TW: Physical, Emotional & Mental Abuse

Hello po. Please proceed with caution and beware while reading this chapter. There are scenes in this part that shows and mentions the tags above.

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There are always a lot of different sides in every story.

This is a short special chapter written in Cassandra Diana Pierce's Point of View. Enjoy!~

~ × ~

Following Weeks After Hillwood Day

       "Cassandra Montecillo Austria..." I read the name beautifully written in the covers of my journals, and can't help but sigh. Iniwas ko na lang ang tingin ko rito, pero maling galaw ata... Dahil pagharap ko ay mas lalong hindi ko kilala ang repleksyong nakikita ko sa harapan ng salamin.

        "Who even are you?" I can't help but ask, only to get more frustrated that I couldn't get an answer in return. My reflection, the same face I don't know, just looked at me with the same way I'm looking at my life right now.

       Angry. Confused. Lost.

       Masyado itong nakaka-inis, kaya hinablot ko na lang ang journals na tinitingnan ko kanina at ibinato ang mga ito sa salaming nasa harapan ko. It didn't broke the mirror of course, but it did ruin the displays on my vanity desk. One of them is a photo of me, Arianne and Alexandria. It fell on the floor and the frame broke into pieces. Like how our friendship fell apart...

        But I don't want it to be like this.

       Kinuha ko na lang ang picture na nahiwalay na sa frame, at tinitigan ito. Miss na miss ko ang mga taong naririto.

       Alexandria... The first person who made me feel that no matter who I am, she'll still welcome me as a friend. She will still treat me nicely not just because of what power my name used to scream, but because she finds good company in me. My best friend who filled me with love and protection.

       Arianne... That person who showed me that I don't always need to be in control, that sometimes I can take a step back too, and let loose. She's that warm ball of energy that spread like wildfire in our life. My best friend who showered us with surprises and awesomeness.

       And then, there's me... Or who I used to be. Or the role I used to play.

        When I first learned about the truth, saying that I was shocked would be an understatement. But no, I wasn't ungrateful, and if asked I'm actually thankful beyond words. Because even after knowing that I was abandoned by Dana, my Mommy Nichole still took care of me. I still had an awesome parents, and I even had four annoyingly caring cousins.

        But being grateful, and accepting all of it are two different things. Kasi kahit paulit-ulit kong sabihin sa sarili ko na ayos lang, wala namang magbabago, hindi pa rin no'n maalis lahat ng tanong na gumugulo sa utak ko.

        Why did she leave me? Why did Dana abandon me? Was I not enough for her? Was I something she hated? Was my existence something she loathed? Did she wish that I never should've lived? Did she... not love me?

        Then there's the what ifs, too.

        What if Dana didn't throw me away? What if I grew up with her? What if I'm supposed to be living a completely different life?

        All of these questions.. It was hard to shut them down. I couldn't stop them from bothering me. It led me to questioning my worth, my existence and my identity. In a blink of eye, it felt like I don't know who I am anymore. In a snap, all of me crumbled to pieces.

        I know people would tell me that "you're still you" or "who your parents are doesn't matter", and they're right. Pero paano kung sa loob ko ay pakiramdam ko buong buhay ko nakamaskara lang ako?

        Growing up being Daddy Stephen's daughter, I never had any friends. I once told Alexandria that I didn't have friends because some envy me, and some doesn't want to be associated with me. But, that's not true at all. For the real reason why I didn't have one is because I was scared. Most people only approached me because they needed something from me– to curry favor with my father, or to get close to my cousins.

        Filling up someone's position and expectation of you... It was hard. People saw me as a shortcut to achieve and get what they want, but did they ever ask me if I'm okay with it? Kasi nasasaktan ako sa tuwing lalapitan lang ng ako ibang tao hindi dahil gusto talaga nila akong kaibiganin, pero dahil may kailangan lang sila sa akin. Kaya simula noon, pakiramdam ko nakasuot na ako ng mask para itago ang nararamdaman ko. Simula noon, sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko na susubukang makipag kaibigan kahit kanino. Okay na ako sa mga pinsan ko.

        You see, my cousins made me feel like I have thousands of friends in them. They would always play with me, listen to me and make me laugh. Aside from Travis– I knew since then how he never wanted me, how he hates me... yet I really wanted to be close to him. So I always pretended that his cold treatment didn't affect me at all. I guess I got so used to pretending, that I actually became good at it.

        I’ve gotten so use to wearing a mask. And I was okay, until I learned the truth. The truth brought up all these questions I had about myself. It made me feel like this life wasn't supposed to be the life I was living this whole time.

        Those questions, this confusion... it turned to anger. Towards Dana. Towards what she did. Towards the what could have beens. Until it suddenly felt like being mad at her was the easiest thing to do, to comfort myself and lie to myself that I'm still who I am. That those questions doesn't matter at all.

