Thank you so much to HSslacker for the cover! I love it so so much! Thank you thank you thank you! 

                                          Adena’s POV:

Have you ever been surrounded by familiar faces and felt like you didn’t belong? Have you ever felt like a weed in a bed of roses? Each rose is beautiful and blooming with life while you're hanging on and slowly dying?

That’s how I felt everyday I stepped foot into Barmont High. I felt like a disgusting weed. While everyone else around me was blossoming and thinking about having the time of their lives, I’m just sitting there, thinking about jumping off a bridge.

 And trust me that’s not how I wanted my life to be. I always imagined I’d be a doctor or a ballerina.

 But life was full of disappointments.

A quiet sigh escaped my lips as I walked into the building with my head down to avoid eye contact. Past experience has taught me it was the best way to go unnoticed. Even though I’m silent on the outside, thoughts were always churning in my mind; depressing thoughts about the disappointments I faced everyday.

Thoughts that took everything inside of me to force back the tears that threatened.

I took a deep breath, walking promptly to my first period. Letting my chestnut brown hair cover my eyes, I moved around students and walked into the classroom, taking a seat in my assigned desk.

I sat back, silently, and watched as the number of students in the classroom slowly increased. At the sound of the bell, the remaining students all seemed to rush to their seats in haste. Some students began to talk to each other as Mrs. Bridges slowly entered the room.

She set down some folders, which are overflowing with papers, and stretched her arms before making her way to the small wooden podium in the front of the classroom.

“Alright guys,” Mrs. Bridges yawned. Even though she was a smaller woman with a kind face, her voice could travel through the whole room and demand attention from whomever she wanted. So, as usual, the class fell silent immediately. “So, in a little over two months you’ll be graduating!”

Some students cheered while she chuckled and continued.

“Some of you have had senioritis since the start of this school year... James...” She turned her attention to him and he only burst into fits of laughter. “And you’ve been taking and learning the same things in your English classes since middle school. I know some of the other teachers are giving their students vocabulary or a book to read, but me? I am giving you a project.”

“What?!” James yelled, causing laughter to erupt.

“Calm down guys! It’s a laid back project that, if completed, will get you a one hundred percent. It’ll also boost up some grades which can’t hurt right?”

 “What do we have to do?” Someone shouted out.

"I was getting to that,” she laughed. “In life you're going to meet a lot of people. Some friends and some not. But you're going to have to develop certain social skills to be able to do this.” I silently gulped at the thought of doing a project that demanded social skills. “This project is going to be starting on Monday and will continue to the end of the year. I’ll give you all the information on Monday. But I’m going to tell you now your not going to chose your partner.” The class moaned in annoyance so she held up her hand to silence them. “It get’s better! We’ll be picking names from a hat!” My whole world stopped in that moment as my hands started to shake wildly.

I quickly glanced around the room, seeing no faces which I found to be friendly. I held in a nervous groan as Mrs. Bridges walked over to her desk, grabbed a baggie with some pieces of paper in it, poured them into a hat, and strolled up to MacKenzie Dunston.

“Now, these partners can’t be changed and you must do the whole project. If you do, no matter how crappy it turns out, the one hundred percent is yours.” MacKenzie reached into the hat and pulled out a name. She unfolded the piece of paper in her hand and giggled.

 “James.” James smiled happily and MacKenzie returned the smile.

“Of course you two end up as partners.” Mrs. Bridges laughed, shaking her head and moving on to the next person, Dylan Henderson. He reached into the hat and grabbed a name, looking around the room at all of the eager faces.

I bet every girl was silently begging to be partnered with him. Dylan was the most attractive boy on campus. When he has his wavy chocolate brown hair in that spiky way in the front and those gorgeous blue eyes of his, you can’t help but fall for him. It made any girl swoon.

He was, of course, taken but that didn’t seem to matter to the girls in this class. They just fall in love with his tall figure and charmingly good looks. I, on the other hand, do not “swoon” over him. I merely thought he was cute, but not really all that. The room fell silent as everyone got ready to hear the name called.

