❝ i meant every word. ❞

―

DECHA SIGHED AS HE GOT OUT THE CAR.

This wasn't his first time attending an AA meeting, but he still felt anxious about it. Everyone there was older than he was and had more life experience than he did. There were some people who were around his age, but he still felt like he was just there.

When he attended his first meeting, he felt like they had all judged him and looked at him like he was just some stupid kid that didn't belong. But as much as he hated it and hadn't wanted to come back, there was nothing he wanted more than to get help.

Decha walked up to the community center and opened the door. He walked down the hallway to the room that the meeting was in. He immediately stood in the corner of the room as he waited for the meeting to begin. He just wanted to disappear into the wall and stay there, where he couldn't be seen. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option.

William, who was the chairperson of the AA meetings, walked up to him. "Decha, I'm glad you're joining us again. You didn't seem comfortable during the last meeting you attended."

Decha shrugged. "I just really want to get better, and it's important to my parents that I come to these meetings."

"Well, it's a pleasure to have you here," William told him. "We were just about to start, if you wanted to come and take a seat."

Decha nodded his head and followed William to the circle of chairs that were set up in the center of the room. He took a seat and leaned back in the chair, folding his arms against his chest. The other people attending the meeting began to take their seats. Decha tapped his foot on the floor as he stared down at his shoes.

"All right, everyone," William began the meeting once everyone was seated. "Let's all take a brief moment of silence."

Everyone in the circle bowed their heads and closed their eyes. Silence filled the room. Only the sounds of the shuffling of chairs and an occasional breath could be heard as William began to say a few words. The moment of silence ended, and the room filled with noise once again as everyone looked up and shifted in their seats to make themselves more comfortable.

"Do we have any newcomers who are joining us today?" William asked. "If you choose to do so, you may introduce yourself before we begin our readings."

Decha glanced around the room, not seeing anyone raise their hand or speak up. He stared back down at his shoes.

"Okay, let's begin," William spoke. "Will our chosen volunteers please read their traditional reading?"

Decha continued to stare at his shoes as the readings began. He kept his ears open, listening to everything that was being said. When the last reading had been completed, William continued on with the next part of the meeting.

"Would anyone like to open the floor for us and share how their recovery is going?" William asked.

Decha didn't glance up, but he heard William call out a name. He looked up at the sound of a woman's voice. She sat three seats to the left of him. Decha was only half-listening to her story, finding himself zoning out as she continued to speak.

"Thank you," William said when she had finished talking. "I'm glad that you've been able to patch things up with your daughter."

The man sitting next to the previous woman began to speak. Decha didn't recognize him, having not seen him at the last meeting he attended. He looked to be on the younger side, likely in his mid-twenties.

"Hi, my name is James. Um, I wasn't able to attend the previous meeting, so I apologize for that."

William shook his head. "That's quite alright, James. How are things going for you right now?"

"Well, let's see..." James trailed off for a moment. "As most of you know, my girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago because my drinking began to get in the way of our relationship. She tried to tell me I had a problem, but I didn't want to admit it."

Decha turned his head, looking at James as he spoke. This was the first time he felt like he could relate to someone. He wasn't like the other woman who had a strained relationship with her daughter or the man who sat next to him, struggling to find a job and a place to live. While he sympathized with them and hated that they were in that situation, he didn't feel like he could relate to them.

"Well, now that she's seen the effort I've been putting into recovering, she decided to give me another chance," James continued. "She finally forgave me, and it's been the best thing to ever happen to me."

William nodded his head, smiling at him. "That's truly magnificent, James. I'm glad to hear that. I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck."

James smiled. "Thank you."

A silence filled the room again.

"Decha?"

Decha turned his head in William's direction upon hearing his name.

"You are in no way obligated to, but would you like to share your experiences with us?" William asked.

Decha gulped as he looked around the room. All eyes were on him, waiting to see if he was going to speak or not. Up until this moment, he had been completely silent. The only words he had spoken to anyone other than William were when he introduced himself at his very first meeting.

He could hear the voices of his friends and family playing in his mind.

First came Achara: "Su su na! What's the worst thing that can happen? They laugh at you? Wouldn't be the first time." She spoke in a joking manner, her words followed by the sound of laughter.

"You've got this, baby," his mother's voice said in a calm tone, like she was singing him a soft lullaby.