        Akala ko iyon na iyon. Madali na sanang mag-umpisa ulit. Handa na sana akong umalis papuntang States kaso nagkaroon ako ng vision na may hindi magandang mangyayari kanila Arianne. Kaya bumalik ako ng Hillwood. Kasi kahit gulong gulo ako sa sarili kong pagkatao, siguradong sigurado naman ako sa isang bagay– kahit sino pa ako, hindi ko hahayaang may mangyari lang na masama sa mga best friends ko.

        Sino nga naman mag-aakalang sa isang desisyon na iyon, madami pala ang makukuha kong pangyayari? Who would've thought I'd be forced to leave the comforts I told myself? Who would've thought that knowing Dana didn't want to leave me, and abandon me would bring chaos to the fake peace I was building inside of me? Who would've thought that knowing what Dana suffered, and is suffering, will bring me to hate myself?

        All those anger I was directing to her suddenly took a turn to attack me. Sa akin lang din bumalik lahat ng galit na gusto ko sanang isisi sa kanya.

       And now, whenever I look at myself in the mirror all I see are the roles I had to play. The cousin who got lucky because she have the Montecillos on her back. The daughter who's only role is to be model student. The person who can be compared to a bridge because people stepped on her feelings a lot of times, just to get to his father's good graces. The ungrateful daughter who caused misfortune to her mother just because she existed.

         I am disgusted with myself.

        Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko kasi pinipilit kong sisihin si Dana sa lahat ng sakit na dinadanas ko. Naiinis akong sinisi ko si Alexandria sa isang bagay na hindi naman talaga nakakasama sakin, dahil alam kong una pa lang ay ayaw na niyang masaktan ako. Nasusuka ako sa katotohanang kailangan kong itulak palayo ang mga taong gusto lang naman akong pangalagaan, dahil lang hindi ko matanggap na hindi lahat ng bagay ay di ko magagawang ayusin.

        And I wanted so badly to find myself, to be okay again and to be that Cassandra everyone loved. But how can I be myself when I feel like I'm being blown to million of different directions? To different versions of me that I cannot control?

        Paano ko haharapin ulit sila Alexandria at Arianne kung alam ko sa sarili kong wala akong maitutulong sa kanila ngayon? Paano ko sila titingnan ng diretso sa mata kung alam ko sa sarili kong malaki ang kasalanan ko sa kanila? Hindi ko kaya. Naduduwag ako. Kaya kahit ilang beses akong puntahan ni Alexandria dito, mas pinipili ko na lang na itulak siya palayo. Dahil alam kong masyado na siyang madaming problema, alam kong naiipit na siya sa amin ni Arianne at ayaw kong dumagdag doon.

        I may not deserve them, but I treasure both of them with my whole life. They're the people who made me feel like me, they made me feel like I don't need to be someone else. They're my best friends who allowed me to be the Cassandra I want to be. But now, I lost that Cassandra... and I lost them, too.

       "Hoy Ate, akin na lang 'to ha. Mas bagay 'to sakin!" Napa-angat agad ang tingin ko sa may pinto ng kwarto ko nang makita ko si Victoria na pumasok, hawak hawak ang isang damit ko. Hindi ko maiwasang mapasimangot.

        "How did you get that? You can't have it, it's mine." Travis brought that for me as a gift.

        Because of what I answered, Victoria's brows furrowed and in a second she's already in front of me. Pinasadahan niya rin ng tingin ang mga gamit na nagulo sa vanity table ko. Napansin niya rin iyong picture namin nila Arianne na hawak ko, at walang pakundangan itong hinablot sa kamay ko.

        "Moping again? Or don't tell me you're trying to contact them?" She asked in a dangerously teasing tone, making me shake my head.

        "You know I don't talk to either of them." Sagot ko na lang kahit na gusto ko na siyang sigawan. Pero alam kong nahahalata niya ang inis ko sa kanya, kaya nanggagalaiti nanaman siya. Hinawakan niya agad ako sa mukha at diniinan ang pagkakahawak sa magkabilang pisngi ko, bago dahan-dahan na inilapit ang mukha niya.

        "You better not.. Because you know what will happen if you do." All I can do is throw daggers at her with my glares. She also just snarled before standing straight and flipping her hair as she turn her back on me.

       "On second thought, I don't need your permission. I'm going to take this dress, and from now on, I won't be needing any of your approval. Pathetic bitch. Clean up your mess, I won't be sending any helper here to help you, and don't even think of having dinner." Dire-diretso niyang sabi hanggang sa makalabas siya, at padabog na isinarado ang pintuan. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako at ipinatong ko na lang ang ulo ko sa vanity table.

       Mas gugustuhin ko na lang din na mawala ko sila Alexandria at Arianne, kesa naman may mangyaring masama sa kanila. Lalo na at simula noong Hillwood Day wala pa akong nagiging vision ulit sa kahit sino sa kanila. Iniisip ko na baka dahil nagiging sunod-sunuran ako kanila Victoria ay kaya wala akong nakikitang vision. At kung gano'n iyon, mas mabuti.

