AYYY IM NOT DEADDD X'DD

yAY FOR FREAKIN UNDERFELL~!! I don't see that many Fell!Afterdeath fics, and I've wanted to make one for a long time, but never got any ideas for it until someone gave me a suggestion that I really liked, so here we are~!

The drawing and Fell!Afterdeath belongs to Nateeev on tumblr~ :3c

~Start~

The night was cold and chilly by the time Geno had finally decided to head back home. After his big fight with Death, he had stormed off and gone out for a walk to cool down, since they usually help him to sort out his thoughts. Although they usually fight on a regular basis, all Geno had to do was say three words that had apparently touched a nerve, and it all went downhill from there. Their fights were never this bad, and Geno was almost afraid to return home and face Death again.

He didn't even mean to say that to Death. In fact, he had never really said them to Death, ever, not on purpose. The words had accidentally slipped out of his mouth, and Geno regretted every moment of it, but Death's reaction was what surprised him the most. His usual, snarky and rude attitude had completely melted away, and something must have snapped. When Geno had stormed off, those three words echoed in his head and made his soul ache, because no matter what Death did, Geno knew that everything he said had never been true.

Whenever his partner was angry, he would usually either take it out on Geno by yelling at him or hitting him only once or twice, but then Death would always either go to his room or come back home drunk afterwards. Sometimes, when he was alone, Geno had thought about leaving the god of death, but he had nowhere to go. He even tried to commit suicide multiple times behind Death's back, but all of his attempts had been proven futile and only made his life worse.

Geno's anxiety grew as the house he and Death shared came into view. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually been looking forward to going home. Before they started living together, Geno and Death rarely fought. For once in a long time, Geno was genuinely happy. Now, the number of times Geno had tried to kill himself had risen and depression weighed on his shoulders like a thousand bricks piling on top of him.

Geno just wished he knew what he did wrong that made Death this way. It hurt to look back at their good times together, and Geno desperately wished he had those times back. The fact that he still loved Death made the pain even worse.

When Geno had finally arrived back home, he was almost expecting Death to be there, waiting for him. But, to his surprise, the god of death was nowhere in sight. He found Death's scythe leaning against the wall like always, which was odd. It wasn't like Death to leave the house without it, so this was entirely new.

Geno was about to dismiss the thought until he heard something clatter onto the ground in the kitchen. He immediately went to go investigate, assuming Death was there, most likely doing something stupid. But as he listened carefully, Geno could hear heavy, shaky breathing.

"I need something sharper than this..." He heard a growl of frustration coming from the kitchen, and Geno immediately recognized Death's voice. For some reason, he didn't sound like himself. Death's voice was strained and shaky, but Geno couldn't think of an explanation as to why.

Why would Death need something sharp? He has no reason to use a knife or anything like that when he already has a scythe, Geno asked himself, approaching the kitchen. His soul was pounding and his anxiety grew. What the hell is he doing in there?

Geno's prediction was correct and he found Death digging through a drawer full of silverware. Since his back was facing him, Geno couldn't exactly make out what Death was doing, but he guessed that the reaper was looking for something that was sharp. As to why Death needed a knife, Geno had no clue.

Then a thought hit him. Was Death going to use the knife on Geno? Although it wouldn't be the first time, Geno wished it would be the last. Even though knives were common, it wasn't Geno's favorite item to use, and he had a certain murderous child to thank for that.

A flicker of red caught Geno's attention and he looked at the floor near Death's feet. There, he saw one of their sharpest knives on the ground, dripping with blood. In fact, small drops of blood surrounded Death's feet. Fresh blood.

Death then gave a small grunt of satisfaction as he pulled out another knife. Geno watched, frozen in place, as Death held it up to the light as if he was examining it. It was the sharpest knife they had, and the one Geno had hidden away in the back.

Fear consumed Geno's soul as he slowly pieced the puzzle together. He seemed to be frozen in place as Death rolled up his sleeve, revealing countless scars. Some were fresher and less faded than the others, while there were recent ones as if they were made not that long ago. Geno willed to speak, willed to do something, anything, to keep Death from continuing, but he felt as if his body was trapped inside a block of ice. His breathing even stopped. All he could do was watch.