"You can do it, my son," he heard his father say, sounding prouder than ever.

"You've got it, man," Hawk encouraged him. "You're the guy who's not afraid of anything. Show them you're not afraid."

And lastly, came Demetri, whose voice triumphed over everyone else's, "Dech, take a leap of faith. What was that phrase in Thai? Su su na. You've got this."

Decha sat straighter in his chair, keeping his arms crossed. "Uh, well, is this the part where I'm supposed to say my name and that I'm an alcoholic?"

Lighthearted laughter filled the room.

"You can if you want," William responded.

"Okay...um..." Decha stared at the wall behind William's head. "My name is Decha, and I'm an alcoholic, or, well, I was or am—I don't really know. I've been sober for about a month now. Uh, I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest person in here right now, but that doesn't really matter. I started drinking when I started high school, and it was a huge downward spiral from there."

To his surprise, Decha found it a lot easier to share than he thought. If anything, he thought that maybe he had overshared a little.

Decha took a deep breath before continuing. "You know, I didn't expect to really speak at all. I guess maybe that's because I didn't think I would relate to anyone. Not until I heard your story, James."

James gave him a small smile, followed by a nod of encouragement.

"My boyfriend broke up with me because of the drinking, and I didn't want to admit that I had a problem," Decha admitted to the group. "I was lying to him and telling him that I wasn't drinking when I was. We got into this huge fight, and he broke up with me."

Decha looked down at the floor, letting out a sigh. "We're still friends, sort of. I mean, we haven't really hung out in a while, but I'm supposed to be meeting with him tomorrow to sing him this song I wrote him. And he said he'd consider giving me a second chance after I've worked on myself a bit first."

Decha found himself smiling at the thought of Demetri taking him back. "Uh...anyway, so yeah, I guess I can relate. Actually, I think I can relate to more of you than I originally thought because a lot of the relationship problems I have can be traced back to alcohol. Anyway...thats it. Thanks for listening, I guess."

"Thank you for sharing your story with us, Decha." William smiled at him. "Would anyone else like to—"

"Hey, wait, I recognize you!"

Decha turned his head at the sound of a woman's voice. She raised her hand, her finger extended, pointing in his direction.

"My son and I were at the All Valley tournament!" the woman said excitedly. "You made it all the way to the finals. My son was so disappointed when you lost."

Decha chuckled. "I'm sorry that I disappointed your son...I guess?"

"Let's get back on task, shall we?" William asked, bringing the conversation to a halt. "Would anyone else like to share?"

A few more people in the group shared some of their experiences and how their lives have managed to improve. Decha found himself listening to the stories with more attention than he had before. It was a strange feeling to know that he was surrounded by people who understood.

"Thank you everyone for sharing your stories with us," William said. "Let's close this meeting out with another moment of silence."

Decha bowed his head, but he didn't close his eyes. With that, the meeting ended. Decha stood up and began to walk toward the door when William called out his name. Decha paused and turned to look at him.

"You did a great job opening up today," William told him. "It's actually a lot easier to talk once you get the ball rolling."

Decha nodded his head. "Yeah. I didn't even really mean to say all that. I just kept talking, and then I couldn't stop."

"Over the years, I've found that it happens quite often," William responded. "I hope to see you again soon and that you'll choose to speak more."

"Yeah, me too," Decha replied.

William patted him on the back. "Bye, Decha. I hope you work things out with that ex-boyfriend of yours."

Decha cracked a smile. "Thanks. I guess I'll see you around."

William nodded his head before walking away to talk to other people. Decha turned around, walking out the door. As he walked down the hallway, Decha couldn't stop smiling, proud of the progress he had made.

"How did it go?" Jintara asked him once he got in the car.

"It went really great," Decha said as he put his seatbelt on. "I think it might be helping. It's definitely helping."

Jintara grinned, smiling proudly at him. "I am so proud of you! So proud!"

────────────

Decha hastily cleaned his room, making sure that it was neat and tidy before Demetri arrived. He kept checking his phone, glancing down at the time, and anxiously awaiting the moment that he heard the doorbell ring. He was finally going to sing Demetri the song that he had written for him.

Decha sat on his bed and tapped his foot repeatedly, jumping up the second he heard the doorbell ring. He ran out of his room and the stairs as fast as he could without falling. Decha stood in front of the door, about to open it, when Decha jumped in front of her and pushed her to the side.

