Stargazing
Kygo featuring Justin Jesso

Matthew Gray

6:53 P.M.

Why wasn't he here yet?

I asked myself as I nervously tapped my feet against the ground. He was three minutes late by now and I wasn't sure what to do or what to think.

Should I call him? Or does that sound too desperate and clingy. God.. It was such a long time ago that we did something together. How did I deal with this stuff back then? And why was I suddenly so damn nervous?

Oh no.. Did he ditched me? He did, didn't he? Would he really do that to me? Doesn't he like me as a friend? Does he hate me? I knew I should've never suggested to do something. He definitely just felt sorry for me.

I was probably just acting all paranoid and impatient. I've been worrying about this for too long. It literally took me an hour to choose what I should wear. I didn't know if he would want me to dress nicely or casually.

I eventually just decided to wear a simple grey sweater and a pair of black jeans. I also left my messy hair the way it always looked like. I didn't want to act like someone I wasn't, I wanted to dress as myself and that's me wearing sweaters all day long. I just hoped that he'd like that.

This meet up felt really different from all the other times that we hung out together. I felt like I had to try and do something more for him. I wasn't sure why it felt like this and why I had been such a nervous wreck.

I looked down at my phone again to see that it was 7:00 P.M by now. I was wondering if he'd actually show up since he was seven minutes too late. I put my phone away and looked up to see him.

He looked.. great..

I immediately shook that thought out of my head.

Ryan and I made eye contact and somehow I felt like I did this before. I was having a deja vu, but I couldn't quite decide from what it was.

His curly dark hair was bouncing up and down with every step he took. It honestly made him look very cute. His brown eyes were twinkling with happiness which instantly made me relax right then and there.

"I'm so sorry that I'm late! My mom was bombarding me with question as to where I would go like this" He giggles and smiled wide at me.

He gestured to himself and had been staring down at him. He wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans. It was casual, but I get why his mom asked that. He never wore dark colors and this was actually the first time that I had seen him like this; he looked truly amazing.

"It's okay, I almost thought you wouldn't show up anymore. You look really good Ry" I smiled genuinely at him.

"R-really?" His big puppy eyes looked up to me with surprise which made me grin. He looks so cute.

"Yes, I've never seen you wear dark colors. It suits you, just like every other color" I told him.

"T-thanks.. You d-don't look bad yourself" He blushed and looks shy towards the ground.

I smiled and guide him to my car before speeding off to the fair that was like twenty minutes away from school. The car ride had been comfortable, there was a clear warm aura between us and I liked that. It was safe with Ryan, it always was safe with him.

Ryan talked about everything and anything just like he always did. I liked that about him, he could talk for hours about the smallest things in life. He did that in a way that it made everything seem interesting.

"We're here!" Ryan jumped up happily and looked with wide innocent eyes at the fair, like a small child.

When I parked my car, Ryan got out of it in a rush probably from being so excited. I also got out, closed the door of the car to catch up with him.

"Can I choose what we can do first Matt?" He asked me while giggling freely.

"Hm.. I'm not sure. I mean, you basically dragged me here. Maybe I should choose?" I played with him and smirked. The small boy believes things too easily.

"Please? I know you don't like this and I'll make it up to you, I promise! Matty pleaseeee, pleaseeeeeee Matty" He begged me in the cutest way ever while he was tugging on my sweater.

"I'm just kidding babe, you can choose" I nodded and smiled when I saw his eyes lit up at an instant.

"Yay! I wanna go to the bumper cars!" He giggled, held my hand and dragged me towards the booth to pay.

I payed for the both of us and got us a car.

"Hey I could've payed myself! I was the one who suggested it" He pouted.

"It's no big deal. I will always pays for you" I smiled and heard the buzzer which indicated that we could start so I started the car drove.

At first it was a bit slippery since I had to adjust to driving in such a car which made Ryan squeal a couple of times. He even cheered whenever we bumped into other cars and he giggled a lot. He's always happy, but I've never seen him this happy. We kept switching from who was driving and if I'm being honest, he wasn't bad at driving either.

After a couple of rides we immediately got into a couple of rollercoasters. It was really fun actually especially hearing Ryan his adorable laugh and giggling. It put me in a good mood. Now we decided to walk around for a bit.

"Thank you Matty.. I'm having a really good time!" He smiled and grabbed my hand, actually he never let go of it.

"I'm glad that you're enjoying this day. It's been a while since we did something fun and I missed you Ry. I know I don't say this a lot.. But I love you" I smiled at him.

And I meant it. I wasn't the one to talk about feelings, but this was Ryan and I know that Ryan needs to hear it once in a while. I would do this for him, only him though. He means more to me than I show to anyone. He's been there for me ever since my ex-boyfriend left the world, he didn't lose hope in me after constantly pushing everyone away. The rest got sick of trying, except for him and I couldn't thank him enough for that.

"So.. I chose all of the past rides that we tried. I want you to choose something too" He smiled and watched me with curious eyes, almost as if he was staring at me.

Almost.

