"Sab! Ano na?"

I was glaring at Clark as he walked near me. Nakaupo lang ako sa nakasarang toilet bowl at hindi ko pa inaayos ang sarili ko gaya ng utos niya.

Siya, mukhang inayos na niya ang kinalatan kong penthouse. He even folded the sleeves of his black shirt so he could work properly. And I guess he was done cleaning my place.

"Di ba, sabi ko, mag-ayos ka na?" he scolded. He even stood in front of me and placed his hands on his waist. "Sab, gumagabi na lalo. Ano? Iiyak magdamag?"

"Ivo broke up with me!" I yelled at him. "What the fuck do you want me to do? Celebrate?!"

"O, e di tara!"

"Fuck you!" I took all the bottles of lotions and moisturizers above the sink and threw everything at Clark. "He said he loves me! I gave him everything! Lagi ko siyang bini-build up kay Mum! And now, he broke up with me!"

"Aray! Titigil ka o lulunurin kita diyan sa toilet bowl?"

"HE . . . BROKE . . . UP . . . WITH . . . ME! AAAHHH!"

"Dragon na dragon, ha!"

Pagkapa ko sa sink, wala nang natira doong kahit na ano. I glared at Clark who made my foldable tub his shield to avoid what I threw at him.

"He said he fucking loves me!" I shouted again.

"Sabi na kasing huwag kang magpapaniwala sa gagong 'yon. Isa ka ring gaga, e. Dasurv!"

"I hate you all! Aaaahh!"

I was about to pull my hair out of frustration but a hand kept me from doing it.

"O? Ano na namang kagagahan 'yan, Sab? Tang ina, dadalhin ka na talaga namin ng kuya mo sa doktor, para kang may sapi."

Lalo lang akong umiyak habang pumapalag sa kanya.

I did everything for Ivo. When he said na wala siyang pera, I said, it's okay. As long as he loves me, everything's okay.

I accepted him for who he was, he is, and he will be. Kasi ganoon ko siya kamahal.

When he asked for a brand new shoes, I bought five for him! Kahit sinita na 'yon ni Mum, wala akong pakialam.

When he said he wanted to borrow money from me, sabi ko, kahit magkano, ibibigay ko. And I did! For him! Kasi sabi niya, kailangan niya!

When he said na wala siyang kotse kaya masanay na kaming mag-taxi, I bought him a brand new car! Because I know he deserves it kasi mahal niya 'ko and he's doing those things for me.

And now . . . gusto ko lang ng kasal. Ang isasagot sa 'kin, break up?

"He lied to me!" I cried as I hugged Clark's waist. "Sabi niya, mahal niya 'ko!"

"Early Bird . . . oo. Oo nga . . ."

"Kuyaaaa!"

"Narinig mo 'yon? Umiiyak nga."

"Break na kami ni Ivo . . . !" Paulit-ulit kong pinalo ang likod ni Clark habang naglalabas ng sama ng loob.

"Plano? Canceled na ba? Sige, sige. Lasing din yata 'to. Ubos yung wine, gago."

"Kuyaaaaa!"

"Sige, sige. Text ka na lang kapag malapit ka na. Byeeee!"

Inalis na rin ni Clark ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakayakap sa kanya saka siya humugot ng ilang facial tissue sa kabilang side ng sink.

Iyak lang ako nang iyak nang lumuhod siya sa harapan ko at siya na ang nagpunas ng mukha ko.

"Bili ka pa nga nitong eyeliner mo. Hindi makalat, ha."

"Ano na'ng gagawin ko . . . ?" sumbong ko sa kanya. "Ayokong ipakasal ni Mum sa iba . . ."

Clark just widened his eyes on the floor, as if mocking what I said.

"Impulsive kuya mo kaya nakalusot sila ni Jaesie. Dapat maging mautak ka rin para hindi ka ma-trap ni Tita Tess."

