Gon's  P.O.V

For the past month there has only been darkness drowning In my sorrows. I feel horrible ever since Killua left its like there is nothing to be happy about, but I understand why he left I shouldn't have told him the things I said when Pitou was healing Koumugi . It must have hurt him alot that's why I regret it, I would never have wanted to hurt him I was just so caught up in my emotions over Kite. And not just the things I said but also the things I did, being the idiot I am and went to fight that monster my self and I nearly got myself killed. But Killua after all ive said after all ive done he still saved me.   He told me it was no big deal but it  WAS!!!! HE DISOBEYED HIS FAMILY FOR ME, NEARLY GOT HIMSELF AND ALLUKA KILLED FOR ME!!!! I don't deserve Killua or te be alive and now Killua left because of what I have done, it hurt so bad when he told me I wasent as important to him as Alluka I know shes his sister but I felt like my heart got ripped out of my chest. Now here I am back in Whale Island sitting in my room in the dark, alone, and crying.

I wake up and I feel exhausted I look at the clock and it says that its 9:30 am. I wanted to sleep in but I decided to just head downstairs as I head down I'm welcomed with a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. I see Mito San cooking breakfast, she turns around to face me and smiles," good morning sweetie" she says to me." Good morning Mito San" I reply she then gives me a hug and asks me to get the plates.I get the plates and give them to her and she starts serving me and my Great Grandma. I start sitting at our table. 'Good morning dear" my great grandma tells me, "goodmorning" I reply. Mito San gives us our food and we all start eating, we were eating in silence until Mito San broke it "So how did you sleep Gon" "Fine" I lied I didn't want to tell her that I stayed up all night crying I don't need her worrying about me. I fineshed up my meal and head upstairs to my room I got some clothes and I headed to the shower.     

I put the water to run and waited for the water to be nice and warm, once it was the right temperature I hopped in to the tub. The water felt so good, it was quite peacefull in there I rested my head on the wall and I was slowly drifting to sleep, but that was a mistake.

I started having the same nightmare I always have, after Pitou cut my arm off I grabed my dismembered arm and speared it in her chest, after that I prepared my final jajanken and smashed her with it, the explosion was huge but this time its different. I'm still an adult I look around me and its a wasteland because of my jajanken I walk around then I see him. Killua is on the floor dead because of me.

I wake up from my nightmare and I'm panicking, the dream always feels so real its scary, I'm sweating like crazy despite me still being in the bath. And as I'm processing that it was just a dream I start to cry. Whenever the nightmare is over I always remember why I'm an idiot and why I don't deserve Killua, but I miss him with all my heart I didn't realize how much I needed him until after he left "Killua I'm sorry" after I said that I'm sobbing.

After my bath I decided to try calling Leorio maby he is free, I tried calling no answer, I tried calling again still no answer I tried one last time but it didn't work. Then I tried Kurapika I Tried three times and he didn't pick up once, then I said to myself "I'm calling Killua".

My heart was pounding of fear he wouldn't pick up I tried  five times, after he didn't pick up the fifth time my heart sank. I immediately told myself "hes probably sleeping, or just busy," but the inside of me said "Don't lye to yourself he hates you" I felt like I was about to cry but I grabbed my fishing pole and some bait ran down the stairs quickly told Mito San that I'm going fishing she told me to be back in time for dinner.

I head to my usual spot where I caught the lord of the lake, as isit in my spot I sighed, maybe this wasn't such a great idea last time I went fishing it was with Killua. I put my worm on my hook and reeled it into the water I spent hours their I don't know how long exactly but it was while, I didn't catch a single fish.

As I'm walking by home I see that its almost sunset, I quickly head to a cliff as I'm watching the sun come down I think to myself, Would anyone care if I jumped?, I quickly told myslelf  "DONT BE SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!" of course they would care, I would hurt my family horribly and my friends and if  Killua dosent hate me then I would have hurt him even more.

"I was going to hurt everyone I did this" "WHY AM I EVEN CONSIDERING JUMPING IM SO DAMN SELFISH" I was yelling into the sky tears ran thru my face as I wipe them away I thought to my self I need to find away to stop drowning I'm my despare I need to leave Whale Island and go travel.

When I got home I told Mito San and my Great Grandma that I'm leaving, they asked me where I was going I told them that I didn't know. After dinner I packed some clothes in my backpack along with some money and a toothbrush and toothpaste. I said my goodbyes and I headed out the door.

I found a boat that was heading to York New city I paid my ticket and hopped onboared. It wouldn't be there until the morning so I just decided to go to sleep when I woke up I saw the city, we were close it should only take another half an hour. Then it hit me I didn't have the nightmare I couldent belive it I had the same damn dream ever since the night Killua left.

Once the boat docked I decided to try to find a place to eat I picked the first one I saw it was some sort fancy place I didn't care what I ate I was just hungry. After I ate I decided to walk around then I got hit with all my memories of the Auction and the Spiders all the good times I had with Killua THAT I CANT HAVE ANYMORE.

I started to have somewhat of a panic attack I was breathing hard and sweating I had to get out of here. I went rushing to go buy a ticket to get out of hear but I turned around and my heart stopped I started tearing up, I saw white fluffy hair.