced the qibla and with a heavy heart,I started my salah.

I cried my heart out to the Owner of all hearts. I cried so hard in prostration I felt my eyes were going to unhook themselves from their sockets. My heart was hurting so bad I can't even explain it. Ya Allah.

Marrying a prince means forgetting all my dreams. Living a normal life,that I should forget about too because I'll never get to experience it. I will eventually become the Queen one day and things will get pretty intense. I have to start having kids ASAP because the prince also wants a successor, an heir to the ultimate throne. I need to forget my dream of becoming a fashion designer and focus on being a homemaker, which is not bad at all. But what am I supposed to do with my degree?

Maids will be all over my house invading my privacy in the name of 'helping' me. Guards following me around everywhere I go like I'm Kim Kardashian. Malams storming into my house in the name of 'protection' because they've 'seen' bad luck coming. All sorts of things I'm not ready for. And worse of all,I don't love this guy. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't. He just wants someone to take care of his baby princess and someone he can run off to bed with. Okay now I'm about to throw up

Ya Allah help me. How am I going to deal with this?

I finished my Nafil and quickly pulled out my phone from my pajama pocket. I quickly sent a message to Ma.

I stared at the screen of my phone for a while after sending the message. I smiled recalling when the pic was taken. It was at Disney land,on Leilah's 16th birthday. She was wearing a Cinderella dress designed by me and a tiara perched on her golden hijab. Ma and I wore birthday cones over our Hijabs. Abu Leilah was the one who snapped the picture. It was beautiful and suddenly I felt tears in my eyes. I will give everything to go back in time to experience such fun. Oh how I missed home.

My phone suddenly vibrated. It was a new message from a new number.

Have Faith in Allah and everything will be okay insha Allah Mon Cherie.

It was Abba.

Him and Ma were the only people who called me Mon Cherie (My darling).

I stared at my phone for a long time before I typed back a reply.

I want the marriage to be postponed. I'm not ready. I need sometime to mentally prepare myself.

I can't believe I'm even considering this. Where did the change of heart come from?

I waited a beat for his reply.

Will talk to Mai Martaba tomorrow. Now sleep princess. You have nothing to worry about.

I felt relief wash over me. I hope things will work out. I just hope.

Thank you Abba. Je vous Aime.❤

And just like that,I felt I was safe.