*bang*

If I'd heard the bullet go off then it hadn't killed me, unfortunately. I wanted to die. And I guess it was for the best because, as strong as Jungkook pretended to be, the constant reminder of the fact that he killed his first love would destroy him.

I know it did me.

I lectured him for being the way he was yet I sat the reason behind it. I destroyed his past and happy upbringing, so I didn't want to die at his hands. I couldn't destroy his future too.

"Byeol, let's get to the hospital," Taehyung gently placed his hands on my shoulder confusing me. "Why?" I couldn't even raise my eyebrows, that's how badly my face was bruised. Euphoria effect. Taehyung's confusion however, instantly able to be expressed on his face as his eyes dropped to my chest, I followed the direction of his gaze and looked down.

Blood. Seeping out my clothes.

That's where the bullet went.

Not in my head, but in my damn chest, not anywhere close to my heart though. It would've been the third bullet my heart would've had to meet.
It would be a lie if I said I'd even felt the bullet, the pain of reality stung far worse. Far more deeply.

My eyes didn't dare to even glance at Jungkook, but from my peripheral vision, I could see his gun had greeted the floor, and his breathing had silenced to the point where you'd think he was dead, and maybe he was. I killed him. Internally.

I exited the place. Maybe it was the fact that it was pouring a tsunami, but I couldn't see straight. Although that could've been the effect of how hard I'd just let Jungkook beat me up. We all know I deserved it. I started fighting back accordingly to his wish, but just hurting him made me feel so sick to the stomach I thought I'd throw up then and there. How much worse could this life of mine get?

"BYEOL!"

I turned around to see Taehyung run after me, "will someone tell me what's fucking going on? I thought today was meant to be a happy day, didn't we find the killer? I thought I'd help you guys beat him up not stop you guys from almost murdering each other," he spoke loudly because of the distance between us. "I'll tell you later," I turned back around, trying to walk away before he screamed yet again.

"You know this rain is doing an awful job at hiding your tears,"

I paused in my steps. Even I hadn't realised I was crying, yet he did, from so far away amidst this horrible weather. "I think you'll need someone to pull out that bullet," he said, taking me to his car. The pain of the piece of metal inside my chest now settled in, I gritted my teeth trying to tolerate it the best I could.

He drove to his house, sitting me down in his study room as he ran to get the medical box. "The bullet didn't hit an internal organ, so I just have to pull out the bullet now, and stitch things back together, I can do that, yeah I can do that," he told me.

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" I asked in a monotone, seeing him take deep breaths. I took off my blood stained shirt, left in a thin vest so he could have clean access to the wound. "You might wanna bite down on something, this is gonna hurt," he warned, but I shook off his words as he began. He used the tweezers, digging into the wound to find the bullet.

I immediately held my breath, not making a single sound as I swallowed the pain like a pill. I could see him trying to be as gentle as possible, but with a bullet inside me, and then those tweezers poking the wound, I was in a large amount of pain. "You know I have an anaesthetic, if you want I can give it to you-"

"Just shut up and get it over with."

I immediately regretted my words, the amount of shit I was holding in resulted in a release of unnecessary anger. "You don't get to be all moody on me Byeol, not when I'm the only person standing by you, not when all I want is to keep you safe. Gosh if you're upset the very minimum you can do is tell me, if not the why of your emotions then let me comfort you, why do you think about no one but yourself? Even when everyone around you has eyes for you only," he ranted, suddenly smiling.

"And I'm done."

He put down the needle, making me look down at the completed stitches.

"Distracting physical pain with emotional pain," I uttered softly.

"Works every time," we spoke in unison pushing the slightest smile upon my face. I'd given him small lessons on my spy tricks, psychological ways to mess with someone's mind. It was how we'd gotten close when they'd joined the CIS.

He then cleaned my face completely, it was bruised so badly he didn't know where to begin. "Well Jungkook  certainly didn't hold back," Taehyung sighed, patting my face with a wet towel. "He may be stronger, but we both know his skills can't compare to yours. How did you get beaten so badly?" He asked.

"I didn't fight back."

"Why not?"

"Because just touching him, just looking in his direction, filled me with a type of guilt that strangled in a way that hurt more than a rope with thorns. He looks just like her you know... his mother," I spoke. Taehyung used his genius mind to put 2 and 2 together and realise the situation. "Byeol-"

"I know I'm a horrible person that deserves to die, as death is the only punishment worthy of my sins, as hell is the only place I deserve to be," I cut him off, releasing a sigh was something I was repeatedly doing these days, it was the only thing I could do. "Actually, I was going to say how fucking strong you are. Not everyone can go through months of mental torture and still be, you. It wasn't you, and you know it. It's not your fault," he reassured me.

"I'll get you some refreshments," he said before getting up and leaving the room. "Byeol," he stopped at the door as he called my name.

"It's okay," he told me, making me nod before he left. My hands weakly opened one of the draws searching for some vaseline because my lips were so dry they'd started to crack, the anxiety habit of licking my lips every couple seconds resulted in that. Instead I'd found a gun.

I mindlessly picked it up, just by the weight of it I could tell exactly how many bullets it contained. My hands were shaking yet they managed to load it, naturally lifting up to point the gun at my head.

