Now
Jeremy

We were walking.

Tyler and one one of the older boys in front, kids in the middle, me and Lily in the back, each of us carrying a little girl, watching over the other kids, so no one would get lost on the way.
Everyone was chatting and laughing, every single one of them so happy to have finally escaped that camp, the pure joy was almost hard to watch.

"I mean wouldn't it be better if you were walking in front?", Lily asked me now.

"I know", I said. Of course, it would have been easier to reach the oldsters if I had led the way but I felt a lot more at ease here at the back, where I had everything under control and could see everyone. I didn't trust kids. They were unpredictable.

Tyler and the other boy, whose name I couldn't remember no matter how hard I tried, were happily talking and they seemed to have a great time. Good for them.
Lily had tried to start a conversation with me several times now but I had always shut her down. I knew that it wasn't quite fair but in my defence I really didn't feel like talking.

I shouldn't have given in to Kyla's will so easily. After all, this whole escapade was her fault.

"So", Lily started again. She was extremely stubborn and I had no idea how I could get rid of her. When would she understand that I just didn't want to talk?
"I mean we've known each other for quite some time now", Lily said.

"Two days, actually", I answered, positioning the little girl on my back so that she wouldn't fall off.

"Yes, and I practically know nothing about you", she continued.

"There isn't much to know about me", I countered absent-mindedly. "After that tree line walk a little bit more to the right. There's a steep hillside there and I don't want anyone falling down", I called towards the two boys in the front, who gave me an ok sign back.

I could see from the corner of my eye that Lily was about to protest and try to get information out of me, but I was glad she kept silent. It wasn't even like I was holding anything back intentionally. There just wasn't anything special about me. I didn't have things that defined me like Kyla with her scarf, iPod and crappy attitude. I was just a small footnote in her presence, but that was ok. Kyla was ... Kyla, and I, well, I was just Jeremy.

I really didn't know what else I even could tell Lily.

"Can we please talk about anything else, then?", she asked, sounding a little mopey. "I hate silence."

"Well, I like silence", I told her. "See, now you know me better." I gave her a grin.

"Ok, fine", she countered. "But it's not silent anyway. The kids are making noise enough for the both of us!"

"Exactly! So why would we need to talk then?"

Lily scowled at me. "You're infuriating, I hope you know that", she groaned.

"Oh, infuriating what a clever word", I shot back with another grin. Ok, maybe talking wasn't as bad as I had expected.

Lily blushed and I looked at her taken aback a little. It had been a long time since I had made a girl blush.

"Are you two married?", the little girl on my back asked loudly, right next to my ear and the grin on my face died just as Lily's started to grow. How did that kid even learn about marriage? Nobody got married anymore, weddings were an old social construct that had died with everything else during the war. I only knew about it because my grandmother had repeatedly told me about hers. I still could see her, sitting across from me, telling me how she had run through the bombed streets in a ripped wedding dress, searching for our grandfather who long had been buried beneath the ruins.

"N-"

"Yes, Minnie", Lily said with a smirk directed at me. "Yes, we are."

I scowled at her but she just shrugged and cheekily stuck her tongue out. "Oh don't be so grumpy, Jeremy", she said. "You have to enjoy the nice moments in life."

I sighed. "This is not nice."

"Whatever you say", Lily said but her smirk didn't vanish and I couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't quite mean it.

"When are we there?", Minnie asked now. "My legs hurt."
"How can your legs hurt?!", I asked exasperated. "I'm carrying you."

From the corner of my eyes I could see the little girl stick her tongue out at me, then she started to move her legs impatiently, almost causing me to loose grip of her.

"Hey! Stop", I said, slightly irritated but she just started to wriggle herself out of my grasp and climbed upwards and set down on my shoulders. Kids were so nimble.

Her elbows buried themselves into my head as she used them to prop up her head. I sighed resignedly and just grabbed her legs to steady her, it probably would be more effort to argue with her than to just accept that children were a natural power not even Kyla could stop.

We were almost there anyway.

"Hey, Jeremy", Minnie said now, constantly kicking her feet against my chest.
"What?", I asked with a heavy sigh.

"When are we there?"
"You just asked that!", I exclaimed, while all I got as a response was giggling.

I couldn't wait for this trip to be over.

Just as Minnie started to tap her hands on my head in an annoyingly repeated rhythm I could see the treeline bordering on the glade where the oldsters lived.
The children had started to chant "Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, ..." and I couldn't take it anymore. One more second and I would finally go insane.

