Chapter Twelve

We stayed at the baby shower a while longer, as did everyone else.

I personally did not enjoy it. Being around so many people who watched me cautiously was putting me on pins and needles. It didn't help that Dorean hung on me quite possessively, making sure everyone knew there was something going on between us. Something that could get us both in trouble, but I didn'thave the heart to tell him to stop.

Something about the way he linked his arm with mine, the way he looked up at me with those sparkling silver eyes, the way his tail wiggled whenever he was excited and his wings fluttered. I couldn't describe how I felt for Dorean and I was afraid of using the L-word. What if I was wrong? What if I said it and something bad happened? I couldn't bring myself to risk it.

Besides, no point in using it now when Dorean was going to be leaving tomorrow, whether he liked it or not. I just couldn't risk having him around. He could be killed or hurt or... worse. He might just leave on his own.

He liked me now, but for how long? I was impossible to deal with. Even I got annoyed with me. I was the textbook definition of an alcoholic. My career was a broker, and I had to take the deal if they had something of equal or greater value to offer, even if the deal wasn't to my liking. Oh sure, I took food to orphans, but that was just something any normal person should be doing. It didn't make me a good person. It just made me a person. Aside from that and collecting artifacts and watching Ghost Hunters on Thursday nights, I had absolutely no other hobbies or interests.

When it came right down to it, I was the worst person to get involved with. I think even Hades had more of a life than I did.

And that was saying something.

"Stop that." Dorean's voice cut into my thoughts and I looked down to see him scowling up at me. I scowled back at him.

"I wasn't doing anything that time." I replied defensively. Dorean shook his head and motioned for me to stoop down. For some reason, I obeyed and he took my face between his hands, using his thumbs to pull at the corners of my mouth.

"You were making a very sad face there for a second. I want you to be happy." He said with a pout. I almost actually smiled at that, and Dorean saw it, his face lighting up. He quick pulling and pinching at my face to take my hand and kiss my fingertip. A shiver stole up my spine, but this time, it wasn't someone summoning me. It was Dorean stealing another piece of my heart.

"You guys are awfully cuddly." And just like that, a dark cloud covered the sun and I withdrew my hand from Dorean's to shove it into my jacket pocket, glaring at Hades, who stood there looking like he was completely innocent. Even worse, Cerberus was beside him and, being the majestic mutt he was, was chugging a big bottle of Budlight. Actually taller than Hades with layered black hair that fell past his shoulders and eyes as red as blood, Cerberus was the monster creation made for the sole purpose of protecting the gates to the Underworld, keeping both souls in and out. He was the main source of income for the Goth community in Styx. He wore black leather pants with red stitching down the sides to match his knee high skull-buckled boots and his cropped black leather jacket without a shirt on underneath.

"I didn't think you guys were a thing." Cerberus deadpanned, glancing back and forth between Dorean and I. I went to open my mouth and explain it, but Dorean cut me off by grabbing my arm and sticking his chin out to look up at Cerberus.

"We been a thing." He responded confidently. Cerberus looked amused, as did Hades.

"How cute," Hades drawled with enough sarcasm to turn the Sahara Desert into the Sahara Ocean, "I take it Dorean's still going to be living with you, right?" I pinned him with a withering glare that he responded to with a shit-eating grin. Dorean seemed curious by that, but nodded to him. Hades glanced at him, amused.

"Boy, you are whipped," Cerberus said to me, making me frown, "Kid has you on a short leash."

"As if you have room to talk," Hades said dryly, making Cerberus wince, "Blaine just has to look at you and you're belly up."

"I am not."

"Like a Great Dane at the feet of a kitten."

"Yeah, well, I don't see you sassing Persephone."

"That's because I don't have a death wish." Hades deadpanned. Cerberus and I both shrugged and nodded at that. He had a point. As sweet and dainty as Persephone could be, she also could be quite evil and cruel if someone angered her. Thank the gods it was Blaine who got pregnant and not her. We were given small mercy, though. Blaine could be quite a handful when he was pissy and I felt a little sorry for Cerberus, having to deal with it for nine months.

