I really hated going to parties. Drunk, stupid, brainless morons were Alex's thing. I preferred people with actual intelligence and, you know, people who actually had the ability to stay solidly on their feet.

"Tallyho!" Some drunk bimbo squealed as she jumped into the pool outside. Many others were splashing around down there, waving their arms to the headachingly loud music. Others were inside the luxurious house, drinking, talking, making out with complete strangers. So many slutty girls in skinny, short dresses. Call me old fashioned, but I just preferred when your dress was longer than your vagina.

"Alex! Sophie-girl! You made it!" Miles showed up from the crowd with a drunk dullard slung around his arm. He grinned widely at us both. "How are you liking my party?"

"Well, genius here failed to mention it was your party," I said, giving a pointed stare to Alex who just smirked. "What does your parents have to say about all this?"

"What they don't know won't kill them," He winked, then turned to the girl who was practically hanging on him like a coat on a rack. "Now excuse me, but I promised I'd show this beautiful girl my axolotl."

After giving Alex a brofist, the girl and him walked upstairs to where I knew his room was.

"Is that what he calls his thing?" I snorted to Alex. "Axolotl?"

Alex gagged on a sip from his beer and burst into a loud laughter. "Oh, Soph, Jesus. What would I do without your average intelligence?"

"Hey!" I snapped, actually offended. I wasn't exactly his level of smart, but
I did have a fucking brain, which was more than what you could say about most of the people in this room. "Just because I don't know what the fuck axolotl means—"

"Soph, an axolotl is an amphibian." He chuckled. "It looks like a sea salamander or a fish that can walk, if you will."

"Oooh, right. Silly me, why didn't I know that?"

"Because you're not me. I know everything."

"You don't know what my vagina looks like. OWH!" I laughed when his face turned flat. "I just fucking owned you! Eat that, bitch!"

"I don't know what it looks like yet, Soph," He said, taking a swig from his beer. He then slowly smirked and leaned in towards me. "And I promise you, I will eat it when I do." He chuckled when it was my turn to drop my grin. "Powned."

"You're such a jerk," I growled, turning to look at the drunk crowd. "I don't know why we're friends."

"That could change if you want to," He casually told as if we were discussing the weather. "We could take our friendship to new heights – tonight, if you want to."

"Oh please, you wouldn't stand a chance with me, even if you were for real." I snorted.

"No?" He said with a sober look on his face. He leaned down towards my lips, making me blink shocked at him. What was he doing? He looked me seriously in the eyes and then whispered huskily; "You want to see my axolotl?"

When I just stared, he burst into laughter by the look on my face. I irritatedly rolled my eyes when I realized he was screwing with me. As always. "Ha-ha, very funny."

"I'm so sorry Soph, I just had to!" He laughed loudly, leaning up against the kitchen bar for support. "It was right there!"

"Whatever." Now I was irritated for real. "Are we going to get the show on the road or not?"

Stifling his laughter, he nodded. "You're right. Let's scour the talent tonight." He lifted his beer to his lips and looked at the dancing people. "Let the Hump-Her Games begin."

"Right..." I let my eyes scan the room. Me and Alex had an agreement; I helped him find the hottest chick in the joint and he helped me study so I had a living chance to pass my exams. I wasn't stupid but the teachers were tough. The material they laid down for us was almost impossible, just look at what they gave us earlier today. That was why I needed Alex – and he liked that my rack-radar was as great as a submarine's, so we were good.

There were so many girls to choose from in the crowded, trashed living room, and of course I had to make sure it wasn't someone he'd already banged. At this point it was getting harder and harder to remember. "How about the dark chocolate sitting on the couch by the TV?"

Alexander eyed her out, taking a long sip from his beer before looking away. "Recently broken up with someone. That's a no-go."

"Oh, really? How do you know?"

He sighed and crossed his arms. "Look at the necklace she's wearing."

I took a glance and found her nuzzling a little silver locket. "What about it?"

"It's a boyfriend gift," He replied with a dull tone. "Notice how she's wearing all gold jewelry but the necklace is silver. She obviously prefers gold, but she still chose to keep the silver necklace. It's a gift from a boyfriend she's recently broken up with and clearly, he didn't know about her gold preferences. She's wearing it out of nostalgia because she misses him which is why she keeps fiddling with it every other minute. If I hook up with her, I'll end up spending the night listening to her sob about not-so-much-Midas."

I stared a little stunned. "How do you know it's not just a picture of a recently dead relative?"

Alexander smirked, clearly enjoying having the superior brain he had. He noticed all the small little things everyone else considered as nothing and could tell almost everything about you purely from that. His middle name should have been Sherlock, not Theodore.

"If you just lost a family member, would you be sitting silently on the couch at a party or would you be at home, crying?" He pointed out. "She could be here to drink her sorrows away, but if that was the case, she wouldn't have made such an effort as to paint her fingernails."