         A few weeks after Hillwood Day, I was surprised when Victoria visited our house. I thought she was a guest, but she suddenly claimed being my sister and being Dad's daughter. It all came pouring down on me again, how confusing everything is, how I don't know the truth and how it felt like I was surrounded by lies.

         Hindi ko maintindihan, kasi hindi sinasabi ni Dad kung sino ang Mommy ni Victoria. Iniisip ko na noon na nagloko siya kay Mommy Nichole. Iniisip ko rin kung papaalisin niya na ba ako dahil si Victoria pala ang totoong anak niya, at kung gano'n nga saan ako pupunta? Pero masyado lang pala akong nag-overthink dahil hindi naman niya ako pinalayas.

        All Dad said that day was that Victoria will be living with us, and that she is my sister. I couldn't ask more, because he was always out of the house. I was always left alone with my so-called sister.

         At first, she didn't say a thing. But after at least a week, she started to hurt me not just verbally but also physically. There are days, especially when Dad is not around, that she would lock me in my room and starve me. Even our staffs got scared of her, they couldn't risk her fury. Isa siyang malaking plastic. Mabait lang siya sa akin at sa mga staff kapag andyan si Daddy.

        Oo, ampon lang ako, pero hindi ako tanga para hayaan siyang ganunin ako. Kaya noong isang gabing hindi umalis si Dad, balak ko sanang magsumbong sa kanya sa study niya. Gusto ko sanang ipaalam sa kanya ang totoong nangyayari sa bahay, pero sinong mag-aakalang ako pala ang may malalamang katotohanan?

         Because on that same night, almost a month after Hillwood Day, I learned a damn painful truth. One that I can never unlearn, and erase.

        "Victoria! I told you to behave!" Even outside the study, Dad's voice boomed like bomb. He is angry, that one thing is clear.

        "I am behaving! I haven't killed anyone in Hillwood, duh?" I don't know anything about what they're talking about, but just hearing the word 'kill' from Victoria's mouth made me gasp. What are they talking about?

       "You're still risking the exposure of my plans! I warned you that just one wrong move and the Montecillo can catch up with what we're doing! And not just them, Jace Montreal, too! You just killed in Oakwood. You know that Oakwood is the Montreal's turf!" Naguguluhan ako... Ano ang pinag-uusapan nila Daddy at Victoria, at bakit may patayang kasama rito? Higit sa lahat, bakit natatakot silang malaman ito nila Tita Scarlett at Tito Jace? What are they doing?

         "Fine, I'll behave now. But bring my mother home. Nagsasawa na ako sa pagmumukha ni Cassandra!" Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ni Victoria, pero mas nagtaka ako nang makarinig ako ng malakas na tunog. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung ano, pero parang sampal ata?

         "Don't you ever talk about Cassandra like that! I picked you up from nothing, and I can always throw you back in the trash you came from!"  Napasinghap na lang ako at napatakip sa bibig ko. Mukhang tama ang hinala ko, at kung oo man, hindi ko maisip kung gaano nakakatakot ngayon ang mukha ni Dad. Kahit ako na nakikinig lang dito sa labas ng opisina niya ay parang kinikilabutan, ano pa kaya yung harapin ko ang galit niya?

        Kaya naman balak ko na sanang umalis na lang, dahil natatakot din akong mahuli. But I was stopped on my tracks when I heard Victoria's response.

        "You're unfair! You have your favorite! I just want to be with my mother! Bring Mommy Zee here, wala namang mag-iisip ng iba sa inyo! People will just think that she's living here because she is your sister, hindi naman nila maiisip na lovers kayo. At kung oo man, ano naman? You're going to take over the whole Council and Hillwood soon. People can choke and think whatever they want to think." Victoria's words had shaken my entire life. I know I heard it correctly but it took me a few minutes to process what she said.

        Victoria called Tita Zee her Mom? And Dad's... lover? What?

         Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko, gulong gulo na ako sa mga naiisip ko kaya binuksan ko na agad ang pinto. Halata namang nagulat sila sa pagkakita sa akin.

        "What is she talking about? Are you and Tita Zee really..?" I can't even bring myself to say that word, it disgusts me so much. They're siblings, aren't they? Victoria is only months younger than me. If she is saying the truth, what does that make Dad? Did he cheated on my Mommy Nichole with..

        "Surprised much? Ganyan talaga kapag masyadong sheltered, walang alam sa mga bagay bagay." Victoria commented earning a glare from Dad, but she didn't seem to mind.

        "Stop it." Parang nagbabanta pang sita ni Dad, pero umiling ako sa kanya at lumingon kay Victoria. "No, I want to know. What lie are you talking about?" Tumawa naman ng malakas si Victoria sa naging tanong ko, pero agad ding sumama ang tingin niya sa akin.

