Ongoing pa rin ang after-party. Bumalik ako sa loob kasi gusto kong manghingi ng tulong.

Tito Ferdz and Tita Pia didn't act hysterical. Chill lang sila, na sa sobrang chill nila, mas lalo lang akong kinakabahan.

Nasa ospital si Clark.

Ang saya pa rin ng lahat. And there I was, crying like a lost kid looking for help.

Hinahanap ko ang barkada ni Kuya—o kahit si Kuya lang—pero hindi ko sila makita. Si Leo ang naiwan doon bilang groom saka si Calvin. Sina Kuya, hindi ko na alam kung nasaan.

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Sa sobrang lito, sumuko na lang ako kahit wala pa akong nagagawang kahit na ano.

•••

It was in the news. But Tito Ferdz called the new agencies and the police to inform everyone na walang maglalabas ng detalye ni Clark on national TV.

Clark was overspeeding, and that was a traffic violation. He was driving along Magallanes when he hit a concrete barrier and the car collided with an empty shuttle na paparada na dapat sa terminal.

The investigators said that malala ang damage sa shuttle, at inareglo na 'yon nina Tita Pia. Nagbayad ng danyos, even sa barrier na nawasak, and sa lahat ng damage at abalang nangyari.

The doctor said wala namang severe injury si Clark maliban sa kailangang tahiin ang isang parte ng ulo niya na may malaking cut gawa ng nabasag na windshield. Ang dami rin niyang pasa sa braso, sa binti, sa likod, at sa tagiliran.

The collision was deadly, and the doctor said that if there had been no airbag with a sturdy component, Clark would probably have died at the time of the crash.

After so many years, I heard Tita Pia cry again. Tito Ferdz was trying hard not to cry. 

Nasa ICU na si Clark and none of us knew why he was involved in such an accident where we all know na takot na takot siyang mag-overspeed because like what he always says, "Hindi ako si Patrick! Paano kung mamatay ako diyan?"

He's not a reckless driver kaya nagtataka rin sina Tita Pia kung bakit nag-overspeed ang anak nila.

Third day sa hospital, dinalaw namin si Clark. I could see the faces of his barkada, and they looked like they were mourning kahit hindi naman patay ang dinadalaw nila.

Bloodshot eyes, gloomy aura, and they even wore clothes with dull colors.

We never heard them talk. Kapag dumadalaw sila, ang tahimik lang nila. Sisilipin si Clark mula sa glass window, maghihintayan sa waiting area, then aalis isa-isa.

Lagi akong nasa hospital, nagbabantay. Kapag umuuwi ako sa mansiyon, ayokong makita si Mum. Maybe because seeing her face made me feel bad. Ayoko man siyang sisihin kasi hindi naman niya fault kung mag-overspeed si Clark, but I still didn't want to see her.

But I guess the world wasn't that huge after all. The dining table was depressing to sit at when I sat down in my usual dining chair.

Mum was there, but her eyes were pointed at nowhere, and she was spacing out. I could see the dark bags under her eyes and her chapped, pale lips.

"Mahal . . . kumain ka kahit kaunti lang," pakiusap ni Daddy.

"Hindi pa rin ba umuuwi ang anak mo?" walang buhay na tanong ni Mum.

Dad said nothing.

Three days, para kaming namatayan. Clark didn't die, but he wasn't responding.

Mum stopped working. Dad didn't let her work either. Everything was . . . inactive? Dead?

I tried to visit Kuya sa Purple Plate, but the only response I got from their store manager was, "Naka-leave po sina Sir Rico and Miss Jae until the end of April."

During those moments, pakiramdam ko, wala akong matakbuhan maliban sa ospital. Parang umuuwi na lang talaga ako para maligo at kumain saka babalik na naman sa ospital para magbantay.

One week—that whole week—everyone died. It felt like I was looking at empty shells every time I met their eyes. None of them spoke about Clark, as if he were a forbidden word to be told.

One week later, and Tito Ferdz received a call from the hospital. I was in the hospital when Clark responded. And the same day, nakakagalaw na siya kahit paano. But the nurses said nagre-respond na siya three days ago pa, but hindi pa kasi allowed i-inform lahat about that, which was odd for me, kaya ang nakakaalam lang n'on ay ang mga medical personnel lang.

