The way I feel inside is worse than poison - Blink-182; Last Train Home

***

'Are you nervous?' I asked Harry, a pointless question since we both knew he was indeed very nervous. His green eyes had lost their sparkle today, something that made him look very sad and scared. 'I am sorry,' I apologized, 'of course you are nervous.'

Since I never had a real friend to discuss this kind of things with, I had no idea what to say or what to do. Showing people compassion was not one of those things that came natural to me, not at all. But this was about Harry, about him and Ginny, not me. Not the leak of experience I had with things like that, but the leak of experience he had with breaking the heart of the girl he loved.

'I just,' he started, looking at his hands, something he did very often when he felt nervous. 'I really do not want to hurt her.'

I nodded understandingly. Ginny Weasley did not deserve to be hurt, not by Harry and not by any other men. Although I wanted to keep her safe for that hurt I knew that this was part of life. No one survives life without one or two heartbreaks, that just does not happen.

'You are going to hurt her,' I spoke and guilt rose up immediately. 'Sorry, I did not mean it that way. It is just that she will be hurt for a few days, or weeks,' I spoke quickly, not making the situation any better. 'But if you do not do it you will keep lying to yourself and the both of you will experience even more pain. I am sure you do not want that.'

I could not help but think about my parents. Their relationship had changed so much over the years, firstly they had loved each other unconditionally, but then their love disappeared and changed into an abusive relationship. Something like that was way worse then a breakup. You can get over breakups, but getting over someone abusing you for that long is harder. Not impossible, but harder.

Even though the raven-haired boy did not seem to be the type of guy that would hit his girlfriend, it was still better to end things, especially if that loving feeling had disappeared.

'I know,' the boy spoke, looking up. 'I just hate it.'

To be honest, I could not blame the poor boy. He did love her, just not like that anymore (at least that is what he told me), but that did not mean that he did not longer care about her wellbeing.

The door swung open, revealing Cecilia who had a kind smile lying on her lips. 'Would you please follow me boys? There are some people who want to see you.'

We both stoop up from our chairs, silently walking behind the women. I knew that it was wrong of me to do, but a part of me told me to show some sort of support to the raven-haired boy. My hand found his and connected them together and as I softly squeezed I saw a small smile appear on his full lips.

'Well, good luck guys. You can sit on the table with your name on it and I will assure you that your friends and family will be here soon,' she gave us the instructions that we followed. The "family room" consisted out of a big room with soft blue walls, a few tables, a sofa, a little kitchen and a small playground for younger children. I soon found my table and took a seat nervously. Harry took place on a table just a few metres away from me. Lydia sat at the table closed to the children corner, Honey sat on the table next to her. Zion was not allowed to be here just yet, so he was not present. Strangely enough Lucia was not there.

One of he doors was being opened and the first family members entered the room. A younger looking women with a small child walked towards Lydia and an older couple took a seat next to Honey. I was a little to distracted to notice that my beloved mother had entered the room as well. She was wearing a long black dress and her hair in a bun. She looked the exact same way as the last time I saw her; no bruises, no scars.

I immediately stood up and wrapped my arms around her and hold her as tight as I possibly could. That was the first time I realised just how much I had been missing her presence. 'I love you,' was all I could say. She smelled the exact same way she had done when I was little. 'I love you too my baby,' she whispered into my neck since I was a little taller then she was. 'I love you so much.'

'I missed you,' I then said, not really ready to let go just yet. All I wanted was to feel her safe arms wrapped around my body, all I wanted was to feel her love that I knew I could always rely on. 'Not as much as I have missed you,' was all she said before she broke our embrace, taking a seat. My eyes slowly slid towards Harry's table, seeing that this time only Ginny and Hermione were their. His eyes found mine as I sat down as well. I nodded slowly to him, wishing him luck.

'So tell me,' my mother spoke. Her safe and secure voice made my mood change in a good way immediately. 'How are you? Is the therapy helping? Do you sleep better? Have you made any friends? I noticed that the Potter boy was here as well, did you have an argument or is he giving you a hard time? You know I can always arrange that you two do not have to speak with each other that much, right?'