        "You really think I'm lying? Educate yourself, Cassandra. My real parents are Zee and Stephen. They're not blood-related, for Pete's sake! They just lied about it so they can still live with each other even after Dad married your pathetic of a mother, Nichole Montecillo!"

        "I said, stop it!"

        Para akong nabingi sa narinig ko. Parang gusto ko ring isuka lahat ng kinain ko. Nandidiri ako sa kasalanan nila. Sa ginawa nila... Pati si Mommy Nichole nagawa nilang lokohin...

        With a pained expression, I turned to the man who raised me.

        "I don't know you anymore." Pag-aamin ko bago ako tumalikod. "I'm leaving this house, I'm going to Tita Scarlett." Alam kong nahihiya ako sa kanila ngayon, pero mas gugustuhin ko pang mapunta sa pamilya ni Mommy Nichole kesa maiwan at manatili rito. This house reeks with lies and secrets. And it's full of people who talks about such thins without even batting an eye.

       Hahawakan ko na sana ang door knob, pero bago ko pa magawa ay naramdaman ko na agad ang isang malakas na paghatak sa buhok ko. That pull made me sit on the floor and scream.

        "Victoria, this is the last time that I'm warning you. Get your hands off of my daughter!" My head hurts because of what Victoria did, but I can still clearly hear how Dad's voice echoed in the whole room. It made my so-called sister jump and stay away from me, and not after a few seconds Dad is already in front of me.

        "Are you okay? Does it hurt that much?" Concern is visible in his eyes. Sasagot na rin sana ako pero umepal nanaman si Victoria. Isang ugali niyang pinapasalamatan ko rin, kasi kahit papaano ay ilalabas pala nito ang isang mas mabahong katotohanan.

       "Of course you care more about her. She's your first born, after all. Mas nagawa mo nga siyang piliin kesa sa akin." Ang laki ng inggit ni Victoria sa buhay pero mas napantig ang tainga ko sa ibang sinabi niya. She called me Dad's first born, and with the way Dad glared at her... I know she's not just saying any random words. She meant it.

        Akala ko wala na akong ikakagulat sa nalaman ko kanina, mayroon pa pala. At ayoko mang malaman ang ganitong uri ng sikreto, pakiramdam ko ay karapatan ko pa ring malaman.

       "Dad... is what she said true? Are you really... Am I really your first born? Does that mean that you... you were the one who r-ra.. You..." I can't help but tear up with such realization. Abhorrence and terror filled my soul.

       Pandidiri sa kasalanang ginawa niya. At takot sa realisasyon na... kung siya nga ang may gawa no'n kay Dana ibig sabihin siya rin ang dahilan kung bakit gumagawa ng masama si Dana katulad ng sinabi ni Melissa. Lahat ng bagay na nagawa ni Dana ay para protektahan ako laban sa kanya, dahil sa likod ng pagiging mabait niyang ama ay isang kasamaan pala ang nagtatago. Siya ang rason kung bakit ang daming namatay noong Hillwood Day... kung bakit pati sila Tito Favian, sila Tita Aleece at si baby Anthony... wala na.

        Kitang-kita ko ang kaguluhan sa mukha niya. Halatang nangangapa kung paano sa akin ipapaliwanag ang lahat. Kaya naman bago pa siya makapag imbento ng kasinungalingan ay tumayo na ako agad, at sinamaan siya ng tingin. Umatras din ako para makalayo sa kanya.

        "You are disgusting. I don't even want to stay near you anymore." It seemed like my words affected him because his reaction quickly changed to a scary one. A scary person I never saw. A scary person who finally revealed his evil nature in front of me.

        And the Father I once knew and loved disappeared to thin air as if he never existed. Isang malakas na sampal din ang inabot ko sa kanya, bago niya ginawa rin ang ginawa ni Victoria kanina. Hinablot niya ang buhok ko at mas masakit ito kumpara sa kanina, pero hindi ko magawang sumigaw o umiyak. Para akong punong puno ng galit sa kanya para makaramdam pa ng sakit.

       "I raised you, I created you and dressed you well. I gave you all you needed and this is what you're going to do to me? You're one ungrateful child!" Naisip ko noon na ang kapal ng mukha ko kung magagalit ako kay Dad dahil tinago niya sa aking ampon ako, pero ngayon napagtanto kong ayos lang pala kung magmukha akong walang pasasalamat. Dahil kung siya lang din naman pala ang totoong Ama ko... huwag na lang.

       "You're a monster. Mommy Nichole didn't deserve you." Nagulat naman ako nang umismid lang siya. Ni hindi siya nandidiri sa sinabi ko, na para bang tanggap na tanggap niya iyon. At akala ko wala na akong mas ikakagalit sa kanya, mali pala ako. Dahil yung mga sunod na sinabi niya, iyon ang nagpadala ng takot sa buong sistema ko. Takot hindi para sa akin, kung hindi para sa mga taong naging totoo sakin.

