SONG: BE HAPPY BY DIXIE D'MELLIO

"Chronic Illness (n.) you don't get it until you get it."

❛❛「₪」❜❜

John's P.O.V.

She came out of her room. Her hair was still a mess, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" She gave me a death stare. She moved towards the kitchen as she untied her hair. I had no idea that they were tied. But she took a hair-tie out of her hair and that was when I knew, because the hair-tie was so low, that her hair looked as if they were set free.

She tied them again, yawning hugely. She took a mug and made some nice coffee. She was about to drink it.

What? Seriously?

I snatched her mug, making sure it didn't spill. How does that even matter? I am not wearing a shirt this time.

"What the hell John?" Ash said, still sleepy.

"Brush your teeth first!" I cried.

"I am habitual to having coffee like that every morning."

"Then change it." I said.

"No." She stated.

"You are an 'eww'." I said, showing disgust.

"I don't care. Give it back. Why do people always snatch my stuff from me?" She pouted.

"I don't know. The only thing I know is that you won't drink coffee without brushing those thirty-two white thingies in your mouth!"

She threw her hands in the air and proceeded to brush.

Not even a little bit bothered about hygiene!

After a few minutes, she came out, glaring at me. I shrugged at her as she took the mug from my hands. Oops. I had already finished the coffee. After all, it is the love of my life!

She was so sleepy, that she didn't even bother to look in the mug. She sat on a chair and took a sip from the empty mug. And when nothing entered her mouth, she stared deeply in. Just one drop of coffee. That was all I had kept for her. Her eyes widened. She looked right at me.

"You demon!!!" She shouted, sounding not at all sleepy. She stormed towards me and caught hold of my throat. "You're deaddd!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

"You need any eye check up." I said.

Suddenly looking all confused, she said, "What?"

"I am not dead, do I look like I am?" I laughed.

She rolled her eyes as usual, and folded her arms to her chest. "Make me a coffee."

"No."

"Yes."

"Nah." I said bluntly.

"So, you won't ha?" She smirked. Gosh, she is hot.

"Nope." I shrugged, and turned around. And before I knew, she moved her fingers on my stomach, tickling me.

"Ashleigh Bradburyyyy!" I turned around weirdly, looking like a monster going to hunt his prey.

"Make me a-"

"Stop." I said, trying not scoff. Look, let me be genuine here, I can't stand this. I know I sound like a squeaky little coward, but there are a few things people can't bare.

"I can keep doing it all the while." She smirked.

*Tring*

The doorbell rang. I gave Ash her smirk back and turned to open the door when she grabbed me by my waist.

"Okay stop tickling me, will you?" I yelled.

"Who said I am doing so?" She whispered. Why is she whispering?

"You're shirtless." She said.

"Oh yeah."

"And I don't want my neighbours to think stuff about me."

"You have neighbours who you like?" She asked.

"No, not really. But I have been living here since I was 10. I don't want them to judg-"

*tring*

"Go in." She said, pointing towards her room. I did as she said.

As I was busy gazing at the walls, looking at her pictures, I realised she didn't have pictures with her father.

Katie said her parents had left her. She did have a lady's photo who looked like her mum, because their features matched quite a lot. But neither was there a glimpse of a man's photo on her walls, nor was there any picture of her and her mother together. It was either her individual photo, or her mother's.

Did they really not love her? Is that why Ash is scared to trust people?

"Jonathan?" Ash called. "Come out. It's Katie."

I stepped out of the room. From a distance I could see Katie sitting and Ash leaned to a table.

"Why did you call him like that?" Katie said. And before Ash could answer, she discovered it herself, for she saw me coming out, shirtless. I could definitely say she was wanting to laugh.

"I dropped the cake batter on his shirt." Ash gave a nervous laugh, scratching the corner of her forehead. How can she be so cute?

Wait. Stop behaving like those stupid young lovers!

"By the way, I told you you could spend your time with him this weekend." I told Katie.

"Oh no. Ethan had to leave for an urgent meeting. He will come here this Sunday again." Katie said.

"Oh. Well then, may I take your leave girls?" I said.

