Drew and everyone else not locked up in the dungeons were kept busy for the rest of the day, putting out small skirmishes, making sure walls and buildings weren't about to collapse, gathering the army of dead that awaited burial. The sun rose high, shining down upon chaos and drying blood. It sunk down once more, the colors of the sky reflecting those of Praeverk.

It was late when Drew at last managed to break away. He gathered up a bucket of water, a rag, and a bar of soap before retreating to him own room. The dried blood was starting to itch something fierce, and he welcomed the eyes watering scent of the soap that cleansed his senses along with his body of the day's grime. He cast a longing gaze at his bed as he pulled out his spare set of clothes. Crows, he needed sleep. But not yet. I still have things to do. Once he had found Angus, then he could sleep. Not that he expected he would be able to.

Clean though he was, the battle still clung to him. A gladiator fight, that was something impersonal. It was in and out, no hard feelings, no real lasting effect; unless you died. Death there had been a way of life. But here, in the city... it was teeming with life to the point of repulsion.

But it was worse when the streets were cloaked in mourning. Standing on the castle wall, the city streets lay bare beneath Drew. Here and there patrols of soldiers still moved, but the hordes of people who usually bustled about had retreated to the relative safety of their homes. That, or they lay still on the street, waiting to be gathered up.

Drew turned away and started down the steps. It will return to normal soon. Merchants need to sell and people need to eat. And if things didn't change... well, that was a worry for tomorrow. Right now, I just need to find Angus.

The stables seemed empty when Drew first walked in. Only a few horses remained, who pranced about nervously at his scent. But walking along the aisle, he heard a muffled sob.

Angus was inside an empty stall at the end, sitting atop an upturned bucket. He held his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly. Drew didn't say anything as he stepped inside, crouching next to Angus and putting an arm around him.

Really, there was nothing he could say. What could words even do in this situation?

They sat there in silence until Drew's muscles ached from crouching and Angus's tears had run out; for the moment. Darkness had fallen and the horses stilled.

"You need to sleep." Drew's words were soft, but they seemed to loud in this place of mourning. Angus nodded, wiping at his face with his sleeve. "Do you want to go back-"

"N-no. M-m-mu- M-mu-"

"Maisy?"

Angus nodded again, blinking hard. "She's in- in th-the h-hay l-l-l-loft w-w-with M-m-m- W-with y-y-your f-friend." He stood, drawing in shaky breaths and swaying a bit on his feet.

Drew followed him down the aisle to the foot of a ladder. Climbing up, he found himself in a small room filled with sweet smelling hay and sacks of oats and grain. Marty was asleep in a pile of hay, Maisy curled up on his chest.

"I don't know that you're ever going to get her away from Marty." Angus made a noise that supposed to be a laugh but died halfway out. He dropped into the hay next Marty, rolling to his side so he was face to face with Maisy. Drew joined them lying on his back and peering at the gray tints where there were cracks in the roof.

"T-tell m-m-me som-m-mething."

"What?"

"An-nth-thing. I d-d-don't w-want to- to th-think." Drew scrambled for a topic, any topic. Most of his fields of knowledge were related to killing, that wouldn't help at all. Was he supposed to talk about himself? "Who's K-koper?" How does he- "Y-y-you m-men-m-mentioned h-him th-the n-n-night y-you m-met m-m-m- m-met Calmar."

"Oh... I suppose I did...." Of all the things Angus could've asked about... anything would've been better. Anything. But it's my fault Angus wants- needs a distraction. At that moment, he would've told Angus anything he wanted. "Koper was my... my mentor; at the arena. He raised me." He made me a monster. "When my parents sold me, Koper was the one who made sure I wasn't eaten by anyone and didn't starve to death. He was an older gladiator, mostly retired. He just trained others. I shared a room with him when I was little, and then I was-" Abandoned. "Moved to sleep with the other stock my age."

"H-he's th-the one who- who t-t-t-taught y-you t-t-to f-fight?"

"Yes. Until I surpassed him in skill. He didn't ever say it out loud, but we both knew. Everyone knew."