Maybe I should be the one to free myself of all this pain, this suffering.

*creak*

I immediately put the gun down, coming to my senses as I heard Taehyung return with drinks. I put the gun away like I hadn't even picked it up, forcing a smile at him. "I couldn't find your favourite, I only had lemonade," he explained himself. I hadn't had anything since that chocolate bar Jungkook gave in the morning, just thinking about it returned that feeling of disgust to my stomach. Disgust of myself.

I took a sip of the lemonade, but it wouldn't go down, I couldn't swallow it. I don't know what it was. As soon as it slipped down my throat it returned up as vomit. I instantly ran to the toilet, throwing up the tiny bit I'd drank. Who would've thought my mind would be the one to kill me, not my heart?

"Byeol? Food poisoning, stomach ache, or-"

"I don't know," I tiredly cut off a worried Taehyung. "Just let me be," I begged him, voice quivering, "I'm sorry I'll leave, just don't cry, please," he apologised like it was his fault. Way to go Byeol, make everyone feel bad for the shit you do.

He turned to leave while I remained on the cold marble floor of his bathroom, leaning against the wall with an annoying mirror right opposite me. I didn't even look at it. I couldn't. Just like I was ashamed to look at Jungkook because of what I did, I was ashamed to look in the mirror because of who I was.

I played with a knife I'd found lying in my pocket, I really didn't go anywhere without a weapon. How pathetic.

*ring*

My phone buzzed in my damp clothe pocket. Taehyung had given me one of his shirts but his jeans wouldn't work even with a belt so I chose to stay in the shorts I was wearing. I lazily pulled out the phone, ignoring it since it was a number I didn't have saved. But then as it rang again I knew who was calling.

"Yeol! You picked up," Jaechan happily exclaimed, this happy tone sounded psychotic, god knows what he's done now. "I need you to come meet me,"

"And why would I do that."

"See I had a feeling you'd ask that, basically uhm, I have Jungkook. And it's a little awkward since you know, we're both your exes now, but it's fine since he's unconscious-"

"What did you do to him." It wasn't a question rather a command, my body got up on it's own. "Relax, I only overdosed him with Xanax, he's completely passed out."

"THAT COULD KILL HIM YOU FUCKER,"

"So could I. And my actions depend on you, come to the address I send you," he ended the call making me quickly check for messages. There really was a picture of Jungkook, laying practically dead in the back of a car. I threw my phone to the mirror in rage.  I stared at my cracked reflection, one that quite resembled how I felt inside. Fucked up.

What have we become?

I exited the bathroom, surprising Taehyung who was waiting patiently outside. "They have Jungkook, I'm going to go get him," I quickly spoke, "what- no, you can't," he grabbed my wrist instantly processing the situation.

"I said they have Jungkook."

"You're forgetting they also have the trigger words. Save one life and let them make you take god knows how many others? You can't do that, I'll go," he said, I hated the idea as soon as I heard it.

"No, Taehyung they need me, they won't kill me, but you? They'll take your life without batting an eye, I can't lose you, I can't stand the reason behind a loss of a loved one." I replied, "if they take me, promise me you'll go as far away as possible. Make it so they can't make me kill you," I pleaded him, throwing my arms around him, just incase it was the last time I ever saw him.

"I won't let Shadow kill you, I promise you that." His large arms firmly wrapped around me, "bye," was the last thing I said before speeding out the building. I drove to the address, it was a cliff end near a waterfall, a sketchy place indeed. I exited the car to find Jaechan standing there proudly.

"Where is he?" I questioned, murder on my mind. "Well you look horrible," he blurted, I couldn't even deny it, my face was beaten to shit.

"Aren't you even going to acknowledge the USB in my hand?" He replied in offence, "basically. You know those girls that you helped escape my home, they were vengeful. Honestly all of you women are. Anyways, they managed to burn down our entire system, impressive. Annoying and I killed all of them but. Impressive. So, to the fun part, the only piece of your trigger words left is this USB in my hands. Come and get it," he smirked, calmly putting the USB on the floor.

"So, you brought the last USB, the last trace of those words, right to me? Do you take me for a fool or are you yourself a fucking idiot?" I asked, making him jump up and down.

"Wait I didn't tell you the main part of my game! You see that car down there, yeah the 2 cars facing each other dangerously close to the cliff edge? One of my men is sitting in the passengers seat, and Jungkook's in the car nearer to the danger, obviously. Soon enough I'm going to tell my man to press the pedal, and slowly push that car with an unconscious Jungkook inside off the edge and into death," he joyfully explained.

"Why?"

"For fun? I don't know really, this gives me excitement, please don't ruin it with your stupid questions. 'WhY' she asked why," he chuckled to the non existent person beside him, mimicking my words while expressing his mentally unstableness.

"So either you choose to take these trigger words and stop me from making you kill millions, or save your lover," he sneered.

"What makes you think I can't do both?"

"Because I won't let you. Either pick the USB, or him. Choose the USB, my man will step on the accelerator in no time and Jungkook will be dingdong knocking on hell's door in afterlife. Pick him and I'll use these very trigger words to make you kill more people than you already have, and your kill counts into millions so that should tell you a lot," he shrugged.

"The game begins now. And this time,"

"The choice is yours."