Kinuha niya ang diamond-studded jaw clips ko sa sink at saka bumalik sa pagkakaluhod sa harapan ko. Pinadaan niya ang mga daliri niya sa gilid ng ulo ko para maipon ang mga buhok hanggang mapunta lahat sa likod.

"Baka may chance pa kami ni Ivo . . ." sabi ko sa kanya.

"Gagi ka naman, Sab. Inayawan ka na, hahabulin mo pa?"

"Maybe he was just shocked kasi I proposed out of the blue, di ba?"

"Sira ka ba? Bakit ikaw ang nag-propose?"

"Because he's not doing it!"

"He didn't want to do it kaya nga hindi niya ginagawa. Sabrina, ang utak ginagamit dapat minsan, ha? Untog kita diyan sa pader, e."

Clark cleaned my face again, and this time, it was a bit harsher.

"Ano ba!" I slapped his hand. "Masusugat ang face ko!" Lalo pa akong naiyak.

"Ang hirap naman kasing tanggalin ng makeup mo!" he yelled. "'Tang ina naman kasi, nasa bahay ka lang, kung makapag-makeup ka, para kang drag queen."

"May makeup remover diyan!" I pointed to the sink, but then I realized, I threw everything at Clark earlier.

I looked at Clark with petty eyes and cried a little louder this time.

"Arte talaga. Ano ba 'yan?" Lumapit siya sa mga nakakalat na bote sa tiles at inisa-isa iyon. He was murmuring the names of the bottles and stopped until he saw the one he needed.

"I don't want to marry anyone . . ." I wept.

"Saka mo na isipin 'yan. Ang isipin mo ngayon, kapag nilumpo ng kuya mo si Ivo."

Lalong lumakas ang iyak ko nang maalala ko si Kuya. For sure, hinahanap na n'on ngayon si Ivo.

"I have to call Ivo. I have to warn him." I was about to stand up when Clark stopped me from doing so.

"You better not call that asshole again. Sinasabi ko na sa 'yo, Sab, kapag si Tita ang nakaalam niyan, patay 'yang Ivo mo."

And that scared the shit out of me.

Fuck, I forgot, si Mum!

Kuya is a bit nicer than Mum. And Mum probably would celebrate once she learned about this. But that was the point!

Ayokong malaman niya kasi baka bukas na bukas din, ipatawag na niya ako sa mansiyon!

"Kadiri ka, Sab, ang lagkit mo naman. Eww!"

Ang bigat-bigat na nga ng loob ko, nang-iinis pa 'tong si Clark. Buwisit 'to.

"Kukuha ako ng damit mo. Huwag kang lalaklak ng toner diyan, ha. Kapag bangkay ka na pagbalik ko rito, itatapon talaga kita sa Manila Bay."

"I hate you!"

Iyak lang ako nang iyak para mailabas lahat ng bigat sa dibdib ko. Iniisip ko lahat ng memories namin ni Ivo. Lahat ng travels namin. Lahat ng gifts namin sa isa't isa. Nanghihina akong pumunta sa shower area, nagbukas ng shower, at dumausdos sa dingding paupo habang umiiyak.

That supposed-to-be wedding is everything to me. My life in the future depends on it. And now . . . it's all gone. Everything . . . lahat ng pinangarap ko . . . nawala nang ganoon lang kadali.

The pain I'm feeling right now is killing me from the inside.

I don't want to marry anyone else lalo kung hindi ko naman kilala. And Mum's too powerful for me to stop. Maybe Kuya is too manipulative to get what he wants, and he did, but not me.

Kailangan ko nang magtago kay Mum bago pa ako mapunta sa kamay ng kung sinong lalaki lang.

"Sab, naman . . . nasi-stress na ako, ha."

The sprinkle of water stopped and I felt the chill coming from the AC's artificial breeze.

Clark slightly sat on his feet in front of me and looked at me as if I was so pathetic right now. His face screamed annoyance as he stared at me.

"May damit na diyan, magbihis ka," utos niya.

"I wanna die . . ."