"D-did h-he escape f-from th-the ar-r-rena t-t-too?" Oh, if only.

"No. He died years ago. I killed him."

The straw rustled as Angus rolled over. "W-what?"

"There- there was an... incident when I was fifteen. Someone else died." Someone I killed. "I wasn't able to shake it. My wolf... he lost it too. And Blaze told me about that, being a Dire Wolf."

"O-oh. Good." They were quiet for a moment. "Y-y-you c-couldn't shake it?" Drew closed hi s eyes briefly. No, of course he's not gonna let me get off topic.

"Koper was told that he either had to get me back on my feet, or kill me. So he- he did something drastic." He never saw the knife the coming. The cut burned like fire, and later he found out Koper had dipped the blade in wolfs bane. He'd been so confused. Koper had never really hurt him before; he'd always been the one who patched Drew up. Oh, how he hadn't to fight. He tried to so hard to get Koper to stop, to listen, to explain. He'd lets the blows keep on coming, curling into a ball when Koper started kicking at his stomach. He didn't want to fight Koper. He didn't want to hurt him. "Wolf snapped. When- when I was younger, he didn't really talk. I only got urges and emotions, sometimes pictures. He took control and went crazy. When I woke up-" In the Cave. When he woke up in the Cave, soaked in blood throwing up things that only monsters ate. "When I woke up, I was told I'd killed several gladiators and guards, and damaged a lot of the arena. Siderius, the man in charge of the arena, he... he wasn't happy." Two beatings in one day. That just wasn't fair. "He blamed Koper for the disaster as well, so he made us fight in the arena."

"And y-y-you w-were b-b-b-et-t-tter than h-him."

"And I was better." That's what really hadn't been fair; making an old man fight when he should've bene only watching.

"And y-you w-were able t-to shake this?"

"Yes."

"H-how?"

Because is was that or die. "Because it's what Koper would've wanted."

Angus shifted in the hay again. "Sorry; I shouldn't h-have asked about h-him."

"No, it's alright." It's only fair you know.

And people wonder why you hate the gods. Wolf had been quiet for most of the day, and it was comforting to hear from him again, even if his words weren't comforting in the least.

And I won't be surprised if Angus learns to as well. We've both been doubly orphaned; we have the right to hate.

Yes, but what good does it do? Drew turned over to look Angus, finding he'd already dropped off to sleep. He could it creeping over him as well, and let himself be taken. He didn't want to argue with Wolf now. He needed his hate, he needed to keep it close.

After all, if he didn't have hate, what would he have?

It was cold when Drew woke up. Rain hammered on the roof of the stables, leaking in though the cracks and puddling on the floor. At some time in the night, Maisy had moved from Marty to Angus. The two were still asleep, and Marty had hunted down a blanket to cover them.

The berserker had clearly been awake for a while. He had a book he was reading in one hand and was writing in a journal with the other, glancing in between the two every few words.

He looked over when Drew pushed himself upright. "Fall's arrived."

"So I noticed." He rose to his feet, wincing when he put his weight on a squeaky board. "I hate the rain." He started brushing of bits of hay and stretched until he heard his back pop. "Remind me not to sleep here again."

"Only if you convince them not to." Marty nodded at Angus and Maisy. "They didn't want to go back to their house last night."

"I'll find them a room in the castle. I think there's an empty one in the same hall as mine."

Not that we'll be in that room much longer, Wolf said.

Thanks. I love feeling sick first thing in the morning. Talking to Amber was most unfortunately one of the top things on his to-do list.

"Will you stay here til they wake up?"

"I planned on it."

Drew started towards the ladder, still stiff. "Oh, by the way, you're officially one of my advisors. Prepare to work with Calmar."

"That should be interesting." Marty spoke in the same flat voice he had been using since Drew woke up. It was the 'I'm reading and barely paying any attention to you or your words' voice. He'll freak out later.

Maybe. He doesn't seem to be intimidated by Calmar in the least.

Are you saying I am?