“Aidena?” I frowned for a second, wondering who that was. But then a light bulb went off. He pronounced it wrong. I hesitantly raised my hand.

“Umm, it’s Adena. Uh-deen-a. That’s me...” The sound of twenty five kids turning in their chairs erupted in the classroom. I could feel my face turning red as I immediately put my hand down and looked at the paper sitting on top of my desk.

“Alright!” Mrs. Bridges announced ”Adena and Dylan!” I dared to glance up as she moved on to the next student. Some of the girls stared me down, looking me over with disgusted looks on their faces. I forced myself to look down again. Over the next fifteen minutes I dared to look up twice. In those two times more than half the class was staring at me, giving me disapproving glances and jealous frowns.

Of all the people to be stuck with, why was I forced to be with him?

I couldn’t handle all of the glares I was receiving from my classmates. They made me extremely insecure and uncomfortable. Why was I always given the short end of the stick? Couldn’t one thing in my life just be okay? I don’t ask for much but can’t I just end my last year of high school in peace. Am I not allowed any happiness? What did I do to deserve a rotten life?

The loud ringing of the bell caused me to jump in my desk. As the other kids got up and started talking to one another, I quickly gathered my things and scurried out of the room.

Walking through the halls, I felt everyone's stares on me, whether they looked at me or not. It felt like millions of bugs crawling on my skin; a terrible feeling. It felt like I could never hide; that all my secrets would spill and I would never be without someone staring.

But there was nothing to stare at. All I thought about were those people that stared at me; at nothing. The more I thought of them, the more bugs I felt crawl on me.

 When will it end?

The feeling never left me. I felt disgusted throughout the whole day and all I wanted was to be home relaxing. So when that final bell rang, releasing us from this prison for the weekend, I ran to my locker and made my way out the building and towards my house.

I only lived five minutes away from the school so I had to walk. But I didn’t mind walking. It gave me time to clear my head.

I started walking, thinking about the best way to avoid the people on the street when I faintly heard my name. I ignored it at first, thinking it was someone trying to mess with me. But when I heard it a second time I turned around, startled to find Dylan walking towards me.

"Adena right?" He questioned as he walked up to me. I looked around one final time to make sure he was talking to me; curious as to who else could have my name. Finding no one, I hesitantly pointed to myself. He gave me an odd look. "Yeah, you. It's Adena right?"

"Umm, yeah..." I nervously whispered.

“I’m Dylan, your partner in English... And you're not stupid! Sorry I’m talking to you like your an idiot.” He laughed at himself. I smiled nicely and replied:

“It’s no problem.”

“I just wanted to apologize about what happened in class today. I suck at names and I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” It was weird, having someone care about how I felt. So, at first, I didn’t say a word. He raised an eyebrow to me and I noticed he was waiting for a response.

“Oh! Yeah! It’s...” I quickly lost my ability to think of a word to say. After yet again another long pause of silence I quickly said, “Fine.”

“Great?” Dylan said confusingly. I looked down at my feet, feeling the full awkwardness of the situation. Way to make a great first impression. “So it’s pronounced uh-den-a?” He asked. I looked back up and him and nodded. “Awesome!”

“Dylan!” A high pitched voice rang. Dylan turned around to reveal Jackie Hanlin storming our way with her two little minions at her side; Kyleigh Kingsley and Brooke Taylor. The sound of all there high heels clicking against the road reminded me of horses running down the tracks. Jackie came up and Dylan threw his arm around her.  “I was waiting by your car for you!”

“Sorry!” He smiled as she turned towards me. “I’ll see you Monday.” Dylan smiled, turning away with Jackie at his side. I replied with a smile as he walked away. Kyleigh and Brooke turned towards me, seeing the smile that rested on my face. Kyleigh broke out in a fit of laughter and Brooke quickly joined.

“That’s so.... sad!” Kyleigh laughed. “Do you... have a crush on Dylan?”  I immediately shook my head.

“No!” I denied.

