CHAPTER NINETEEN

Sam Uley had never in his life felt more overwhelmed than he did at that moment. The emotions swirling inside him were so intense that it felt as though they could choke him, and Zahra, sitting beside him in the truck, felt the weight of it too. The air between them had grown thick, and heavy with the unspoken words and the burden of guilt Sam carried. It was as if the space in the truck had become too small to contain his inner turmoil. Zahra, sensing the suffocating tension, pulled her knees toward her chest instinctively, trying to calm her nerves. She could feel the storm inside Sam, and though she wasn't quite sure what exactly was causing it, she knew it was deep and unrelenting.

Sam, on the other hand, was struggling to keep himself composed. His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he stared ahead, not seeing the road. The realization hit him like a physical blow: Zahra had been able to read him. She had sensed the guilt that weighed him down, the very thing he had spent so much of his life trying to manage. His shock at her ability to read him was only a small part of what was overwhelming him. The truth, his truth, was now out in the open, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it.

He sighed heavily, trying to steady his breathing, trying to regain some semblance of control over the mess of emotions inside him. He wasn't angry with Zahra—he knew she hadn't meant any harm. He was grateful for her honesty, even if it stung. The anger he had once struggled to control, especially after the damage done to Emily, was no longer the issue. But the guilt—the crushing, constant guilt—was another story. That was something he couldn't just shake off.

Taking a deep breath, Sam finally spoke, his voice low and thick with emotion. "I was engaged before I was with Emily... to her cousin," he began, his words measured but full of the weight of the past. Zahra listened intently, sensing that this was the moment he had been holding back. She didn't interrupt; she just let him speak, knowing this was something he needed to get off his chest.

"Her name was Leah," Sam continued, his voice faltering for a brief second. "And honestly, up until a few years ago, she was the one I wanted to spend my life with." He paused, his gaze lost in the memory. "But then... then I phased for the first time. It was a shock. I was confused, scared—hell, terrified of what I was becoming. I was the first of my generation, the first to go through this... transformation. And before all of this, before the phasing and the wolves and the legends... I was just like everyone else, assuming the stories were just that—stories."

Zahra's brow furrowed as she listened closely, sensing the vulnerability in his words. She didn't interrupt but stayed silent, allowing him to continue. Sam took another deep breath, his grip on the wheel tightening as he recalled the next part of his journey.

"I had help from her father," he continued. "Leah's father helped me through it, helped me learn to control what I had become. Once I had some control over it, I was able to be around Leah again. We were starting to plan our wedding..." His voice cracked slightly as he relived the pain of that time. "But then Emily came to visit, to be Leah's Maid of Honor... and that's when it all changed. That's when I imprinted."

Zahra's expression softened as she processed his words. She didn't say anything immediately, but her heart ached for the situation he had been in. She could feel the regret radiating off him, even if she hadn't been able to put all the pieces together just yet. Her frown deepened as she asked, her voice quiet but firm, "So you just left Leah?"

Sam's head snapped to the side, his eyes flashing with a mix of pain and frustration. "No," he said sharply, almost defensively. He tightened his fist on the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening as the old wound reopened. He let out a bitter, painful laugh. "I stayed with Leah. I tried to make it work, but I couldn't ignore Emily. I couldn't stop the pull. I had every right to reject it, to reject her. I could have walked away, but I didn't. I was weak. I let myself fall in love with her."

Zahra's heart went out to him as she watched the torment on his face. She reached over, gently placing her hand on his, noticing how tightly he was gripping the wheel. She gave his hand a reassuring pat, her touch gentle but firm. "Sam," she said softly, her voice laced with empathy, "you can't control who you love. But... this regret you have—it won't just go away unless you do something about it."

Sam let out a long, weary sigh, his grip loosening on the wheel as he exhaled, but the heaviness in his heart didn't dissipate. "I know it won't," he said quietly. "I'll live with it forever."

Zahra didn't let him wallow in the darkness of his thoughts. She lowered her legs back to the floor, her eyes fixed on his face, determined to help him see a way forward. "No," she disagreed softly but firmly. "I didn't say it'll never go away. I said it won't go away unless you find closure."

Sam shook his head slowly, disbelief clouding his features. "I don't think it's possible," he murmured. "I don't think I can ever fix what I did."

Zahra's gaze didn't falter. She leaned forward slightly, her voice steady as she spoke. "Sam, you need to stop thinking so much and start acting. The regret—it won't fix itself. Only you can fix it, but you have to come to terms with the mistakes you've made. You have to accept what you did. Tell me, have you properly explained this to Emily or Leah?"

Sam's shoulders sagged as he let out a frustrated breath. "I've explained it to Emily," he said quietly, his voice tinged with guilt. "I told her I was sorry... but that's all I could do. There's nothing more I could say."

Zahra's expression softened, but her words were direct. "What about Leah?" she asked. "Have you told her?"

Sam's face tightened again, the guilt rising within him. "I told her I was sorry for falling in love with her cousin," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. "But it's all I can do. I can't tell her everything. She doesn't know about... all of this." He gestured vaguely as if the weight of his secret was something he couldn't fully explain.

Zahra's eyes locked onto his, unwavering and steady. "Then all of this regret you feel isn't really about hurting Leah, is it?" she said softly but with conviction. "Your regret is about not being able to fully accept the mistakes you made. You can't change what happened, Sam, but you can come to terms with the choice you made. And once you do that, the regret won't consume you anymore. Sure, you hurt Leah. But you made a choice. I don't know why you made it, and I don't know all the details, but what I do know is this: regret doesn't go away until you stop letting it control you."

Sam stared at her, his mind racing as her words sunk in. She didn't understand everything, but she understood enough to know that he needed to stop running from his own choices. He had to face them head-on, or he would never find peace.

"I know what it's like to be consumed by regret," Zahra added quietly, her voice full of compassion. "And the more you let it take over, the harder it becomes to feel alive. You can't keep letting it define you, Sam. You have to move forward, even if it's painful."

The silence that followed her words was heavy, but it was a different kind of heavy. It was the weight of realization, of understanding. Sam didn't have all the answers, but for the first time, he felt a spark of hope that maybe—just maybe—he could start to find a way to heal.