Don't you worry child
Swedish House Mafia ft John Martin

Matthew Gray

Once I opened my eyes I gasped and instantly sat up. I felt suffocated like I was being choked and I tried to push all of the blankets away from me, but someone grabbed my hand before I could do anything.

"Matthew, hey calm down. I'm here" I heard my mom, trying to put me at ease.

Her soothing voice made me stop twirling around in a restless way. My eyes met the same gray eyes that I had and I slowly breathed in and out when I saw how comforting her eyes looked back at me.

My head was throbbing badly and felt like it was about to explode. Also my throat hurt a lot from god knows what. I frowned in confusion.

What happened?

"When I was downstairs I heard you talking and found you on the ground, having a panic attack. You screamed a lot and were shaking. So I brought you to your bed. Not the time, but you're quite heavy" My mom laughed softly and answered all of my questions as if she could read my mind.

Mothers know everything, I swear.

"Sorry that you had to see that and had to drag me up here" I sighed, didn't look at her anymore since I felt myself getting slightly embarrassed.

She must've gotten scared when she saw me like that. Most of the time it was Ryan who found me and helped me through stuff like this.

"It's all good baby you're just having another bad episode again. Do you want me to call your friends? Ryan?" She asked, again, as if she could read my mind somehow.

I immediately shook my head; almost causing myself a whiplash. He couldn't see me like this all over again. I should've been over him and his death a long time ago. I'm only a bother to everyone. I'm grieving over my ex-boyfriend like some little baby.

I'm the reason he died and I have to suffer for that, alone. Even though it was an hallucination, he was right every time. I don't deserve to be happy and suddenly move on from him, cheating on him with someone else.

That made me even more bad of a human, because it wasn't just 'someone', it was Justin.

"Okay honey, take your pills and rest up. I need to go to work, but call me when you need anything promise?" She asked with concern that laced into her voice which I immediately responded to by nodding, hoping to calm her.

"Don't you worry my child" She caresses my cheek and kissed my forehead.

Eventually I watched her leave. A sigh left my mouth. I hated to take those antidepressants, they make me feel weird and nauseous even though I knew I needed them. I took some water and swallowed the pills before going back to bed again, closing my eyes and trying not to think about him.

Ryan Allen

"He's not picking up his phone. He must have turned it off" I sighed and looked at my friends with a frown.

Matthew left during classes, that's what I heard from Tyler and I couldn't help but feel this annoying pit in my stomach. He wouldn't just leave his class out of nowhere, but then again he did look fine when I saw him this morning. Yet I sat here, worrying sick about him.

"Maybe you and Justin can bring it to his house? You guys don't live that far away from each other and both don't have classes now right?" Tyler suggested and looked at the rest of us.

My eyes fell on Justin's to see what he thought about this situation.

I could see why Matthew had a thing for him, his sculptured face made him look godlike. He had blonde hair that almost looked golden within the sun. His piercing green eyes were always shining bright. And he was perfectly in shape. He was definitely someone to be jealous of.

"I'm fine with it" Justin shrugged and smiled weirdly, almost lovingly.

Justin was so different from Rain. Rain was small, giggly and childlike. Rain was the complete opposite of Matthew and that's probably why they were attracted to each other in the first place.

Justin was pretty much the same like Matthew, but Justin was more confident, playful and collected.

Maybe it was a good thing that Justin was that way, maybe Matthew did needed someone like that and not someone that reminded him of Rain. That person would turn into some kind of rebound for him and that's now what Matthew needs.

I knew Justin had a thing for Matthew too, but Matthew was too blind to see it. He is blinded by all the of this sadness and darkness that consumed him once he was left in the dark after his light vanished into thin air.

"Me neither so let's go" I nodded as an agreement and grabbed the present that our whole friend group would still give him for his birthday.

Justin and I decided to walk towards his house. It wouldn't take long to get there anyways. Matthew lived between ten and fifteen minutes away from our school.

There was a silence with a slight tension between us, but I wasn't exactly sure why.

"Can I ask you something?" Justin started after a long silence.

"Sure" I smiled a bit and walked further.

"Do you- do you like him?" He asked me and I could hear some hope in his voice yet he sounded so insecure.

That was a question that I actually never expected coming from him. It was very clear that Matthew started to fall for him, but I guess he was just as blind. The only difference was that Justin wasn't blinded by sadness, but I suppose he was by love.

"What, me? No! He's my best friend" I laughed and looked at Justin to see his reaction.

Justin's shoulders looked less tense and his face seemed to relax. A shaky breath left his mouth and then a bright smile spread across his face.

Matthew and I grew close to each other when Rain died. I supported him thought thick and thin. I also felt like he needed it more than I ever did. Don't get me wrong, I loved Rain with all my heart and he was my best friend after all. I was devastated when I heard the news.

But losing a lover, someone who you loved deeply and dearly could break you in every which way. I knew how much they cared for each other and something like that was one of a kind. It hurts him that he doesn't get another chance with him.

I saw his death coming. Rain actually already said goodbye to me for if something would happen when I wasn't there. And it did, I came into the hospital too late only to see Matthew crying, screaming and kicking everywhere.

I didn't know how that well back then, but I took him in my arms. Of course he kept moving, trying to break free, but after giving up he simply just cried further in my arms. It broke my heart, seeing him like that even though I didn't know him then. That memory has never left my mind and I never want to see him like that. He looked so vulnerable, lost and broken.

Maybe Justin could change all of that for him.

"Oh.. Well I thought so, since you two were so close and you know.." He shrugged casually.

"I know that you like him Justin" I smiled towards his direction.

"I-, okay, w-what if I did?" He asked me and didn't try to make eye contact anymore.

"Then I would say that you should give it a shot and be careful, because he appears to be more broken than he makes it seem like" I answered him.

So when Matthew and I became friends in a short matter of time, I looked out for him no matter what. Even right now, I couldn't stop worrying, I felt something was off about him.

Matthew seemed to have a thing for me too. At least that's what I think. I'm his best friend and I know how he reacts to everything, I know him well enough and can see right through him.

And I dearly hoped that I was so wrong about this, that he didn't like me like that. Because he would be devastated if he found out what my secret was.

He couldn't lose me either and I was aware of that. I wouldn't just let a secret ruin our friendship, I couldn't.

A secret that would ruin us, our friendship and most importantly, him.