David opens the door to Di's apartment and Harry tightens his grip on my waist; I glance up at his face but he's far too busy glaring at David to notice. I appreciate it; Harry's obvious disdain for David makes me feel justified for the slight turn in my stomach at the sight of him.

He keeps his eyes on Harry and tries to speak cordially although it's clear that he's nervous and intimidated.

"You're the first ones here...come in!"

I smile and hope it's reassuring to him as Harry pushes his way through the door, pulling me along with him. Di is setting the table so we sit on the couch. As i take in the familiar living room, my heart begins to pound in my chest; Peter had been sitting in this room last week, talking and laughing, eating, catching up. The breath in my lungs seems to have disappeared, my mind is blank but somehow racing as well. I reach next to me and grab Harry's hand.

This is a mistake.

This is a huge, huge mistake.

"Cilly, you're fine."

He speaks the words right into my ear, I bow my head and clench my free hand into a fist so tight my fingernails dig into my skin.

"No...I don't think I am, Haz." Panic spreads through my body, it doesn't matter that I can rationalize the fact that Peter isn't there and isn't coming. All I know is that he showed up here before, and he shouldn't have, and he could do that again whenever he wants to. "I think I want to go home..."

"Cilly, I'm here. You know I won't let anything happen to you."

His voice is a low whisper, Di and David haven't noticed anything is wrong yet. His voice is calming. His words sound true. The panic subsides a little when he speaks.

"Keep talking."

"We're together and you know I'll protect you. Right?" I manage to nod even though I can't quite lift my head, I manage to breathe too. "I love you. You're fine. Nothing is happening tonight that we can't handle together."

"Okay."

"Breathe."

I take in a few deep breaths and let them out slowly, over and over, until I feel better or at least calmer. Harry pulls me into his arms and we lean back on the couch. I rest my head on his chest and the sound of his heart beat is steady. I still feel the after effects of the panic, the unsettled feeling deep in my nerves, but the tightness is gone from my chest, and my nerves are no longer as on edge.

I shut my eyes, deeply embarrassed at my sudden panic attack, they're rare for me. The sight of Peter unexpectedly has clearly made me even more unstable than I was.

I can't trust myself, and I can't trust my feelings, and my guard has been down so low that I've spent the last few days telling Harry how much I love him.

Nothing good can come of that, I'm sure.

Just as sure as I am that this dinner is going to be a disaster.

"CeCe? Are you okay?"

I open my eyes and look up at Di, who has on a red cocktail dress and a dainty pearl necklace, and nod slowly. Harry smiles at her: I know it without even looking at him; I can hear it in his voice.

"She's just a bit tired. We had a long night."

My eyes open wide with alarm and he chuckles as I pinch his stomach.

"Well!" I sit up and on my own as Di frowns her disapproval and continues speaking. "Liam and Sophia are on their way up the stairs, but Kick said she and Zayn will be here in five minutes, so we'll eat then...

She turns on her heels and walks back into the kitchen, her shoulders are up high and tense and she is clearly upset at the thought of Harry and I sleeping together. As soon as she's out of sight I punch Harry on the arm, he laughs. I smirk.

"Bastard."

No one knows the extent of my weirdness about touching except Harry. Kick and Di certainly have no idea. They know I'm guarded but they have no idea that I'm completely incapable of being touched, although I suppose that isn't completely true; not anymore and not where Harry's concerned.

"I said nothing wrong. Not my fault your sister has her mind in the gutter."

"Shut up."

Liam and Sophia arrive, Kick and Zayn follow shortly after, and we all sit down around the table, preparing our plates and having small talk.

"So how are things coming along at the tattoo place?"

Di asks, seeming to have recovered from the shock of Harry's sexy remark, as she looks between Harry, Liam and I and cheerfully awaits an answer.

"They're alright."

A simple answer. Short and sweet. Unusual for Harry, but there's baked chicken and mashed potatoes and other delicious food in front of him. Being his engaging self is the farthest thing from his mind. Liam is too preoccupied with his never silent phone to even know what we're discussing, so I smile at her and give her the type of answer she's looking for.

"It's coming along, but there's still so much to do. Harry wants it open in a couple weeks, which is possible but we really need to find a few more tattoo artists and staff before that..."

"Cilly had the idea to hire Zayn here, to do sketches and what not, which is brilliant actually 'cause he's an amazing artist."

Harry chimes in, I turned to face him and smile. He must really like Zayn to stop scarfing down his food long enough to gush about him.

"Cilly?" David says, with a small smile as he looks at me. "I thought your nickname was CeCe. I like Cilly better."

I hear Harry's fork clink as he rests it against his plate. He places an elbow on the table and glares across at David. He clears his throat and begins to speak, I quickly cut him off; I know nothing nice will be coming out of that beautiful mouth at the moment.

"Only Harry calls me Cilly, David." I slide my hand into the hand of Harry's arm that rests on the table. "I'm his Cilly, he's my Haz."

I can feel Harry's eyes on me as I speak, and I turn to him and smile. He kisses me on the cheek. David forces a smile as well.

"Oh. Well, I think that's beautiful, actually."

"Isn't it just?"

Kick lifts her glass of wine, then gestures it like a toast towards me and Harry before bringing it to her mouth and taking a deep gulp. I frown at her, as Zayn speaks up.

"You two are a really nice couple. I don't think I've ever seen people in love like you are, before, like outside of movies you know?"