As usual, dadalaw sina Kuya. Manonood sa labas ng glass window, tahimik na maghihintay, then aalis. They weren't talking to me. Not even a greeting. As in parang invisible lang ako.

Day eight when Clark was transferred to a private room. It wasn't the executive room, but a better option rather than the typical ward.

Doon pa lang sa sinabi ng nurse na may ilang araw nang nagre-respond si Clark pero wala silang binabanggit until nakakaya nang bumangon nito, masama na ang kutob ko. The moment na kahit isang kilos lang ng daliri, dapat alam na namin, e. Kasi pakunsuwelo na sa amin 'yon na safe at buhay ang pasyente namin kaya hindi na namin kailangang mag-alala nang sobra. Pero kung hindi pa babanggon si Clark, hindi pa namin malalaman.

Dala-dala ko ang isang tumbler at lunchbag nang pumasok ako sa ward.

Nandoon ang buong barkada ni Kuya kahit pa sinabihan na kaming huwag magtatambakan sa loob. Nandoon din ang mga doktor at nurse na hindi sila sinasaway kahit pinagsabihan na kami. Tulog pa rin si Clark nang maabutan namin.

Tinitingnan ng doktor ang mga pasa sa braso at binti ni Clark tapos may isusulat sa patient's form na nasa clipboard niya. Yung isang nurse, nagpapalit ng dextrose at may ini-inject pang ibang gamot sa tubong nasa likod ng kamay ni Clark.

Nauna nang lumabas sina Calvin at Will. Sumunod si Patrick. Ilang saglit pa, pumasok naman si Kyline karga si Luan.

"Kumusta si Clark?" tanong ni Ky sa mga doktor.

"He's doing good. Maganda ang response ng katawan niya sa gamot," sagot ng babaeng doktor na may hawak sa kaso ni Clark. "May development na sa recovery niya pero kailangan pa ring i-observe."

Positive naman ang sinasabi sa amin ng doktor, pero hindi namin maramdaman kasi hindi pa rin nagtatagal na gising si Clark. Pagkatapos ng maikling checkup at paglalagay ng gamot sa dextrose, umalis na rin ang doktor at mga nurse na kasama niya.

Lumapit pa si Ky sa hospital bed para lang tingnan nang mabuti si Clark.

Ang daming sugat ni Clark sa braso. Sa mukha, may face mask siyang suot bago ang aksidente kaya nakatulong 'yon para mabawasan ang sugat sa mukha niya. Maliban sa ilang hiwa ng bubog, may pasa lang siya sa kanang pisngi. Nakabenda ang ulo niya dahil tinahi. May buhok pa rin naman siya at hindi kinalbo nang buo, pero binawasan ang haba para matahi nang maayos.

"Nining Kwerk!" tili ni Luan, inaabot si Clark mula sa braso ni Kyline na karga siya. Saglit na ibinaba ni Ky sa kama ang bata pero hawak niya ang damit para hindi makagapang palapit sa bandang ulo ni Clark. "Nining Kwerk, wake up!" Pinalo-palo niya ang ninong niya kaya mabilis siyang inawat ni Ky.

"Luan, huwag papaluin si ninong."

"Ninong Kwerk, wake up na! Pe-pway tayo bang bang!" Luan pointed Clark's face. "Mimy, pe-pway kami bang bang ni Nining Kwerk!"

All of a sudden, hindi ko na napigilan, napaiyak na naman ako.

"You'll play bang bang with Ninong Clark kapag he's feeling well na, ha?" Binuhat na ni Ky si Luan.

"Mimy, i-sweep pa si Nining Kwerk," Luan sadly said. "I want bang bang."

"Nag-sleep pa si Ninong Clark, baby. Ba-bye ka na muna kay Ninong kasi tatawag na tayo ni Dada."

"I want bang bang." Luan pouted.

"You'll play with Dada na lang sa house. Ba-bye na tayo kay Ninong Clark kasi he's sleeping pa." Kyline held her son's arms to wave. "Ba-bye, Ninong Clark. We love you."

