CHAPTER 2

New chatroom

Yoosung : Ah, Jumin is not here again.

Yoosung : Maybe he's resting. I will just leave messages then.

Yoosung : Jumin, you're off starting tomorrow, right?

Yoosung : Do you have any special plan?

ZEN has entered the chatroom

ZEN : We can meet up and drink. Of course, with Jaehee and others as well.

ZEN : Coincidentally I am quite free starting from tomorrow.

Yoosung : Yes! Now that you have days off, come and chat with us, Jumin. It has been a long time, right?

Yoosung : EVEN ZEN MISSES YOU SO MUCH!

ZEN : What the?? I don't!

Yoosung : HE CALLED JAEHEE SOOOO MANY TIMES, ASKING HOW ARE YOU DOING!

Yoosung : Indeed, you guys are friends when the situation calls for it ><

ZEN : Damn it! Quit shitting around, Kim Yoosung!

Meanwhile, as he took off his shoes, Jumin was staring blankly at his phone screen. While he was still processing the messages that they tried to convey, he was distracted by a sweet voice from the living room.

"Welcome, Jumin."

It was hers again. There was no way he would forget that.

Or rather, he hallucinated her again since she died in the apartment two weeks ago.

Her state when her body was found had torn him so many times. The defeaning sounds of panicky people in the complex and RFA members who had tried to calm him down were none of his concerns. It was his fault that he let her leave. He should be more adamant at that night. Even V ended up reporting him to to he police, he should still never follow their demands.

He would rather be hated as long as she was safe so why at that night, he let her leave his house just because he believed in V?

V who had so many secrets and always disappeared.

He lost counts of how many times he mumbled and screamed that the burned and unrecognizable corpse was not her. He could not accept that whoever planted the bomb in the apartment had treated the woman's life as less worthy as a fly.

If only DNA test was never invented, he would keep denying that the corpse was her and he would never stop looking for her.

Searching for her would give him a hope to rely on instead of succumbing to the fact that she was no longer there for him to love and hold.

Succumbing made him hallucinate her every single day as soon as he made his way into the penthouse. Now that their eyes held each other, he cracked an affectionate smile.

"I am home, my love."

As usual, it took seconds for him to register that she was not there anymore. She would never return to him. He would never get to hold her securely in his arms.

They would not get married. They would never get to snuggle to each other in bed, sharing warmth. He never got to see her beautiful face, sleeping peacefully against his chest like it was the most comfortable place in the world.

Never because she was dead.

Refusing to sink deeper into the depressing thought for nth time, Jumin dragged his legs to the living room.

It was empty. Elizabeth the 3rd was taken care by V who would visit his office and call him once for a few days. The mint-haired man apologized to him so many times since then but Jumin was too numb to response.

He had so many tormenting feelings that he did not know what he should resolve first.

For the first time, he felt paralyzed. The tangled threads in his head became way more suffocating, tightening his chest more than when Chairman Han forced him to marry Sarah.

Should he be furious at Seven and V for being careless about the apartment security?

For what? It was not like they could install and reinstall everything. It was not like they could return to the time where she tried to find the owner of the lost phone and cluelessly logged in on their messenger.

Should he ask Jaehee to give him more works so that he could clear his mind?

No, that was not good. With current workload, he had barely missed the datelines a few times. He did not want to jeopardize the company because of his personal problems.

"Jumin, have you eaten yet?"

He knew he should not surrender to that cruel hallucination of his. He should not even lift his head to search for where the voice came from but...

When it comes to her, he could not help it. His desire to be able to see or touch her again had tower over his logic; something that had been his pillar as a C&R director.

He was just about to answer when he felt something burning in his eyes.

He was in verge of tears again. Other people had no idea that he surpressed tears so many times and alone but most of the time, he failed.

That was how precious she was to her. She who he only knew for ten days but had turned his world with sunshine and rainbows before it turned upside down.

I miss you. I don't feel like eating because I miss you so much.

Minutes passed when he was spaced out in the living room, too numb and slow to head to his bedroom when the notifications from the messenger made sounds again. Absent-mindedly, he opened it.

Yoosung : Jumin, I know it's hard for you.

Yoosung : We don't expect you to be magically healed after what happened.

Yoosung : We just hope that you can rely on us more. It's not good to keep everything to yourself..

ZEN : He's right, dude. Jaehee told us that you have worked nonstop.

ZEN : Whatever you feel, we can understand that much. We know her personally after all.

Jumin scoffed.

No, none of you can understand me. It's been like that since forever. Mother couldn't understand me until the end. Father as well. You guys...

V and Rika... I don't know. They were distant.

It's only her who understood me... in and out.

But, it's her who I can't hold right now.

But, it's okay. I go back home right after work every single day because I want to see her after all.

In my dream. She's always there. Since she died, she never missed the chance to see me in my dream.