Di and Kick both scoff, immediately removing the smile from my face that Zayn's words had put there. I narrow my eyes and let them wander between both of them, as they try to hide the smirks of disapproval they'd worn. Liam puts his phone down, seeming to have realized that a slight was made against his friend, and Sophia sits quietly beside him, looking a little offended herself.

"What does that mean?"

I ask against my better judgement.

"Nothing, CeCe."

"Yeah Boo, it was just funny the way Zayn said it."

"No it wasn't." I lean back in my chair and continue to look at them both. "What he said was beautiful."

"CeCe, it's just the way he said it....it's a little rude to say that in front of other couples."

Di shrugs as though her word on etiquette is absolute. I hate when she does that.

"The truth is the truth though. I don't know you and David well, this is my first time meeting Sophia, and Kick and I are just getting to know each really. But they have something incredible," he points to Harry and I; I'm sure that will lose him even more etiquette points with Di. "I see it every day. Even when they're not together, they kind of are. They're like one person."

I concentrate on my food, not wanting to notice the eye rolls or other slights that I'm sure are coming from Kick and Di. I don't feel like my usual feisty and slightly belligerent self; more after effects of the panic attack I assume. But I know that Harry has to be on the verge of a full on tirade, I let go of his hand and rest mine on his leg. He puts his arm around the back of my chair, and looks into my eyes.

"You ok?"

I nod. He kisses my cheek, then gives me a wink, as if to say he has it all under control. I look back down at my plate.

"I do understand what you mean, though, Z. Harry and CeCe have always been that way. Except for when they broke up that one time. Harry was just pitiful; Cecilia didn't really seem to care all that much." She takes another sip of wine and I wonder about my friend. It's not like her to show up to a dinner party already drunk. "Remember?  I'd tell you about seeing Harry at parties. You  remember, right CeCe? And remember how you said you didn't care, because Harry was way too attached to you and you needed space."

My head shoots up and my eyes narrow on her. She smiles at me, a pleasant smile as though nothing is wrong with what she said. Harry speaks before I can.

"That was what she told me too, Francesca." He leans back in his chair and rolls his eyes. "She was right."

"Yeah, well, anyway...its not like you were lonely that summer, were you Harry?"

"Harry hasn't been lonely a day since he hit puberty."

I glare across the table at Kick, who to my surprise glares right back at me. The laughter of everyone else at my response is lost on my us. Suddenly I'm starting to feel like my self again, and Kick is getting under my skin like never before.

"And you find it attractive that he'd sleep with anything that moves?"

"No, Harry wouldn't fuck just anything that moves, let alone sleep with it." I lean forward and continue, no longer seeing the face of a friend in the girl who sits across from me. "But you can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better."

"I think you both should just calm down."

Liam's eyes dart back and forth between us as he tries to be the voice of reason.

Fuck reason right now, and fuck Kick if she thinks she's going to get away with talking shit about me and Harry.

Especially Harry.

"You think you have something more special than what it really is."

"You're jealous of something you don't understand."

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous? I could have -"

Kick stops in mid sentence as I lean farther forward, ready to hear her grandstand about my man and more than ready to go off on her when she does. Harry's arm comes before my body and pushes me backwards in the chair, I turn my head to the side and look away from Kick before I sigh and reach across the table, pulling her wine glass away.

"You need to stop drinking and shut the fuck up. Okay? I love you Boo; I don't want to do this with you."

She pouts at the loss of her drink and shrugs her shoulders.

Somehow the atmosphere in the room lightens, and everyone begins to talk and laugh, somewhat comfortably. It's easily one of the most awkward and weird experiences of my life, but I push through it, knowing Di must already be disappointed in the outcome of the night. I guess in a way this is my family, and what's a family get together without a near catastrophe, or at least a screaming match or two.

Di gets up to get the cake and ice cream she bought for dessert, and Harry is regaling us with a ridiculous story about life as a tattoo apprentice in London, when suddenly there's a loud knock on the door. My heart drops into my stomach, and my eyes immediately dart to Harry, who tries to reassure me with his gaze.

"Everyone I invited is here." Di says to me as she walks across the apartment to get the door. "I have no idea who this could be."

She opens the door and my fears subside immediately at the sound of the voice.

This is nothing good, but it could be so much worse.

"Well hello Diane! Its been a long time!" Louis' arms wrap around Di, who doesn't bother to return his embrace or hide her scowl.

Something is wrong, I can tell by just the sound of his voice; he isn't drunk but there's something not quite right. "Just came to check on CeCe."

"Hello Diane."

El sounds tired, weary even, but when she steps through the door she looks as beautiful as ever. Louis on the otherhand is just a shadow of his usually stylish self. He beams at me, that impish smile, those shining eyes, that usually perfectly groomed head of hair in a shaggy mess and a scruffy beard to go with it. He wears a black graphic t and a dark blue blazer over it, with a pair of dark wash jeans and black loafers.

This is Louis dressed casually.

"Hello beautiful! What are you doing? Having a party without me, I see." He kisses my cheek and I grimace. Louis' idea of owning a room is being the loudest one in it. "Just came round to see you, since I haven't in almost two whole weeks. We miss you, CeCe!" He saunters around the table and sits in Di's empty seat. He grabs a piece of chicken and eats it, greeting everyone at the table. His eyes stop on Harry and he grins, a chuckle flies out of his mouth. "Captain Underpants!"

He exclaims, laughing to himself, Harry's eyebrows rise as he responds.

"Who are you?"

"Louis Tomlinson. Nice to meet you."

I place a hand over my face and slowly let it slide down as Harry clenches his fists next to me. If anyone makes it out of this dinner party alive, it will be a complete miracle.