N A G I S A ' S P . O . V

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"B-Brain c-cancer ?"

I never knew this 2 words can be so hard to form.

I never knew my heart can pound and drop the way it can now. I never knew I can still feel fear like the way I can now.

I never knew that someone as strong as him can be brought down.

I never knew Karma-kun only have ..

a few months to live....

All of my surrounding became mono color.

I feel so empty and utterly scared. It's like the world stopped spinning and left me all alone in the dark hole. I feel so numb.

"B-but there's chemotherapy right ?" I can't distinguish anything anymore.

I don't know who said that but all I know is that I need to hear what happens in that therapy.

"I don't know the details myself but I heard that chemotherapy didn't work. It just worsened his candid it seems." That's all I need to hear before the world faded into black.

It looks like someone's dragging me and it looks like i'm walking but I can't even feel my legs anymore.

I need to see him.

I want to see him but the thought of him lying in a hospital bed , with dozens of tube inside him and barely breathing makes me wanna wish I just drop here and die.

I can't face him.

Karma-kun's my first friend.

I don't want to lose him.

I don't know when I can start hearing his voice again when suddenly I heard her say something I'm still indecisive about.

"Ok , so here's his roo-.....don't worry about it. I mean you should worry but relax a bit. He's bit lively than you thought you know ?" Then she opens the door.

It didn't smell like I thought it would.

Well yeah , it smells like medicine but just a little bit and what's that sound ?

Shooting ?

"Hey go inside ! He's a bit uncomfortable when I open the door too long and speak of the devil here he comes." No cue I heard a shout I've been longing to hear for so long.

"Hey Kishitani-san Right ? Do you need something ? Hurry up and close the goddamned door !" He's slurring means it's....

"Ah Karma-kun somebody's gonna visit and they won't come in."

"I told ya already ! Nobody's gonna visit me ! But if there is someone tell them to hurry the fuck up before I kick them out without getting in !" He's a lot lively than I thought.

Kishitani looked at us with a gentle smile.

"You heard him. Get in before he explodes." We reluctantly got in and saw him laying in his stomach playing XBox.

There's not dozens of tubes just 2 needles , one for the IV and then the heart monitor.

It doesn't look like he's dying.

Maybe it's all joke and laugh at our faces. Pausing his game he looked at us in the eyes.

"Wow. I never know You guys found out sooner than I thought. A lot sooner that is. I was thinking you would know at my funeral or something."

Funeral ?

"Karma-kun is it true ?" I found my self saying without thinking

"As much as I hate to admit , yeah it's true." He said. Once again I asked and wished and regretted. Everything is repeating it self.

"B-but chemo-"

"Chemotherapy didn't work it just made the tumor bigger it has it's upsides like how you notice only a few months left and I look perfectly fine without tubes and all."

" The effects of chemotherapy still lingers in my body so it eases the symptoms. I don't know how long thought and I barley care." Karma said while changing his position.

His reaction are obviously telling that what he said is the truth.

Nobody said a word.

We are all shocked , scared and worried.

I can see Korosensei flinching non-stop beside me.

Like he's blaming himself for our red hair friend's condition.

"Sensei it's not your fault you know." Our once master prankster looked at sensei with a sad smile.

It doesn't suit him.

He used to smirk a lot or have that mischievous smile on his face but never sad.

His smile isn't for him , it's for us , I know.

Has he already given up ?

There's gotta be a way !

He can't just ..... just die ... Like that !

"Hey guys , have you ever wondered why i'm not freaking out like how a dying person should ?" The Red Head looked at sensei like telling him to snap out of it and listen."Right when I was born. I already knew that I'm going to die young." All of us looked at him with surprise.

I mean it's Karma ! He's so energetic and daring !

"I can easily catch illness.. That's why I went to a private school and my parents drove me to every place I want to go , but , when I was 11 , I caught an illness." He thoughts back at the memories and we can saw how he clench on the sheets , tightly. "It's contagious so it also got my mother. She almost died..." He breathed in and out as he steadies his heavy breathing.

"A month after she recovered they went overseas.....they said that they'll find cure for my disease and earn money .... I don't doubt that they'll do that but I know they're biggest reason is to get away form me and my annoying deadly disease...." He chuckled , emptly.  "I mean I don't need a medicine because there's no cure for overly poor immune system."

He sighed and narrowed his eyes out at the window , we can see how the sunlight softly touch his face follow by the wind who taunt his hair. "People might call them cruel because I'm now on my deathbed and they didn't even bother to come here but I'm grateful because some parents will abandon their child if it's someone like me but they didn't...." he smile sadly. "...carrying the guilt of someone's death huh."

"No...he's wrong... he's their child , their ONLY CHILD." I thought , not knowing my hand had ball into a fist. " They shouldn't have left him especially if he's sickly like that. What if he got sick and can barely stand...Who'll take care of him ? But I can understand Karma. It's wrong but I will also believe it's for the best. I don't want to drag others down and I know he doesn't too but still I can't believe every word he said I mean he's Karma ! He used to fight all the time and always so strong how the hell can he be sick all the time ?!"

"Karma-kun , you've got to be kidding me. You're a delinquent ! You punch people all the time ! How the hell can you be si—"

"Nagisa-kun." Karma closes his eyes , I stopped and watch them again.

His eyes are glimmering with something I can't understand.

"When I entered Junior High. I can't accept that I'm so fucking weak. I don't want to be called 'pampered boy' like I used to....My fevers became more seldom. I became the delinquent you know now. Headaches or nausea is frequent thought so I ditch a lot."

He laugh like it was supposed to be funny. I frowned at him for acting like it's nothing but....