Although Geno had seen Death's scars before, he had never put too much thought into them. He had always assumed Death had gotten them from reaping or picking fights with others. Besides, Geno never saw a reason why the reaper would harm himself. In fact, he had never even considered the possibility at all.

The reaper inhaled deeply and murmured something under his breath as he pressed the blade against his arm. At that moment, Geno regained control over his body and was able to move again. Before Death could make the cut, Geno was there grab his wrist, preventing him from causing any more harm.

"G-Geno!?" Death flinched at the sudden action and his eyes widened, his attention snapping towards his partner. Now that Geno had a clear view of his face, it was easy to tell that the god had been crying. His face was stained with tears and Death's empty eyes were exhausted and full of pain. Now that Geno was here, newborn tears formed at his eyes and Death quickly looked away. The image broke Geno's heart, though he couldn't help but feel angry.

Geno couldn't hold back his anger and slapped him. If Death wasn't already in pain, then he would've hit him harder. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Death flinched at this and his eyes were quickly covered by his hood. He tried to free himself from Geno's grip, but the other wouldn't let go. "It's none of your business, let go of me."

"Well, now it is!" Geno yelled, pissed. He sounded angrier than he felt. He wanted nothing more than to hug the god and cry, but Geno knew he couldn't do that, Death wouldn't approve. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"It doesn't matter, I deserve it." Death growled and managed to tear his arm away from Geno's grip. Geno had never seen Death so miserable, so broken and defeated, yet self-hatred laced his voice. "Why do you care all of a sudden? Last time I checked, you hated me."

Geno looked at him in shock and their fight replayed in his mind like a broken record player. "I-I didn't mean to say that, I swear! I was just pissed at you and even myself, and it slipped out, but I don't hate you."

Death gave a small, bitter laugh. "You've always been a bad liar, Geno. I remember the exact words you said, and you said them with such hatred! Ha, even the expression you wore at that moment said you hated me."

"Death..." Geno started, but the god was having none of it.

"Go on, say it." The reaper's voice was strained and his grip on the knife tightened. "Say you hate me, I know you do. There's no point in saying otherwise."

He took a deep breath to steady himself and finally spoke. "Death, I don't hate you and I never will. What I said was an accident, I was just frustrated."

The god of death shook his head, refusing to accept Geno's answer. "Stop lying, and just say it. You're making this harder than it needs to be."

"I'm not lying," Geno said firmly. Even though Death was on the verge of breaking, he couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed that he had to repeat himself. "For the last time, I don't hate you. I'm not going to repeat myself just because you're too stubborn to accept it. If anything, I was convinced you hated me!"

"Geno, have I once ever told you that I hated you?" Death asked quietly, his voice cracking slightly.

Geno was about to respond with a yes but stopped himself. Now that Death had mentioned it, Geno realized that he had never said the words 'I hate you,' not even once. The words had never slipped out of his mouth when they fought or when he was in a bad mood. The only response Geno could give was a quiet no, for he was still processing this new information.

"And you should hate me, you have every reason to. Heck, even I hate myself more than anything," Death growled, a shadow falling over his eyes. "Don't think I don't know about your suicide attempts, Geno. You hate me so much that you've tried to kill yourself multiple times, just to get away from me, but nothing worked." It almost sounded like Death was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Geno.

Geno was at loss for words and panic struck his soul. "Y...You know about them?"

Death nodded, giving a dry laugh. "I'm the grim reaper, Geno, death, and suicide seem to follow me everywhere. I bet you haven't thought of that, did you? Or maybe it's because you know I don't care, b-but it hurts. It really does. I-It hurts so m-much to know th-that I'm the reason, a-and," He suddenly broke into a sob. "I d-didn't do anything a-about it."

All Geno could do was stand there in shock, trying to process this new information. He didn't know what to do or say. When he first tried to commit suicide, he had thought of the possibility but since Death haven't confronted him, Geno thought he was safe. What Death was saying seemed unreal to him, but his wretched sobs told a different story. A million questions filled his mind but Geno quickly pushed them away. He needed to focus on the task at hand, but he was lost at what to do.