"I saw Adrian eyeing you like a mongoose stalks a cobra," Cerberus commented, making me frown at him, "Take it he doesn't appreciate you running off with his imp." Dorean screwed his face up at that and I shrugged uncomfortably.

"Sometimes I feel like it's the opposite." I admitted. Cerberus arched a brow at that, but said nothing. Hades was still eyeing Dorean for a while before he caught me watching him and a flicker of warning skittered through those icy blue eyes, making me narrow mine.

"We need to leave." I stated. Dorean frowned.

"Why? Party not finished."

"Party ended a while ago. Go say goodbye so we can leave."

"Xenon--"

"Please." I tacked on. Dorean hesitated, but reluctantly nodded and scurried off to Adrian. I watched him go, then shot Hades a dirty look to see him smirking at me.

"This is gonna take some getting used to," He commented, "The all-powerful Xenon is being ordered about by something that barely reaches my chest. He's like a little kitten. And you? You're like... Well, actually, now that I think about it. It's like the original King Kong movie." Cerberus grimaced.

"You were watching old movies again, weren't you?"

"So what? The oldest are the goldest."

"No one says that. Stop trying to sound hip."

"I don't have to try, mutt."

"Ohhh my god," Cerberus groaned, then suddenly pretended to be interested in something across the room, "Oh, look, something that isn't bathed in ancient stupid. If you need me, I'll be over there." He drifted away from us and the look on Hades's face promised Cerberus a merciless torture in the future. Probably a bath or something. I shook my head at that, then looked at Hades, who was watching me closely now.

"I hope we still havea deal," He told me, tone laced with warning, "It'd be a pity to hurt the imp. I've actually grown quite fond of him myself. Like a ray of sunshine peering through the boards of a coffin."

"Thanks for the imagery," I muttered dryly, "And yes. But you'll have to deal with Blaine kicking and screaming afterwards. I want no part of it."

"Doesn't matter to me. Cerberus will be there to shut him up. I won't stay for long anyway. I want to get the infant to his own room and begin training him."

"Training him? He'll be not even an hour old."

"Not with a sword," Hades said dryly, "He doesn't start that until he's five. And don't give me that look. Cerberus picked up a sword seconds after creation."

"Yeah, because he was created, not birthed. Ambrosius, though god, is still an infant. He needs to be tended to. He needs nectar and support. This isn't Sparta where you purposely ignore the infant until it learns to fend for itself. This is the 21st century. The baby will require all of your love and attention and if you don't give it to him, he'll turn stone cold."

"Better to be stone cold, than pathetic," Hades stated, making me frown as he glanced around the room, "Don't get me wrong. Malachi, Theo, Zelios, Cain and Abel, Cerberus, Charon. They are all my sons one way or another. But they were never what I hoped them to be. They fell prey to weakness. They were proto-types to a future generation of elite, and unlike a bunch of halflings running around trying to save each other, these fullblooded gods willl take over their jobs as protectors of the Underworld and mankind. I raised them with a softheart, contrary to what you may think, and that is why they turned out the way they did." I was annoyed by that.

As much as I hated the Sons of Hades, they certainly weren't pathetic. Malachi had saved a demigod from eternal damnation. Even Theo had chipped in on saving Adrian, in his own twisted way, granted, but nonetheless saved Adrian's life by bringing him where he belonged. Zelios put his life and career on the line to save the person he loved. He lost his voice in the process. And while I personally did not find the relationship between Cain and Abel healthy, it was their combined effort that made the rest of us realize that hate, no matter how powerful it was, would always fall prey to love. Cerberus actually learned what love was because of a little fae that barely reached his shoulders, a little fae that loved him so much that he was willing to give up his own child to keep. Charon, who sat day after day alone in darkness, who used to walk with his head down and his tears at bay, now walked with his head held up high and happily started conversations with people, even his own brothers, brothers he would have once thrown under the train to protect his foster father's law.

Pathetic? I had never seen such a group of close-knit brothers in my life. Though each brother had their flaws, they had their perfections and it was these differences that complemented them and made them strong as one entire vessel. They kept the most feared group of gods under lock and key, and they did it together, hand in hand.

