My life changed after that one date I had with Benjamin. Okay, I was just exaggerating, but life at school did make a huge U-turn, if not for the worse. The Pinksters became meaner and nastier towards me and my friends. They started calling me names like “four-eyed freak”, “ilusyonadang pangit” and “malanding nerd”. One girl even shouted “mang-aagaw” and “other woman” at me when I was walking by the corridor. Apparently, a  rumor had started that Benjamin and Ashley were supposed to get back together but then I stepped in between them, seduced Benjamin (I mean, really, seduced?) and stole him from Ashley. At first, my friends and I laughed at the ludicrous gossip, and I just shrugged the rumor off. But then, things had gotten out of hand.

The rumor started because of a blind item in the gossip column of the school paper, which was (And I was really not surprised at all) managed, written and contributed by the Pink Angel Society. It was a nasty blind item, and people at school began filling in the blanks as to who the “ambisyosang palaka” who caused a “pink angel” and a “jock prince” to head splitsville. What is splitsville, anyway?

And the worst of all was even my new appearance was starting a rumor. Ever since ate Rachel gave us beauty lessons, I began paying attention to making myself look presentable not only to grab Benjamin’s attention, but also to help me boost my self-confidence. And although I still wore my glasses since I was not really comfortable wearing contacts, people were still misinterpreting my sudden change in appearance.

We were at the cafeteria, and I was holding the school paper with trembling fingers.

“Naku, huwag mo ng pansinin ang gossip column na iyan,” Joey said. “Masanay ka na.”

I shook my head. “Hindi ata ako masasanay. Ang sasakit din naman ng mga sinasabi dito.”

Madie sat beside me. “Hindi naman totoo ang mga sinasabi diyan, kaya ‘wag kang magpapaapekto.”

“Oo nga, Alex,” Robyn added. “Tignan mo itong si Alicia. Alam mo bang madalas itong nababanggit sa blind item? Sino daw itong walang class na babaeng bird brain na habol ng habol sa legendary King Arthur? Ang tatanga talaga nang columnist ng blind item na iyon. Ba’t pa itatago sa blind item, eh, alam naman ng lahat na si Alicia yung bird brain na habol ng habol kay Arthur? Pero heto pa rin siya, hindi nagpapaapekto at go pa rin ng go sa kagagahan niya.”

We giggled at what Robyn said, causing Alicia to withdraw her attention from her chocolate sundae she was eating.

“Pinag-uusapan niyo ba ako?” Alicia asked innocently.

“Ay hind Alicia. Pinag-tsitsismisan ka lang namin,” Robyn answered sarcastically, making Alicia pout.

I ignored my friends and their banters as I drowned in my miserable state. What other people thought about me hurt a lot. It was not true, and therefore I should not let what other people say affect me. I still have my friends who knew the real me. Thinking about the support my friends made me feel a little better.

I saw Benjamin from afar waving at me. Oblivious of the murderous stares from the other girls in the cafeteria, I waved back at him. He approached our table and I scooted at the side to give room for him to sit.

His gaze fell on the paper I was holding and frowned. “Hindi ka dapat nagbabasa ng column na ‘yan.”

“Eh, kayo kaya nag-aaprove nito,” I said.

“Oo. In demand kasi siya lalo na sa mga kababaihan. Kailangan namin ng panghatak ng readers.”

“Nabasa mo na ba ito?”

“Oo naman. Editor ako ‘di ba?”

“So… Alam mo kung sino yung nasa blind item?”

“Hindi. Hindi ko naman kasi binibigyan ng pansin ang mga chismis.”

I let out a sigh of relief. It would be embarrassing if he knew I was the blind item’s newest star. “Pero hindi maganda ang mga sinasabi nila dito…”

“I know. I’m planning to abolish the column. Maybe after the student government elections.”

“Bakit after the elections?”

“Kasi kailangan ko pa magsulat ng formal letter sa Pink Angel Society para doon. Sa ngayon busy ako sa campaign elections. I’m running for president.”

