Safe inside
James Bay

Matthew Gray

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Matthew, happy birthday to you" I heard my mom her angelic voice sing, but wasn't really paying attention since she just woke me up with this.

"Who's birthday is it?" I muttered with my low morning voice in my pillow and kept my eyes closed as I buried myself in the sheets.

"Honey wake up! Awh, my baby boy is growing up so fast!" I heard her laugh.

I opened my eyes and saw her sitting besides me. She happily opened her arms so I sat up and took myself in her embrace.

"Happy birthday baby Matt" She said and kissed my cheek.

"Thanks mom" I whispered and smiled soft.

"So how does it feel to be twenty?" She joked playfully and I rolled my eyes at that.

"Great. Now if you will excuse me, my bed wants to hug with me" I said, laid back and wrapped my arms around my pillow as I closed my eyes.

"No! You're going to celebrate it with your friends"

"I don't have any friends" I muttered in my pillow and kept my eyes closed.

"What about Ryan? Or Justin? Oh and that other guy you told me about! Tyler?" She said.

For a while I stayed silent. I never liked parties for a certain reason and I don't know why everyone is pushing me when it comes to my birthday. The only time I really celebrated it was when it was with him. I did it for him, because I'd do and try anything for him.

"No! I'm not going" I eventually decided.

"Don't you dare to say no to your mother!" She yelled offended.

"No" I still said in a stubborn way, knowing I'd be screwed.

Suddenly I didn't feel my pillow and blankets anymore which makes me pout and glare at my mom like a little kid.

"Mom! You know that I hate birthday parties" I protest like a little child.

"I don't care if you like it or not! Just try it. You'll love it I promise" She said.

"You planned something, didn't you?" I asked suspiciously and squeezed my eyes.

"Just go, now!" She said in that scary motherly way which instantly made me go to the bathroom.

"Women.." I rolled my eyes.

"I heard that!" She screamed from downstairs.

Oh shit.

After I was done showering, I didn't took a lot of effort to make myself look good. I grabbed a simple black pair of jeans and a white hoodie along with my Adidas shoes. I left my messy hair for what it was, since it was pretty much useless to try to make it look decent. As last I put on some cologne that I once got from him.

I went downstairs to be met with Justin, Ryan and Tyler sitting around the table all laughing together.

"Happy birthday Matty!" Ryan yelled happily and rushed towards me to hug me.

"T-thanks, what are you all doing here?" I asked surprised and wrapped my arms around Ryan.

"It's your birthday silly! We won't let you go through that alone" Tyler said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Ryan sat back again and then Tyler came up to me, giving me a bro hug.

"Happy birthday bro" He grinned widely and sat next to Ryan.

My eyes met the familiar green ones that I once used to hate, but now I could only get lost into them. A genuine smile was lingering against his lips and his hair was like always perfectly styled. He looked really good today if I'm being honest.

"So.. you're a New Year's Eve child? That's why you're so special" He smiled soft and looked at me.

I tried to find any hints of teasing, but he seemed to really mean it since he wasn't either grinning or smirking. My heart fluttered at that thought.

Justin McCall thinks I'm special.

"Happy birthday Matz" He shot me a smile before wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest and automatically making my head lean against his chest.

Once he let go of me I saw Ryan sending me a knowing smirk which made me frown in a confused way and shake my head.

"Who wants some cake?" I heard my mom ask, entering the room with a birthday cake in her hands that had some candles in it.

Everyone cheered and I laughed, looking at them. Somehow I got this feeling in my stomach, telling me that it was nice to keep these three in my life. Sure I had more friends that I met through him, but they weren't as close to me as these three were. That was partly my fault from my bipolar depression.

"Make a wish honey" She whispered and placed the cake in front of me at the table where everyone sat.

I closed my eyes, thinking about one certain wish that I have been longing for.

Let me end up happy, please.

I slowly blowed out the candles and opened my eyes again to see everyone else smiling at me. My mom served everyone some cake and then we started to talk about everything and anything. It was actually quite fun, something so small. Maybe even better than doing nothing on my birthday.

"How did you guys even do this?" I asked as everyone started to eat their piece of cake.

"I invited them and I know you don't like parties so you can decide what you're going to do today. That's also why I only invited them out of your friends" My mom told me.

"So what do you wanna do today?" Ryan asked, already finishing his cake.