"Ba-bye, Nining Kwerk. Wav you! Bang bang si Wuwan bukas!"

Clark is Luan's favorite ninong. Sa kanilang magbabarkada, si Clark lang naman ang mahilig mag-alaga ng baby. It was heartbreaking to see Luan waking Clark up, and even the kid didn't receive any response from him.

Every day, there was no minute my heart rested. It was beating harder than usual. I couldn't even sleep properly. Nakakatulog lang ako nang maayos kapag nasa ospital at hawak si Clark. And I couldn't ask my parents or even Kuya na kailangan ko ng gummies kasi ang mahal at wala akong enough budget para magpautos magpabili n'on. Kailangan kong magtipid kasi ayokong manghingi ng pera sa parents ko habang ganito ang setup namin na hindi ko sila nakakausap nang maayos.

Tenth day when Clark visibly responded. Nakabangon na siya nang maabutan ko. Tita Pia and Tito Ferdz were there kahit pa ang dami nilang inaasikaso about sa car accident na nangyari kay Clark, especially, hindi naman kayang ayusin ang lahat sa isa o dalawa o tatlong araw lang.

It was nine in the morning, and Kuya was the only guy in the room kasama ang asawa niya. Ang lakas ng kalabog ng dibdib ko kasi, at last, bumangon na rin si Clark.

"Malinaw mo akong naririnig sa side na 'to?" kalmadong tanong ng doktor habang tinuturo ang left ear ni Clark.

Tumango naman si Clark.

"How about dito?" pagturo ni doktora sa kabila.

Panibagong tango na naman.

"Kaya mo na bang magsalita?"

"Opo," mahinang sagot ni Clark pero garalgal ang boses niya.

"Ano'ng buong pangalan mo? Alam mo ba?" tanong ng doktor.

Napapalunok ako habang nakikinig sa kanila. Papikit-pikit lang si Clark habang naghihintay kaming lahat ng sagot.

May isinulat ang doktor sa notes niya kahit wala pa namang sinasabi si Clark.

"Mendoza . . ." mahinang sagot ni Clark, nakatulala lang sa harapan at marahang kumikisap ang inaantok na mga mata. "Clark Mendoza po."

"Okay," simpleng sagot ng doktor.

I was breathing hard. Hindi ko alam kung ngingiti o iiyak kasi, buong akala ko, matutulog na lang siya habambuhay.

"Kilala mo kung sino ang parents mo?"

Marahang tumango si Clark.

"Sino si mama?"

"Maria . . . Sophia . . . Divinagracia," paisa-isang sagot ni Clark.

"Okay, si daddy mo?"

Idinaan lang ni Clark sa papikit-pikit ang paunang sagot. Napuna ko ang paghigpit ng kapit ni Tita Pia kay Tito Ferdz.

"Mendoza . . . Fernando . . ." mas mahinang sagot ni Clark.

"Good. Ilang taon ka na?"

"Fourteen . . ."

I heard Tita Pia gasp, and I almost did too. I covered my mouth out of shock, and tears automatically strolled down my face.

"Okay," the doctor casually responded. "Saan ka nakatira?"

"Sa . . ." Pumikit-pikit pa si Clark habang naghihintay kami ng idudugtong niya. "Camp . . . Abendan . . . Zamboanga."

Parang nawalan ng lakas ang mga binti ko at kusa na akong napaupo sa mahabang bench kung saan ako nagbabantay.

This is not happening. This . . . this is not true. No. Hindi puwede.

Hindi puwede.

•••

I don't know what's worse than not waking up and having memory loss.

Dino-double check ng mga doktor kung malala ba ang head injury ni Clark. Malakas daw ang impact ng pagbangga ng kotse kaya posible ang memory loss ni Clark. It was selective at kinakalkal na ng mga doktor ang medical history ng pasyente, at naisama na rin sa record na may nangyari kay Clark noong fourteen years old siya. Pero walang severe head injury doon. Hindi pa masabi ng mga doktor ang eksaktong dahilan kung bakit ganoon ang mga naging sagot ni Clark maliban sa baka ang trauma niya before ang dahilan kaya nag-stay ang memory niya before ang previous incident na ganito rin kalala.