He excused himself a minute later and left to go to his friend’s table. I watched his retreating back with a longing sigh. Why couldn’t he just like me for real? I let out another sigh.

I transferred my gaze at my friends. Robyn and Madie gave me disapproving look. Joey was eyeing me with confusion. And Alicia was looking back and forth between me and my friends with no apparent idea that the atmosphere had changed.

Robyn broke the awkward silence. “Alex, magkaaminan na tayo. Nagkakagusto ka na ba kay Benjamin?”

Maybe. “Ha? Hindi, noh!” I denied.

“Alex, lagi mong tatandaan na lahat ng ipinapakita niya sa ‘yo ay hindi totoo,” Madie added. “Isipin mo ang mga sinabi ni Benjamin nung nag-spy tayo sa kanila.”

“No way! Hindi ganoon mga type ko.”

“Papatunayan ko sa ’yo Dave. Mananalo ako sa bet na ‘to. Kaya Nate, kelangan ko tulong mo.”

“I want to know the things that she likes. Things that can help me win her.”

Those were the things I remembered him saying to his friends.

I wasn’t really his type.

I was just a toy in their cruel bet.

I was just a game to him.

It hurt a lot to realize it all. He was very nice when we’re together. And every time I was with him, I always forget that he was just nice to me so he could win their stupid bet. I always forget that after the bet, he was, for sure, going to dump me. I always forget that everything, from his smiles, to his gentlemanly behaviors, up to our common interests were all fakes and lies.

It hurt a lot because I wanted him to like me for real. Why couldn’t he just like me for real? But I already knew the answer: Because you couldn’t force someone to like you; because he could never really like someone like me. He was the jock prince, a Blue Knight, Mr. Popular Crush ng Campus, the rich kid born with a silver spoon in his mouth. I was a nobody, a nerd with the weirdo glasses, a girl from a simple family.

Why couldn’t I just accept it in my heart that I was just a bet? Because like what I had said, you couldn’t force someone to like you. And you couldn’t force yourself not to like someone. I couldn’t force myself not to like him, no matter how hard I tried. You could always deny the feelings, but the truth would always haunt you. And the truth was I really do like Benjamin. Bet or no bet, I already fell for him.

And it was very cruel –cruel, in deed –that karma had worked in reverse. We wanted revenge, we wanted to hurt him for participating in that bet he made with his friends. But in the end, I ended up hurting my self, because I was still the first one to fall.

I guess you could say that I was a masochist. Even though I knew Benjamin was just fooling around me, I allowed my self to be fooled. Even though him courting and wooing me were all just a bunch of twisted lies, I allowed him to court me. I allowed him to buy me meryenda from the cafeteria. I allowed him to walk with me to my classroom everyday early in the morning when I found him waiting for me at the entrance of the building. I allowed him to carry my books. I allowed him to make me smile and make me laugh. I allowed him to make me fall in love with him. And no matter how hard I tried, it was unavoidable for me not to fall for him, because I allowed my self. I opened my heart and allowed him in.

I allowed him to be part of my life because it felt good being around him; it felt nice having someone around to share your thoughts and dreams. It felt good to have someone who could make you smile and laugh the way Benjamin could. It felt good to be in love.

But when we part our ways, when we were not spending time together, that was the time when reality sank in –that was the time when all the hurt began to show. That was the time when I started to feel the lies and deceits.

Maybe it was really my fault from the beginning. I already knew he was just pretending, and yet I let my self believe that everything was real –that he was for real. I wanted him to fall for me so I could hurt him in the end. But with a twist of fate, he didn’t fall for me –I fell for him and got my self hurt in the process.

***

A/N: Ouch! Does falling for someone who can't love you back really hurts? Or is it because nasasaktan ka dahil umaasa kang mamahalin ka rin niya kahit alam mong imposible? Hay Alex, nasasaktan ka kasi hinahayaan mong masaktan sarili mo. :(

#TheNerdClubAlexis
#AlexisAndTheBet