       "You're right, she didn't deserve us. You and I were her family, but what did she do? She went on and investigated with that Xierra Montreal about me. It was only befitting that I take her life, before they reveal all my plans. She betrayed me, Cassandra. And I will never let anyone who stands in my way to live peacefully, that includes the Montecillo and the Montreal family. So, if you say even a word to them, you'll soon attend their funeral."

       That was night I saw my Father for who he really was. A monster in a decent clothing. A man never to be underestimated. That was the same night I cried my heart out to sleep, and wished I don't wake up the next day.

       Akala ko noon malaki na ang kasalanan ko kanila Arianne at Alexandria dahil sa nangyari sa pagkakaibigan namin. Mas malaki pa pala doon. Kaya isa iyon sa mga rason kung bakit hindi ko kayang harapin sila ulit. Bukod sa hindi pwede, ay wala na rin akong mukhang ihaharap sa kanila.

        Since that day, Tita Zee came home and I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life. I have never been so angry in my life. I also slowly learned how powerful Dad has become, to the point that I really can't take risking talking to Alexandria especially since Victoria watches me like a hawk.

        Pinapayagan nila akong kausapin si Travis, pero para lang makakuha ng impormasyon sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano, kahit hindi ko sabihin, nalalaman nila ang mga pinag-uusapan namin ni Travis. Isang beses na sinubukan kong sabihin kay Trav ang mga ginagawa ni Dad, binantaan nila akong may mangyayari sa kanya. They starved me for a week, too and since then they started doing something to me. I can't explain it, but I felt weaker than normal.

        That's when I realised that if I want to stop them, I must obey all of their orders for now. Kaya kahit mahirap, kahit gusto ko na lang makalaya sa kanila, kailangan ko munang magtiis.

        'Cause at the end of the day, I still don't know what my Father is fully capable of. Or what his plan is.

       And that makes him a really dangerous monster.

~× ~

Back in Montecillo Academy

       For three months... For three months I never had a vision. I felt weaker than usual, but there's nothing I can't do. Para akong naging alipin ni Victoria dahil kinailangan kong sumunod sa lahat ng sinasabi niya, magpanggap sa harapan ng ibang tao na masaya akong kasama siya. Magsinungaling na wala akong pakialam kay Alexandria.

        Akala ko kapag nakabalik na kami ng Montecillo Academy, mas madali na akong makakagawa ng paraan para humingi ng tulong. Hindi pala dahil mas humigpit si Victoria sa pagbabantay sa akin. Minsan halos hindi na ako natutulog, inaantay ko siyang makatulog para makatakas ako pero masyado siyang maraming mata sa loob ng Academy.

        Noong gabing napunta si Alexandria sa dorm namin, gustong gusto ko ng humingi ng tulong sa kanya. Gusto ko na isama niya na ako paalis doon, pero natatakot akong may mangyayari sa kanya o sa mga kapatid niya. Pero alam kong hindi pwedeng di nila alam lalo na sa pagtagal ng panahon, kaya sinabi kong kapatid ko si Victoria.

        Victoria thought of it as me accepting the fact that we're siblings. But for me, it was a clue I knew Alexandria would get. Because if there's one thing Arianne and Alexandria have in common, it's their curiosity. I knew she won't just stay still and believe it. I knew she will try to learn more about the truth behind the words I said, and all I can do is hope that she gets to the bottom of it before it's too late.

         But then again, it's Alexandria so I know there's hope. And that hope reached me when for the first time, I dreamt of a vision again.

       Noong una hindi ako makapaniwala, akala ko ay isang panaginip lang. Hindi ko nga sana papansinin kasi ayaw kong umasa, pero nang malaman ko kay Travis na muntik saktan ni Yohan si Alexandria... I knew there and then that I wasn't dreaming.

        What happened that time at their dorm, that was the vision I had. I also couldn't believe at first that Yohan can hurt Alexandria, so I disregarded it as something as a dream. But upon learning from Trav that it really happened, I can't help but rush to our old dorm room to check on my best friend.

        Alam ko nagulat siya noon na nakita niya ako, pero ako... sobrang saya ko no'n kasi sa wakas nakalapit ako ulit sa kanya. Gustong gusto ko ng sabihin sa kanya yung nangyayari sa bahay namin, mga nalaman ko kay Dad, pero hindi ko nagawa. Because she cried that night, and it broke my heart and all I could do was to hug her. I knew she needed it as much as I do.

        For the first time in three months, not only did I started having my visions again... But I also felt safer around her. She really have that kind of effect on other people.

        When I went back to Victoria's dorm after that, she started using an ability on me. Even though she knew that I didn't tell Alexandria anything, she was still furious and envious beyond words. But I couldn't care less, since all that was bugging me that time was the thought the she have a weird and somehow new Ability that emitted a strong energy.