It took us two days bago pa makausap ulit si Clark nang dere-deretso at hindi siya napapagod.

Inilalabas siya nina Tita Pia sa garden ng ospital kahit pa maraming tao para masinagan siya ng araw at makasagap ng sariwang hangin.

Visible sa braso niya ang nangungulay violet at green na pasa. Naka-pants siya kaya hindi halata ang sa mga binti.

Lunch time nang magpresinta sina Kuya na sila ang papasyal kay Clark para makapahinga si Tita Pia kahit paano. Ayokong iwan si Clark kaya lagi akong kasama.

"Ang daming tao," puna ni Clark. Mas deretso na rin ang pagsasalita niya ngayon at mas madali na siyang makapaglabas ng emosyon kompara noong mga nakaraang araw.

Nasa cemented bench at table kami sa ilalim ng punong mangga. Naka-wheelchair lang si Clark na nakatingin sa kung saan-saan. Kompleto ang barkada niya at kahit paano ay nagkabuhay na ang mga mata nila kompara noong unang linggo namin dito sa ospital.

"Dude," Patrick called.

Clark shifted his gaze at Patrick, and we could tell that there was something in his eyes na hindi si Clark na kilala naming lahat. It was innocent and curious. His stares before this were playful and full of mischief. 

"Dude?" Clark repeated, confused.

"Remember me?" Pat asked.

Clark shook his head without hesitation.

Pat smiled sadly and bowed his head as if he lost a game and he already accepted it.

"Si Leo, natatandaan mo?" tanong ni Leo kay Clark.

"Leo?" nalilitong tanong ni Clark. "Leopold?"

"Oo, Scott."

Matipid na ngumiti si Clark at tumango. "Best friend ko siya noong kinder. Pero nasa Manila 'yon nakatira."

"Uhm . . . you're in Manila, Clark," Kuya said, and at last, I heard his voice after so many days. Pero paos na paos siya, ni hindi niya mabuo nang maayos ang iilang salita.

"Oh." From there, saglit na natigilan si Clark at napatitig kay Kuya. "Familiar ka."

Sa kanilang magbabarkada, si Patrick at si Will lang ang bahagyang nagliwanag ang mukha at parang may hope na nabuo sa reaction.

Familiar si Kuya. Ibig sabihin, may natatandaan siya.

"I'm . . ." Kuya was hesitant to answer. "I'm Ronerico."

"Oh . . ." Clark's eyes screamed curiosity as he stared at Kuya's face. "Sabi ni Mami . . ." We waited for his next lines pero kumunot lang nang paunti-unti ang noo niya habang tinititigan si Kuya. "Dardenne?"

"Yeah," malungkot na sagot ni Kuya.

Gumilid pa si Clark sa wheelchair niya saka sinilip ang katawan ni Kuya sa ilalim ng cemented table pabalik sa mukha. Lalong nagsalubong ang kilay niya, and his reaction was so animated, we could see his confusion in every part of his face.

"Dardenne?" ulit pa ni Clark.

"Yes."

Inulit na naman ni Clark ang pagsilip sa katawan ni Kuya hanggang mukha habang pagusot na nang pagusot ang mukha niya. "Ang laki mo."

"Pfft!" Patrick covered his mouth to suppress his laughter and bowed to us. "Sorry." He was still covering his mouth to hide his smile.

"So you remember me," seryosong sagot ni Kuya.

"Ang laki mo talaga," ulit na naman ni Clark, na hindi ko alam kung tatawanan ko na ba. "Mami said, tumanda raw ako nang kaunti. Bakit parang ikaw . . . mas matanda na?"

"Of course, I'm older than you."

"Pero . . ." Saglit na lumapit si Clark kay Kuya saka tinusok ang braso ng kapatid ko. "Totoo 'yan?"

Napatingin kaming lahat sa namumutok na exposed biceps ni Kuya mula sa black Ralph Lauren polo niya.

"Yeah," Kuya simply said.

"May muscles ka na. Wow . . ." Parang batang bilib na bilib si Clark habang inoobserbahan si Kuya. "You . . . gym?" awkward niyang tanong habang inaangat ang braso.

