[ 29 ] 1994

-

"What are you apologizing for? This is the greatest news anyone could ever give me. This is the happiest moment of my life."

-

Arthur was heartbroken to say the least, and he locked himself up in one of the training rooms upon his arrival to The Garden. That was where his office was, and it was where he lived. It was secluded mostly, except for the two to four teenagers that were always there at a time. It was also where the organization's funds were hidden, in a vault underground. And there was one other vault where he kept their weapons, mostly hand crafted Diamond Rose guns that he had specially made for the teenagers that trained there. The whole facility and organization was self sufficient by now.

They had started with donated money from rich people who had their same abilities and believed in the cause. Nowadays they sustained themselves and the organization with whatever money they could get off the shifters they killed. That money was picked up by Arthur, with his hunters keeping fifty percent of the profits. That money was then invested in more weapons as well as maintaining The Garden. 

But his reason for seeking out the training room was because he remembered the trick Michelle Jenner had taught him. The training rooms were specifically designed to materialize any obstacle course in existence, or any challenge that a trainer might want to throw at their trainee. His room mate had figured out that the training room could also materialize human memories like a movie, but it took the person to that same moment in time. Arthur was sat in the middle of the room, replaying all his old memories with Harleen. The first time they met, the first time they kissed, their first date, everything. Pausing and lingering ever so slightly whenever she smiled at him. It was a genuine smile full of love. Even though they were only teenagers when they dated, they loved each other. He wished he could have stopped time forever in those moments, with her eyes watching him, wanting so badly to hold her like he used to.

Before he knew it, he looked at his wrist watch and realized it was already a bit past midnight. Night time had fallen and he grew tired. With a sigh, he picked himself up off the floor.

He couldn't and he didn't blame Harleen for moving on, as much as it hurt him to see her with someone else. And at least, he thought to himself with a bit of consolation, Aaron Quinn wasn't a bad guy. The only reason Arthur didn't like him then was because everyone knew he was in love with Harleen since they were kids, and the only reason he didn't like him now was because he was marrying her. That wasn't his fault, and Arthur rationalized he was merely a victim of circumstance. Yet, there was still a little fragment of his mind that wished Aaron Quinn would just disappear so that he could get Harleen back. 

He knew well that his wishful thinking would not be enough to make things happen. And the last thing he wanted was to return to Harleen's life and fill her with confusion and doubts. He also wasn't sure she would even pick him anyway. Perhaps she had fallen in love with Aaron finally and was happy to be getting married to him. At least, by staying away, Arthur wouldn't have the extra hurt of getting rejected by her.

Arthur returned to his bedroom and thought he was tired, he could not get any sleep the entire the rest of the night. He laid in his bed, thinking about his options. He could return to see Harleen and possibly fail, or possibly get her back. Or he could move on with his life like she decided to do. It had been four years since they broke up and maybe he was just clinging to her because she was one of the only people who had ever been nice to him. As an orphan who was raised by hiss aunt, Arthur constantly got teased all through his childhood and teen years. They made fun of him because he didn't have parents, but Harleen never treated him any different. She defended him from people at school. And she saw through his hard exterior. The boy who never smiled, never really talked to anyone, and she got him to open up.

When he finally got the courage to ask her out, it was so difficult to admit his feelings, and finally accept one more person into his world. It had always been Arthur and his aunt Elenore. But now he didn't just have his aunt. He had Harleen too, and he thought that just maybe, that was the reason why he found it so difficult to let her go.

But then came Michelle Jenner, or rather he entered her life when he started his training. She was a lot like him--angry at the world, lonely. She had no one. He saw himself in her so much that he wanted to offer her the same kind of affection and support that he got from Harleen. He just never thought she would take it as him having a crush on her. Though he should have learned from his own experience with Harleen, since the two of them ended up falling in love and dating. Now there were three very important people in his life. His aunt, who had passed away during his time in The Garden, Harleen, and now Michelle.

He didn't want to lead her on, or play with her feelings. But he wanted to see his own feelings for Harleen go away. She was marrying Aaron Quinn and was starting a new life. He didn't want to wait on her forever.

Instead, Arthur decided to give things a try. He would talk to Michelle and let her know that he wanted to get to know her better, without any labels at first. With the passage of time, they would see if they could start a relationship. He also didn't want to tie her down to him, and end up with the relationship not going anywhere. But he would always be honest with her and he would always leave the opportunity open for her to see someone else if she ended up decided she didn't love him anymore.

All cards on the table. He wanted to get over his heartbreak, but he definitely didn't want to use her either.

-

May 1995. 

By now it had been about a whole year since he and Michelle had started their no strings attached relationship. Arthur still found himself occasionally thinking about Harleen and in his moments of weakness, he'd sometimes hire a private investigator to give him life updates on her. Just to see how she was doing. It wasn't like he ever approached her anyway. 

Harleen had gone ahead with her marriage to Aaron Quinn, and according to the private investigator, they were already trying to start a family. Arthur felt a pang in his chest at the thought of the two of them having children. A part of the two of them. But, as the private investigator had informed, there was a smudge on their perfect little life together. Though they were both perfectly healthy and capable, they just couldn't conceive any children, and they had been trying ever since they got married almost a half a year prior. Despite his stomach churning at the thought of them having kids, he still felt bad for them. Mostly for Harleen because they had talked about having children together.

