We stopped looking for demons under the bed when we relised they were inside of our head - unknown

***

White walls. Empathy laughter.

It was not what I expected, but then again, I did not really have any expectations.

The hallway was cold. Cold and empty. Just like my heart, just like my thoughts.

"It will get better" they told me. "You will not feel this way forever."

But who had ever told me that they could be trusted. No one. No one was telling me anything, really. The walls of my room did not speak any other language than the language of silence.

Footsteps. More than two.

I glanced over to see my mother walking right besides me. Her beautiful brown eyes who once upon a time used to sparkle had lost their sparkle years ago, when the Dark Lord returned. Now they looked even more sad than usual. Knowing that this was my fault made me feel sicker. Sicker than I already felt.

'Mum?' I asked silently. Even though my voice was incredibly soft she still looked up. Her sad eyes found mine, who looked even more devastated than hers. 'Will I be alright?'

Whatever she would answer, it meant nothing. It would be a prediction, or worse; a lie.

'I do not know, love, I am sorry,' she answered. Despite that her answer was not what I wanted to hear, I let it be. Her eyes left mine and we stared back to the endless white hallway.

Something inside of me made me want to run. As fast as I could, as far a way as I possibly could. But there was another part of me which screamed you cannot leave. I knew that I would dan back into the darkness if I left now. To the loneliness that I had been feeling for months now.

The last thing I wanted was to wallow in my self-pity. I had done that for quite some time now, and believe me when I say that I refused to live like that any longer.

'We are almost there, my love. Are you one hundred percent sure that you still agree to our plan? I will not leave you without knowing that this is what you want as well.'

For a small moment, I did feel the familiar feeling of doubt building up inside of me. However, I decided not to listen to it, not this time.

'Sure,' I mumbled. 'I am ready.'

But then again I really was not. Maybe I would never feel ready for anything in my life again. Maybe I would never see the famous light at the end of the tunnel. However, I would never forgive myself for not taking the one chance of a better life. A life in which I might become happy again.

But maybe it was far too late for that. Maybe happiness was not a word in my dictionary anymore.

I saw my mother stop in the corner of my cold eyes. Her action made me stop directly as well, knowing that we had reached the psychologist office.

'Should I knock?'

I never answered that question. The fact that I did not move at all made my mother decide to knock herself. The sound of flesh and bone hitting a wooden door made me shrink. Before I knew it I felt a cold, slim hand sliding into mine.

My mother's small gesture give me a little more confidence. Something I definitely needed. Badly.

The door in front of us opened and a small, slim, grey-haired women greeted us.

'Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, I am delighted to see you,' she spoke. Despite her length her voice was strong and powerful. 'Please come in, I just made some tea.'

I really did not want to drink her stupid tea. Offering us something to drink was one of those stupid ways to make us feel more comfortable. I doubted anything could make me feel comfortable at that point.

'Please have a seat.'

It was only then when I realised my mother and Dr. Dolan had already entered the room and I had not. My feet slowly carried my body to one of the chairs where I took the seat she had offered me.

'How are you doing Mr. Malfoy.'

'I am fine,' I answered without even thinking twice about her question or the answer I give. She knew I was lying, but despite that she just gave me a gentle smile.

'I want to discuss today's programme with you. Is that okay with you?'

'Yes, it is.'

'I am glad to hear that, and you ma'am, do you agree as well?' she asked my mother specifically. 'Of course,' was her response. Before I knew it I felt her hand sliding into mine again. 'Please begin.'

Dr. Dolan only smiled at us before grabbing a form out of a stack of paper.

'First of all we will give you a short tour through the building. Then you will meet your roommate and have a chance to settle in before dinner. Tomorrow morning you will have your first group meeting and after lunch you will have a one on one conversation with me. I am sure your roommate and the others will give you more information about the rules, time schedules and everything else. Are there any questions so far?'

For a moment I blinked. A roommate was not something I felt happy about. But then again I knew that being alone with my own thoughts was even worse. 'No not really.'

'Than you can say your goodbyes to each other. You will not see your mother in the coming weeks. So make sure your goodbyes are worth it.'

I stood up immediately and hugged her as tight as I probably could. My mother meant the world to me, she was one of the strongest persons I had ever met. Her love for me was unconditional, and that touched me even more if possible.

'I will miss you mum,' I whispered softly. 'I really will.'

It was not until then that I discovered the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. Letting go of my rock was harder than I could have ever imagined.

'It is okay my sweet baby boy, we will meet again when you are in a better place. Please remember that, okay?'

'I will.'

'Promise me to take your recovery very serious, as serious as you can. Maybe even more serious than that.'

A smile broke through on my lips. 'I promise mum.'

She handed me my suitcase before nodding to Dr. Dolan.

'Let's go, Mr. Malfoy.'

I nodded to her and followed her, leaving my mother behind. It made me feel guilty, knowing that I could not be the son she so very much deserved.

'I will first show you the dining room, then the living room, the bathrooms, girls rooms, where you of course are not allowed to come, the boysbathroom and your bedroom where your roommate will be waiting for you.'

I did not react, but she did not see to mind at all. After a short walk we reached the dining room. It was an empty room with red walls and a huge table. It was nothing compared to Hogwarts. Then we walked to the living room.

It was nothing too special. Just three couches, a few chairs, a bookcase filled with books and a small table in the corner. It smelled weird in there, like something died and they tried to cover the scent with bleach.

'The group meeting will also take place in here. Everyone has their own spot so you just have to find yours.'

Once again I did not reply.

After a short tour through the "girls corner" where I was not allowed to be at all we arrived to the bathrooms. They horrified me. It were five showers with nothing to separate them from each other. Luckily the toilets did have a door, but no lock to close it.

'Let's go to your room, you must be exhausted,' she said while smiling at me. 'A little,' I admitted. She seemed to be relieved that I finally had spoken again.

We walked back to the hallway again and stopped at the last door.

'Go ahead,' she said. 'Go inside to meet your roommate.'

I had to swallow the lump in my throat before knocking on the door. Nerves attacked my body ones more. What if the person on the other side of the door would not like me? Or more importantly, what if I did not like him?

'Go ahead,' Dr. Dolan said again and I opened the door slowly. When the door was finally opened I felt how my suitcase slipped through my fingers and fell to the ground. A wave of shock attacked me and for the first time that day I was generally speechless. The person sitting on the bed in front of me was the last one I thought I would see in here.

'Potter?'