And so I gripped Minnie's legs more tightly and without warning I started running.

It felt great to just let my legs move as fast as they wanted to and it was so freeing not to take anyone else into consideration.

Minnie, on top of me, squealed delightedly and Lily from behind me shouted, "Where are you going?!"
I simply turned my head and screamed back, "First at the glade is the winner!"

The children behind me broke out into a cheer and suddenly everyone was running. All of them were astonishingly fast considering that they had spend a lot of days sitting inside a small shack.
"Faster, faster", Minnie laughed and I ran as fast as my legs would take me.

We left Tyler and the other boy behind and ran ahead, followed by a bunch of insane children, all of them screaming at the top of their lungs. We were making more noise than these woods had ever heard and for a second I didn't care.

I didn't care even though we were a massive target right now.

I didn't care even though I knew the oldsters would be mad at us.

I just let go.
Nothing mattered in that moment.

Minnie and I crashed through the treeline and were hit by the sun. Having won I slammed on the breaks, but instead of stopping, the momentum I had gathered pushed me forward, my feet stumbled, trying to find their balance, and then I crashed into the ground, both of us rolling in the grass until we finally came to a stop, looking each other in the face.

For a solid second both of us were quiet and then, as if a switch had been flicked, we both broke out into laughter.

I hadn't laughed like that in a long time.
I had forgotten what it felt like.

I only stopped once I heard someone rather angrily clearing his throat.
I looked up and saw Hank staring down at me.

"Where's Kyla? Normally she's responsible for making so much noise ... not you", he said.

"Sorry", I said, a little resigned, the good feeling already vanishing, stood up and then helped Minnie to her tiny little feet.

"Don't be mean. Jeremy's cool!", Minnie said, and while I appreciated the sentiment, I didn't really need defending from a six-year-old.

"She's back at the bus, but she promised to come next time", I told Hank. A deep sigh escaped him.

Kyla hadn't visited the oldsters in a long time now and I could see that it was hard on him.
Even if he acted serious and angry most of the time I knew he was just concerned about his granddaughter, which made it a little easier to deal with him. It gave us something we had in common.

He wasn't a bad guy, just a little rough around the edges.
That probably was the reason why Kyla and Hank clashed against each other all the time. They were too similar.

"And who are they?", he asked and pointed behind me. I turned around and stared into the faces of the fifteen children I had dragged with me here. Right.
I had almost forgotten.

"Um ... well, these are children", I said. "And we thought they might live with you."

Hank just looked at me for a second or two.

I could see a storm coming. His brain was processing what I had said but soon enough he would realise what it meant and then we'd all be doomed.

"Are you out of your mind?!" There it was.

"I'm sorry!", I pleaded. "I didn't know until it was too late. This was Kyla's idea, I'm just ... "

Suddenly I understood why Kyla had stayed in the bus and I could feel myself getting angry at her again.
I understood that she didn't want to deal with the anger of her grandfather, but that was no reason to make me do it.

There was no easy way out now, this would probably turn into a full-on debate.
If Kyla had been here she would have just let the kids stand there and run, giving her grandpa no other choice but to take them in.

I almost could see her standing beside me, spontaneously taking off and screaming Run, Jeremy! Run!.It wasn't like it hadn't happened before.

Hank sighed again. "You're lucky that I'm not in the mood for arguing right now."

"What happened?", I asked, surprised. Hank normally never gave in that easily. Something had to be wrong.

"Filben was hurt while he was out hunting. He's not old, still in his fifties, but you know, we aren't getting any younger and any major damage is something we can't really afford", he explained. "But please come to the plane, let's sort this out. It probably won't kill us to have a few more mouths to feed, when we're already this many."

I looked over to where the crashed plane was lying. Most of the oldsters were outside working on the fields and gardens they had started so many years ago. I could see Betty, Hank's wife, over at the tomatoes plucking the ripe fruits and watering the rest of the plants in that area. Establishing the gardens had been a lot of trial and error. I still could remember the many failed experiments leaving the oldsters with nothing but fouled food that couldn't be digested by the toughest of stomachs. But now, after years of experience, they had grown into almost a massive plantation.

Kyla and I had once tried to keep a garden as well but both of us hadn't had enough follow-through to take care of it every day and while Kyla had been frustrated because it wasn't growing fast enough for her, I had given up after a storm ruined the plants.

After all, it was a lot easier to just come here and get food from the oldsters.

