I wasn't a crier. I didn't cry over things – especially things that were as predictable as the sun coming up in the east.

Instead, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I took it in. I accepted it.

And then, I released it.

Farewell, Alexander.

"Sophie, please..." His hoarse voice said.

"Don't," I said and gritted my teeth. "Don't give me the speech. You're smart enough to know I don't fall for the grande apologetic speech of how it was a mistake and how she meant nothing and how it will never happen again. I don't even want your sorry's. You're too goddamn clever to tell me you're sorry you screwed over your best friend for a worthless one-night-stand. Sorry is not going to fix anything. It's only going to give you the false feeling of having said the right thing, but sorry is the worst thing you can tell me right now, Alex, so just don't."

I opened my eyes and saw him running his hands through his messed up hair. He exhaled heavily. "Okay... what do you want me to say then?"

"I don't care anymore, Alex," I said, shaking my head. "I'm done caring what you do now. I don't care if you flirt with random girls, I don't care if you kiss girls at parties and I don't care if you sleep with them. I'm just done."

"Sophie..."

"No, you know what?" I said, anger now boiling up in my entire body. "I want to applaud you, actually. You really played me well, Alex, I gotta say. This is your masterpiece. I've seen you play girls, women, even cougars. I was the only one who didn't fall for it, but in the end, I did anyway. And I fell hard," I said, my voice cracking. "Hell, you even made me love you. So, well done, Alexander Stone. You got me, too."

"Sophie, don't do that," He whispered, cupping his face. "Don't make me that guy."

"But you are that guy!" I now screamed. "You screwed over your only true friend, the only one who stayed with you during your drug addiction! I helped you when your own mother didn't even have a clue because you didn't want her to see what kinda scum you really were! How many times did I scrape you up off the sidewalk and drag you home to your bed to sleep off the drugs? How many times did I stay awake during the nights with you when your abstinences kicked in and you couldn't stop shaking and throwing up? You think Miles and Jagger would do that for you? No. I'm the only one who has ever stuck by you through all your crap and now I'm done. I'm done being your pimp, your lifeline, your safety-friend – I'm done being your friend, I'm done being your girlfriend," I said, breathing heavily. "I'm done being your anything."

Alex dipped his head in between his legs and locked his hands behind his head. It looked like he was having a panic attack, but I just couldn't deal with it. He wasn't my problem or concern anymore. I was finally done.

"Sophie... I..."

"No, you already said enough, Alex," I interrupted. "You told me you fucked up. At least you owned up to it, I'm proud of you."

"Sophie, stop."

"It takes a lot of character to own up to it, but then again, you never were short on character, were you?"

"Sophie." He snapped, jerking his head towards me. His bloodshot eyes met mine. "Can you just let me talk? Let me tell you what happened last night—"

"I don't care!" I screamed at him. "I don't care whatever crap you're going through, you could've called me! You could've talked to me about it! I gave you plenty of chances! I'm your best friend, Alex, I've been through hell with you! What makes this time different? You could've talked it through with me, but instead you chose to cheat. It shows how you think, how you'll always think, so honestly, Alex, I don't care what happened last night, as I said, I'm just done."

"Fine," He sighed. "I understand."

"I know you do. You're smart enough to know we're over," I said, clenching my fists in anger.

"Yeah, Soph," He said, standing up. He took two steps towards me and looked me in the eyes. "And you're smart enough to know that I truly loved you and what I did wasn't a play. I fucked up, I cheated, and this is just life restoring balance. This is just me admitting my mistake and trying to tell you I still love you and that I always will. Even if you'll hate me the rest of our lives. I know you can't use that shit for anything either, but I just wanted you to know."

"Some way you show your love," I whispered, pressing my lips together. "I think we're done here. You have a hangover and you need to conceal all the evidence before your mom gets home. Goodbye, Alex."

I turned around and walked up to the door, clutching my bag in my hands. I was almost out, almost...

"It's going to happen, you know."

I stopped up. Froze. "You can't say stuff like that to me, Alex. You can't put that on me, you can't blame me for this when you started it."

"I'm not. I'm just telling you that it's going to happen," He whispered. I heard him sit down again. "And I know you don't owe me anything, but can you please just promise me one thing?"

I closed my eyes, fighting the stupid tears that now pressed in the corner of my eyes again. "What?"

"Please just remember how I loved you. Remember the good times and remember how I was.... before..." His voice cracked. "I don't know if I'll make it through this time without your help... so please just promise me you'll remember the real me."

A single tear now fell, and I was so glad he couldn't see it. "I promise."

"Thank you, Sophie."

And with that, I forced myself to step out of his house and walk home. The minute I was inside my room, I broke down.