I laughed at that. He's so small, but can eat like a lion for such a tiny boy. I found that adorable.

"Since it's New Year's Eve I mostly want to stay home and go outside at night. Maybe we can watch some movies and play games in the mean time?" I suggested and everyone seemed to be fine with that.

So we decided to have a Netflix marathon with Harry Potter movies. Ryan and Tyler were sitting on the ground like the weirdos they are, because there was plenty of space on the couch. Eventually only Justin and I sat next to each other and once in a while I could've sworn I felt his arm around me.

After we watched only two movies, Ryan got excited and yelled.

"Present time!" He giggled in a cheeky way and became way too hyper.

"Wait what?! You guys got me presents? You I guys shouldn't have done that!" I felt my eyes eyes widen.

"Of course we do! It's your birthday and we love you. You deserve it" I heard Justin say next to me.

I turned my head towards him and smiled. I noticed how close we actually were yet I couldn't turn away from him.

I.. liked being close to him?

But I was being pulled out of my thoughts when Tyler gave me a small blue box and gestured for me to open it. Turns out he got me a green sweater, probably to mess with me.

"Since your newfound love for the color green, thought it would be good to get you another green sweater" He smirked playfully.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks and didn't even dare to look at Justin. Maybe there was a reason that I started to like green, but I wouldn't ever admit that.

He also got me some books as the real present. The sweater was more of a joke.

I laughed and thanked him, still with red cheeks.

"I didn't know you read books?" Justin asked and smiled, thank god that he wasn't aware of what Tyler said. I bet he'd laugh at me.

"Don't judge a book by its cover" I smiled and looked at Ryan then.

"Justin and I got you a present together" He giggled cheekily.

Then the realization hit me.

"So that explains that picture on Snapchat and why you two were together!" I gasps surprised since I completely forgot my birthday until this morning.

They all laughed and in the meanwhile Ryan placed a large box on my lap which made me wonder what it could be.

"Happy birthday Matt" Ryan and Justin congratulated me in unison.

I slowly opened the massive box and looked inside of it, to be met with a shiny new acoustic guitar in a solid brown color. My eyes widened and I instantly looked up at them.

"No way.." I shook my head in denial, still not believing that they did this yet there was a new guitar resting on my knees.

This must have cost a whole lot of money to get me a new guitar! Sure my current one is crap by now yet I got that as a present from him. Could I really just replace that as if was nothing?

My current good mood had been replaced by a sadder feeling. I wish he could see me now.

"Are you okay?" Justin saved me from my dangerous thoughts and shot me a concerned expression.

"Thank you guys" I whispered and felt myself getting emotional for the first time in front of then.

Not just because I was thinking about my old guitar that I got from him, but also because they took the time and effort to get me something such expensive. Something that meant so much to me.

"Come here, group hug!" Tyler yelled loud.

We laughed and hugged each other. After talking about a lot of things, we went outside.

"Where are we going?" Ryan asked me and tugged on my sleeve.

"I know a place" I smiled and walked towards the wood, to the place where I asked him to promise me to marry one day, the promise ring that I still kept in my room and he told me to give that to another boy.

When I looked up after a while I knew where we were. We ended at the park from our second date where we were looking at the stars, where we kissed for the first time.

I looked around at the green trees filled with beautiful colored and small flowers. The moon was shining brightly, making everything around us illuminate.

There were even a couple of houses spread around the park so there were a lot of people walking around due to New Year's Eve.

"What time is it?" I asked them and turned around, but didn't saw any of them behind me.

A lot of people were excitedly walking around here so I tried to scan the whole place, but I didn't see anyone of them as I heard the people around me count down.

"Ten.."

How could I have lost them so easily?

"Nine.."

Where the hell are they?

"Eight.."

Oh no, it's almost time.

"Seven.."

I won't find them in such a short time.

"Six.."

A pair of familiar green eyes were to be found in the distance along with the perfect blonde hair that was slightly rustling through the wind.

"Five.."

For some reasons I see the boy rushing towards me in a hurry.

"Four.."

A confident yet soft smile played on his lips and his eyes are glistening under the moonlight.

"Three.."

God.. I love getting lost in those forest eyes.

"Two.."

Justin..

He's standing in front of me and when I was about to ask if he was okay, something else unexpectedly happened, taking me back by surprise.

"One!"

A soft pair of lips were placed on mine, making me close my eyes and feel safe inside.