Considering everything Kyla, and maybe I, too, had put them through I should be obligated to stay and help a little, but it was already after midday and the sun was standing lower in the sky than it had when we had left the bus.

"Is there any way, you could do that without me?", I asked. "I was planning to pay the abandoned cities a quick visit and I wanted to be home before night hits."

Hank sighed. "You and Kyla are such a burden, I hope you know that."

I smiled apologetically. "Again, I'm really sorry. You know that if I'd known I would have insisted on consulting you first and drawing out a plan. I promise that Kyla didn't let me know until the entire thing happened."

"I know, I know", the old man said, tiredly driving his hand over his time-worn face, and I felt bad for him.

He had lived through so much more than Kyla and I could ever imagine and every time I saw him he looked a little older. I promised myself that I would bring Kyla here the next time I came to visit and even if I had to drag her by the ankles.

"But", I started before I could hold myself back. "If we're already there, I can bring something back for you. It'd make taking in the children a little easier."

"We?", Hank asked.

"Oh yeah, sorry. This are Lily and Tyler, they just helped me get the kids here", I said and pointed at them. They waved back.

"Right. Okay, well I'll be taking you up on that offer", Hank said. "Just bring the kids to Betty, she'll help them get settled, I'll see what we need. Until I come back help out and make yourself useful."

I nodded and while Hank left to return to the plane I turned around to face the children who had stood behind me surprisingly quiet.

"Come on", I ordered and together we made our way over to Betty.

The other kids, who were staying here as a result of Kyla's last rescue mission, as I knew now, stopped working and stretched their heads to get a look at the new arrivals. I wondered if they would get along well.

"Hey, Betty", I said and with a grunt she got up from the ground, where she had been kneeling.

"Hey, Jeremy", she said with a smile, while wiping her dirty hands on her clothes. "Let me tell you, it's not easy to be old." She laughed.

I loved Betty. She might have been the complete opposite of Hank.
She was open, friendly and bubbly and almost nothing that you threw at her could throw her out of balance.

"I see you brought some new kids", she said and looked lovingly at the new faces. "Look at you. All of you look so grown up already!! I promise, we'll take care of you. I promise."

She smiled and it was astonishing what an impact her personality had on the children. While until now they had been nervous and jumpy, suddenly most of them calmed down and a atmosphere of ease lay over the crowd.

"Girl, what's your name?"

"Uh ... Lily!", Lily answered, a little thrown-off guard. She hadn't expected to be spoken to.

"You look lovely", Betty said with a smile and Lily visible blushed and I couldn't hold back a grin. "Do you see the old woman a little to the side, over there?", she asked, pointing her bony finger towards Mildred. Lily nodded vehemently. "She's our doctor, take yourself and the children there. She'll give you food and just check that all of you are ok. Jeremy, you stay here and help me."

With that Lily ushered the children and Tyler into the direction Betty had pointed in and I laughed silently. She seemed so proud to be recognised as a leader.

"Can you pluck the tomatoes right down there. I'm really tired of kneeling, I need a rest."

I nodded and while Betty sat down on one of the stones, creating the border of the garden, I knelt where she had before and started plucking tomatoes.

"How's Kyla doing?", she asked and I looked back at her.
Even if she was much more positive than Hank she was just as tired.

If I could have brought Kyla here right now by sheer force of will, I would have. Sometimes she needed to just get over herself and think about others.

"Kyla's doing fine", I said. "She's really sorry she couldn't come today and she promised to visit the next time."

Betty laughed. "No, she didn't", she said without the slightest hint of anger or disappointment. "Just tell her that I love her, when you see her again."

This was another thing I liked about Betty. She loved Kyla the way she was, absolute and without exceptions. There wasn't a thing Kyla could do to change that. Betty would always love her – unconditionally. And that was a very hard thing to do. I had to know.

"I will", I said. "But she already knows that."

Betty sighed. "Sometimes I'm not so sure. Kyla is such a free spirit and she acts like she doesn't care about most things, but deep down she's just scared."

I stopped plucking tomatoes for a second. "I know", I said.

"How are you two getting along?", Betty asked now, shifting on the stone a little uncomfortably. "I hope you're not fighting all too much."

I sighed. When were we not?

"The usual", I said. "As long as Kyla doesn't do anything stupid, we're fine."

Betty laughed and I plucked the last tomatoes from the stems of the plant. I handed the filled, hand-woven bowl to Kyla's grandmother and she took it. "Thank you, Jeremy. I'll ask someone else to wash these in the river. I'm sure you have a lot to do."