We both are. Don't be such a baby.

I'm not being a baby.

Yes you- oh, never mind. Drew smirked as he climbed down the ladder. Any time he could get Wolf to give up an argument was a good time.

No one answered Drew's knock on Amber's door. Cimmorene no doubt was with Blaze, and Amber... there was no movement within, so she might still be asleep. Then again, she could just be awake and purposefully not making noise. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission. He opened the door.

The room was icy cold, a breeze whipping through the open balcony doors and sending papers and curtains flying. The only light was from outside, and that hardly counted as light at all. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"Amber?" Where is she? The bed was empty, and from he looks of it no one had slept in it last night. He passed through the room, spotting a plate of uneaten food a cold cup of tea, books and other items that had been left abandoned in odd places.

A particularly vicious breeze swept through the room, bringing with it a gust of rain. Drew went to shut the balcony doors- and found Amber.

"Amber, what are you doing out here?" She didn't look up. She was sitting in a chair, looking out over the courtyard. Drew stood at her side, a wave of concern rising. She looks sick. The last time he had seen her, it had been in almost total darkness, and the time before that she had still been bedridden. There was no way the hollowness of her cheeks had happened over the past day. She was still dressed in bedclothes, and the thin fabric didn't hide her lean frame like her other clothes did. No, that wasn't new.

But he was sure the paleness and far away eyes were.

"So, you finally found the time to break the news to me. Or did you only just now work up the courage?" The cold of the wind and rain were nothing compared to her voice.

"You already new?"

She let out a jagged laugh, all broken glass and resentment. "Of course I knew. I've know of the law since I was eight. I did have an education." Implying that I didn't? That's a bit low, even for her. Just because it was true didn't mean it didn't sting.

"You shouldn't be out here."

"Why not? I'll get sick? Too late." You can say that again.

"You won't be much help as an advisor if you can't get out of bed."

A bit of life stirred in her eyes. "Advisor?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I use you as a resource? You know as much or more than any advisor your father ever had."

"Oh you'll certainly use me." Drew didn't think he was supposed to hear that.

We have to get her inside. We need to find a healer too, a proper one. She needs more than just recovery time.

I know, Wolf. I know. But forcing her won't help at all.

"Will you please come inside?"

"Since you said please." She rose, swaying slightly, still not meeting his eyes.

"Mocking people doesn't suit you. It makes you sound like Haedrik."

Amber froze. "What did you say?" she hissed.

Drew, take it back.

No. It's true and she needs to hear it.

"I said, you sound like Haedrik when you're mocking." Her slap was so sudden, so unexpected, that Drew didn't even think to dodge it. She finally made eye contact with him, and he wished she hadn't. Bloodshot and feral, an animal trapped in a corner. One that had just found a target.

"I am nothing like my father! NOTHING!" She stalked closer hands brought up like she just might try and strangle him. "I will never be like him. Don't you ever, ever say otherwise. What you even know about it? You, an illiterate, lowborn, scrap-scrounging, animal! You weren't even worth fifty gold and you think you're worth being king? King?" They had backed into her room. How does she know how much my parents sold me for? I only ever told Angus and- Blaze. Blaze, who told Cimmorene everything who in turn told Amber. Damn him. "You were raised to be a cheap bit of entertainment, a killer, a monster! You're a freak among werewolves and freak among men! And you think you can be king!" Her hand came up again, but this time Drew caught it.

Fear flickered in her eyes as Drew seized her wrist, dragging her closer till they were eye to eye. "I don't think I can be king." His voice came out as a low snarl, a growl rising in his chest with his words. "I know I can. In my experience, kings do an awful lot of killing, so I'm already qualified. And no, I wasn't raised to be a king. I was raised to be a monster." She flinched at his last word, but he kept her from backing away. "And in this world, monsters are the only people who get what they want." He let go of her wrist, and she stumbled back, clutching at where a bruise would surely form. "So it seems you and I will both get what we want, in some way."

