Its just not fair

Pains more trouble than love is worth

I gasp for air

It feels so good, but you know it hurts - Demi Lovato; Heart Attack

***

'So, Lucia,' I slowly tried to start a conversation with the black-haired girl. Her light blue eyes left the letters of the book she was currently reading. Harry had left the room a few minutes ago with Cecilia to go to his appointment with dr. Dolan, leaving the two of us alone. 'May I ask you something?' I asked, carefully choosing my words.

'As long as you are not asking me for money, sex or to be your girlfriend then yes, you may.'

A small laugh escaped my lips as I assured her that I would not ask her for any of those things. 'I was wondering why you were not there on family day,' I softly spoke, not sure if it would hurt her. That was the last thing I wanted to do, I was just curious. 'Since you do have a brother, like you said this morning. I know that it is none of my business so-'

'That is right,' she suddenly spoke, sounding very angry. 'It is none of your fucking business, so please, do not interfere with things that really are not your concern.'

Her suddenly anger and hurtful words did hurt me, so for a moment I did not know what to say or how to act.

'Lucia,' I then said, making her look up from her book again. 'I am sorry,' I apologized softly, but truthfully. 'I really did not mean to upset you and you are right; it is none of my business. It is just that I know it hurts you, so I wanted to help.'

From across the room I caught Zion staring at me, again. His dark brown eyes did not gave any emotion at all. I had no idea what he thought or felt, something that made me even more uncomfortable.

The shorter girl in front of me had to breath through her nose deeply a few times before she could speak to me again. 'I know that, and I am sorry for yelling at you,' she said while her hands were running through her black hair. The scar on her face did not even bother me anymore, but all of a sudden I was wondering if it had something do to with the fact that her family was not there for her the way they should be. 'No, you do not have to feel sorry about that at all,' I assured her, hoping that she would not feel guilty. The last thing she needed was to feel guilt about something like this. My hands grabbed her smaller once that was covered in scars. 'I am here for you, please remember that. Alright?'

My friend just nodded, squeezing my hands softly. A silence settled in the room once again, leaving the two of us staring at each other with patient in my steel-blue ones and doubt in her light-blue ones. I could feel the eyes of Zion still looking at me, something that made me shiver. But it was not the kind of shiver I got when a certain raven-haired boy looked at me, no, this time it was an unpleasant feeling. I felt naked, exposed. He made me very nervous, he made me feel vulnerable.

'He does love me,' she randomly said. 'He really does, I know he does.'

It took me a moment to realise that she must have been talking about her brother. 'He just does not know how to express that love for me, especially not with my condition.'

'Your condition?' I asked, not sure if she would answer it. Her eyes had a far away look, something that made her look like she was not there in the first place.

'Yeah, my mental illness,' she answered. 'This is not the first time I have been admitted to a clinic, you know. The first time was four years ago somewhere near here, then I left and came back about two years ago to that clinic, then I went to a clinic in another city and now I am here.'

For a moment I did not know what to say, so I just said nothing. 'He told me that it was no longer bearable for him to live with me, so if I do not walk out of this place feeling a lot better he said that he would break all the contact between the two of us.'

'So, if I am correctly your brother cannot handle your mental illness anymore?' I tried to make a short summary of her words. 'That is absurd,' I said, not believing how selfish some people really could be. Yes, I had been one of those people, but even in the past I would have never left my sister alone because of something that stupid.

'May I ask where your brother, or any other family-member was when that maniac attacked your beautiful face?' I asked, making sure to tell her that she still was pretty.

'I do not know,' she said, biting her lips while thinking. 'At home I guess?'

'At home?' I asked, feeling my blood boil in my veins. 'So they were all at home, and yet no one bothered to help you? No one even thought about helping you?'

I knew my family was fucked up, but hers took that to an whole new level. It hurt me to know that there were still people out there who could not count on the support of their parents, it literally broke my heart.

'I guess I just was not that important to them,' she said, being pulled into a hug by me a few seconds later. 'I am so sorry you had to go through that,' I mumbled into her black hair. 'Please remember that your brothers stupid ultimatum is not important; you are.'

She did not react to my words, but I knew she had heard them. Believing that you were worth it was one of the hardest things to do. It was something I had not done yet either. Because it is extremely hard to love yourself when you have stopped doing that once before, no matter how many people tell you that you are worth all the love in the world. If you yourself do not feel that way, no one but yourself can learn you how to feel love towards yourself again.

She broke free from our embrace, smiling slightly at me. 'So,' she started, laying her book down on the table. 'How are thing going between you and you know who.'

Even though I knew she was not talking about Lord Voldemort I could not help but shiver hearing the name a lot of people used to call him. It made me feel sick to hear it, to think about him. It made me hate myself for all those things I had done.

'Hello?' I heard someone ask. My eyes found two light-blue ones again as I realised I had not yet answered her question. 'Oh,' I said, 'I guess we are doing okay?'

'Okay?' she asked me, suddenly whispering so that the others would not hear us. 'What do you mean okay?'

'Just okay, I suppose,' I said, not knowing what sounded so weird about it that made her repeat it again. 'Oh come on Draco, there must be something new,' the black-haired girl said. 'He broke up with his girlfriend, that means that you can make a move.'

Her whispers were so soft that I almost did not hear them. Luckily my hearing was good enough to catch all her words.

'I cannot do that,' I said, 'even if I had the guts to do it, he probably does not feel the same way about me. And besides all of that, I still have not completely figured out what I feel for him.'

'That are only more reasons why you should try to make a move,' she spoke, trying to sound as wise as she could possibly be. 'I am just afraid to ruin things between the two of us. Or to go way too fast, he only broke up with his girlfriend this Saturday. I cannot possibly expect him to be happy when I all of a sudden declare my love for him, not now the wounds of his brake-up are still that fresh.'

'Fair enough,' she said, nodding in agreement. 'But you own it to yourself, and to him to at least figure out what is going on between the two of you. You know that you will regret if forever if you do not do anything with those feelings.'

Maybe, just maybe her words were indeed as wise as she tried to make them sound.