I let myself fall on my butt, rubbing my pulsating knees. I didn't like kneeling very much and I could only wonder how much more effort it had to be for Betty.

"Yeah, but it's really no problem", I said. "I'm waiting for Hank anyway."

"Oh, Hank", Betty said and stretched her legs a little. "He's worrying too much. I always try to tell him, but he just gets annoyed at me. Don't let him intimidate you, he just wants Kyla to live well."

"Yeah", I said and nodded. "I just think he and Kyla have different interpretations of what exactly that means."

Betty laughed again and I smiled.

"You're certainly right."

Right then Hank emerged from the exit of the plane and waved me to come meet him. I stood up with a grunt. "Speaking of the devil", I said and then turned around towards where Lily, Tyler and the kids were. I waved them.

"Come on", I shouted. "We have work to do."

~~~

After Hank had told us what exactly they needed – in my opinion way too much for just one trip to an abandoned city – we had made our way towards one of the cities east.

"Alright", I had said once we'd arrived and Lily and Tyler had stopped gaping at the houses standing tall, in somewhat acceptable state, partially run down, or lying quietly in ruins, waiting to crumble and finally die.
Apparently they had never seen a real house before and obviously this had delayed our task for a considerable amount of time as they had bombarded me with a million questions I had no answer to.

"Let's search the houses and bring everything useful together. Doesn't matter what it is. If you think it might help us, take it."

I was sitting at our meeting point now, my pile of goods carefully ordered and orderly lying next to me. No sight of Lily and Tyler.

I sighed. The sun was already setting. This whole ordeal would be done with a lot faster if I'd come with Kyla.
But then again, Kyla would have only brought things we didn't need. So, while it might be not faster, maybe it would prove to be more efficient.
And anyway it was easier to sneak off that way.

I leaned against the wall of one of the houses, mindlessly playing with some of the little stones that were lying on the ground. Rubble that had crumbled from the decayed facade of the houses.

I closed my eyes and let the last sun rays hit my face.

Slowly I could feel myself relax.

Normally, the abandoned cities weren't this peaceful, but not many people came to this one since it was quite near to the Lost City and rather small, which gave us undisputed access to everything stored here. It made this one my favourite of all the abandoned cities.
I wondered if Kyla had one.

"Jeremy", Lily said and I opened my eyes. For a moment I couldn't see anything with the setting sun rudely shining in my face and I raised my hand to shield my eyes but then Lily stepped in front of the light and her shadow sheltered me from turning blind.

"Is this useful?", she asked.
I looked at her. Was she serious?

"That is a chair", I said.
"Yes."

"Why the hell would we need a chair in a bus? Or even in the woods?!"

"I don't know", Lily answered, a little exasperated. "The other people had them."
She shrugged and put the chair next to my pile. She then stepped out of the sun and sat down beside me.

"You didn't get anything else?", I asked doubtfully, as she positioned herself, squinting my eyes in order not to be blinded.

"I did", she said. "I put it on your things."
I groaned. Great, now I'd have to sort everything all over again.

"Where's Tyler?"
The only answer I got was a shrug.

Lily stared straight ahead not making eye contact, as if the facade of the opposite house was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen. It was obvious that something weighed on her mind. But did I really have to ask her about it?

I sighed. "Ok, what's wrong?"

For a while she didn't say anything and I gave up on an answer. It was fine. I enjoyed silence more, anyway, and I hadn't been very keen on talking.

"I don't know", she said quietly, violently ripping me out of the belief that I would be able to doze a little more. "I ... I think seeing the oldsters and all the children, it ... it just made me miss my parents."

I didn't really know what to answer. My parents had been dead for years and even though I still missed them – of course I did – the pain had become a lot more bearable over time.

"How did you end up with those horrible people, anyway?", I asked.

Lily looked at me. "I thought you didn't want to talk."

I don't, I wanted to answer, but decided that it was rude and would only make Lily clam up, which was something I really didn't want. So instead I just shrugged.

"How did you meet Kyla?", Lily asked, instead of answering me.

Immediately memories from seven years ago simmered to the surface and I could see Kyla with her messy bun and my scared self in front of me. I'd had just lost my whole family in circumstances I could hardly remember now, I'd been hungry and afraid. It wasn't a time I liked to remember.

"Do you know about the Lost City?", I asked. At this point we would just bounce back question after question until we would have no words left to answer them.

Lily nodded.