A small laugh escaped my lips hearing her gabbler. 'One question at the time, please,' I said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it softly. Her hand was a lot smaller than Harry's, but at the same time he was a lot warmer as well. 'I am fine,' I answered her first question. 'The therapy does help me, dr. Dolan is really friendly and patiently. Even though I was sceptic about all of this before I must admit that you were right.'

The beautiful women I got to call my mother smiled at me and her eyes started to sparkle. 'I am so happy to hear that my boy, you look a lot better; happier.'

'Because I am,' I reacted truthfully. 'I also sleep better,' I continued, trying to get away all her worries about me. 'Part of the reason I sleep better is because of my roommate; Harry.'

This seemed to surprise her a little, something I could understand perfectly since I had been complaining about the raven-haired boy ever since I got to Hogwarts.

'When we both cannot sleep we mostly talk until we fall asleep again, that makes it a lot easier to get through the night,' I said, leaving the fact that we both had slept in one bed for one night away. She did not need to know everything. 'He is one of the friends I made in her, the other is a girl called Lucia. She is not here right now but she really is a kind girl, I am convinced you would like her.'

Hearing my words she could not do anything else but smile. I knew this made her happy, if I was happy so was she.

'And how are you doing?' I asked, hoping to hear some good news for once. 'Great,' she said with a smile, 'better then ever to be honest. That is what I wanted to talk with you about, you see, your father and I have decided to take a break from our relationship for a moment.'

My lips let each other open as I stared at her with an open mouth. 'Mom, that is absolutely amazing!' I cried out, immediately hugging her. 'I am so proud of you mom,' I said, hugging her even closer. 'This is probably the best thing you have ever done!'

I could feel her smile against my shoulder. 'You do have to tell me everything,' I said, letting her go and taking my seat once again. 'Where are you staying?'

'In our house,' she said proudly. 'I kicked your father out.'

This amazed me even more. It must have been incredibly hard for her to do such a thing, but she did it anyway. For the umpteenth time I admired her for her strength. But before I could tell her this Harry stood up, mumbling something to the two ladies sitting in front of him before rushing out of the room with tears in his eyes.

'I am terribly sorry mom,' I said before I stood up quickly. 'I am really, really proud of you and cannot wait to see you next week, but I really have to go,' I said as quickly as I could before kissing her on the cheek. My feet carried me out of the family room as fast as they possibly could, following the footsteps that Harry had left.

'Harry?' I called him, but he did not react. I saw our room door closing at the end of the hallway, revealing that he had entered it. Never before had I walked that fast to that stupid room, only to find Harry huddled in a corner.

'Harry?' I said again, but this time with more compassion and patience in my voice. I saw the tears streaming down his face, making his eyes a blood red colour. My body placed itself silently next to him, something that encouraged him to cuddle up to me.

'Shhh,' I tried to shush him as I wrapped my arms around his waist as tightly as my body allowed me to do. His face was placed on my shoulder and as he continued to cry I could feel my shirt getting wetter and wetter. 'It is okay, I am hear for you,' was all I could say, because what could I otherwise say?

'She hates me,' he said after a few minutes of crying unstoppably. 'She hates me and I hate me too.'

Hearing that broke my heart. Of course I knew that he did not like himself, but to hear him say something like that really hurt. 'Harry, look at me,' I spoke with a stern voice, forcing our eyes to find each others. 'I am sure Ginny will get over this, just like you will. She did not cry, right? Maybe she realises that this is for the best as well,' I said, not sure how to finish my words. 'And never say something like that again, you are absolutely wonderful. You are so strong, smart, kind, warm-hearted, loyal and precious. Please never say that you hate yourself again, not when you are so wonderful.'

He looked at me with pain in his eyes. Knowing that I could not take his pain away made me want to put my fist into the wall again. It made me want to hurt myself so badly. But I could not do that. Right at that moment I had to be there for the boy with the raven-black hair. I had to put his needs before my own.

And looking at the broken-hearted boy in front made me feel like putting someone else's needs (that was not a part of my family) before mine for the first time in my life.