        Mas lalo ko ng kinukwestyon ang mga nangyayari. At doon ko sinimulang isipin na marahil ay si Victoria ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nagkakaroon ng visions. Baka may ginagawa siya sa akin para mas humina ako.

        I remember how she told me that I'm having an Aversion and that she also told Alexandria about it. I know for a fact that's the reason why Alexandria and Travis is letting her close to me, despite the hatred they feel towards her. Because they think Victoria can help me... kahit na ang totoo ay mas nakatulong pa ang simpleng presensya ni Alexandria para umayos ulit ang visions ko.

        Kagabi, alam kong umalis si Victoria kasama ang mga alagad niya dito sa Academy. Alam kong mawawala siya ng matagal, kasi may ginawa nanaman siya sa akin para manghina ako. At ramdam na ramdam ko ang ginawa niya, kung ani man iyon.

        I felt weaker than usual, but I still tried to go to Alexandria's dorm to seek for help. Although, I must've underestimated what Victoria did to me because the last thing I remembered was feeling Alexandria's hug while I kept on asking help.

        Nang naalimpungatan ako ay naramdaman kong madaming tao sa paligid ko, at alam kong si Alexandria iyon at mga kapatid niya. Hindi ko pa idinidilat mata ko no'n, pero gusto ko ng maiyak kasi sa wakas sila na yung kasama ko.

        I can feel Hendrix's Ability that time. He was trying to heal me, and he just didn't know but I really felt better. I felt whole again, and happy. But, there are things we can't escape even if we want to. Even though I already felt joyful that I was finally with them, there was still this tugging fear in my heart. The way I felt afraid for their life on the same night I felt safe... It doesn't seem right.

        Alam kong ikakapahamak nila iyong ginawa ko kagabi, kaya kinailangan kong magsinungaling.

        "Go away!" I remembered shouting this. The way I pushed them away, it's still as clear as water in my mind.

        "Stay away from me." Alexandria's pained expression still haunts me, but I would still prefer it than knowing they'll be in danger... just because I tried to seek help.

         "Cassandra... It's okay, we're here to help." I know Hendrix meant what he said, and it scared me even more. Nakakatawa kasi sa loob ng tatlong buwan gusto ko lang na makalapit sa kanila at makahingi ng tulong para maligtas ang buhay ko, ngayon gusto ko na lang na lumayo kasi sila ang mapapahamak.

         I can never accept that. I will never risk their life for my own, so I pushed Hendrix. I was almost out of the dorm, but Travis caught me. His words are still bothering me...

       "What's happening to you?" Hindi ko siya sinagot kagabi, kasi ako rin hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari sa akin. Pakiramdam ko, tuluyan ko ng nawawala yung sarili ko sa kaguluhan ng buhay ko. I felt like I was slowly being robbed of identity, of ability, of happiness– of life. And I don't want to bring them down with me.

        Sighs.

        Ipinikit ko na lang ang mga mata ko, para sana makatulog na habang wala pa si Victoria dito sa dorm. Simula kasi noong umalis papuntang Central sila Yohan, lagi niya rin ako hinahayaang mag-isa. Ayos lang sa'kin, kasi ayaw ko naman siyang kasama.

         Pero may pakiramdam akong... may kung anong hindi magandang pinaplano nanaman si Victoria. Katulad noong nagkaroon ng gulo sa Field. Kaya lang naman nagalit noon si Axel, iyong kaibigan ni Arianne, ay dahil sa sama ng ugali ni Victoria.

        Victoria provoked Axel that time. I found out that Axel had a younger sister before, and she was one of the kids who got killed ten years ago. The death of Axel's sister seemed like a sensitive topic for him, but Victoria mocked it.

         I can't blame Axel for lashing out like that. I even wished he'd hurt Victoria more. I was willing to endure more of Arianne's death glares that time, but things got out of hand.

        Kanina gusto ko rin sanang puntahan si Arianne... humingi ng sorry sa kanya. Pero noong gagawin ko na ay napaatras ako kasi alam kong hindi sapat 'yon. Kahit anong paghingi ng tawad ang gawin ko, hindi na mababalik ang buhay ng pamilya niya na walang awang kinuha ng Daddy ko.

         And just the thought of Arianne's anger if she finds out that I'm not just Dana's daughter... but I'm also the daughter of the mastermind of all of this chaos– it scares me. It will break her, and my existence will remind her of the whole family she lost that day.

        Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko na siya kayang harapin.

         There are nights like this when I wanted so bad to fall asleep, but these kind of thoughts keeps me awake. This guilt I have. These regrets growing inside of me. This wishful thinking that everything would've been better if I didn't live...

        Kinuha ko na lang ang isang unan pa at tinakip ito sa mukha ko. Gusto kong tumigil na lahat ng 'to, kaya sinubukan ko na lang din matulog.

        Pero pagpikit pa lang ng mata ko ay naramdaman ko na agad ang pull ng Ability ko. The same pull I've been longing to feel, so I let myself drowned in it.

