I awoke with a pounding headache and a sorrowful ride back to my house. When I entered, my parents luckily didn't hear me and I was able to sneak back up to bed, snuggling under the covers and shielding my eyes from the sun peaking through the window.

   By the time I woke up from my drunken slumber, I realized that it was twelve in the afternoon. Cursing, I jumped out of bed and ran all the way down the stairs, tripping over the last one. I clumsily fell over myself and landed on a heap at the foot of the stairs.

   My dad laughed at me from the kitchen counter, snacking on some fruit in a bowl.

    "You know, it's not funny," I huffed. "Now I'm gonna be even later to chemistry."

     "You have always been a hazard to yourself, young one."

   I scowled as he took a sip of his coffee, extra cream, no sugar. We both liked our coffee the same way. That reminded me, I could really use some coffee. I didn't have a hangover headache but man was I tired. I could never sleep enough.

   "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" I asked, rushing towards the door, scanning for hazards.

   "All in good time."

   I scowled, stumbled out the door, and hopped into my car. Whenever I was late, I liked to pretend that life was actually grand theft auto and I was going to win the game. My car was my trusty steed, and I was the masterful rider. Okay, not really, but sometimes I needed to make life more interesting for myself.

   The ride to school, I was too stressed to fall back into my thoughts or to jam out to my favorite tunes. The only sound that my ears would register were the honks of the angry drivers I cut off. My heart pounded in my chest as I pulled into the parking lot, pulled into the first spot I found, and all but ran into the building. Of course, this teacher had a fifteen minute limit. If you walked in any later than fifteen minutes, you were in deep trouble. I managed to rush in at minute fifteen, heading to my normal spot at the back of the class.

   I sighed in relief to myself. I didn't need to get in trouble. What I needed to do was focus on school, right? I clenched my firsts in my lap. I shouldn't have gone to that party. I knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn't have kissed that boy, or if I really led him on or whatever. I shouldn't have used alcohol as a coping mechanism. I didn't need to try to be like Lena. Yet, I couldn't find myself regretting it. I could find a balance, school and social life.

   I turned my eyes to the front of the lecture hall. I ruffled in my bag, pulling out my notebook and pen. What was going on? I saw some notes scribbled on the board looking like chicken scratch. Why were there formulas? This wasn't supposed to be math class. I resisted the urge to slam my head down on the table in front of me. I started frantically writing. Maybe I could make sense of it all later. Later was usually a better time to do things, right? Maybe I was just really really lazy.

   A small scrap of paper ended up on my desk. I furrowed my brows at it before carefully unfurling it. In some incredibly neat handwriting, it said 'need any help?' I looked over and met the eyes of a boy. He pointed at the piece of paper. I was about to shake my head. I didn't need his help. Why would a stranger offer to help me for nothing in return? It had to be a joke of some sort. But then, I realized that I really needed the notes to copy down. This was college after all; I couldn't just guess my way through the class. So, with reluctance, I nodded, and he slid his notebook over so that I could see it while he took down a few new notes the teacher was writing.

    "Thank you," I whispered, trying to copy his notes as fast as humanly possible. 

    He stared at me a moment before whispering, "I'm Dallas by the way."

   I nodded at first. I knew it was kind of rude, but I wasn't looking to humor him with my name. I'd give him my name, maybe my number, and we'd never talk again. I knew how it went. No one ever wanted to stay friends with me.

   "I'm Kassie."

   "What's that short for?"

    I glared at him. What was it with all the questions? No one ever talked to me unless they wanted something from me. What the hell did he want.

   "Sorry if that's a little personal," he tried to amend. "Didn't mean to pry into your life."

    So why did he?

    "I was just curious is all," he continued.

    I ignored him for the rest of the class. He didn't try to talk to me much after that, and I tried to pay attention to the teacher. I hated the class, but I knew that I needed it in order to pursue my dramas in life. The last thing I wanted was to end up a failure. Just like many people told me in my life, I was destined to become nothing. I was too chubby, too boring, too ugly, not quite smart enough. I hated people because, in the end, they all hated me. Most importantly, they made me hate myself.

   Class was dismissed, and I ducked out of there before anyone else could dare to strike up a conversation. I didn't want to hear the sound of another person's voice. Heck, even the voice in my head bothered me. I just wanted silence. In fact, I just kind of wanted to cease to exist. Not in a suicidal way, but in a sense that I just didn't want to deal with life anymore. It hurt to exist. I didn't want to wake up everyday to compare myself to Lena and all the happy college girls who had something going for them. All I felt like was a disappointment.

    When I reached my car, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I thought about ignoring it, but I decided to pull it out and check the caller I.D. Lena. Hearing from her two days in a row? Virtually unheard of.

   "What do you want?" I asked rather rudely. I knew she was my best and practically only friend, but I was so tired of being put on a back burner. I was tired of her parties and her party girl lifestyle. Maybe a part of me was even jealous.

    A traitorous tear rolled down my cheek as I leaned against my car, looking down at the concrete to keep the bright sun out of my eyes.

    "Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked.

    "Fine. I'm feeling fine."

     "Maybe another party will be fun. More hot guys, more alcohol, even some weed. It'll be-"

     "No thanks." My stomach churned as memories of the night before resurfaced. The 'hot boys' only wanted sex. They wanted pretty girls like Lena. I didn't think I was welcome.

    "Come on, it'll be fun."

    "No."

    "It won't even be the same crowd from last night. We barely even hang out. We can go for an hour and then go get some food. How does that sound?"

    I sighed. As much as I hated to admit it at that moment, I missed her. A lot. I missed the innocent friendship we once had. I missed the Lena who took me to her parents clothing store after school, who I could share my secrets and demons with. I missed the girl who used to dress me up like we were going to hit the runway. Just for fun. Harmless fun.

    I missed the Lena who I talked to every single day, who would actually accept my FaceTime calls. I knew it was wrong, to party so much. I knew I shouldn't have been disappointing my parents. It was just, Lena had been there through thick and thin. She understood me better than I understood myself. I felt a compulsion to listen to her, to make her happy, so maybe we could fall back into the happy pattern of being just Lena and Kassie.

    "Okay," I said. "Okay, but just an hour."

    I had no idea how much that second party would mess up my life.