She had always wanted two--a boy and a girl. Her perfect little pair, as she always fondly put it.

Arthur couldn't imagine himself having any children, unless it were with Harleen. 

Maybe it was the nature of his thoughts that brought on what came next. His phone rang in his office, and when he answered it, there was a crying Michelle Jenner on the other end. He was immediately concerned, since he knew she was very strong and didn't like to show her feelings. He didn't think he had ever seen her cry before. "Michelle, what's wrong?" He asked into the phone, voice full of concern.

Her voice was weepy as she replied, offering stream of apologies to him. "You're going to hate me, Arthur. I just know it. I'm so sorry."

"Wait, calm down." He told her, still not understanding what she was talking about.

He wasn't sure how he knew, but he was sure she was shaking. She then broke out into sobs and said through her crying. "I don't know what to do. I've been feeling really sick these past two weeks. I haven't been able to go hunting, or do my reports. And then, I missed my period and I haven't been able to keep any food down. I know we agreed there would be nothing serious between us. I'm so sorry."

Arthur felt his heart drop when she heard the words I missed my period because they were a big indicator that some news was coming. She continued offering apologies into the phone, telling him that she was sorry for her mistake and that she understood if he never wanted to see her again. He stopped her immediately. He was in a daze, but even so, he found himself replying to her. "What are you apologizing for? This is the greatest news anyone could ever give me. This is the happiest moment of my life."

Her crying ceased in a moment and now he could hear her sniffling from the other end. "What did you say?"

His smile of joy was too much for him to contain, so much so that even over the phone it was evident. "Please stop crying. This is the happiest moment of my life."

-

November 1995.

For her own safety, Arthur had Michelle move back into The Garden during the beginning stages of her pregnancy. She was a country away, all by herself, and he didn't feel comfortable leaving her like that. He stationed someone else in New Zealand to take her place as a hunter and then got her a nice home that was close enough that he could visit her every weekend without fail. He wanted to be there for every doctor's visit, every ultrasound, and every important event during the pregnancy. Though Michelle still knew in her heart that he was not yet in love with her, she appreciated his efforts, and she appreciated the fact that he seemed to love their child very much. 

He was very careful about his movements from the moment that he received the news, as he knew that during his short time as head of the organization, he had made numerous enemies. It was one thing his uncles had warned him about. He would have to live the rest of his life hidden, with only those closest to him really knowing where he was, and not even that. He had discussed it with Michelle when he finally saw her in person again, and they had decided that she would give up her time with the hunters and he would provide her a monthly stipend for her and their child. She was reluctant to receive money like that from him, as she felt like maybe he was doing all of this out of pity. But he reassured her that it wasn't like that. He just wanted to take care of her, like he always did.

Her gun would remain hidden in the house, per his insistence, in case she were to need it one day. And she was to change her last name, so as not to be found on any public records. The house wasn't even under either of their names. It had been listen under an anonymous buyer. She had decided to go from Michelle Jenner, to Michelle Clifford, taking up her mother's maiden name. 

For months she remained mostly in the home, as her and Arthur were both scared that an enemy would find her and hurt their unborn child. When it finally came time for her to give birth, Arthur was there with her every moment. He had given his command of the organization to one of his cousins, if only for a couple of days while he could help Michelle and the baby get settled at home. Arthur could feel his heart bursting with joy when his eyes fell upon his first child, a little boy that they named Michael. 

While Michelle insisted they should name the child Robert, after Arthur's father, Arthur denied that request with a vehement shake of his head. He suggested they should name the baby Michael, after her father. The request brought tears to her blue eyes and it was the second time, he believed, that he had ever seen her crying. They were tears full of emotion, but they were tears filled with joy that he was thinking of her like she was always thinking of him. Despite everything, he was trying so hard to love her. And he did, just not in the way that she wanted to be loved. His love for her was more between friends, or even family. Not lovers.

And when Arthur held that baby in his arms for the first time, he felt like his entire world was complete. Nothing could ever take that happiness away from him.

That was the first time he had felt real happiness in a long time. His life had been full of mistakes ever since he was a teenager, and it was a series of mistakes that had gotten him where he was then. But if he had to be honest with himself, he wouldn't have categorized these last couple of years as one of those mistakes. He truly believed in his heart that his life could be perfect and he was not a screw up.

-

now im a little down guys bc my crush hasn't texted me since saturday. i saw him at work today, and we talked. but its not the same. he never replied to my text on saturday and when he does things like that it always makes me feel stupid. like he doesn't give a fuck about me.

but then he asked me how come i was online playing animal crossing with greed and fernie and didn't invite him. but i didn't invite him bc he didnt reply to my text and my pride wouldn't let me text him again until he replies.

also we both left work at the same time, and i have a car and he doesnt. and i know he wanted to ask me for a ride bc thats our thing. before the quarantine we'd drive around a bit and then i'd drop him off. but he didn't ask, and i didn't offer bc i felt like he didn't deserve it. especially when last week he was acting real weird like he was on his man period or something.

he does that. like every couple of weeks he gets moody and doesnt talk to me. 

but anyway, please enjoy the update. im just ranting here because im a hurt little bean. someone just comment that he's wrong and he's a jerkwad. i need to hear it. lol

-clary