Since Death had rarely cried, Geno didn't know where to begin. Seeing the reaper cry in general was concerning. When he did, all Geno could do was either leave him alone or comfort the god to the best of his abilities, but the last time Death had cried felt like ages ago, and it was nowhere near as bad.

"I-I'm pathetic, aren't I? The god of d-death crying, imagine that!" Death gave a pained laugh as he slid down onto the floor, but it was quickly interrupted with another sob. "E-Everyone expects me t-to be emotionless and c-cold, murderous even. B-But I'm really just a-a sorry excuse of a reaper."

Geno took a deep, shaky breath and knelt down beside his partner. He had always seen Death as a rude and selfish individual, yet here he was, crying like a child as if he had been locking away his emotions back for years. It was no wonder why Death had started to cut. Geno understood that physical pain could distract you from emotional pain, but it didn't stop his soul from hurting.

Without realizing what he was doing, Geno suddenly pulled Death into a gentle yet firm hug. The god didn't even bother to put up a fight and simply sobbed into Geno's jacket, clutching onto him as if he could disappear any second. Geno rubbed his back awkwardly, his own tears starting to form. It had been so long since they last hugged. Geno almost forgot what it felt like to hold his partner close and feel Death's warmth pressed against his body.

"I-I'm just scared," Death confessed through small whimpers, sobbing. "Scared th-that one day you'll succeed, a-a-and I'll be all alone again, living the rest of my miserable life knowing that I-I could've done something b-but I chose not to."

Finally, after what felt like hours, Death weakly pulled away from the hug. Although Geno didn't want to let go, he didn't want to force it, either. Death occasionally gave small hiccups and sniffles, which Geno would've found cute if his partner wasn't so badly hurt.

"I... I don't know what to say." Geno confessed anxiously. It was the truth. Nothing could've prepared him for this, and everything seemed to be happening so fast that Geno could barely keep up with it. At this point, this might as well be a dream, a heartbreaking one.

"Y-You don't have to say anything," Death spoke quietly. He refused to look at Geno directly and stared at the ground in shame. "I... I just want to say I'm sorry. For everything. For being selfish and taking you for granted, for being horrible to you, for being an asshole, a-and," His voice cracked and Death looked like he was about to break down sobbing again. "I-I'm sorry for coming into your life a-and ruining it. Y-You deserve so much better."

Anger suddenly rose in Geno's chest hearing those words slip out of Death's mouth so easily. He held the reaper's face with his hands and forced Death to look up at him. "How can you say that? You're the best goddamn thing that has ever happened to me. You didn't ruin my life, you've only made it better. I don't care if I deserve 'better,' I don't want anyone but you!"

Death gave a choked laugh, newly born tears falling down his face. "Heh, y-you're so stubborn, Geno. I love that about you. Heck, I love you so much it hurts, b-but I don't deserve someone like you. I never did."

Hearing this only made Geno angrier. "Want to know something, Death? The main reason why my suicide attempts never work is that I don't want to abandon you. Without you, I would've been dead a long time ago," He said firmly, the words flowing freely out of his mouth. He so badly wanted Death to understand, but the god wasn't easy to be convinced. "Even if you are a jerk, you gave me a reason to live, to keep going, to keep fighting. I love you for that, and I owe you my everything."

Another sob escaped Death's mouth. "B-But I'm horrible to everyone and everything, especially you! All I've ever done was use you. E-Everyone expects me to be what I'm n-not, but I give them what they see anyway! A-A c-cold and heartless monster, even if it meant hurting you. I-I didn't w-want you to think that I was weak or soft, but somewhere I fucked up. And after seeing how much it affected you, I..." Death gave more choked sobs. "I wished I was dead."

Geno was speechless. What could he say? It wasn't like he could say a few words and it would be magically okay. In fact, neither of them were 'okay.' There were both well-aware that they lived in a world where it was kill or be killed, and showing any emotion at all made you weak. On Death's part, that meant everything as a god. His personality alone determined how people saw him, and whether or not if he should be shown respect. If it was in any other world, Death would've been hated either way, regarding his personality. But for this world, that wasn't the case. Since Geno was usually left alone due to his cold and rude attitude towards others, he couldn't imagine what it would feel like to be under all that pressure.