"Like that?" Ash said, moving her eyeballs up and down my chest.

"Do I have an option?"

"Anything apart from leaving my house SHIRTLESS!" She said.

"What? I am not wearing your enormously sized manly shirt!" I scorned at her in sarcasm. Katie was surely confused.

"Where is your shirt?" Katie asked. I realised she was the most sensible one among us, who would never beat around the bush.

"I forgot to put it in the laundry." Ash said with a nervous look.

"Wait." Katie said. She went towards a heap of bags and took something out.

"Here." She said, handing me a nicely packed men's shirt. It was deep black.

"You carry your boyfriend's shirt with you?" I asked. "What sort of a romantic theory is that? Two seconds back, I thought you were a sensible woman but you? Your hopeless Ka-"

"Shut your mouth will you?" Katie sighed. She showed me tag from the shirt, showing that it was newly bought.

"I bought it for Ethan before coming here." She stated.

"Oh. But then, how can I wear it? It's for him." I said.

"It's okay. I will buy him another one. Plus, I have two more for him, so it's absolutely fine."

"I will pay you wait." I looked at the price tag.

$35.99

I put my hand in my pocket. My wallet wasn't there. I went in Ash's room, found my wallet and paid.

"Thank you." I smiled as I wore the shirt and gave them both a nice hug before leaving. Decent ladies.

Ash's P.O.V.

His warm embrace felt like everything. I honestly didn't want him to leave.

Then I realised a thing. I rushed out and saw him waiting for the lift. Thank God!

"Ash, you should not run like that." Katie came yelling after me.

"Ash are you okay?" Jonathan said, holding me tight as I panted. The elevator area and the entry to my house were quite at a distance.

"The cake?" I said, giving the most serious look I could. This was the only way to stop him. And I knew he won't deny. "You promised me last night, didn't you?"

"I guess you should rest." He said, giving a cute smile.

"Please?"

"Ash I promise, the next time we meet, I will bake one for you." Please don't go. Please John. Please.

"Look. The lift's here." Why? Don't you wanna be here, with me?

"It can come back."

"So can I. I really don't want you to yell or dance or anything. I don't want you to go mad at me. I want you... to rest. Okay?"

"He is right Ash. And plus, I got a call from the doctor's assistant, saying that he is free for new appointments today. So if we wanted to meet him, we could do that today. I told them I would be confirming in some time, cuz I didn't wanna decide without you. But I suggest we go. Sooner the better." Katie said.

I hate to admit it, but I really wanted to be with John more.

"Health first. Remember?" John said.

And, I travelled back into time.

"Candies I mean. Such a big jar of ummm... candies?"

"Oh. They are stress-boosters. Not doing great today so... That's why I had to call you like that on such a short notice. Sorry for that."

"No. It's okay. I understand. Health first." He smiled at me kindly.

Getting back to the present I gave him another tight hug and whispered in his ears. "You are awesome John. You really are."

He smiled, whispering, "You too."

And he left.

"Ash?" Katie said. "Come hun."

"Y-Yeah." I said.

As we stepped in, Katie said, "So, should I ask them to confirm the appointment?"

"Hmm."

Katie dialled a call and told something to the assistant regarding my appointment.

"3 p.m." She said as she kept the call.

"The appointment?" I asked.

"Yeah." She said. "You good sweetie? How have you been?"

"I have been good." I smiled.

"What did he make?" She asked.

"Beacon and Eggs."

"Oh, please don't tell me you found a scrambled eggs hater." She said.

I sighed. "No not yet."

"Thank god. What else did he make?"

"Nope. Nothing else."

"You lived on Beacon and Eggs the whole day?" She asked, probably surprised.

"No."

"So, what else did he make?" Katie asked, looking for a nice formal dress in her bags, probably for the appointment.

"He just made eggs and beacon. He was about to make some cake last night but I told you I dropped the batter. And then he was suddenly sleepy, so he didn't eat anything. I ordered some pizza."

"Which makes me hungry." Katie said, looking at me in the most ungrateful manner.

"Which reminds me, there are one and a half medium sized pan sized pizzas left."

"What flavour?"

"Margherita."