"You know," I said after a moment, making Hades frown at me, "I was never lucky enough to have any children. I never met someone who I trusted or loved enough to do that for me. And I never wanted to use a sacred act for violence, so I never forced a woman, or man for that matter, to do such a thing. But if I were a father, and your sons were my sons... Oh wait, no. Because they never would have suffered to begin with. I never would have raped an innocent woman to conceive Malachi. I never would have allowed Theo to spend his entire childhood crying for help from a father who never came. I would have never been scared enough to father a child enough to throw him into Tartarus, and make him lose his mother in the process. I never would have let Cain kill Abel. I never would have let Cerberus grow up not knowing what love was. I never would have let Charon live a day without knowing how much he meant to me. But I'm not their father. You're the lucky bastard who got seven intelligent and brave halflings that put all the gods combined to shame. Because that's how fucking great your kids are. I would have been proud to claim them as my sons and I never would have called them prototypes, like they're some kind of cheap product. And if you weren't threatening the person I loved, I would never let Ambrosius go to you. Because he doesn't deserve a military god as his father. He deserves a fae that will love him and hold him and make sure he knows every day that he's special. Not on the days he takes another life."

Hades stared at me and I stared back for a split second before going over to Dorean, who was saying goodbye to Abel and Adrian.

"We're leaving." I told Dorean sternly. Dorean scowled.

"But I'm not done yet--"

"Dorean, we're leaving. Now." I stated. Dorean's eyes widened a little, like he was startled at being spoken to so harshly, but I wanted to leave before my stupid speech sent Hades over the edge and he decided to kill us both right here and now. Dorean, thank the gods, finally took my hand. Adrian and Abel both gave me peeved glares that I promptly ignored as I let the column of black smoke swallow us and teleport us to my home in Kateria. We appeared in the well-lit living room in utter silence, just standing there. And then Dorean spoke.

"Xenon, what happen? You have that scary look on your face again." He added uneasily. I almost flinched at that, but caught myself and shook my head, moving towards the kitchen.

"It's nothing, Dorean. Just... Go to sleep. I'm gonna grab something to drink and--"

"No," Dorean said firmly, scurrying around me to stand in front of the fridge with his arms thrown out so I couldn't get past him, "No more alcohol. I don't want to sit by you while you drink all night."

"Then go to your room."

"No," Dorean cried more forcefully this time, making me frown further, "I wanna spend time with Xenon! That the whole reason I let Hades take me. He come to me while I stealing food from kitchen again and he say he have to take me to you and I say yes and no argue at all, cuz I wanted to be with you! I know you really scared to let me in, but it okay, I promise. I won't hurt Xenon. I would die before I hurt Xenon." My heart clenched tight at that. I bit my tongue to keep from saying the words that were forming. I didn't want to say them. I had already fucked up and used them with Hades and now he had all the more reason to ride me. I was just digging myself into a deeper grave.

I had to take Dorean home where he was safe... But what if, even after I put him there, he wasn't safe? What if all my attempts would be for naught? What if no matter what I did, he was gone?

I wasn't scared to let Dorean in.

I was scared to let him out.

He could die, or get bored, or something even worse could happen and I would never see him again. It had taken me thousands of years to cope with what had happened to my pantheon, to my people. And even now, the subject was taboo for me. Maybe that's why I hated Callias. Seeing him was a reminder of what he'd done, a reminder that everything I had was gone. And I knew Callias felt justified in his actions. I probably would have done the same thing, but knowing the reason still didn't make any of it better. It didn't bring those people back.

And if I lost Dorean now...

What would be the point? Everything that came into my life would be gone. What would be left for me? Another several thousand years in solitude, broking deals that could mea the destruction of humanity?

I didn't know what to do.

If I let him go, it would hurt and he would just come running back, if he wasn't killed.

If I kept him, he could still die or leave me on his own.

What do I do? What do I do?

"Xenon, stop," Dorean's voice brought me back and it took me a moment to realize I'd collapsed to my knees and Dorean was in front of me, his hands on either side of my face, his eyes searching my expression worriedly, "Don't be scared. I don't want you to be scared. I won't hurt you."