She always said she's sorry which makes me sad. That's not why I want to see her. I want to see her smile. I want to see her happy.

Or maybe she always appeared because I miss her so much. She's always in my mind after all.

Tossing his briefcase and files aside, he climbed into his messy bed. Losing energy to even take a shower, Jumin weakly took out his sleeping pills from a drawer before gobbling down.

Yet, recently, he realized that the pills were no longer effective. He still had a hard time to fall asleep, no matter how tired he was and no matter how much he wanted to see her. Taking more than he should had become a routine.

"Hey..." he caressed the empty side of his bed. She just slept in the empty space for two days but he felt like it already belonged to her. "I thought that we had so many days to wake up next to each other. I really wish that to happen since I wanted to propose to you as soon as the party ended but I guess... it never happens."

Tears started to well up but this time, he did not have energy to wipe them.

All he wanted to do was to caress the pillow and sheet which had her faint strawberry scent.

"You know what, princess?" He said like a second nature. Other people were wrong. It was not like he never expressed his pain after she died. It was just that he chose to do it alone, when nobody was around. This way was much more comfortable because he did not need anybody to understand him. "I can't handle your emptiness. I feel like there is a giant hole in the middle of the house... I want you to come back... I really miss you, my love."

More tears streamed down his face. Never he thought that he would cry this much for a woman who he only knew for 10 days.

What could he say? The amount of time spent with her did not matter. Instead, the sincerity was something that nobody could trade with money.

She was so special to him that he felt like when she left, she also took away his soul.

"I've felt so many emotions I have never even felt before while being with you. Amongst that, missing you and loneliness are being too harsh..."

His breathing fell shorter. It had occured recently since he consumed the pills but he was too depressed to care. Her smiling face in his head had clouded his concern over his deteriorated health.

"I realized that I needed to become mature for you. I realized after it was too late. Now, all I can think about is you. I even found a way to live together with you as soon as possible. I knew that we had to get through the party first. I'm opposed to living together before marriage, so..."

He paused. The tangible threads felt more abusive, making him hard to put all his thoughts in proper words.

"No, that's not it. To be honest, there is something I really want to say to you right now. This is what I wanted to say the most... from the moment you took my heart."

The night view from his window slowly faded into the thin air as his vision being consumed by the sleeping pills in his system.

"I am sorry for only telling you this now. It's Mr. Han's order not to tell anyone but despite he paid me to do so, I believe this is the best way. To be honest, he did not allow me to tidy up his house since two weeks ago so I did not know what kind of state the penthouse have been."

"I am afraid I have never heard from him since two weeks ago, Assistant Kang. He suddenly ordered me not to send any meal anymore but he still paid me more than my monthly salary."

Jaehee almost lost her breath upon listening to Jumin's maid and chef. She contacted them because she was curious about the state of the penthouse since Jumin never allowed anyone to enter including his father. His bodyguards were ordered to do so and had anyone failed to do a good job, he would fire them immediately.

After talking to them, Jaehee hastily opened the messager.

Jaehee : I have a bad feeling, everyone.

Jaehee : If anyone's free now, please meet me in front of Mr. Han's building.

Jaehee : We're going to check on him.

Yoosung : Okay, I am on my way.

But what's happening, Jaehee?

Jaehee : I can't contact him for two days.

Jaehee : It's normal actually but now, I am so worried about Mr. Han.

Jaehee : Mr. Han, please... If you read this, please respond to my call or message.

Everyone is worried about you.

ZEN : Woah, what is this? I am already outside. We'll meet there, Jaehee.

Jaehee : Okay. Thanks, ZEN.

ZEN : I will try calling him.

They did not have time to be surprised at how Seven and V were the one who arrived first despite they were not active on the messenger. It took all for them to convince the bodyguards to allow them in.

"I am sorry but it's Mr. Han's order. He's resting from work so he does not want any disturbance," the chief bodyguard said.

"Well, I am totally aware of his schedule since I am his assistant but don't you think this is an emergency if I still want to see him despite it's his day off? Obviously something happened to him if I can't reach him for two days. Mr. Han never acted like that," Jaehee raised her voice as she felt her anxiety got the better of her.

The question sent the bodyguard to lose his words.

"Let me guess. Did he pay you triple amount of your salary so that you can be this strict?" V remarked, eyes widened at each of them.

They looked at each other in shock.

"I guess it's a yes then," V said. "I tell you what? I will pay you a lot more than what Jumin had offered. You can trust me so please... allow us to get in. Who knows what's he doing in there. We just need to check on him and if he's doing fine, I promise we'll leave right away."

It was frustrating to deal with the security alone but they would not give up. As soon as they entered, the sight of the messy penthouse was enough to tell them a story that Jumin had kept to himself.