"Gosh! Your choices get me exhausted."

"That is the most cheesiest flavour."

"My boyfriend is cheesier than that."

"Oh, shut up! The moment when the cheese melts in your mouth is a bliss. You have no idea what it feels like."

"So do you." She said. What is that supposed to mean?

I must have surely given a very confused look, because she went on explaining it to me. "Ethan too melts in-"

"The first huge thing I find is gonna be in your face!!!" I yelled.

After she was contented with her laugh, Katie said, "What are you sitting on?"

"The..... bed. Why?" I asked, confused again.

"That is the first huge thing you find. Show me how you smack it in my face." She whispered, in the most weird way she could.

I hit her with the pillows, and I missed it, as she ran away, and I was still sitting on the bed. Realizing she wasn't coming back so soon, I went towards my phone, not being able to decide if I should text him or not. A clear state of dilemma.

"You know Ash? I love him so much." Katie, who was now leaning near the room door, said abruptly. I immediately kept the phone away, looking at her.

"Who? John." I grinned.

"Huh?" She took a moment to come out of her romantic world, but she realized it quite soon. "Now, let's see who's gonna have a huge thing in the face."

"Your gonna hit me with the bed?" I laughed.

"I have never seen anyone as hideous as you."

"My pleasure." I said, placing my hand on my heart and half-sitting half-bowing.

♪Uh-oh. I got stamina♪

♪Oh-oh I got stamina.♪

♪Don't give up♪

♪I won't give up♪

♪No no no♪

"Put it off will you?" I said.

"Why? Don't you like it?" Katie said.

"Am done with Sia. Now enough."

"That is the most offensive thing you've ever said." Katie said, putting the alarm off.

"An alarm now? For what?" I asked.

"The appointment." Katie got up, picking out a nice pair of clothes for me and went to change her own.

The Appointment. Yes, the appointment. I am an HIV Positive.

"Ash! Change fast. We gotta leave."

"Yeah." I said, trying to be loud enough for her to hear.

I changed into new clothes and waited outside for Katie, who had been changing in the washroom.

"Where did you keep the reports?" Katie asked as she came out.

"In the drawer." I said, holding up my tears. Katie took the reports and came to me, holding my hand. "Come on sweetheart."

Did she change all of a sudden, or did I never notice that part of her before today?

We finally reached the hospital. "Wohlergehen Hospital" it read.

"And what does this mean?" I asked Katie, pointing towards the banner.

"Probably welfare in German." Katie said, looking up, pinching her eyes as the rays from the evening sun, reached her naked eyes.

"How many languages do you know?" I punched her slightly in the arm as we walked in.

"Blame Ethan, he keeps distributing his knowledge to me."

Ethan did keep interest in learning new languages and cultures, but I had no idea he made Katie learn those too.

We walked in, and as we reached the reception, Katie said, "Ashleigh Bradbury. Appointment with Dr. Michael Brown."

"Go upstairs, to the second floor. Go straight from the lift and the other receptionist shall guide you." The receptionist replied with a straight face. No sign of joy.

I mean it must have been boring to just guide people the whole day and watch people coming with strange diseases all the time. Hospitals are definitely very negative places.

We followed the path we were told, and every second my heart thumped louder and harder. I just didn't wanna step in. Firstly, stepping in a hospital sucked. Then, knowing that we are gonna talk about me being an HIV Positive. That is a whole different story.

Another receptionist guided us outside his cabin. We were asked to wait. Five minutes later a small boy, along with his parents came out, and quite soon I saw Dr. Brown coming out as well.

He smiled as he saw us and left. His assistant followed him, asking us to get in and wait for another five minutes.

Katie held me as we were about to get in.

"Wait." I said as we stood near the door, almost in the cabin.

"Everything alright dear?" She asked.

"Yeah, I- I just need to... I need to use the washroom." I lied.

"Oh. Wait." She turned around, looking for some staff. As she found a nurse, she asked her and guided me.

"Ash you... you need any he-"

"No I can, by myself." I said. She looked really unsatisfied. "Trust me Kat. I am all good."

"Okay." She said.