"And what if you get hurt?" I heard myself ask. Dorean blinked, then gave me a warm smile.

"I been hurt lots 'o times before and I'm still here, still touching you, right? I be okay. I won't get hurt, not if Xenon right here with me." He added. A lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed it down hard. Dorean blinked a few times, then slowly leaned in. Instincts propelled me away from him, but something else, something stronger, pulled me forward and our lips touched. Warmth spread through me, and shot straight to my groin as his lips parted mine. Tongue touched tongue, teeth clicked against teeth, and suddenly my self-control was melting away. I could almost literally feel it peeling off my skin.

And now that I was sober, there wasn't the numbing of alcohol to destroy a kiss that made me feel more powerful by the second. Dorean's lips were incredibly soft, tongue soft and wet against mine. I sat back on the floor and Dorean got between my legs, leaning over me with a hand on the floor on either side of me, our mouths never once leaving. I had almost expected the experience to be awkward, because I didn't know what I was doing-- shamefully enough. But Dorean knew exactly what to do, and exactly where to touch.

He unbuckled my jacket and pushed it off my shoulders onto the floor. His tail twirled around behind him and took a hold of one of my boots, sliding it off my foot. His wings flickered every so often, sensing Dorean's arousal as he pushed open my shirt to expose my flesh. He bit his bottom lip, a tiny little gesture that made me clench my teeth as my pants suddenly felt tighter. Dorean noticed instantly and smiled a little, then leaned in to nip at my chin, making me tilt my head back, exposing my throat to him and his little fangs scraped against the skin there gently, tongue laving it tenderly.

My body was aching and hard within seconds. There was still a part of me that wanted to push him off, but it was growing quieter and quieter the more Dorean touched me. My blood had long since turned to lava in my veins.

"You taste so good," Dorean purred against my throat, then trailed little kisses down to a nipple, "If I do something you don't like, tell me." I couldn't possibly think of something he could do that wouldn't arouse me. He could brand his name on my groin and I wouldn't care. A hiss escaped past my clenched teeth as he clamped his lips around my nipple, tongue slipping and sliding while his hands worked their way down to the waistband of my pants. He snuck one hand down and cupped me and I growled low in my throat.

"You sound like a kitty." Dorean said with a laugh. I felt heat creeping into my face and without my jacket to hide it, yeah, it probably looked pathetic.

"Sorry." I muttered. Dorean shook his head, lifting his face near mine so he could kiss me on the lips.

"No, no. Keep making good sounds. It mean I'm doing good." He commented. I grimaced.

"Dorean, I don't want to be the only one..."

"You're not," Dorean replied quietly, nipping at my bottom lip, another groan escaping my lips, "I feel very good making Xenon happy. I want to see Xenon happy, not sad. You always so sad or angry. Time to feel happy, very happy, and I know what to do." I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't want him to think he had to do this. By law, I was his master, but I didn't want him to do it because I was his master. And yet, I had no idea what to do. I'd never done this kind of thing. What was I supposed to do to make him whimper and squirm in delight? Aside from buying him candy.

The thought was lost on me when Dorean had unbuckled my pants and pulled them down, placing his mouth around me and I gasped sharply, fingers instantly sinking into his feather soft white hair. I groaned low in my throat, tilting my head back as I struggled to cope with the bolts of pleasure that coursed through me.

And I thought my blood was on fire before.

My body shuddered and I bit my lip before cursing in release. Dorean looked startled and pulled back, touching his hand to his lips before swallowing and looking at me. Heat claimed my face.

"I am so sorry." I said past clenched teeth. My god, I am pathetic. He hardly did anything. It only lasted ten seconds or less and I couldn't hold it in. I waited for Dorean to laugh at me, but instead, he smiled and reached down to cup me again, making me bit my bottom lip as more pleasure surged through me.

"Don't be sorry. That was a compliment. It mean I made you feel very good," He said, then paused, tilting his head to study me, "Xenon, just asking... But have you did this before?" I didn't answer. I didn't want to, nor did I have to, because judging from the look on my face, Dorean received his answer and nodded.

