My life hasn't been going so good. I am really trying to keep it together, but... it feels like nobody cares nor understands. I've been very pressured this week. My mother has decided to move my life around one again. If I'm not mistaken she's done this 9, if not,10 times.

I try to act all happy and cheerful... I put a smile on my face, and I let everyone believe that I'm happy. In reality I'm crumbling inside. Sometimes, I think about just escaping and forgetting everyone that's in my life.

I have nobody to turn to. I'm sorry I am telling you all right now. You probably had an ok day until this problematic person started ranting out their feeling to you. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

I've come to realize that at the darkest times in my life nobody is there. They may say that they are, but trust me they can't be. I don't like telling anyone anymore. It seems like me just being pathetic.

So, why not tell random people on the internet? They don't know me so they won't judge me. People that think they know me, they don't. If I'm being 100% honest, I've learned not to trust people so easily.

My family life is shitty. School is ok, but it could be better.

I just got into a fight with my friends. I don't think anybody understands me. They always misunderstand. I've never been good with my words from the get go.

Everyone I've ever met never takes me seriously. I feel like they think just because I joke around a lot, that I'm always telling one big joke. My family does it. My friends do it too. If they ever see this they'd laugh in my face and tell me to stop playing victim. To stop feeling sorry for myself.

I should be grateful. People go through much worse than I did. I don't know.... maybe growing up in a household of my parents arguing, and then splitting...twice. Maybe that's what makes me so weak to things like this?

I'm not on good terms with my father. My stepfather and I don't really talk. I don't trust him. My mother doesn't believe me, and looks at me as a failure.

I could go on and on... but, really the only thing that makes me feel just a bit better is BTS. I know if my friends saw this part they'd scoff.

But, they were there when I was in dark places.... they were there when my broken family decided to "try" and fix itself. (That was failed and we stopped trying). They were there when I got in bad fights with my friends. They're here now when I'm in a crumbling home of lies.

BTS make me want to keep trying. Like if I just keep pushing until high school is over then I'll be just fine. BTS inspire me.

Don't get my friends wrong... they're great friends... it's just we go through rough patches like these like any other group of friends. After all teen hood is a confusing time.

So, you know youtube has frozen BTS Idol. They did it and they never explained why. This has happened twice. Only to BTS if I may add. Our views were later unfrozen after over 14 hours passed.... but, they never gave back the views we had. It was 31 million views they never gave back. Even now it's hard to catch up. Now after reading about how much I am grateful to BTS you can sense my irritation at this. Army's have tried to tell youtube to give the views back with proof, but they have ignored us. They've dismissed us.

This just feels so wrong because I was part of that streaming team to get BTS to beat out everyone. I worked hard, and I'm sure other Army's did too. Some didn't sleep or eat. I didn't eat. I barely slept. I was trying to really fix these views. I was trying to pay them back for everything they did for me. Just because I couldn't go to a concert and show my support there.

I'm no crazy teen trying to tell youtube to give the views back for their precious "oppa." I worked hard along with everyone else trying to do something for BTS who helped us out in times of our lives when we needed someone.  So it was angering. But, what can we do when they don't listen? All we can do is continue to ask for the views back... we've contacted bighit, but I haven't really seen any confirmation of youtube giving us back the views.

It's been a long rant... I'll try to update. Bye guys. Love,Lylic*