        I never expected the person I saw in my vision though...

       And after that vision... I just sat there all night, shocked and speechless.

       I just saw someone who traded her life for another person's life.

~ × ~

Present

        "Cassandra..." Mukha agad ni Travis ang nakita ko nang binukas ko ang mga mata ko. Nang makita rin niyang binigyan ko siya ng tipid na ngiti ay nakulong ako agad sa yakap niya.

        I know how he saved me from Victoria. I know what he did to her. I know he cares for me, because I am his best friend.

        Sinuklian ko na lang ang yakap niya, at ipinikit ulit ang mata ko. Inaalala ang ilang bagay...

        I remember when I was younger, after Alexandria's burial... I was always with my cousins. We would always play a lot, to cheer each other up. The Montecillo brothers would always make me feel welcome, except for Travis.

        "Travis, do you want to play with me?"

        "Go away. Stop bothering me."

       "Travis, do you hate me?"

       "What do you think?"

       "I like playing with you."

       "I don't like you."

        He hated me so much.

        But I really wanted to be friends with him, and for some reason I really wanted him to like me, too. Siguro kasi nasanay akong pinapakita lagi sa'kin ng ibang tao na gusto naman nila ako. Siya lang iyong unang taong nagsabi talaga sa akin na ayaw niya ako sa mismong mukha ko.

        He was so honest, and really cool. He wasn't afraid to speak out his mind and I think I admired it so much. I wanted to be like him, to be as brave as him. I wanted him to be my close friend.

        Hanggang sa isang araw... Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari, pero bigla na lang siyang naging mabait sakin. Hindi niya na ako sinusungitan, tapos hindi na niya ako pinagtutulakan palayo.

        I was so happy. Travis is finally my friend, I thought. It was like finally seeing the fruit of patience.

        "Travis, do you want to train with me?"

        "Anytime."

        "Trav, do you think people will like me as their friend?"

        "If they don't, they're fools."

        "You don't like me when we were younger."

         "I changed. I like you now."

        And as we grew up, we became even closer. All the hate turned to friendship. Irritated snarls turned to laughter. Pushing each other away became comforting each other. The person who used to scowl at me became the person who supported me. The person who used to get angry at the sight of me now does everything I ask of him. Travis Montecillo became my best friend. He understood me more than anyone else, I even think that sometimes he's using his ability on me to read my emotions. Ayaw ko pa naman ng gano'n, kasi baka kung anong mga emosyon ko ang mabasa niya.

         There are times when I feel like I fear my own feelings. Emotions can be really complicated, and I don't want that kind of complications. And with the recent events in our life, I realised that all I want now is peace of mind.

         Kaya naman humiwalay na ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya, at tiningnan siya ng diretso sa mata. Ilang beses ko na itong pinag-isipan ng paulit-ulit. Aaminin ko noong una ay nagdadalawang isip ako, pero nang naramdaman ko kung gaano ako naging malapit sa kamatayan sa kamay ni Victoria... narealize ko na sobrang ikli lang ng buhay. Kailangan sulitin ang bawat sandali nito.

        At kung hindi ko sasabihin ito ngayon kay Travis, habang buhay akong guguluhin ng nararamdaman kong ito. Habang buhay akong magtatanong ng magtatanong ng "what ifs". Sa lahat ng napagdaanan ko, ang mga ganoong tanong ang ayaw ko ng maranasang muli.

        "There is something that I want to tell you..." I can feel my heart beating fast, nervous of what I'm about to share to him. His brows furrowed in confusion, too, but he just kept his mouth shut and waited for me to speak.

        Napabuntong hininga naman ako agad, dahil hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan ito. Ang hirap humanap ng lakas ng loob dahil sa topic ng bagay na ito... Pero kailangan, kaya sinabi ko na lang agad ang dapat kong sabihin, bago pa ako magdalawang isip.

       "Vivienne is dying."

       Travis gasped, and he looked like he got struck by thunder. Disturbance swam in his eyes full of emotions.

        He definitely looks taken aback with what I said, and I doubt he understands, so I just continued speaking.

       "When you left for Central, I had a vision. I saw you being attacked near the North border, by the woods. It happened to you, didn't it?" Isang tango lang ang naisagot niya, kaya nagpatuloy na ako.

         "Alexandria and Vivienne... Both of them got separated to the group. They went further to the woods, near the fall. You found them exhausted, but have you ever wonder who saved them?" Umiling sa tanong ko si Trav, at mas kumunot ang noo niya. I knew it, they don't know about Vivienne's gift yet.

        "It was Vivienne." The way that Travis is surprised and confused at the same time right now, is also the same reaction I had when I saw this vision. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, you see.

       "Both of them fell on the water, Vivienne hit her head and Alexandria was almost drowning. She can't use her Ability to save herself and Vivienne, it was scary... not until Vivienne used her Water Element Ability to save and pull Alexandria out of the deep water."