He turned away, breathing hard. His hand shook as he grasped the door handle and let himself out. Just before he shut the door, he paused. "I'll send Cimmorene up soon."

"Forget about it. She's far more content to stay with Blaze rather than me." Drew sighed and shut the door.

He only made a few feet down the hallway before he snapped and punched the wall. He left one more shattered stone that would have to be fixed.

Amber didn't listen to a word Cimmorene said as she bustled about the room. It was all meaningless chatter; bright and bubbly and full of joy. The topic was Blaze, of course, and their upcoming wedding. Cimmorene was worried because there wasn't a Temple of Lupa anywhere nearby and she wanted to have a traditional Wolvish wedding, since she had done so few things in the Wolvish way. But Blaze told her that a wedding was a wedding, and it wasn't like they would offend Lupa, and the only thing that really mattered was who was there.

On and on she went, babbling about guests and food and music, as if her wedding was the most important event of the year. Never mind that the whole country had just been thrown into chaos, and the number of innocents who died in the coup was completely insignificant. And it was a good thing weddings weren't a terrible topic for Amber, and that she wouldn't be coupled with someone she hated. No, no, talk of weddings didn't terrify Amber at all. She wasn't having panic attacks and crying herself to sleep over them.

Or so at least Cimmorene believed as she droned on. "-Blaze is still concerned about his brothers coming." Amber was starting to get a headache. "Ignius is always making fun of him and he drinks too much and if that isn't a worrying combination I don't know what is." Oh gods, when will she stop? "And Cole is just terrifying. His crew as well! We don't want to wait until they leave to get married, and having a party and not inviting them would be so rude. We just decided that-"

"Could you please shut up for once?"

Cimmorene froze. "Amber, what on earth-"

"I am so sick of your frivolous, trivial, air headed chatter! How can you go on about a wedding when people are still being buried and building are still collapsed! A civil war has just been started right on our doorstep and all you can talk about is guest lists. How on earth can you be happy?"

The look of shock was wiped from Cimmorene's face. In its place, cold, sharp rage arose.

"How can I be happy? Really?" She stalked closer, gold brimming in her eyes. "I'm about to get married. I've found a man who loves me and can take care of me. And yes, I know people are still mourning and will be for months. I know we're in the middle of a civil war. But you know what? I'm glad."

Amber rose to her feet, face aghast. "You're glad?" You traitor.

"Yes I'm glad! Why? Because for the first time in my entire life, people see me as an actual person who has thoughts and feelings!" There were tears now as well. Tears from Cimmorene in a fight were never good. "Do you have any idea what it's like to have people view you as some lesser creature? Or have them talk about you like you're not there or like you're a particularly smart dog that's been taught some tricks? Do you know what it's like to be sold as a child and be given away as a pet?" Her voice broke. "Or to never meet another of your kind who cares if you live or die? Or live in constant confusion and fear because things are happening to your body and mind and you don't know why? I finally understand things now. I have a place and a pack. Don't you dare question my happiness."

"So you think it's a good thing Drew is on the throne?"

"Absolutely."

"He's illiterate! He knows nothing of politics or ruling!"

"He's a Dire Wolf! He was born to rule. And even if he doesn't know exactly what he's doing, he'll still be better than Haedrik or even Duncan could ever be."

"How?"

"He's a good man." Cimmorene jabbed a finger at her. "And you can't stand it. You try so hard to hate him but you can't, because he's good. And then you're mad at yourself and try and drag everyone else into your misery." She drew in a deep breath and stepped away, resolve in her eyes. "And I won't put up with it anymore."

A stab of fear pierced Amber's heart. "What do you mean?" Cimmorene walked over to the door, grabbing the handle and opening it.

She turned back, tears still streaming down her face. "Find yourself another handmaid and another friend. I'm done."

The door shut behind her, ringing with the finality of the last nail in a coffin.

Now, at last, Amber was really, truly alone. 

Anyone else in physical pain from the sheer sadness of this chapter? I barely made it through; I can only handle to much sorrow before I want to go write on a happier project. But don't worry! Happy things are coming soon!!!