Death's state seemed to worsen at Geno's silence, but he didn't say any more. All he could do was continue to cry, all of the emotions that Death had locked away for as long as he could remember pouring out into tears. Although he wasn't crying as bad, Geno couldn't bear to see him in this state in general. Seeing that no matter what he said, he still couldn't get Death to understand made him feel useless, but Geno wasn't the type to give up easily.

"Death... I don't care if you're weak or soft," Geno spoke gently, wiping away Death's tears with a thumb. "You're perfect and I'll accept you no matter what. I love you and I don't want you to be someone you're not so please, be yourself. Everything's going to be okay in the end, and I'll always be there with you. I won't try to commit suicide anymore, I-I promise."    

The god could only stare at Geno in disbelief before finally letting a small but genuine laugh. "I give up."

Before Geno could act what he meant, Death pulled him into a gentle but passionate kiss. It took Geno a few moments to register what was happening and his face turned blue in a matter of seconds. He forced himself to relax and slowly melted into the kiss. 

Geno couldn't remember the last time they shared a real, genuine kiss. It sparked a certain flame in his soul that increased his heart rate and set it on fire. His soul soared, the familiar feeling of love coating it with its warmth like a protective shield. Geno hasn't even realized he was crying until Death finally pulled away from the kiss and reached up, gently wiping his tears away.  

The gesture alone was enough to cause Geno to cry harder. Death's touch was so tender and careful, unlike his usual rough and careless actions. Geno had never felt so light and free in his life as if all of his anxiety and depression was lifted off his shoulders. The way Death looked at him with such love and compassion alone made Geno feel like he was about to melt.

"Do you think we could, you know... start over?" Death asked hopefully, biting his lip. "I-I won't make the same mistake again, I promise. I'll... I'll try to be the person you deserve."     

A laugh escaped Geno's mouth as more tears ran down his face. "You're an idiot if you think I'm going to turn down that offer."

A wide smile stretched across Death's face at the other's answer, a smile that made Geno's soul flutter. The god rested his forehead against Geno's, letting out a relieved sigh. "I don't know if I should be relieved or concerned you're giving me another chance. I might blow it."   

"Whatever, as long as you're at least trying," Geno replied, closing his eyes for a few, brief seconds, simply enjoying the moment. "I'm tired, we should probably go to sleep, it's late."

"Yeah, I'm tired too," Death responded softly. He stole a quick kiss from his partner and stood up before Geno could react. The god let an amused chuckle at the expression he wore and held out a hand for Geno to take. "May I?"

Geno couldn't help but roll his eye at this but took the hand anyway. Death easily pulled Geno back onto his feet, wearing a warm smile. The reaper squeezed Geno's hand and led him to their room. They didn't bother changing and climbed into the bed almost immediately. It wasn't long before Geno found himself trapped in the other's embrace, a bright, blue hue dusting his cheeks.

A few moments of silence passed before Geno suddenly spoke up, but his voice was quiet and soft. "Death... are you going to continue cutting...?"

When Death didn't respond right away, Geno assumed he had fallen asleep. It wasn't until a minute passed until the god finally replied. "Only for you, I'll try not to. And you'd better keep your promise and stay with me."

"I will don't worry," Geno said softly, placing a small kiss on the other's cheek. There were no words to describe how relieved he felt to hear those words. "Thank you."

Death pulled Geno closer in response, returning the kiss. Although Geno wasn't used to being this close to the reaper, he didn't mind at all. He buried his face into the other's cloak, holding onto Death tightly. For once in their whole lives, both Geno and Deah finally felt safe in each other's arms.

"I love you..." Death whispered, his grip on his lover tightening. "I love you so much. I'm sorry you had to deal with my bullshit."

Geno gave a quiet laugh and closed his eyes. "It's okay, I already forgive you. I love you too."

~End ~

Sorry this took a while to finish qwq I actually had the draft ready to edit, but since school started recently I never got the chance to. Luckily, the one and only Nekophy offered to be my Beta Reader, so she helped out a bunch :'DDD

I don't have much to say right now, other than the fact that my motovation sorta just died since school started so uh-- yeah--

(Word Count: 3646)