"We're gym buddies, dude."

"Ha?" Kuya pointed to Clark's arms and his attention shifted to his biceps. "Whoah!"

Clark was overacting, staring at his violet-and-green tainted arms. "I have muscles!" he silently yelled as he scanned his arm. He pointed his arms using his palm na parang first time niyang makakita ng braso sa tanang buhay niya.

Nitong mga nakaraan kasi, laging nasa malayo ang tingin niya kaya hindi rin naman kung ano lang ba ang napapansin niya sa hindi.

"Sundalo ba 'ko?" excited niyang tanong sa amin.

"No," we all answered.

"What?" Binalikan niya ang tingin sa braso niya. Marahan niyang hinawakan 'yon kahit maraming pasa. "Wow . . . akala ko, imagination ko lang . . ."

We were observing him kasi parang hindi niya alam na may sarili pala siyang katawan. From his arms, itinaas niya ang suot niyang buttoned hospital blouse. "I have . . ." Tinusok-tusok pa niya ang anim na abs niya isa-isa. Then he stopped and held his tummy. Nakanganga pa siyang tiningnan kami isa-isa habang dilat na dilat ang mata niya. "May abs ako parang kay Sir Ton."

"Yeah," sagot ng buong barkada niya.

"Hindi 'to fake?"

We all shook our heads.

"Am I a model? Like . . . yung sa magazines?"

"Hmm . . ." We were skeptical to answer. Yes and no kasi ang isasagot ko.

"Yes and no," sagot ni Will.

"I'm a model?" di-makapaniwalang tanong ni Clark. "Really?"

"Well, dude . . . medyo." Will cringed and shrugged. "Minsan."

"Wow . . ." My eyes widened when he slightly peeked inside his pants and his reaction was so relatable kasi nanlaki rin ang mga mata niya pagtingin doon. "Whoah." Mabilis din niyang inayos ang pants niya saka hinawakan ang bandang garter nang mahigpit. "22 years old ako?"

"32," we all corrected.

"That's old."

"Well, yeah. You are."

"Nagmo-model ako . . . minsan," ulit niya.

"Yes," sabay-sabay kaming tumango.

"Ikaw si Ron," pagturo niya kay Kuya.

"Rico," sagot nina Will.

"Bakit Rico?" nalilitong tanong ni Clark sa amin.

"Because Rone . . . rico?" confused na sagot ni Patrick.

"Rico ang daddy niya," pagtatama ni Clark.

They weren't used to call Kuya Rico kasi halos lahat ng kakilala namin, ang kilalang Rico ay si Daddy. Tinatawag lang nilang Rico si Kuya bilang pang-asar sa pagiging "strict daddy" niya.

"Basta we call him Rico, dude," pilit ni Patrick.

Imbes na sumagot, ngumiwi lang si Clark as if nakakadiri ang sinabi ni Patrick sa kanya.

"32 . . . ang tanda naman," disappointed na bulong niya habang nakatingin sa malayong part ng hospital garden. "You are . . ." pagturo niya kay Leo.

"Leopold."

"Oh . . ." Saka lang nag-sink in kay Clark ang tanong ni Leo kanina. "Hi. Nice to meet you again." Takang-taka naman kaming nakipagkamay siya kay Leo. "Kaya mo pala natanong kanina."

"Yeah. Nice to meet you again."

"Ikaw?" sunod ni Clark sa katabi ni Leo.

"William . . . Will, for short . . ."

"Will." Tumango-tango naman si Clark habang nakatitig sa kung tutuusin ay favorite friend niya sa barkada nila. "Friend kayo?" tanong niya habang turo-turo sina Leo at Will.

"Cousin, medyo," sagot ni Leo. "Pero barkada natin siya. At ito si Patrick," turo ni Leo kay Pat sunod kay Calvin sa sulok. "'Yon si Calvin."

"Wow." Tumango-tango na naman si Clark habang iniisa-isa ng tingin ang buong barkada niya. "Ron, hindi na natin friend si Matthias?"