I just... broke down.

~~~

It took exactly 24 hours – almost to the minute – before it happened.

Alexander's mother showed up on our doorstep, shaking from top to toe with tears streaming down her face, looking devastated.

"He hasn't been home all night, he doesn't answer his phone when I call," She cried. "He always texts me where he is, but he hasn't. And then this morning, we had a huge argument," She sobbed. "He stormed off and said he was leaving home a-and... oh God, I can't even think straight, oh my sweet b-b-boy..."

She had then broken down crying on our front porch and it had taken four cups of chamomile tea and a nip of brandy to finally calm her down. My parents had contacted the police, but not before asking me if I had heard anything. I had truthfully replied no, but I still knew where he was. Maybe not precisely, but I knew where to look. It was always the same places.

But I didn't go searching for him this time. Instead I did what I should've done a long time ago.

"Audrey, there's something I need to tell you about Alex," I said to her that same morning. I sat her down in our living room with a another mug of tea. "Alexander has the IQ of a genius. He suffers from what's called an eidetic memory. It means he's able to remember everything he sees, hears, smells, tastes and feels – not just with his hand, but with his heart, too," I told, swallowing a lump when I felt my heart clench. I wasn't a bitch, I knew this had to be hard on Alex too – why else had he gone AWOL?

"It also means he can't forget, Audrey," I stealthily continued, keeping my voice in control. "The human body has a natural ability to forget certain things, for us to be able to cope and survive. Like, women forget the pain of childbirth in order to be able to do it again," I said, remembering learning about it in biology while Alex had been sitting next to me, scoffing when the teacher said 'everybody has it'. "Or the pain of watching something traumatic happen... like... seeing his mom get beaten up." I paused when Audrey paled, looking up at me in horror. "But Alex doesn't have that ability. He can't forget."

"Oh, God," She whispered, placing a hand over her mouth. "Oh God, oh God, if that's true..."

"I'm afraid it is," I whispered, now feeling tears press in my eyes. "He kept it hidden from you because he didn't want you to feel sorry for him. He was born this way and there's nothing that anybody can do. Alex is smart – incredibly smart – so smart, in fact, he doesn't have to attend high school or college," Audrey's face grew (if even possible) more pale with every word I said. "But he chooses to, because he wants to be normal – like anyone would."

"Oh God, my sweet boy..." She whispered again, clutching her heart. "Why didn't he just tell me? We could've worked through it, we could've... oh, God..." She sobbed.

"That's the thing..." I slowly said, looking down. "Alex tried to work on it himself, but he found that nothing helped. Therapy, counseling, medical help... and that's when he turned to... drugs," I paused when Audrey looked up shocked at me, her breath stilling. "He discovered they could numb his brain – slow it down, so to speak. He got addicted for a while. Really addicted. He started meeting people in drug dens, begun taking drugs every night, got into a lot of trouble just to get those few hours of peace inside his head," I said, nearly choking up when I saw Audrey's face crumble and well up with broken tears. "He got so low, there were a times I had to scope him up off the street and drag him home to bed and sit with him while he detoxed. He was a mess."

Audrey started crying uncontrollably and I had to sit there and rub her back and making soothing noises to make her stop. It was funny; no matter how old you got, it was always the same little things that worked to calm a person down. Not actually saying 'calm down', I highly doubted anyone had ever calmed down by hearing those words. It was things like humming softly and caressing their arm or hand that soothed them. It worked on Audrey, too.

"Why didn't I notice?" She whispered, cupping her face. "What kind of mother am I? How could I not have noticed he was unhappy, I-I..." Her voice cracked as she broke down crying again.

"It's wasn't you Audrey, it was Alex," I replied, swallowing a dry lump. "H-he was so determined to keep you from finding out, he always planned what to do in case of the worst. He called me over and I helped clean up the mess he made, and then he hid all evidence from you. You and the girls, too."

She sobbed some more and I let her. All of this was hard to take in, but she needed to know – she deserved to.

So I continued. "Without the ability to forget, Alex found it easier to just play shallow and careless, like he didn't have so many demons from his past haunting him," I said, pausing when I remembered the look on his face yesterday. Haunted. "That way he didn't have to deal with all the seriousness of his situation. He avoided them. It was the perfect solution, if it wasn't also slowly making him suicidal."

Audrey couldn't stop crying, even if she tried. Everything was breaking within her, I could only imagine the thoughts that were going through her head; She was blaming herself like any mother would.

"But the thing is, Audrey," I said, strengthening my voice. "Alex does have demons, and before I left him yesterday morning, he told me this would happen. He told me he would break down now that he didn't have me, that he would come crashing down. He was prepared for it, which means he knew where he was heading – back to the street." 

"So... you're saying that's where he will be?" Audrey finally whispered when she had a voice to use. "My... my baby is out on the streets doing drugs?"

I weakly nodded.

Audrey broke down crying again. "Oh God, Alexander! I've been a horrible m-mother to him! I thought... I thought I was doing everything right, taking him to church, making him independent and a good brother by having him watch over his sisters a-and taking care of the house, and with you as his wonderful best friend..." Her voice died again and she cried. "How could I be so blind? How could I be so stupid?"

"You're not stupid, Audrey," I said, gripping her arm firmly. "Don't ever say that. Alex did all of this to protect you from the truth, but deep down he's still a good guy. He is still the wonderful man you raised. He's just... broken right now."

You broke him, Reynolds, my inner voice said to me. He might have cheated and broken you first, but you broke him, too. And for him, that could be fatal.

"But how could I have missed all of the signs?" Audrey whispered, closing her tear-stained eyes. "How could he hide them from me so well, how..."

"Because he's a genius," I said simply, smiling sadly. "A brilliant one. You never noticed because he never wanted you to. He needed to deceive you so he could save you from the repercussions that would follow from his choices." I sighed and looked down into my lap where my hands hand folded themselves. "For the ones he love, he'll do anything."

Because he was the master of lying.

• • •

Intense, suspense, I can barely pay my fucking rent.