"What the hell?" Achara asked.

"It's Demetri," Decha told her.

Achara chuckled as she crossed her arms. "Oh, I see. Is this the day you win him back?"

Decha rolled his eyes and pushed her away lightly before he opened the door. A smile spread across his face when he saw Demetri.

"Hey," Demetri said as he gave him a quick wave. "Can I...can I come in?"

"Oh, right, yeah," Decha nodded as he opened the door wider for Demetri to enter the house.

Decha closed the door behind him and rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Hi, Demetri," Achara greeted him.

Demetri gave her a nod of acknowledgment. "Hey, Achara. How are things?"

Achara shrugged. "Pretty okay. You?"

"It's been all right," Demetri responded. "Work has been a little stressful."

Achara nodded. "Sorry to hear that."

"It's whatever," Demetri shrugged, turning to Decha. "So, are you going to sing the song for me?"

"Yeah." Decha nodded, pointing in the direction of the stairs. "Um, I have everything set up in my room."

Decha climbed the stairs. Demetri waved goodbye to Achara before he followed after him.

"Don't have too much fun!" Achara teased them.

"Shut up!" Decha called out from the top of the stairs.

"Make me!" Achara shouted back.

Decha rolled his eyes as he entered his room. Demetri slowly stepped through the doorway, glancing around the room. The drawings of him had seemed to multiply since the first time he saw Decha's room. It was almost as if Decha had done nothing but draw pictures of him.

"Oh, um, sorry about all of the drawings," Decha apologized. "This is going to sound weird and probably a little creepy, but there's a drawing of you for every day we've been broken up."

Decha walked over to one of the drawings and pointed at it. "This one is day one. It's the look on your face when we ended things."

He pointed to another drawing. "This one is day two. It's you standing next to Eli while he got his new tattoo. And then here's day three...this one is actually you at prom when I was singing for you."

A smile spread across Demetri's face as he scanned the drawings scattered on the wall. "Don't worry, I don't think it's creepy. It's actually...nice. It kind of makes me feel... I don't know what word to use. Appreciated? I guess."

Decha smiled at him, and in that moment, Demetri turned his head. Their eyes met, and Decha found himself getting mesmerized by the glint in Demetri's eyes. Subconsciously, Decha's eyes glanced down at Demetri's lips. He found himself wishing that he could just kiss him right then and there, but he didn't think that Demetri would appreciate it very much.

Decha cleared his throat, breaking the eye contact. "Um, anyway, I'll sing that song for you now."

Demetri gulped, nervously looking at the ground. "Right. The song. I can't wait to hear it."

Decha grabbed the lyric sheet off the table and handed it to Demetri. "Here's the lyrics. There's both the Thai lyrics and the English lyrics."

Demetri grabbed the paper and took a seat on Decha's bed. "Okay."

Decha took a deep breath as he walked over to his computer and pressed play on the track that he had mixed. He quickly picked up his acoustic guitar so that he could strum along to the song while he sang. It was mainly because he needed something to do with his hands, and playing the guitar made him less nervous.

Decha began to sing, his eyes locked on Demetri. Demetri glanced back and forth between the lyric sheet and Decha, his eyes gleaming. The last time that Decha had seen that sparkle in his eye was on prom night. He didn't think it was possible to be so enamored with such a simple expression.

Even when he had sang 'I Will Always Love You,' the night of prom, Demetri had not looked at Decha the way he was looking at him in that moment.

A tear began to stream down Demetri's face. He wiped it away as soon as the song ended. Decha set his guitar down and walked over to the bed. He took a seat next to Demetri.

"Did you..." Decha stared longingly into Demetri's eyes. "Did you like the song?"

Decha reached up to touch Demetri's cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb.

"You really wrote that for me?" Demetri asked, revering a nod in response. "And do you mean it? The lyrics of the song? Do you mean them?"

Decha nodded his head, continuing to rub Demetri's check lightly with his thumb. "I meant every word."

Demetri let out a small sniffle. "I love the song more than anything. It's perfect, Dech."

Decha smiled brightly. "I'm so happy you love it. I truly meant every single word. My entire world changed the day I saw you. I was so afraid to fall in love, but you made me realize that it's not wrong to love someone. And now I'm so afraid that I've ruined everything, and I'm so afraid of losing you that I—"

Demetri pressed his lips against Decha's. Shocked by the sudden kiss, Decha's eyes widened. He pulled back slightly, but then immediately slotted their lips back together. Decha cupped Demetri's cheek with his hand as Demetri placed his hand on the nape of Decha's neck, pushing him closer.