"Uhm . . . actually . . ." Parang hirap na hirap lumunok si Kuya sa tanong na 'yon ni Clark. "Matthias is gone."

Shock was evident in Clark's eyes, yung tipong masamang balita ang narinig niya. "When?"

"Dude, hindi 'yon gaya ng iniisip mo," depensa ni Kuya. "Uhm, paano ba 'to?" Napakamot tuloy siya ng ulo. "Siguro, tawagan ko na lang siya para dalawin ka."

"Hindi pa siya patay, right?" paniniguro ni Clark, umaasa yatang hihindi si Kuya.

"Well . . . literally, no. Pero siya na ang mag-e-explain."

"Bakit kailangang i-explain?"

"Kasi . . . basta," pagsuko na lang ni Kuya.

"But he's safe."

"Safe siya, sure kami diyan," panapos ni Kuya sa topic.

"Sabay ba kaming nag-college?"

"Uh . . ." Saglit na pinandilatan ni Kuya ang mesa dahil siya lang ang kinakausap ni Clark. "Well, hindi."

"Pero graduate ako."

"Yes.

"I'm 32."

"Yes."

"Nutrionist na ba 'ko?"

Biglang tumahimik sa mesa at nalipat ang tingin naming lahat kay Kuya.

Of course, sa kanilang anim, si Kuya lang ang nutritionist.

"Actually, no . . ." awkward na sagot ni Kuya.

"Ah! Physician."

The boys shook their heads with disappointed smiles.

"Optometrist?" dismayado nang tanong ni Clark na nalilito na rin kung ano ba ang tinapos niyang course at ano na siya ngayon.

Umiling na naman kami.

"Ah! Dentist! Final answer. I'm sure of that. I'm a dentist."

Leo answered, "Computer science, dude."

"A what?" Clark stared at Leo, and he looked like he wanted him to repeat what he just said. "Why? I mean, medicine course ba 'yon? Medtech? Radtech?"

"May 'science' sa computer science dude. Pero hindi siya medicine course," sagot ni Leo.

Nanliliit ang mga mata ni Clark kay Leo, parang hindi nagsi-sink in ang explanation about the science part.

"But who will take computer science just because there's 'science' in it? That's plain stupid."

Patrick slightly turned to Will and pointed his palms towards Clark para sabihing si Clark din ang tinutukoy ng sarili niya.

"Wala akong t-in-ake na medicine course?" disappointed na tanong ni Clark sa amin.

Sadly, all of us shook our heads just to tell him that he didn't finish any course sa medicine apart from caregiving.

"That's sad," Clark said, and really sounded sad at that.

"But you have so many business naman, dude," Patrick replied. "Cheer up."

"I don't like business things," Clark said, dismayed about that part.

If only he remembers na ang dami niyang awards sa business conventions.

"Okay ka na ba, dude?" tanong ni Will.

"Bakit dude ang tawag n'yo?" balik-tanong ni Clark.

"Because you're our dude," sagot ni Patrick. "But really, are you okay na ba?"

"Ako . . ." Napatingin ulit si Clark sa sarili niyang katawan. "Ang dami kong pasa."

"Yeah."

"Huli kong natatandaan, naglakad ako sa—" Biglang nanlaki ang mga mata niya saka napatingin kay Kuya.

Lahat tuloy kami nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin sa kanilang dalawa.

"What?" tanong pa ni Kuya.

"Si Langga!"

"Sino?"

After the gloomy days, with all the crying and sobbing and mourning, I cringed upon hearing that. Sa sobrang cringed, halos manliit ako sa puwesto ko sa tabi niya.

"Hala!" sabi pa ni Clark at biglang nalipat sa akin ang tingin ni Kuya.

"Who's Langga?" tanong ni Patrick. "Another missing friend?"

Kuya pointed at me na nasa bandang likuran lang ng wheelchair ni Clark nakaupo. "There's Sabrina."

"Saan?" Mabilis na pumaling sa akin si Clark.

"Hi, Clark," simpleng bati ko.

Imbes na sumagot, tinitigan lang niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa saka ibinalik ang tingin sa mukha ko. Nakanganga lang siya nang dahan-dahang pumaling paharap kina Kuya.