The man had a point. "Alright, moving on then. Redhead at the turntable?"

He fixated his eyes after I discretely pointed to the girl and then eyed her up and down. He shook his head. "Lesbian. Next."

"What?" I snapped, glancing back at her. "She doesn't look gay to me?"

"She's talking to a girl who's talking to a guy. Look at how she keeps touching her instead of hitting on the guy. You're straight, Soph, tell me if that guy looks good to you."

I eyed the guy out and had to admit he looked pretty damn good. Green eyes, brown hair, cute smile. Yeah, he was fuuune.

"My point exactly," Alexander scoffed when I couldn't stop staring at the guy. "Hey, focus."

I chuckled a little and glanced up at Alex. "Sorry, but you pointed him out! I'm single and I'm ready to mingle."

He snorted and coldly turned his attention to the crowd. "You're a virgin who's never masturbated. At this point you're practically a nun. Come on now, find me a challenge Soph, I'm bored."

I glared lethally up at him and started chewing the inside of my cheeks to prevent myself from saying all the things I wanted to say; You're a manwhore who shamelessly fucks everything with a vagina and then tries to hit it with your best friend, too.

I distracted myself from the thoughts in my head and instead scanned the whole room again until I eventually saw a blonde in the kitchen. She had a tight skirt on and had paired it with a top that left little to the imagination. She was nursing a martini, standing sideways from us. She had gullible written all over her.

"Blonde in the kitchen," I said nodding towards her. "She's sipping bad-decision-juice and she's got French tips. As I remember you like a kitty with claws?"

Alexander tilted his head to get a better look at her, looking impressed as the blonde started swaying a little to the music. Just then, her top crept up and the final factor of the decision-making appeared; A tramp stamp.

Alex made a low whistle and smirked. "We got a winner."

I rolled my eyes as he drank her body up with his eyes. "Good, does that mean I'm off the clock now?"

Keeping his eyes on the blonde, he nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you're free. Talk to you later."

"Have fun," I grunted when he started approaching her. And so it began. I had seen him work before but I couldn't help but watch. It was like watching Magic Mike; it just never got old.

I watched as Alexander came up to the blonde who hadn't noticed him yet and snatched the glass out of her hand just as she was about to sip. The blonde turned around and was about to yell at him, but of course the words froze on her lips as she took in his God-like appearance. Immediately she started fluttering her eyelashes and started toying with her hair.

Thats docility if I'd ever seen it, I thought as Alexander downed her martini before she could object. He fished the olive out and leaned in to her. With slow, seductive moves, he placed the olive between his teeth, raising a questioning brow at the girl. She took the invite and just like that, they were in a heated liplock.

"Job, fucking, done," I mumbled and took a swig of my Breezer. He didn't even speak as much as a word to her. He just stole her drink and she was good to go. Slut-alert.

"Hey there, baby girl," Someone said behind me. I turned and found some ding-dong grinning at me.

I mentally cursed and fought the urge to roll my eyes. Great, here we go.

"What's yo' name?" He smirked, licking his lips.

"It's no," I flatly replied. I normally didn't discriminate people by how they looked, but there were just some types of guys you didn't want around you; The type who wore a college jacket; the type who had a gold chain around his neck; and the type that cut his hair like sir Macklemore. That shave-the-sides-of-my-head-but-leave-the-middle-part-for-no-apparent-reason was just not my kind of thing. Especially when that little island of hair they left untouched got greased up with gel and smoothed back so you could picture Santa's sleigh taking its landing there. Jingle bells, jingle bells...

"Wow, easy, girl, I just wanna know yo' name," Mr-Wannabe-Black with the gold chain said, brushing a thumb across his lip and looked me up and down. "Dayum, girl."

I snorted, feeling violated by his crude stare. "As much as I like receiving a two-syllable-damn, it's not happening, dude. Move it along."

"You sure about that?" He slyly smirked, coming closer, probably thinking he was the shit. "Cuz' I know somewhere we can go and get to know each other much better."

"If you don't get the hell away from me, I'm breaking your nose," I said, staring flatly up at him. "I got a killer right hook with a metal ring and I'm not afraid to use it."

Finally the bozo begun to receive the message. "Chillax, baby girl, no need for violence. We' cool."

I scowled after him, making sure he left, before turning back to look at my best friend hit it off.

He was still in a heated makeout with the blonde bimbo who was kissing him all up and down his neck. Yet Alex was glancing at me, concern staining his features. He raised a questioning brow, shooting a look at me that asked; Are you OK?

I smirked back at him and nodded, holding up my drink. Couldn't be better. Cheers.

A grin replaced his worried frown, and with that, he turned his attention back to the blonde. His mouth found hers and he pushed her up against the counter.

Right, so what's next for you, Reynolds? I thought to myself. Home or stay another twenty minutes while your best friend humps the questionable remains out of that blonde bimbo's brain?