I went in and locked the door behind me. Everything about my life flashed in front of me. Literally everything. How I never knew how my father looked. And how when I would see other happy families I would cry. How when I first saw my childhood bestie with his father, I was so confused. How I had no idea that a family had two parents. How I asked my mother what a father was. And how when I was five, she finally let me know that I was useless, because her husband left us because of me. How when I was seven, my mother told me that I was a burden to her shoulders. How when I was twenty, I had an accident. How my mother left me alone. And how, my life changed completely after that. How I kept falling sick after that day. How I started feeling depressed.

"Ashleigh?" Katie called from outside.

"Yeah. Am coming." I turned to wash my face, but my reflected face in the mirror had no tears. I couldn't cry anymore. It couldn't help me heal anymore. Nothing could help me heal now. I am too broken to heal.

When a thick piece of glass breaks into two parts, it can still be joined again. But when it breaks again and again, it splits into tiny pieces. And no matter how much you join it, tiny molecules will still be spread everywhere, leaving it broken. And when someone accidentally steps on it, it just hurts them. Nothing else.

If anybody ever comes in my life, it will do nothing but hurt them. This is all my life is about.

"Ashleigh your stressing me out. Please tell me your fine."

"Yeah." I said, opening the door.

"Are you okay?" She said, holding me by my shoulders.

"Yeah. Am all good. Shall we go?"

"Hmm. C'mon." Katie was about to hold my hand. "Katie, it's fine really. I can walk. You don't have to do this."

"But-"

"Please?"

"Hmm." She nodded. I knew she cared, but I didn't want her to step in and hurt herself. I am a bad omen. I am useless. I have convinced myself with this. Because no parent would ever leave their kids, unless they were a bad omen.

We reached the cabin. Dr. Brown still wasn't there. We both seated ourselves in front of his desk.

Two minutes after the wait, the door opened and Dr. Brown stepped in.

He walked to us. "Ashleigh Bradbury and Katie.... Sanders. Right?" He grinned widely, probably proud of his bad memory.

"Summers." Katie smiled.

"Oh." An immediate frown on his face.

"Hope you sisters are doing good." He said.

Sisters? Did he just? What?

Dr. Brown turned around, removing his stethoscope and placing it on the stand. I was about to open my mouth and clear his misunderstanding, when I felt Katie's foot hitting mine from under the desk. I looked at her in confusion. Her face had a concerned look, as if she was pleading me to stay quite. Still confused I decided to shut up, and let him believe we were sisters. But why?

"Hmm?" He turned around. "You both doing good?"

We both smiled and nodded to him. The only difference was, Katie nodded awkwardly, and I, in confusion.

"Umm... reports?" Dr. Brown said, looking at the file in Katie's hands, suddenly sounding serious.

"Yeah." Katie said, handing him the file. After making sure he had read it correctly and carefully, he looked up at me.

"Okay, so I get it, it's difficult."

No please. Can we not? Can we please not?

"But you gotta understand that this is life."

Really? Life? I don't think I even hold faith in this word anymore.

"You have to be brave."

How much more? I am tired of doing that.

"You need to fight this."

That's what I have been doing ever since I started to speak. And I will have to do this till death? Till my untimely death?

"That is the only way to escape-"

No matter how hard I fight, I will die of this disease.

"-from depression."

Then why do I still feel suffocated? I fought, right?

"You get it?"

No. I don't.

Yet, I nodded.

"Alright, so firstly I need you to know a few things. So firstly, the minimum CD4 count is 200. Yours was 112 the last time we checked. We will keep a track of your count regularly, hmm?"

"Okay."

"Alright. Now tell me, have you lost your appetite in the past few months?"

"No. Not really." I said, mentally smiling at the thought of fighting with Jonathan for the cake batter last night.

"Okay. Any change in health conditions?" He asked.

"Yes. Since around 2 to 3 years, I have been getting sick constantly. Like, I keep feeling dizzy and weak." As soon as these words left my mouth, I saw Katie staring at me.

"2 to 3 years?" She said.

"You didn't know this till now?" Dr. Brown looked at Katie suspiciously. He seriously thinks we are sisters? I need to clear this.

