Without you
Avicii x Sandro Cavazza

Matthew Gray

"I should get going my mom and dad are waiting for me. Thank you for letting me eat diner with you Nicola" Justin thanked my mom after the diner.

"No thank you dear for letting us have you" My mom said and hugged Justin which surprised the both of us.

Wow.. She must really like him? I'll ask her later about that.

"I'll walk you out" I said and followed Justin to the front door but not before hearing my mom say something to embarrass me.

"Try to keep both of your clothes on right there!" She yelled and giggled like a madman.

"Mom! He's not gay and we're not dating" I yelled back at her and opened the front door for Justin.

He took a step outside and turned around to face me. Somehow he still surprised me with his forest green eyes, wild blonde hair and his well known signature smile.

Did we really almost kiss? No, it can't be.. He has isn't gay and he probably just likes that girl he kissed at the party. You wouldn't just kiss someone. Why would he like someone like me anyways?

Wait.. Why would I even care?

He was just trying to comfort me by leaning in, because he felt sorry for me. Yeah, that should be it.

"I am gay by the way"

Okay well maybe he is gay, but that doesn't mean he likes me. He used to hate me and I used to dislike him, because he was actually interesting me.

"What do you mean?" I asked him confused.

"God Matt, are you stupid? I like dick"

"No no that's not what I meant! I mean you kissed that girl at that party! You don't just kiss a girl out of nowhere?!" I blushed when he said that with no shame.

"Calm down Matt, she was just really pushy and she wouldn't listen to me so I shut her up by kissing her and giving her what she wanted" He shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

"That still doesn't give you any reason to kiss her!" I defended.

"What? Why would it matter to you? Are you jealous or something?"

"N-n-no! Stop it!" I stuttered.

I was such a bad liar.

"Oh.. You really are jealous?!" He started to tease me.

Me? Jealous? Pffft.

"There's nothing to be jealous of babe, I definitely like you a whole lot more" He winked.

"I.. I'm not jealous!" I yelled back.

"Sure babe, but seriously, I enjoyed tonight. You're mom's really cool. Also a very beautiful woman and funny. I get where you got your looks from" He smirked like the fucker he is.

"Do you seriously have to flirt with every living organism on this planet?" I rolled my eyes annoyed.

"No, only with you" He winked and showed me that same signature smile of his again.

"Shut up" I muttered when he stepped closer to me and held my chin.

He was basically staring at me for what seemed to be like minutes as if he was taking me in, almost searching for something. I couldn't help but feel my cheeks heat up when he brushed his fingers over them, caressing my cheeks carefully.

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in for a hug and held me carefully yet so close to him as if he was afraid that I would let go.

How could he act like this? It was so rare for him to be all nice and touchy. I didn't even like physical contact that much yet here I was and I wasn't even protesting, because for some reason I didn't mind this. I liked it when he acted like this, showing more of his soft side.

This was our second hug.

This time it didn't feel as forced like last time and it wasn't just as sad either. Right now everything felt quite okay for once and I didn't feel like worrying about anything anymore. This was calming and comfortable, I liked it.

He pulled back and looked at me deep in the eyes. I barely have seen him this serious before, only that time that I was having a panic attack, but even then he seemed more worried than serious.

"I meant what I said, if you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to or if you just want to forget about everything, call me" He said before stepping away, leaving me slightly confused and surprised at the same time.

After I couldn't see him at the end of my street anymore I went back inside and looked at my mom who had a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Okay spill. Why are you acting so weird all the time?" I asked confused.

"Who is he?" She asked me with the same smirk all over her lips.

"What kind of question is that? His name is Justin? You already know that?" I said and frowned confused.

Then it suddenly hit me.

"Mom he's not gay and probably doesn't even like someone like me I'm crazy" I bitterly snorted at that.

"Oh honey, don't talk like that about yourself. You can't help being bipolar baby" She said.

"I'm tired, I'm gonna head to bed okay?" I said dodging this subject.

"Goodnight honey" I heard her say.

"Night" I muttered.

I walked back to my bedroom and sighed as I let myself fall back onto the bed while looking at the ceiling in relief. Somehow I feel pretty relaxed.

Was it because of Justin?

After debating that for a couple of minutes I finally fell in a good and comfortable sleep, after weeks of barely sleeping.

My eyes fluttered open and I instantly sat up straight. Something felt really off, but I couldn't quite pinpoint it. I looked up and almost got a heart attack when I saw Rain standing in front of me with puffy red eyes and a tear streaked face. The sight of it shattered my heart into millions of pieces.

"R-R-Rain? W-what? H-how? What are you d-doing h-here?" I asked stunned, still looking at him.

"Enough with the bullshit Matthew!" He sniffed and angrily yelled at me.

"What a-are you t-t-talking about?" I asked almost crying while saying that but for the thousandth time I kept it all in.

"Don't play dumb with me Matthew! I know you're cheating on me and having fun with Justin! I saw you two hanging out with each other a lot lately! Seriously? Justin?!" He yelled at me, crying even louder than he did before.