He suddenly scratched his head and I could sense his irritation rising. "Sab, please lang. Susunduin lang dapat kita."

"Mum's gonna sell my soul to someone I don't even know . . ."

"Gagawa ng paraan ang kuya mo diyan. But, for now, magbihis ka muna. Kapag naabutan ka rito ng kuya mong ganito, patay ka talaga kay Tita Tess."

"I hate my family . . ." I wiped my tears and wept silently.

"Ay, buhay."

Clark held my arms and pulled me up.

"Alam mo, Sab, ang aga mo pang mag-conclude. Kayang gawan 'to ng paraan ni Early Bird, manalig tayo sa kapangyarihan ng kuya mong malakas kay Lord."

I was staring off into space as Clark wrapped me with a warm bath towel.

"Sinasabihan ka na kasi noon pa. Wala kaming tiwala diyan sa Ivo mo. Ikaw lang e."

I watched as Clark pulled up my crimson dress and took it off.

"At talagang nag-lingerie ka pa, ha. Talikod."

He held my shoulders and let me face the wall. I felt the hook of the bra take off and it fell on the tiled floor.

I attempted to ask Clark why he knew how to take my clothes off, but I remember that he was a playboy. What should I expect from a man who can take off a lady's dress any time he wants to?

I felt the coldness of the air from the open door of my bathroom and the heater inside where we were. Clark's hands were warm and gentle. And he'd better shut his mouth so he wouldn't add another pain to the existing wound of mine.

He changed my wet clothes to a comfortable huge sweater and a high-waist panty. He said he was looking for my shorts and pants, and he saw nothing but ripped jeans and apple-bottom cuts.

Wala naman talaga siyang makikitang joggers or something sa closet ko because I always wear nighties. Hindi ako nagpa-pants sa bahay! Duh!

Paglabas namin ng bathroom, napatingin agad ako sa balcony. The table was still there, but it was empty. The sky was tempting me to jump and embrace my end.

Mum's gonna ruin my life, and I should end it before that happens.

My thoughts were interrupted as Clark closed the floor-to-ceiling windows of the penthouse's balcony.

"Sab, please lang, ha. Alam ko na 'yang wandering stares na 'yan. Alam ko ang meaning niyan. Don't do something stupid, sasabunutan talaga kita."

I ignored Clark. I sat on the white couch and stared at the high ceiling. My mind was trying to think of something but . . . all I felt was nothing, and neither was my mind.

I'm doomed. I'm fucking doomed.

Si Ivo lang ang choice na meron ako ngayon. And upon thinking about him again, napaiyak na naman ako sa sama ng loob.

He was supposed to save me from misery.

He was supposed to save me from my Mum.

And now . . . he left me just because he didn't want to be with me forever.

Umasa ako. I gave him everything. Kasi buong akala ko, siya na.

Akala ko, siya na talaga.

I wiped my tears and I saw Clark sitting beside me.

He didn't say anything. I waited for him to scold me again because I was crying again, but he said nothing.

"I'm so disappointed in myself . . ." I admitted. "I let him do this to me."

Clark took my left hand and inaudibly asked me to stand up. I did, and he pulled me closer to him until I sat on his lap. He guided my head to lie on his shoulder, and the next thing I knew, I was crying out loud on his shoulder as I hugged him tightly.

He didn't say anything. He was just tapping my leg, and that comforted me in a very familiar way.

When I was a kid, I treated Clark as an older brother more than how I treated Kuya Ronie as my kuya by blood.

Kuya was once a very irresponsible kid. I could remember that time when I stole some of his toys, and almost got kidnapped. He even saved his toys and let the kidnappers take me because he hated me that much for stealing his precious belongings.

My body could remember clearly how Clark used to carry me and tap my leg to stop me from crying because Kuya Ronie was bullying me.

Maybe we all grew up and a lot of things have changed. But some things didn't, and I'm glad that I still have that comfort when I need it the most.

♥♥♥