His shirts and ties were scattered everywhere. Jumin had so many outfits that in two weeks, he had no problem when his maids did not wash his laundry. Wine glasses and bottles were left on the coffee table. The whole space reeked with alcohol.

"What the... hey, Han Jumin! Get out right now! Why are you hiding like this when we're worried about you! Come out and let out whatever shits happen in your head! You made your assistant worried, you know that!?"

"Jumin..." in the verge of tears, Seven stepped right away to Jumin's bedroom. He could not care if he was chased out for invading privacy. All mattered was what was Jumin doing.

But, his curiosity did kill the cat. He was served with the sight of Jumin, laying down on his bed, still in his shirt from two days ago.

Don't tell me...

"Jumin! Jumin, wake up!" with his desperate calling, the others also approached. Eerie silence lingered in the air as they desperately hoped that he was just in a deep sleep.

Yet, the body did not react. Jumin's eyes were still shut. His hands rested on the empty space next to him, immediately showed them what he had in his mind before he closed his eyes.

"Jumin, please wake up..." V kneeled next to Seven, shaking his best friend harder. He knew Jumin was a light sleeper and he never slept for too long unless...

ZEN silently grabbed Jumin's thin wrist before checking his pulse. At the same time, he noticed how Jumin's chest did not show any sign of life.

"He does not breath," Yoosung remarked, voice quivered from panic and sorrow.

"ZEN, can you feel his pulse?" Jaehee asked from other side of the bed. Her voice trembled with anxiety.

ZEN shook his head weakly. Eyes were staring at the motionless body blankly, still unable to comprehend what just occurred. "We're late."

In the midst of the despair, with V and Yoosung could not hold back their tears out of regret, ZEN and Jaehee found that Jumin was dead from sleeping pills overdose after checking his drawer, Seven noticed something on Jumin's phone screen.

It was a picture of the couple rings, followed by a quote that was sent to their dead party coordinator but was never read.

People say that you go alone if you want to go fast,

and go together if you want to go far. My love, I want to go far with you.

With that, Seven also could not hold back his tears. He understood the feeling of losing someone in the apartment explosion more than anyone else.

I am sorry, Jumin...

"What is it?"

Jumin was confused. He looked around. Despite it was his penthouse and his beloved woman was next to him, holding his hand, he felt weird. His body felt heavy despite the setting was normal and peaceful.

He felt like something miserable had happened to him before he ended up in this place.

Wait, why did I refer to my house as 'this place'? Like I have never been here before.

"Hm?"

"You said that you want to tell me something. What is it, Jumin? I am listening."

This felt real. Her eyes that widened in curiosity, her pretty smile that shone the world, her touch that felt warm around his wrist...

"I... I love you," after recalling that the last thing that happened was when the world fall silent and dark before he managed to finish his words, he ended up blurting out his feeling.

Her surprised and pleased face... he never thought that he would feel this happy to see it. With that, he felt the urge to express everything to her.

"I love you so much," he raised his free hand, caressing her soft cheek. She was real! "No matter how many times I say it, it's not enough. I want to have all of you inside me. When you're not there, I want to run over and hug you right away. I can't wait to hold you in bed all day but I know I should be patient."

That made her tilt her head in puzzlement.

"Why should you be patient? I am already yours. We live together now in this world. We're married and you don't need to run over to hug me. I am always here with you because I love you too. Now, we have each other, Jumin."

He felt like he lost his breath but he was quick enough to trap her in his arms.

It was really her. He recognized this body, this scent right away. He caressed the familiar soft hair. He recognized her warmth whenever her hands touched his back endearingly. He released the hold before planting a kiss on her forehead. Seconds passed when they smiled affectionately at each other.

It felt like there were only two of them in the world, which struck Jumin to throw her an innocent question.

"By the way, this is our penthouse, right? It's normal but I feel somewhat unfamiliar."

"Owh, that..." she looked around forlornly. She made him puzzled as she cupped his face and caress his cheeks slowly like she was afraid that he would break any moment had she said another word. "Actually, we are in a world where we can talk things out, where I am not afraid with you, where you don't have to be anxious and bottle up everything and where we can have a happy ending, just two of us."

"What... what do you mean?" As he could see her tears instantly streaming down her face, he knew that this was not the good ending at all.

"I am sorry, Jumin. It's only my selfish wish. Remember, even when we're now separated into two different worlds, we're in love."

THE END

The ending might be confusing as I deliberately left it open. In other words, just ask me if you don't understand the ending, okay? I have a habit of torturing my favorite characters but I must say that this story is one of my cruelest writings ;)This guy is loyal as heck so it's interesting to explore in what extent he will have a mental breakdown. Even the ending is messed up, I would like to say that being a good support system to a depressed and traumatized person is very crucial. I am not writing this story to romanticize suicide. Rather, I would like to explore what a depressed person feels in depth. If you have any question or you find that this story is confusing, feel free to ask :D