"Oh, but that smile says something else. That smile says you love him which is pathetic since he would never go out with someone like you." I gulped silently to myself as I took a step back to leave.

“Oh wait!” Kyleigh laughed “We're not done! I have a couple questions for you! What makes you think someone as... disgusting and bland as you would ever be with someone like Dylan?”  Her words stabbed me like knives and I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

"Oh, good one Kyleigh! But you forgot worthless and ugly! I mean no one dates her and no one talks to her. Why would they? They would only be taking out the trash." Kyleigh and Brooke began laughing at each others jokes as I forced myself to turn around and walk away.

“Wait! Come back! We haven’t gotten to ask you about your clothes yet! We’d love to know why you wear long sleeved shirts during the summer! Afraid of the sun?” They broke into laughter another time and one of them said:

“What a loser!” I bit my lip and took in deep breaths as I walked down the street and up to my house.

Walking up the path, I gazed up at the two-story house; which was a mistake. The tears in my eyes made everything blurry, causing me to almost fall in the bushes right outside the living room window and next to the path. I regained my balance and rushed inside, turning left to the kitchen where I found my mother.

“Hey mom.” I said, rubbing my eyes.

 “Hi,” she replied. I walked over to the breakfast bar which faced the kitchen. My mom was looking down at a stack of letters sitting in her hand. Her dark brown hair was tied up in a messy bun making it easier for her green eyes to read the letters.Her soft hands held the letters carefully like she holds everything. Once again, her focus was not on me. But on a letter from my sister, Charlotte.

"Mom!” Brooklyn whined storming into the room wearing her softball uniform. She flipped over the letter as Brooklyn stomped her foot. “Hello?!” She yelled. Mom looked up at her, setting down the mail on the counter. “We’re going to be late!”

“Where did the time go!?” She yelled. “Let’s go!” Mom grabbed her purse off the counter and put it over her shoulder. She turned to me. “Ryan will be home at around 8:30 from his game with dad. I have Brooklyn and Quinton's working out at the gym with Grady. So you’ll be by yourself.” I simply nodded as she looked at me for a moment with her eyebrow raised. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“Mom! We’re going to be late!” Brooklyn screamed.

“Your fine! Probably just allergies messing with your eyes or something!” And with that she turned around and walked out the door. My mouth hung open in shock and as the tears flowed freely from my eyes, I covered my mouth with my hand.

I couldn’t hold it back anymore. My eyes glistened with tears in a matter of seconds as I got out of the chair and sank to the floor. Why couldn’t just one person care about me? Something was obviously wrong, why was everyone so blind?

Did my feelings not matter? Do they not know that I am human and have feelings too? A mother should love every one of her children. Why doesn't she love me?

Then that sadly familiar feeling ran through my body. It was a feeling of want, a feeling or need and a feeling of desire. I felt if I didn’t get it, I wouldn’t be able to function. I forced myself from the floor and slowly made my way up the stairs.

I walked down the hall and into my room, closing the door shut behind me. I got down onto the floor and searched under my bed for a small box. As soon as I touched it I quickly pulled it out and opened it.

Inside the box were a few band aids, a bloody tissue, and the one thing I couldn’t live without; my razor. I pulled the razor out and held it in my hand for a moment.

Should I do it?

It took me only a moment to decide. The answer was yes. I pulled back my long sleeves to reveal some other faded scars which rested on my wrist. My vision was blurry on account of the tears but I knew by now how to do this with my eyes closed.

I set the sharp end of the blade on my skin and slowly dragged it across. I could feel the skin breaking and instant relief from my aching heart appeared. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, feeling at peace for only a moment.

Then the feeling quickly disappeared. I wanted that feeling back. That serenity and peace I felt before needed to be felt again. So I pushed down on the razor harder, deepening the cut. The relief I felt was greater than before.

I felt free, happy, and for that small second I forgot about the world. I forgot about the horrors and disappointments of my life. And all I focused on was getting that moment of peace to happen again, and again, and again; for in this peace, I felt free.