I scoffed to myself, taking a sip of my bottle. Like hell if I was going to wait around while Alex got lucky. I might have been his wing-girl, but I wasn't going to stick around for that part. Nope, I was going home.

~~~

"Last night got sick!" Miles howled as we met up on the parking lot, heading towards school. "Mr Francis daughter showed up and fucking started passing around weed! She scored a huge bag from her trip to Amsterdam! It was crazy!"

I snorted as I walked inside, ignoring all the horny glances that got fired at Alex as he trailed behind me. "I'm glad I left the party early. Alex, what the hell are you doing walking back there? The hall is wide enough, come up here!"

I looked over my shoulder and found his eyes quickly looking up from my ass. "Nah, the view is better from here. Keep walking, Soph."

I rolled my eyes which seemed to be the only thing I ever did around him. "Perv. Whatever, so what happened next?"

"Well..." Miles knowingly grinned as Jagger came running from down the hall, meeting up with us. He had the face of someone who just did something he shouldn't. "We—"

"Don't spoil the surprise," Alexander said behind us. I looked over my shoulder and found him winking at me. "I want to see your face when it happens."

"When what happens? What did you guys do now?" I growled, sending a stern glare to all of them.

"Nothing at all!" Miles innocently said, smirking at Jagger who was catching his breath. He clearly just came from setting up whatever they planned. Probably putting the finishing touches on whatever it was.

"I'm so going to murder you all," I sighed as Alexander finally came up to my side and slung his arm around me.

"In that case, I hope you blow my brains out," He smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

"You're disgusting."

"And you love it."

~~~

"Who drew this?!"

Mr Francis, our chemistry professor, glared up at the blackboard where a somewhat complicated synthesis formula had been drawn. Behind me I could hear Miles and Jagger snickering, sending me and Alex choked-up looks.

I rolled my eyes. You would think that this was the work of Jagger and Miles, but there was no way they could've come up with that formula by themselves. No offense, but they didn't have the brain. Their brains were purely set to prank and that's why I knew that a certain genius prick had helped them.

I slowly turned my head and glared at Alexander who sat next to me, smirking mischievously. He silently put a finger over his lips, telling me to keep quiet and watch.

Mr Francis slammed his bag down on the teachers table, shooting a murderous look out to the students. "Does somebody want to take responsibility for this hooligacy?"

So far people couldn't see what the prank was yet. It was a chemical formula and we were in chemistry. It looked harmless—impressive even—but I had the strong feeling it wasn't, judging on the embolism that was bursting in Mr Francis' forehead.

Alexander leaned down to my ear and whispered, "Have you figured it out yet, Reynolds?"

I furrowed my brows, studying the formula. I couldn't remember ever learning about this particular one and yet it seemed oddly familiar. I shook my head in response which made a grin stretch on Alexander's lips.

"Then sit back and enjoy."

Alexander raised his hand and made everyone stare at him. Mr Francis turned his attention to him as well and immediately scowled. "Mr Stone. I take it you drew this formula."

"And what formula is that?" Alexander smirked. "I seem to have forgotten what it is. Are you familiar with it, Sir?"

Mr Francis crossed his arms and clenched his jaw. He looked about ready to explode.

"What's wrong? I thought you would be impressed with me?" Alex said with fake hurt. "You don't look so... ecstatic?"

"That's enough out of you, Mr Stone! I will see you in detention!"

"Oh, come on, I was just trying to brighten your day," Alex pouted. "I was hoping to get a little high spirit from you."

"Mr Stone, if I hear one more word from you I'll take you to the principal's office!"

"Fine. Go ahead and take me. Maybe he'll clear my head."

Oh fuck, I just figured it out. I knew that formula looked familiar. Alex had a poster in his room—a poster with that exact same formula on it with the bold letters 'LEGALIZE IT' written below.

He had written the goddamn formula for making marijuana on the chemistry blackboard, because Mr Francis's daughter had offered everyone weed yesterday at the party. They were taunting Mr Francis with his daughter being a pothead.

"Oh, God," I whispered and closed my eyes. "You did not..."

"That's it! The principal's office, now!" Mr Francis yelled at Alex. "Come on, let's go! You there!" He pointed to one of the other students. "Wipe that board down! I want it gone when I get back!"

Alexander arose from his seat, giving me a wink. "See you later, Reynolds."

I silently shook my head at him, pursing my lips. Sometimes he was such an inconsiderate idiot. He had crossed a line this time. He of all people knew that drugs were not something to joke around with.

And yet, Alex walked up to Mr Francis like he was a freaking hero and let him drag him along to the principal's office. I sunk down in my seat and silently wallowed.

Alex was so much more fucked up inside than he admitted to and I feared it was beginning to surface again. I just prayed it wouldn't end like it did last time.

• • •

We're all stupid sometimes.