"I met Kyla there. We were twelve at the time. My friend had been badly hurt so we felt like we had no other choice but to go to the Lost City and Kyla was there by chance too. We stumbled across each other there. I don't know, now it feels weird that we only met through a weird coincidence. I really couldn't imagine life without her – no matter how annoying she is."

Lily smiled at me. "That's actually really sweet."

"Didn't say I meant it in a good way", I grumbled and looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Lily turned her head so that she was looking straight ahead again and sighed.

"Tyler and I grew up together", she said then. "He's my best friend. We ..." She paused. "We lost them ... about a year ago. Even if they're still alive now, I don't think we'd ever find our way back to them."

She sounded discouraged and I didn't really know how to make it better. Not having parents just sucked sometimes.

"That explains why you're so helpless", I said instead, trying a lighter note.

"Hey!", Tyler exclaimed. He'd just left one of the houses and approached us, his arms full of things. From a distance I couldn't tell whether it was junk or actually useful things. I squinted.

"You improved a little, if that helps", I told him.

"How did Kyla get that strong, anyway?", Lily asked as Tyler let his findings plummet to the ground.

I blew air out of my mouth. How was Kyla that strong? It was a question even I couldn't really answer. She had told me snippets of her past, her mother, and I knew about her training with Longkill but nothing seemed to explain how she was possible to dominate me in almost every fight. I had never seen her loose the upper hand. Never ... except for once.

I thought back to the Lost City incident and suddenly felt sick. Images I mostly wanted to forget flashed before my eyes.

Instead of answering Lily I quickly stood up clapping my hands on my thighs.

"Come on! Sort everything into medicine, weapons, food and everything else. Since you more or less helped you can take three things for yourselves."

Lily stood up and groaned. "Only three things? For all the work we did? That's not fair at all!"

"You only brought a chair. I'd hardly call that hard work", I shot back.

Instead of complaining Tyler held up his hands in defence, "Wait, wait, wait. Three each or together?"

"Together", I said and starting sorting, ignoring the pouting two children next to me.

The next half hour was filled with sighs and groans, none of them coming from me, and even though it took some time, in the end we had four nice stacks of gathered things. We'd gotten some bandages and a lot of medicine we'd have to examine later. There was some canned food mixed with some really old noodles, all of which I would probably bring the oldsters. Kyla and me never could make use of these kinds of foods. It was better to just leave them with the oldsters and then let them cook for us. Like that we didn't need to bother making a fire or trying to weave containers or find bowls or cooking cauldrons.
We hadn't found many weapons but there were still some things that could prove useful in the future.

"I suppose you don't own backpacks", I asked the two kids next to me after checking the piles and finding everything satisfactory.

"I found one inside", Lily said and pointed to the trashed sack of cloth that was hanging off her back. I stared at it with disbelief for a few seconds, unable to decide whether the girl was being serious or if this was supposed to be a joke. However, since Lily continued to look at me expectantly I decided to take her word for it. "Well, I think it won't hold any of the smaller items but we could give you some of the bigger weapons?"

Lily nodded enthusiastically and already tried to pack everything in a way that it wouldn't fall out.

"I'll take the things for the oldsters and Tyler you take the rest and carry them in your hands. Do you know how to get back to the bus?"

Tyler and Lily stopped with their tasks and looked at me. "No", Tyler said and I could hear his voice waver. I felt a little bad that I was about to send them back on their own but I still had a few other arrangements I intended to meet.

"It's fine", I told them. "You just have to walk straight ahead until you meet old wooden boards, overgrown with moss – trust me, you'll recognise them. Then you'll change your direction slightly to the right and continue walking onwards until you find the bus."

Lily jumped up. "Jeremy!", she pressed out with exasperation. "We can't go back alone!!"

For a second I imagined me not going, leaving with Tyler and Lily, returning to a possibly soundly sleeping Kyla.

No, there was someone else I had promised to visit today.

"Sorry, guys", I told them. "But I have to bring this back to the oldsters as apology for imposing all the children on them. I promised."

I could see their discomfort and suddenly I felt a little sorry. It was unfair for me to send them on the way all on their own. I should have taken them. But the way back wasn't all too complicated and god dammit if Kyla could be selfish I was allowed to be it too!

I didn't see how it was my responsibility to make up for everything Kyla lacked.

"What if we get lost?", Tyler asked, still not convinced this was a good idea.

I gave them an encouraging smile. "If you walk too far right you'll bump against the oldsters and if you walk too far left you'll meet the river. Just follow it downstream and the bus'll be near there somewhere."