"Then on December 28th last year...." he breathed deeply and his voice slightly trembled as he continued. "....I had a seizure"

See ! This is what I've been talking about ! He had a seizure and nobody's home !

"I woke up after a few hours and a day after that I went to a hospital just to realize I have a stage 2 Brain Cancer.  They wanted to start chemotherapy as quickly as possible but I want to at least finish my 2nd year so I said we'll start after 3 months , when school's over and as you already know I got suspended so we started earlier than planned." A shaky breath escape his lips.

"The doctor said that I'm quite lucky to be suspended and still continue to my 3rd year and that we can start chemotherapy earlier.....but just after a week , my body starts to reject in and jumped into stage 3. It prevented the immediate symptoms thus allowing me to enter their year. " he gently lean on the pillow behind him and closes his eyes. "I know I won't last long but I want to live my life to the fullest and I think that's the best decision I made. I've never felt more happy when I'm in that class .......but good things come to an end they say and I couldn't agree more."

Our red haired friend smiled sadly.

He looks desperate yet understanding.

I want to comfort him but I can't even stand strong.

"On Friday at the third week of September I felt more horrible than ever before. My legs feel numb every now and then and my sight is getting worse. And just after I got home...." He pauses and force to take a deep breath. "I had a major seizure. I was out till Saturday evening. I'm so tired despite sleeping for more than a day. There's nothing I can do when i can barely stand so I just slept it off and went to hospital Sunday morning."

"I already know what I'm going to hear but I don't want to believe it." He closes his eyes like he's trying to remember that horrible day. "As expected I'm already at stage 4.... I want a little bit of time....The doctor said that I have to be monitored all the time means I have to be hospitalized permanently. I want to refused but there's nothing I can do if my condition got worse and leaves just rot away in my house." Karma said.

I stared at the ground as my eyes start to tear up.

My knees are just about to give up and my heart is just about to stop but when I looked at him.

He eyes....They're alive and shining.

I don't get it ! What am I supposed to do ?

I want to stay by his side till the ...... till the end.....But how can I when I'm this weak and pathetic.

"I went to the Main Building as early as possible to talk to the chairman....I didn't lie this time." He said defensively. "I really dropped out and just asked for a week. I started to act like a formal student just to give you a good memory of me. I'm really happy when you kidnapped me because you're worried aren't you ?" He chuckled softly but then we can see how it soon switched to a solemn expression.

"I wanted to tell you this on Friday but when you said that you don't want me to change back and that you like that fake me better." he muttered and we can see how his smiled slowly replace by a frown." I got disappointed and yes , I'm also there when you guys fought early morning. I was so disappointed and mad that I went to piss you off and returned to my normal self.." Most of class looked away , guilt rush through our veins, The others were crying silently. "...but even more I want you to remember who I really am."

"I'm a delinquent. Sarcastic , violent , impolite , a smartass and a brilliant idiot." He laughed.

And I'm so mad myself for not standing up for him earlier. I know that all of us felt guilty but the damage has been done.

"I forgive you Terasaka-kun ," he place a finger on his lips , signaling him to keep quite for now. "Your face looks like you're about to apologize but I don't appreciate being cut off. Don't worry I'm not mad anymore ...and Nagisa-kun ?" I look at him and blink to see what he will say. "Once again thank you." 

His gentle expression shine towards me. I felt my heart ache as I try to hold my breath.

Terasaka lowered his head and looked away with tears.

Korosensei looks so dejected...it's not sensei's fault nor mine nor Terasaka , Karma's parent and definitely not Karma-kun.

It's just....what it's destined to be.

Karma-kun already defined his predicted future and became so strong but life is a life ..... no matter how strong you are , no matter how smart you are , no matter how determined or kind you are you can't defy death.

Even if you want to stay in a beautiful lie called living...you just have to accept the painful truth known as death.

The world is not fair.

Nothing is ever fair but like this.....

"Ne sensei , why are you in the hospital anyway ?" Karma asked

"Ah that's Because Terasaka-kun sprained his ankle"

"That Idoit really love ruin my plans huh ? But I'm kinda relieved." He closes his eyes and for some reason Terasaka-kun didn't react to Karma's taut.

"Relieved ?"

His eyes flutter back up and stare at the ceiling. "Well , I'm actually thinking of telling you guys but I don't know how. " He smile , looking down once again. "I'm kinda relieved that I won't hear you shout nonsense from heaven or maybe hell since I'm not really the kindest but I'm awesome so maybe God likes me !" He chuckled evilly. "..but then again , horns look a lot cooler then halo and black and red fits me better that whi—"

"How long ?"

"Huh ? How long what sensei ?"

"How long Karma-kun , surely you know" Korosensei is really strong......He said without stuttering but is leaking with worry.

"Ah-Oh ! Well , 4 months or 5 months at most but they said that's very unlikely"

"4 months ? 5 months ?! Karma-kun I-"

"Sensei I told you don't worry , it's not your fault.....nor mine....Besides I already accepted my fate years ago so it doesn't bother me anymore." He said softly like a fragile glass. We never heard him like this and it only make our heart breaks even more. "I don't really have any regrets , but Sensei I really wish I could kill you so the world will remember their hero hahahahaha as if I want to be a hero I'd rather be a villain that's more awesome !" 

 "Since heroes are supposed to be kind and shit but villain can do everything that they want." He looked up and started chuckling evilly. Soon it died down as he turn towards us with a soft smile , again. "Guys I really do love your little visit but times is over just come back tomorrow I couldn't care less. " 

Really ? I didn't notice the time.... "Then Karma-kun we'll be back tomorrow" 

He nodded and gave us one last smile then unpaused his game.

And.......all that time...I can't even bare to say thank you nor sorry.