TRYING TO FIND AN ALIEN. That was my task. Certainly not a task I'd ever thought about doing, but of course, who would? It's not as if there were Martians running rampant through the streets of the world. I would have been tempted to kill the bugger if I had not felt so sorry for him. However, the fact he'd fled the building was ridiculous. What the hell would have caused him to do something so stupid and dangerous?

He had no idea where he was.

"Loudrix!" I called, double-checking the entirety of the house before unlocking the kitchen door. I scanned the area beneath the open window, hoping for some sort of lead on where he'd went. No luck. "Alien! I swear to God, if you don't show your face I'll kill you before the mother-ship comes to pick you up You can go home in a body-bag!"

The garden wasn't too large, and I'd trodden around it twice before realising he wasn't there either. As I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, I tried to think of all the reasons why I'd agreed to help him in the first place. Was looking for adventure truly what I wanted? Was it worth risking my life - and his - to keep him safe? I couldn't even go and buy him something as necessary as clothing to come home and find he'd squirmed through the damn window.

"Loudrix," I called once more, my eyes peeled. 

There were no signs of movement - apart from the gate leading through to the front yard, hanging wide open.

"Gotcha," I muttered as I stomped through to the front garden. My car was there and a couple of wheelie-bins. Nothing more. Where the hell could he have gone? The street wasn't too busy, so surely a car hadn't hit him. Knowing him, he'd have stood in the middle of the road and yelled at the great metal machine to mind its manners.

The street was empty apart from old Mrs Riley who was whizzing past my home on her mobility scooter. She muttered a quiet hello before moving on. 

Still no sign of Loudrix.

A groan escaped my lips as I sat down on the steps by my front door. 

"Idiot," I said. "What an idiot! You leave an alien and tell him not to go anywhere or touch anything when he's ridiculously curious about it all? Idiot."

I pulled my phone out and checked the latest news. Reports were still on about the mysterious light glowing above the town but luckily there was no sign of alien life in the text. Who knows what would happen if they found Loudrix. He couldn't keep his damn mouth shut.

"What am I going to do?" I groaned, my head falling into my clasped hands. "Urgh."

I sat there for several minutes, contemplating what I was going to do. I couldn't phone the police, they'd take him away. I couldn't phone any of my friends because they would think I was crazy or they would tell me to call the police. The police was a giant no-no. 

Just as I stood to go inside, the familiar sound of a bicycle stopped just behind me.

"Miss Flora," said a voice.

I turned to see the kid Jeremy Valentine. He was from the end of the street and often could be seen whizzing up and down the road on his new bike, which he was no too shy to show off. Talking to people, however, was a whole different story.

"Jeremy, hi," I said. "You showing off your new bike again? If you don't stop, I think I'm going to get jealous."

He just chuckled, flashing his semi-gummy smile at me as he rung the bell. "I love my bike."

"I can tell," I said. Then I remembered he had approached me - willingly and unexpectedly. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"

His face was red as he shuffled round and face away from me. Slowly, he raised a hand and pointed to the wheelie bins sitting by the gate. I frowned and asked him what he was pointing at.

"A crazy man jumped into the bin," he muttered. "He's silly."

"A crazy man?" I asked.

Then it clicked.

"Yeah, very crazy. What's a Junito, Miss Flora?" he asked, looking up at me questioningly.

I just laughed and said, "I have no idea. Crazy people will say anything, Jer. Especially silly things."

"Yeah, I suppose." The kid turned his bike around and waved me goodbye. "Bye-bye!"

"Bye, Jeremy..." I trailed off, my head snapping round to face the bins, "and hello idiot."

I stomped over and hammered my fist down against the lid. A muffled scream could be heard from within and I just nodded to myself before pulling the thing down to a slant and wheeled it through the gate to the back garden so nobody could see. I shut the gate behind me and released the bin in the middle of the garden, slightly out of breath. God, he's heavy.

I mentally counted to three before I kicked - hard - at the bin and knocked it to the ground.

"Ow!" came from inside.