"Nah.. You'll be too scared anyways" I winked playfully.

"What? No! I can do anything you want to do" He said with such a confidence.

"Okay, then let's go to the Haunted Mansion" I smirked cheekily, knowing how Ryan would react to that.

"W-what?" His eyes widened.

"It's okay, I know you're too scared to go so we don't have to" I joked around with him and loved to see how his brown eyes got bigger.

"I-I'm not scared! Let's go" He pulled me towards the mansion and dragged me to the end of the line.

"You're smiling abnormally a lot today. You always smile, but today it's just scary. You kind of look like, you know.. him" I told him honestly.

And it was nothing but the honest truth. They both oddly looked like each other. They both had curly dark hair and the difference between the shades of color weren't that big. Ryan was also small, cute and over all happy. You'd think they were family, but no, they were best friends.

There were some difference here and there, like their eyes. That is the biggest difference between the two, but other than that they are a great look a like. Just today he looks more like him than ever. I wasn't sure if it was only because he smiled so much today. I had a feeling that there was something else, like that weird deja vu I just had.

"You know.. He would've been so proud of you if he could just see you right now" I heard him say besides me which caught my attention.

"You really think so?" I asked him and frowned by thinking of the thought of it.

My dreams and hallucinations showed me else wise. In there he was angry, sad and disappointed of me from hanging out with Justin and trying to live my life. That thought made my heart ache. I didn't want to talk about this anymore.

I wasn't allowed to.

"Of course Matt, you're trying so hard. I'm proud of you for not giving up yet. I believe in you and I know you'll find your way soon enough" He said and grabbed my hand again.

I just shot him a soft smile, because I didn't want to have this conversation anymore. Grieving, crying and being sad wasn't an option for me.

No, I had to suffer for it. Because that was what I deserved.

Before I knew it we were inside the mansion and after the first person that tried to scare us, Ryan had been clinging on my arm.

"Ho- holy-!" I heard him yell after the second jumpscare which was just a big fake spider.

I couldn't help but grin the whole time, he even slapped me for laughing about this.

"It's not f-funny Matthew! Stop laughing you dick" He huffed and buried his face in my shoulder.

"I thought you weren't scared?" I asked with a wide smirk plastered on my face.

"I- I'm not!" He said with such a small voice which made me laugh.

And there was another jumpscare.

"O-Okay.. Maybe I am scared! I j-just want to get out h-here!" He whined.

I grinned and agreed. It was honestly so adorable how scared he got and that he was trying to go in here just because I wanted to. I wrapped my arms protectively around him and brought him towards the exit.

"Oh my god, cotton candy!" He yelled like a little child and ran towards the booth as if he just wasn't scared to death a couple of seconds ago.

His eyes widened and his small arms pointed at the big fluffy candy that was just as big as he was.

"Can I have a big one?!" He excitedly asked the man.

He nodded and made one. I couldn't help but laugh at how he looked at the sweet candy with his cute wide eyes. It was as if he was from another world and was totally in love with the candy.

"You don't have to pay all the time Matt!" He scoffed but happily ate the cotton candy when he received one.

"It's okay Ry" I said and looked to the side.

I see two boys at a booth. The left boy was tall and had dark brown hair while the right boy had platinum blonde hair with really light eyes. They looked like total opposites, but somehow they seemed to have something as if they are attracted to each other. One of them won a fish for the other which made me grin. That's a weird kind of teddy bear, but the blonde boy seemed to be very happy with it.

Suddenly my face is being stuffed with cotton candy.

"Do you want some too?" He asked in the cutest way possible.

I grinned and declined. We started to walk a bit around the fair together while talking about everything and anything.

"Hey, would you like to go to the Ferris wheel before we leave?" I turned my head back towards Ryan again.

"Yes!" He squealed and jumped happily.

So that's what we did. We went to the Ferris wheel and somehow we already could step in before we knew it. Probably because we talked a lot so time seemed to fly by.

"I hope you enjoyed tonight?" I smiled.

"Hell yeah i did!" He giggled and looked at the view with wide eyes.

"Wow.." I said without knowing.

The view was one of the most beautiful things that I'd ever seen. The sky was filled with soft peach and slightly red colors, indicating that the sun is going down. The fluffy cloud looked small and soft, pretty much delicate. You had a good view over the fair, all the people looked like little ants. And in the distance you could see the high top buildings practically hugging the sky.

We enjoyed and watched the view in silence until we sadly landed back on ground again. Ryan looked really happy and it was totally worth it. I couldn't have been more happy that I asked him to hang out with me even though this didn't feel like just a simple hang out.

We got back to my car and I started to drive towards Ryan his home. We had been talking about how good and fun today was till we arrived in front of his house. Now I was standing in front of him at his door.

"Thank you so much for everything Matthew" He softly whispered and suddenly attacked me with a hug.

"Of course, no problem" I smiled and rubbed his back in a soothing way.

I felt his soft lips on my cheek before he went back inside, wishing me a good night. I couldn't stop smiling on the way back home.

Because even when the night is over,
That's how Matthew finds his light again.