"I live in England. Don't really come here quite often. Nor are we in touch alot. I just came here a few days back and this happened."

What is she saying? England? Not here quite often?

"Oh okay." Satisfied, Dr. Brown continued.

"So you never went for a check up?" He said, looking back at me.

"No."

"Why?"

"I didn't think it was serious."

He looked quite shocked at what I said. For like 2 minutes he just stared at me with his mouth open.

"So, you're saying... that you've been fainting... and going sick... since 2 to 3 years... and you thought your fine?" He asked.

"Yes." I nodded with embarrassment.

"What? Why?" He said, still in awe.

"Five years back, my mother passed away." I lied again, not wanting to tell everyone about my life. I never realised it would be serious, because I thought it was a result of my mother leaving me alone. "I thought I had been going through constant sickness because of the sudden shock."

He sighed. "Very well miss. Now, there is this treatment called ART. Anti-Retroviral Therapy. This will help slow down the progression of the Virus in your body and also increase your CD4 Count. Like I told your sister last time, currently," He hesitated. "Currently, you don't have a lot of time left."

Those words hit me. As if somebody stabbed me in the heart.

"But this therapy may increase it to quite a good amount of time. Like according to the research, if medicated and treated properly, a patient may live upto 54.9 years on an average. It depends on how frequently you take your treatment, and how strictly you follow the instructions."

"Now, you need to take these drugs on a daily basis, because it will help bring the virus load in your body to a low level. Alright?"

"Yes." I said. I looked at Katie for a moment. She had been listening very carefully. But I was still thinking about why she didn't let me tell Dr. Brown that we weren't sisters.

"These drugs we use today usually don't cause side effects, and even if they do, they last for quite a less amount of time. It is very rare that they cause any side effect now. But if you ever feel that these pills cause you some problem, you inform me immediately."

"Yes sir." I said.

"I am going to write down some common side effects people go through, right here. Any sort of uneasiness, you contact me."

"Yes."

"Now before you leave, we may need your blood sample for a few tests. You know you seem to have been through this since quite a lot of time. Many patients develop other diseases due to HIV if not treated properly."

"Sure." I said.

"But doctor, how did she get this? I mean the virus."

"It's not really possible for us to know."

"How did your mother die?" He asked me.

"In an accident." I lied again.

"Any history of HIV in your family?"

"No."

"Any unsafe sexual contacts?"

"No. I haven't yet-"

He raised his brows at that, shocked that even today, girls my age don't do such things.

"Well, have you had any sort of blood transfusion or something in the past few years?"

And everything came back to me. "Yes. I had had an accident. Too much blood loss lead to an emergency blood transfusion."

"And uh... was the blood sent for a test?"

"I don't think I am sure about that. But they said it was an emergency case. Thus, they had to-"

And before I could complete, he sighed.

"Fine. Go ahead for some tests. My assistant shall guide you." He said, pointing the seat behind us, where his assistant was sitting.

When did she come?

"Umm doctor?" Katie said.

"Yes?"

"Is she allowed to travel? Like for her job? On a daily basis?"

"Well I won't say she shouldn't because travelling won't really affect her alot. Just that you need to take some medications that keep you away from constant unconsciousness. I hope you have been resting after you were discharged the last time."

"Yes. I am on a break since then. I restart Monday."

"Yeah that is fine. No problem in travelling fo job purposes. Domestic travelling is fine too. But just in case you are travelling for more than a week or something, just let me know."

"I don't think I would be doing so, but if I do so I will tell you."

"Great. So, go ahead with my assistant. I will fix you an appointment soon." He said, handing Katie the file along with an attached prescription in it.

We were taken to a ward where the took my blood sample, and after filling out some forms and making the payment, we left.

While Katie was driving, I asked her, "Mind explaining now?"

"Explaining what?"

"Why didn't you let me tell him we weren't sisters?"

"I umm... I- I lied." She said, not being able to meet her eyes with me.

Author's Note

Heyy Guyz. How are y'all? I know I took a hell lotta time for this chapter but, I had a lot of research to do. Plus, this Chapter was quite long.

TPWK.
Vreha x