I moved to stand at the entrance of the wheelie and I just crossed my arms over my chest and tapped my foot in annoyance. 

"You stupid knób," I snapped. "I said not to leave! I made it very simple for you, Loudrix!"

"Well, Flora," he hit back as he stood from the bin - still wrapped in that infernal blanket - and glared at me, "if I had not been left alone for such a long period of time, with no ulterior options, I would have stayed there!"

"You are unbelievable," I snapped.

"You are annoying."

"You are so ridiculously unaware of the trouble you could have put yourself into."

"You are so extremely ... so very ..." he trailed off, clearly unable to retaliate. Finally, he said, "Stupid."

"Stupid?" I repeated. "I made it very clear - oh, you know what? Never mind. You need to have a shower. You'll be stinking."

"How dare you-?!"

"Zip it and follow me," I said.

With a groan and eye-roll like that of a defiant child, he sulked into the house after me. Only then did I notice the sweet wrappers in his hair.

TRYING TO SHOWER THE ALIEN was like trying to give a cat a bath - he wasn't having it.

"You're mad at me now, so how do I know you've not poisoned the water supply?" he asked, frantically trying to push back at me as I shoved him into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Shut it," I huffed. "I need to use the same water so I highly doubt I'll poison it just to get back at you."

"You could be immune to it!" 

"Honey, humans are immune to fúck all." I turned the shower on and ripped the curtain back. I stuck my hand into the water to prove it was safe. "Now, come on. You being in the bin has you reeking of crap."

"Crap?" he asked.

"Not now," I groaned. "Just step in, and use this to wash your hair and this to wash your body. OK? Now, in case you panic, it's supposed to bubble and turn into a lather. So, if I have to come up because you're screaming about bubbles, I will kill you."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Don't tempt me," I shot back before leaving the room. "Now wash!"

I pottered abut in the kitchen for the next twenty minutes, making a cup of tea for the both of us and some bacon rolls. I was thankful that I heard no commotion from above. I wouldn't be surprised if he noticed his reflection again and launched himself out the window like earlier.

That reminded me; I had to ask why he'd fled the house. Surely none of the house-hold items had spooked him? I'd shown him everything earlier and that they were all harmless (provided you used them all correctly) so it had to be something completely different.

Loudrix emerged from the bathroom a few minutes earlier, successfully having rinsed the suds from his body and wrapped a towel round his waist like I'd showed him. 

"Well, look at you," I said, admiring his naked top-half for a little too long, "you've managed to have a shower without having a heart attack."

He scrunched his nose as he said, "I can detect sarcastic tones in your words," he said. "Very funny."

"It is very funny, especially since you were scared of your own reflection. And Google."

"They are all new to me!" he defensively said.

"Not your reflection."

"I - no, but you know what I mean. All of the items in this house and on this plant confuse me. I'll be lucky to survive a week here..."

"I'll make sure you survive more than one week," I promised. "But you need to listen to me from now on."

He nodded before his eyes landed on the shopping bags I had set on the kitchen counter. "What is within the plastic holders?"

"The clothes I went to buy you," I told him before pulling them all out and showing them to him. "What do you think? Please like them or I shall be mightily píssed."

He inspected the clothes closely, his fingers brushing against the fabric several times before he let me help him into them.

"I very much like this," he said as he tugged at the sleeve of his T-shirt. "Rather comfy."

"Thank God," I muttered as I slid his shoes onto his feet and tied them. "I can return stuff you don't like but not today because I'm lazy. Also, be grateful."

"I am grateful! I never expected one person on this planet to be quite so kind to me," he answered and his honest tugged at my heart strings.

"Just because we're different?" I asked.

He nodded. "Like you said yesterday - the human race is not the best. We had similar fears - my crew and I - so when I awoke here and you told me this was Earth, there were multiple thoughts running rampant in my mind."

"I see..." I muttered as I stood back and admired him in his trousers, T-shirt, hoodie and trainers. He looked like your cliché gangster minus the spray-can. He shuffled around the kitchen in his new clothing, stretching his limbs this way and that before finally deciding he was pleased. 