For a moment, it felt like their first kiss at the canyon was happening all over again. He was kissing Demetri—the boy he had fallen for head over heels. He was kissing Demetri—the boy who had changed his entire perception of love. To Decha, there was no greater feeling in the world than the feeling of Demetri's lips on his. It was all because he was kissing Demetri, whom he was without a doubt in love with.

Demetri began to pull back, but Decha wasn't ready for the kiss to come to an end. He chased after Demetri's lips, pressing soft kisses against them. Demetri placed his hand on Decha's chest, pushing him back. Decha stopped and pulled back. They sat across from each other, the question of what happens next lingering in both of their minds.

"Does this mean that you'll give me another chance?" Decha asked. "I know it hasn't been that long and that I have only attended two AA meetings, but I'm serious about getting better. I even opened up in the meeting yesterday. It's been a month, and not drinking has been hard. I mean, I've been extra jittery, and sometimes all I can think about is drinking, but I haven't touched a drop."

Demetri rolled his eyes. "For Pete's sake, would you stop rambling?"

Decha furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion. "Who is Pete?"

"It's just an expression," Demetri told him. "But seriously, would you just let me get a word in for ten seconds?"

Decha nodded his head.

"I can already tell how much better you've gotten," Demetri said as he grabbed ahold of Decha's hand. "And if I'm being totally honest, I've missed you like crazy. I spend most of my time thinking about you and replaying the night of our breakup over and over again in my head. I keep thinking about how I could have phrased things differently."

Demetri sighed, giving Decha's hand a squeeze. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I never should have broken up with you. We could have worked things through, and I should have been there for you and helped you through recovery."

Decha shook his head. "No, you were right to break up with me. I was an asshole who lied to you and didn't want to see that I had a problem. But I do. I'm an alcoholic, and I'm not afraid to admit it now."

Demetri smiled softly. "And I'm so beyond proud of you for taking this seriously and bettering yourself. But I want to be right by your side as you do. And not just as a friend."

A smile spread across Decha's face. "Are you saying that you want to get back together?"

Demetri nodded. "Yeah. Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. Decha, pen fan kun mái?"

Decha grinned from ear to ear, wrapping his arms around Demetri's torso to embrace him in a hug. "Yes. A trillion times yes."

Demetri embraced Decha back. They could feel the pounding of each other's heartbeats against their chests. Decha hugged Demetri even tighter, never wanting to let him go.

"Rak mâak mâak," Decha whispered in Demetri's ear.

"Rak muen kan na," Demetri replied.

"I love when you speak Thai," Decha said as he released Demetri from the hug. "You're getting so much better. Have you been practicing?"

Demetri nodded his head. "I wanted to learn as much as I could for you, so I've been watching tutorials and looking at guides."

Decha smiled wide, beaming at Demetri. He slowly leaned in, pressing his lips softly against Demetri's.

"Please don't leave me again," Decha whispered as he pulled away.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Demetri responded.

They stared into each other's eyes, experiencing a feeling of pure bliss.

— EMILIA'S NOTES + TRANSLATIONS

and here's the decha centric chapter! keep in mind that this happens at the same time as chae's chapter.

i tried to do as much research as i could about aa meetings. i apologize if anything is inaccurate. the same thing with william & james happened with olivia- it was the first name that came to mind for some reason.

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MY BABIES ARE BACK TOGETHER?!!

alternative chapter title: d&d against the world!!

TRANSLATIONS:

- su su na
su su na translate to fighting! it means to give encouragement or offer support/a way of saying "you can do it!" or "you've got this!"

- pen fan kun mái
pen fan kun mái means will you be my boyfriend?

- rak mâak mâak
rak mâak máak (i've also written it as mak) means i love you very much.

- rak muen kan na
ran muen kan na means i love you too.

and here is the song that decha wrote and sang for demetri. it's actually a song called over the moon by khaotung thanawat, the actor that portrays decha so it's actually him singing :)

i thought it perfectly described decha & demetirs relationship. below is a video that shows the thai/english lyrics. feel free to listen and follow along if you want...

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]