"That's good," He said, making me frown in confusion, "It mean I'm super lucky, cuz I get Xenon first. And last. Cuz nobody else allowed to have Xenon." His possessiveness surprised me. I hadn't expected it, but it gave me an odd thrill. Dorean gave me a wicked smile before he leaned in to kiss on me, his other hand working between my legs to renew my arousal, which wasn't hard at all. My cock was hard and throbbing not soon after. Dorean paused for a moment, looking around the kitchen before pouting.

"I forgot the tube-y thing."

"Lube."

"Yeah, that."

I was about to be listed in the list of people for awkward conversations during sex. I didn't say anything, just summoned a tube of it and handed it to Dorean, who beamed and gave me a wet kiss on the cheek before he popped the cap and lathered his fingers. I watched, intrigued. I knew very well we would need it, and I'd heard plenty of people warning to use as much as possible. But it was still different to hear it in a story and to actually see it. Dorean shimmied out of his pants and tossed them aside before reaching behind him. He moaned, arching his back and sinking his teeth into his lip. His wings trembled and tail whipped around behind him before coiling up around him, the tip of it reaching up into his hair to ruffle it.

My breath caught in my throat. He was absolutely beautiful. It was erotic and mystical. His porcelain skin glittered with sweat that rolled down over his lean, lithe body. He wasn't skinny and lanky, but built like a dancer with a flat stomach and taut muscles. His snow white hair stuck to the sides of his face with sweat, his silver eyes flickering hungrily as he dug his fingers inside himself, tilting at an angle so I could see everything he was doing.

My mouth went dry and I almost came right then and there, but, as if sensing the impending release, his tail twirled away from him and wrapped around my cock, making me hiss past clenched teeth. The soft little feathers tickled, torturing me even further and I panted as the tail slid around me. It squeezed, but not enough to be overly painful. Just a silent wait for me.

Dorean finally took his fingers away from himself and scooted up into my lap, his tail uncoiling from around me as he took its place, lowering himself down on top of me. I jammed my teeth down into my tongue, and only the pain and taste of blood in my mouth kept me from coming. I held my breath as Dorean purred like a sensual kitten in my lap, one hand reaching back to support himself on my thigh while his other hand crept up my chest, then moved to cup the back of my neck, jerking me forward.

I grunted as our lips met and we kissed hungrily. He started to move, grinding himself down on top of me and another moan spilled past my lips. This time, Dorean joined me, mewling and whimpering in pleasure, licking at his lips and fangs before taking my mouth again.

I hadn't expected it to be like this. Something about it was... different. I just expected, well, to be honest, a plug and go. Just something quick to sate an animalistic need, but the way he moved and touched me, it was more than just sex. I felt like he was coaxing my soul to come out. There was a warmth swelled inside my chest that I'd never felt before. It filled a void I had never noticed.

Was this what everyone talked about? The pleasure that reached beyond lust and happiness? It was a whole new ball field of euphoria.

And suddenly, I didn't want Dorean to go away. I didn't want to send him to Malachi. I didn't want him to leave me. I didn't want Hades to go any-fucking-where near him. I wanted him to be here forever.

No.

Needed.

I needed him.

The feeling only intensified when Dorean put his arms around me and cradled me close to him as he whimpered and gasped sharply as he trembled in orgasm, muscles clenching around me and milking me for all I was worth in a split second as I hissed. Bodies sweaty and trembling, skin slapping skin, breath meeting breath, lips to lips. I could think of no better place, but Dorean's arms wrapped around me, his tail coiled around my waist and his wings spreading out as he came.

And even after the actual sex part came to a close and Dorean ended up just curled up against me on the floor of my damned kitchen, laying on my jacket as the only comfort against the marble tiles...

I still wanted him to stay.

I still needed him.

I didn't want to go back to going to sleep alone, drunk and sick with grief. I wanted to go to sleep, on a cold kitchen floor on an old leather jacket, with Dorean's body pressed up against mine and his arms around me, and a dreamy smile on his face as he said the words I wanted so much to hear.

"I love you, Xenon."