"No."

"She is," Kuya said.

Napayuko na lang ako kasi, feeling ko, hindi rin ako naaalala ni Clark.

"Amaw jud ka!" sigaw ni Clark kay Kuya.

"He what?" nalito nang tanong ni Patrick sa aming lahat.

We could feel Clark's denial of Kuya's revelation about me. "Langga?" Itinuro pa niya ako ng ulo.

My brother nodded to say yes.

I was peeking at his friends, and I saw Patrick grinning and slapping Will's arm. "Dude, nagba-blush si Clark."

"Huwag mong pansinin," bulong ni Will na rinig naman naming lahat.

Clark slowly faced the opposite direction from mine. They continued talking pero hindi na talaga siya pumaling sa puwesto ko. He didn't even answer their questions properly. Tango lang siya nang tango at wala nang sinasabing kahit na ano.

Tapos na ang visiting hours, kailangan nang ibalik ni Clark sa room niya. Nagpaalam sina Patrick at ang naiwan na lang sa kuwarto ay si Kuya saka ako.

Nakatayo lang ang kapatid ko sa gilid ng kama habang nakaharap kay Clark na nakaupo roon.

"Hihintayin ka naming gumaling," kalmadong sinabi ni Kuya. "If Mum visits you, inform me."

I glanced at Kuya after he spoke of Mum's name.

"Busy ang mama mo," sagot agad ni Clark.

"She's not, trust me." Kuya grabbed Clark's right hand and held it firmly. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Ha?"

"I'll visit you tomorrow." That was all and he left.

Clark and I were both puzzled at Kuya's words. Hindi ko naintindihan. Maybe because sa dami ng ginawa ni Clark, hindi na rin ako sure kung alin doon ang hindi niya dapat ginawa.

It was already three and the nurse assigned to Clark must clean him. Nag-volunteer ako kasi gusto kong tulungan si Clark sa kahit anong paraang magagawa ko. But it just created a weird barrier between us.

Clark was looking at me like I was a monster inside this room. His eyes were wide and staring at me, as if he was wondering if I was going to attack him or not.

"I'm not gonna hurt you." I was biting my lip, preventing it from trembling.

"Sabrina . . ."

"Yeah." I nodded.

The afternoon sun was pointing its rays exactly at his hospital bed. It just created a much more gloomy feeling inside this room, making me nostalgic for our past afternoons when everything was fine.

"Sabrina . . ." he repeated, scanning my face down to my body. "Ang laki mo na."

And all I could do was smile, even if it was breaking me piece by piece.

"Yeah," I replied. I slowly went near him, and his gaze was still following me. "Uhm . . . sabi ng nurse . . . kailangan mo nang linisan."

He didn't answer me. He was staring at my face, blinking consecutively.

"I'll do my best to take care of you, Clark."

"Clark?"

"Yeah."

"Clark lang?" nalilitong tanong niya.

"Uhm, yeah?" Huminto ako sa harapan niya at nakatingala lang siya nang titigan ako.

"Hindi mo na 'ko kuya?" malungkot na tanong niya, na hindi ko rin alam kung paano sasagutin. "Galit ka ba sa 'kin?"

"No! No, no, not that, uhm, ano . . ." Ang awkward sumagot. Paano ko ba 'to ie-explain? Hindi ko kasi siya boyfriend, pero hindi na ngayon sure kung maikakasal pa ba kami kaya hindi ko na alam. "Uhm . . ."

"Hindi mo na 'ko kuya," ulit niya, pero hindi na patanong. Parang kina-clarify na niya sa sarili niya 'yon.

"Medyo complicated kasi, Clark."

"Clark na naman."

Hindi ko mapigilang mag-cringe sa reaction niya kada tawag ko sa pangalan niya. Although, it was the same reaction I saw from him noong unang beses ko siyang tawagin sa pangalan lang niya almost a decade ago, but . . .

All I did was sigh and nodded. Ayokong pilitin ang akin sa ngayon. Hindi pa kasi siya okay.

Ngayon lang 'to. Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko . . . ngayon lang 'to.

"Sorry . . . Kuya Clark."

♥♥♥