        "Vivienne's Ability is Invisibility.. Was she lying about it? How did she have the Water Element Ability?" Noong una naguguluhan din ako dyan, pero hindi ko alam kung paano... Nakita ko kung paano ni Vivienne nakuha ang Water Element Ability niya. Siguro iniisip niya ito noong nakita ko siya sa vision ko, kaya nakita ko rin ang nangyari sa past niya.

        "The Water Element Ability is a gift to Vivienne. I don't know who gave that to her, but it wasn't a present you'd like to receive, Travis." Kapag naiisip ko ang tungkol dito natatakot talaga ako, kaya ayoko sanang sabihin noong una. Pero naisip ko ring gugustuhin ni Travis na malaman ito, lalo pa't niligtas ni Vivienne ang buhay ng kapatid niya.

        Everyone knows how important and loved Alexandria is by her brothers.

       "Why, Cass? What's wrong with that gift?"

       "It's a cursed gift. When Vivienne got it, she was presented a warning as well." Those words still echoes in my mind up until now. I can't imagine how scary it is for Vivienne. But she still chose to be courageous.

       "What warning?" Takang takang tanong ni Trav.

        "She was warned that if she open and use that gift, she will have a countdown on her life. It sounded like she will die earlier than she's meant to be." Sobrang tapang ni Vivienne, dahil kahit alam niyang parang magkakaroon ng taning ang buhay niya pinili pa rin niyang iligtas si Alexandria. She's one brave and kind soul, like this guy in front of me.

        "Cassandra... That's..." Travis is speechless, and I can't even blame him. I was lost for words myself when I learned about it. Whoever gave that gift to Vivienne... That person meant to save a life in exchange of another life.

       Inabot ko na lang ang kamay niya, at binigyan siya ng isang ngiti. Bago sunod na tinuran ang mga salitang alam kong tuluyang magbabago ng lahat.

       "Even if you don't tell me, I already know. You're my best friend and I see through you, Travis. I know what you feel." Para namang mas nagulat siya sa sinabi ko. Akala siguro niya hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman niya, halata naman...

       "You do?" I nodded.

       "I-" Hindi ko na siya inantay pang sumagot, at inunahan ko na siyang magsalita. Kailangan ko ng sabihin kasi baka umurong bigla ang dila ko mamaya.

       "It's okay if you like Vivienne. Nothing will change, I'll still be your friend even if you already found someone to share your heart with. So go Travis, go and tell her. Don't you think she deserves to know?" I'm encouraging my best friend to follow his heart, but why does mine hurts?

       "Cassandra, what are you talking about?" He asked in a serious tone.

       "I know you've been wanting to tell me that there's a special girl in your heart. Hindi ko nga alam bakit hindi mo na lang sakin sinabi, hindi naman kita pagbabawalan. Kung gusto mo siya, ayos lang naman 'yon. Kaya sige na, doon ka na kay Vivienne." Natawa pa ako ng mahina, pero bakit ang seryoso pa rin niya?

        Tumikhim na lang ako at umiwas ng tingin.

      "Don't worry about it, Trav. You are my best friend, and I am your friend too. It will be like that until we grow old, okay?"

       Hindi pa rin sumagot si Travis, kaya pumekeng hikab na lang ako. Humiga na lang din ako ulit at tumalikod sa kanya, sabay pikit ng mata ko.

      "I'll go back to sleep first. Good night, Travis." I murmured while faking my sleep. I felt his stare, and heard his sigh before it was followed by the sound of the door closing.

        Nang sigurado akong nakalabas na siya ay saka ako napa-upo ulit ng maayos, at napayakap sa sarili kong tuhod. Ewan ko rin ba, pero naramdaman ko na lang na naluha na ako, ang weird.

         Tama naman ginawa ko.

         I'm not an idiot not to realize my own emotions, but like what I said, I don't want complications. Because as much as I care about him, I don't want to be a slave of my own foolishness and heart. I can, and I will, always choose to control my feelings, no matter how strong they are. Seeing him go to other people will be painful, but I'd rather feel that. I'd always prefer that than lose his friendship just because he doesn't feel the same.

        Isa pa, masyadong magulo ang buhay ko. Hinding hindi ako mandadamay ng ibang tao sa gulong ito, at mas gugustuhin kong ayusin na at sagutin lahat ng tanong na gumugulo sakin.

        That day after I had a vision of Vivienne, I decided that I also needed to fix my life. And after talking with Travis, I've already took the first step.

         Ngayon, kailangan ko namang magpakatatag at harapin na ang taong  hindi naman deserve ang galit ko. Kung gusto kong ayusin ang buhay ko, kailangan ko itong simulan sa taong nagbigay sakin nito.

         And from now on, I'm no longer Cassandra Montecillo Austria...

       I'm Cassandra Diana Pierce.