"N-N-No no no! I-It's not what it looks like! I promise, no! Don't g-go away- p-p-please come back!" I yelled as I saw him fading away into the thin air.

"This is not real, it's not real, it's not real, this is not real" I repeated to myself while covering my ears and closing my eyes shut when I still heard Rain scream at me for hanging out with Justin.

I gasped for air once I woke up, looking around me in panic.

"I-It w-wasn't r-real" I whispered to myself, trying to calm down.

I tried to breath, but I noticed that I only started to hyperventilate. It was getting too hot and I was sweaty, my breath wasn't even anymore and I was particularly shaking.

"B-breath M-M-Matt. It's o-okay" I tried to calm myself again, but nothing seemed to work out for me.

I didn't know what to do so I got up from my bed and searched through my room for any pills, finding out that I ran out of them so I went to the kitchen instead.

"F-f-fuck w-here are the damn p-pills" I searched through the cabinet in panic and hoped that I didn't woke up mom in the progress.

My medication normally helps in this situation, but I couldn't find anything which caused me to panic even more.

Then I suddenly found a bottle of alcohol in the fridge so I got that and almost drank the whole bottle in one tug. I felt the liquid burn in my throat and couched a bit from it. I took another big gulp and took the whole bottle with me.

I went outside in my pajamas. I couldn't even focus on how cold it was. Luckily for me after a couple of minutes I finally started to forget everything as I got drunk out of my ass.

I tripped like almost a billion of times and didn't even know where I was heading to. I literally saw unicorns everywhere, in every shape and color.

After a while I decided to call the devil himself.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Justin Bieber" I hiccuped and grinned when he picked up the phone.

"Matthew? Why are you calling me at 2 am in the morning?" I heard Justin his low voiced laced with tiredness and a slight irritation.

"Aw poor Bieber wanted to sleep?" I giggled like a child.

"Wait, Matt? Are you drunk?" He asked. The tiredness and irritation immediately left his voice and he actually sounded worried about me.

"N-noooooooo. Oh my god I want that sparkling blue unicorn! YAAAAAAAAY" I slurred and giggled happily like a little girl again.

"Okay, that's enough I'm picking you up. Where the hell are you now?" Justin sighed and suddenly didn't seem so tired as he claimed to be.

"I don't know I only see unicorns" I grinned and ran after the blue one.

"Blue blue blue! Come here unicorn!" I yelled out loud and picked up my pace. I'm gonna catch this one!

"Matt, look around you? Do you see any stores or a street name?" He asked sounding angry.

"Jeez calm downnnnnn, take a chill pill!" I giggled.

"I'm being serious here!" He growled frustrated through the phone probably because he was worried.

Pffft, Justin and worried..

"B-but-" I said feeling a bit sad and felt my lip quivering after being yelled at like that.

"Hey hey sorry don't cry Matz, just look around you and tell me what you see" He asked a bit more calm now so I stopped running and looked around me.

"I'm not crying! I s-see a Walmart and cool yellow houses wow!" I said and looked around me with my mouth wide open.

"Okay hang on and stay there, I'll be there in 5. Keep on the phone with me" He said and I heard him almost what seemed to be like running on the stairs.

"I want the unicorn so bad" I whined like a little child and started running for it again.

"Matty, what are you doing?" Justin asked out of breath probably because he is running too.

MAYBE HE IS ALSO RUNNING FOR THE BLUE UNICORN OH NO.

I need to get the unicorn, it's mine! I started to run at the middle of the road to catch the unicorn. And I was finally so close that I almost could grab the tail!

"I almost got you, you sneaky little bitch!" I yelled and when I was almost there I decided to jump, but before I knew it I felt two arms being wrapped around my waist while pulling the both of us at the side of the road. I fell on top of that person and groaned. I pushed myself up on my arms and looking up to be met with a pissed off Justin.

"Matt?! What the fuck were you thinking?! You almost got run over by that freaking car!" He yelled.

"I- I just w-w-wanted the b-blue unicorn" I muttered and hiccuped, my lips formed a sad pout.

"Just never do that again okay? Just don't run at the middle of the road again. You could have seriously gotten hurt! Why are you even drunk!?" He started calm, but ended up screaming at me all over again.

"D-d-don't scream at m-me! I- I wanted t-to h-have fun and f-f-forget" I felt my lip quiver.

"Come on let's just go to my place. I'll text your mom in the morning with your phone and explain that you were sleeping at my place. She can't see you like this or find out about this. We'll definitely talk later about this though" He sighed a bit and we both got up while walking to his house which was somehow like five minutes away from here.

I sat there in Justin's car overthinking my dream and realizing that the alcohol only helped for a couple of hours. It was unnecessary and useless. I couldn't run away from this, from the truth and these four lines were for some reason on repeat in my head, making myself crazy in the progress:

Now I'm running away my dear
From myself and the truth I fear
My heart is beating I can't see clear
How I'm wishing that you were here