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Written by guccibae93

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Hello dear, your full review is up. Hope you find what you're seeking. Gimme a buzz if you've got questions...

When she became an idol, Kat found comfort in her friend Min Yoongi. But the closer they were getting, the more she realized he was a really, manipulative and obsessive person.

I'd already started your review based on your old title, cover and description so when I discovered you'd changed it all I was like ? ... ! 😵 but onward we go!

The new cover is so different from your old one. Since you're selling it in your description as an OC x Yoongi fan fic, I think the dark change, and removal of the other members was a good decision, and the aesthetic matches with the title, but in respect of effect it's too dark. Literally.

The font is dark, the background is too, Yoongi is dressed in black and shrouded in shadow. It's difficult to make out any outlines unless you blow the image up.

Something to consider impact-wise, when factoring in that most people surf Wattpad on small phone screens.

Your synopsis too, is a lot more edgy than it was before but this pairs very well with your other updates and it certainly was alluring.

17 chapters in and aside from Yoongi smirking a few times, I couldn't establish any connection between the outsides to your storyline however, but hopefully this features as the story proceeds.

As it begins, we're introduced to Kat and given a useful introduction to her background. Quickly learning that she's doted on by her parents before they pass and she has to fend for herself until old enough to pursue her idol dream.

They're common troupes (both the trainee/idol and 'forced independence in the face of hardship' thing) so not the basis of anything original, but for the most part the plot was entertaining. It's a quick transition from orphan to Big Hit hopeful but because of how the lead ups were organised it was believable. I also liked how you chronologised events so readers knew exactly when things happened.

This helped with the pacing too which was great mostly. There were occasions it sped - during certain dialogue exchanges, when between POVs or progressing scene to scene but nothing too cringey

One thing that I found quite distracting from the flow though, was the use of mid-paragraph pics, gifs and vids

You can split readers into 3 categories when it comes to this

1. Those that like it because it gives the imagery

2. Those that only like it when it adds to the imagery

3. Those that hate it because they find it unnecessary

My opinion fits somewhere in between 2 and 3, and I'll tell you why.

Firstly, because unless it's a chat fic where numerous pics are expected or it's a kids story book, I believe books should be written. It's simple logic but important, because most readers will pick up a book expecting words to drive the journey, not media.

Secondly, it's more distracting to readers than most realize. Have you ever been immersed in a story then suddenly a pic or an author note pops up, and you wind up thinking of something irrelevant, or a bit put out because it broke your train of thought.

Lastly, when it's used to completely replace a description it's just lazy writing. Harsh right? But true when you think of how much more effort it takes to create a picture with words rather than copying and pasting it from a gallery

There is an effective way to do it - when sparing (once every two or three chapters max OR at the start or end of chapters so as not to deflect reader attention) and in a way that adds onto description rather than replacing it. There were a couple instances you did this successfully but mostly it was just ineffectual pictures of outfits

I'd recommend toning down a bit on the vids, pics and gifs. It would only improve your book and it's an opportunity to hone your description skills. Win win

Moving on, here were the plot holes I found:

The legal battle between Kats grandma and the Jungs for the money she got from Kat's parents assets. IRL the Jungs would have no claim over these things

When Kat offered to ask Mrs Jung to access her inheritance to help Ali - If Mrs Jung had discretion over this why didn't she give it all to Kat already?

Yoora's switch from awful human during auditions to caring and motherly Unni when recruited

Kat being allowed in the club when she's only 17 and a new trainee/idol.

And the biggest one, Kat and the girls living in the same dorm with BTS. I gotta point out - with love - that's super unrealistic

I won't say who but one of my childhood friends is actually an idol, and let me tell you, that would never ever happen

As soon as a trainee signs a contract their ass is OWNED. The way they train, eat, appear, act, where they go, how they get there. Everything is meticulously controlled. The trainees are an image. A commodity that the company would do anything to keep unsullied. Getting drunk is out. Clubbing is out. Gambling is out. Dating is out. Fraternising with the opposite sex is out. Freedom is out. Anything that hurts bankability and sales is career suicide for anyone that isn't deemed irreplaceable

Being an idol is rough y'all... ROUGH

Getting into characters, they're all likeable but with some inconsistencies. The side characters were fun but there were no real standouts. Yoongi is nothing like a smirking devil. In fact, compared to Kat, he seemed very level-headed and responsible. The interaction and chemistry between them wasn't prominent either, but no doubt these things do change further down the track

I like how Kat's a down to earth chick. And I ♥️ that she didn't fit the usual beauty standard, and how you've diversified by making her half Moroccan, half Korean! 💕 (Ali too)

Grammar and language was largely correct with niggles. Some incorrect word usage, spelling, comma usage, overuse of ellipses, question and exclamation marks. 'He/she scuffed' doesn't exist, and the use of Korean was a bit overdone

Still, it's an enjoyable read. It would benefit from sprucing here and there. Predominantly in the use of pics/gifs/vids, language and editing, but characters were likeable, and foundation and plot development were swag (insert Suga and his $3 chain)

Linney xo

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~ Before I met you, I never knew you could be homesick for people too ~ Ali in Smirking Devil