"I am happy ... and grateful," he added when seeing my expression.

I released a sigh. "Good. Now, I made you a bacon roll and tea."

"Food and beverages?" he questioned. I nodded. "Oh, thank you. I am rather famished and quenched. I could use something delicious."

"I hope you like this then," I told him as I handed the plate over. His face fell when seeing the floury roll and crispy bacon. There was no point asking him if he liked his bacon chewy or cremated - he had no idea what the stuff was like. 

He took a bite.

Chewed.

And coughed his way out of it.

"Oh, my!" he gasped. "How ghastly!"

"Ghastly," I laughed. "OK, well I have left over pizza and Chinese food in the fridge if you want to try those?"

He nodded, and so I went, preparing a damn buffet for the picky bastárd. He sampled each thing, turning his nose up at the Chinese and gagging on the slice of pizza. The day resulted in me trying to find something for him to eat. In his human form, he'd have to sustain a suitable diet and if he didn't find something he liked soon, I was going to ram that bacon roll down his throat.

"You need to like something!" I groaned. "The pizza?! How did you not like the pizza?" I mumbled into my arm. I was sitting at the kitchen counter, my head on my arms. I was bored and a little aggravated. He'd tried nearly everything in the fridge and I really didn't want to move on to the freezer.

"I'm sorry your food does not agree with my usual intake of edible items!" he said. 

"Listen," I said, pushing myself up to stand beside him. "I'm not going to let you eat me out of food. I just did a damn shop!"

"Not a very good one, it would seem. All this food is rubbish!" 

"It is not, you picky moron!"

"It is!"

"Shut up, Alien," I grumbled before I threw open the cupboards and pulled out all the packaged foods. "Pot noodles, pancakes, crumpets, biscuits, sweets, crisps..."

"I shall try them," he said, sitting down at the table with his hands out-stretched. And so I fed him again until he finally said, "I love these," to the pancakes.

"Pancakes? You like pancakes? Thank God, finally something you like!" I said, throwing my hands up in the air and smiling to myself. At least it's a start, I thought.

"Pancakes?" he questioned. "How oddly named."

"You can't live on pancakes though," I warned him. "You need to eat proper food."

"Food is food, is it not?" he asked me and I just sighed. I'd explain it in more depth to him another day. I was too exhausted to go on.

"Bring your food over here," I told him as I picked our mugs up and headed into the living room. I popped the TV on and flicked it over to the news. Nothing new about the light (or, the landing of Loudrix  like I had found out) and just more about the mayhem of our modern society.

"Thank you," Loudrix muttered as he sat opposite me on the couch. 

"No problem," I said.

"I shouldn't be quite as mean to you at times," he admitted and I just nodded. "It is just that I am scared. More scared than I would like to admit. This whole experience wouldn't be so terrifying if only I knew where my ship had landed..."

"I'm sure we'll find it," I told him. "After all, it can't be too far away from Hoveton. Perhaps it's in the nearest crop field?" I joked and he just looked at me like I was an idiot. Which, of course, I was for harbouring an alien under my roof.

"I promise I won't disappear again, unless the situation begs for no other actions," he said, looking me straight in the eye. I believed him. He'd had a reason for wriggling through that window, and I wasn't going to hold it against him forever.

"Loudrix, why did you jump out the window?" I asked him curiously.

His face paled ever so slightly and I leaned closer, intrigued. What on earth had scared him this time?

"I heard a sound ... at the door. It was a scraping sort of noise and then there was this thud in the hallway. I went to look and..." he paused, shaking ever so slightly, "there was this ... thing sitting in front of the door. It was the weirdest creature I've ever seen! And it crawled into the house through the hole in the door! I had to escape before it got me..."

I groaned for the hundredth time that day and told him, "It was just the mail, Loudrix."

"The mail?"

"Letters, bills and such. You ran away from paper, you fool."

Thanks for reading! x
Alien joke: What kind of music do planets listen to? Neptunes.
Cazza