Songs for this chapter are:

 Lay me down- Sam Smith

 Hey ho- The Lumineers

Fix you- Coldplay

The scientist- Cold Play

You found me- The Fray

Zed's POV.

Another party. Another overcrowded party where everyone does the same shit. Drinks are poured into red cups and the music blasts from room to room. Every person I pass as I walk down the hallway looks even more bored than the last and I find it odd that that this year's kick off party is much more crowded than the last.

"I need to piss," I complain, leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. Moment later, a petite girl with blonde hair steps out of the bathroom. Her cheeks are red, her eyes cast down at the floor. She's wearing a long sleeve shirt that hugs the curves of her hips perfectly but her jeans are loose, baggy even.

"Excuse me," she smiles down at the carpeted floor and maneuvers past me and down the hall. I made it a point not to date anyone for a while after the Tessa thing but I find myself following the girl down the hallway.

When she reaches the stairs, she takes them slowly and I watch as her eyes scan the crowd, searching for someone. I decide to approach her when she reaches the bottom.

"Are you looking for someone?" I ask her.

When she turns to face me, her brown eyes are big, nearly too big for her face and she looks slightly terrified as she speaks. "I was looking for my friends but I think they left." She frowns.

"Oh, do you want me to help you find them? Can you call them?"

"No, my phone is in my friend's purse," she sighs, reaching into the small bag resting at her waist. "I knew I shouldn't have come here. Parties aren't my thing and yet Macy begged and begged. It will be fun she said, we'll only stay for an hour, she said." The girl huffs. Her nose crinkles up and I bite down on my bottom lip to keep from laughing.

"What?" She flushes, embarrassed.

"Nothing," I lie. She's pretty damn cute. "Do you want a drink or something?" I ask her.

"I don't drink." She softly declines.

"At all?"

"At all."

"Well, okay then." I smile, letting her know that I find it kind of cool that she's not getting wasted like the rest of the girls here.

"It's not that I'm a prude or anything, I've just never done it and don't want to."

"Okay." I nod, finding her more appealing by the second. "Well, I can get you some water and you can hang out with me and my friends until you find yours?" I offer.

"Uhm, I'm not sure." She looks around the living room full of strangers. "I don't know anyone and this is the first time I've ever been to a party like this."

Nate waves at me from across the room and I look at the girl once more, "well, if you decide you don't want to stand here alone, you're more than welcome to join us over there." I point toward the group and watch her eyes widen. "They are nicer than they look," I tease. "Well, some of them anyway."

She nods and surprises me by following me over to my group of friends. Tristan stands up, allowing her to sit on the couch and she politely thanks him. I'm glad he's back from Loganiana, single and officially done with Steph's bullshit.

"Here's to the last year of this college bullshit," he raises his cup and taps Logan' cup. Molly joins in and adjusts herself on her boyfriend's lap.

"Not my last year. I still have two more," Nate complains. The girl he's been seeing rolls her eyes and takes his cup from his hand to take a drink. "I should have went to a trade school, college fucking blows."

"I told you, you should have taken that apprenticeship at the tattoo shop." She scolds him. He rolls his eyes and tugs at the tiny strap holding her shirt on her shoulders, half of her deep brown skin is showing, but I sure as hell don't mind.

"I'm still thinking about it." He tells her.

"Anyway, enough of this boring shit. Who's this?" Molly points to the girl who I met in the hallway upstairs.

"This is.." I look at her for her help. I forgot to ask her damn name.

"Therise." Of course that's her name. Damn.

"You've gotta be shitting me," Molly laughs, leaning against Logan.

"Nice name," Jace smirks, licking along the edges of the rolling paper in his hands.

"Wanna play a game, Therise? Truth or dare?" Molly mocks the girl. She looks to me and I shake my head.

"No, no one wants to play that shit." I glare at Molly. Therise is clueless and looks anxious and slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure a wager could come from it," Jace says.

"Yeah, from the looks of her, maybe you could win this time." Molly turns to me. Logan reaches up and covers his girlfriend's mouth.

"Cut it out," he says to her. She rolls her eyes but stays quiet once his hand moves from her big mouth. "I'm not having any part in a repeat of last year. That was too much drama." Logan kisses Molly's bare shoulder and she smiles, looking far less like a bitch while doing so.

"What was last year?" Therise asks.

"Nothing," I look among my friends, hoping they will keep their mouths closed.

"This douche bag named Hardin, he's not here," she clarifies, "and Zed here had a bet going to see who could fuck some girl named Tessa. Zed lost obviously and Hessa prevailed," he scoffs, clearly disgusted by the mention of Hardin and Tessa.

"What the fuck is a Hessa?" Nate's girl asks.

"I came up with it!" Molly proudly raises her hand. "I get full credit for that shit. I named those crazy fucks and I expect an invite to their wedding," she laughs.

"They aren't getting married." I snap at her. I don't even want to think about that.

"Not right now, but I would bet money on that shit," she smiles, "and I would win." She winks.

"That is disgusting that you would do that." Therise says, standing up from the couch. "I'm going to find my friends."

"Damn," someone says, Jace maybe?

"Wait!" I call after the girl.

"You may as well let her go, you're only going to gain another enemy. She probably has a boyfriend who will slash the tires on your truck," Logan reminds me of my expensive mistake.

"I didn't know that chick was engaged, and I'm pretty sure it was her, not her fiance that did that shit."

"Stop sleeping with random chicks then," Nate shrugs, taking a swig of his drink.

"That was over a year ago, and how was I supposed to know that her fiance was going to be a professor here." That whole weekend was a disaster. If I had known the chick was at the club for her own bachelorette party, I wouldn't have went home with her. It was just my luck that the only time in my life that I had a one night stand, she was engaged to be married the next day. The guy was cool, cooler than I would have been, until he tired to get me removed from the Science Program and fought to keep Hardin from getting expelled.

"Who are you all talking shit to anyway because Molly here has fucked half of you," I wave to the group.

"Watch it," Logan warns me. Instead of arguing with him, I choose to follow after the girl. I don't know her but she seems sweet and she's drop dead gorgeous. Yes, she reminds me of Tessa and yes, it's taken a long time for me to get over Tessa and maybe this is a bad idea. All that in mind, I still follow behind the girl.

I didn't mean for the situation with Tessa to become what it did. I cared for her, more than he did, and I let my stupid jealousy and petty need for some type of revenge against him to make up for him having sex with Samantha, the equivalent of Tessa to Hardin.

She was amazing, she was fun and she was older than me. That was a turn on, but she was wild. She slept with Hardin and she didn't see much of a problem with it. He didn't either, of course but I cared. I was devastated and pissed and I let it ruin what I could have had with Tessa. She trusted me, I know she did, even after my involvement with the bet in the beginning. I was the one who told her the details about it and she always came to me when she needed me.

I should have let that be good enough, but no, I had to be an asshole and let Hardin's shit talking get to my head. I shouldn't have tried to come onto her that night at her mom's house and I shouldn't have said half the shit that I did. My stupidity only lead her back to him.

I know she moved to New York City with her friend Landon, but I know it won't be long until he follows her there. As much as I hate to admit it, they have something special between them. As dysfunctional as they are, I have never seen two people fight for each other the way those two do. Hardin doesn't deserve her but that's not my place to interfere, not anymore.

I step outside and scan the yard for the girl who ran off. She's perched ontop of the broken stone wall, bringing another memory to mind. She's picking at the stone wall and when I approach her she moves to jump down.

"Wait," I plea. "Can you give me a minute to explain myself?" I ask of the stranger.

"Why would I? I know nothing about you except that you were involved in some sick bet." She scowls at me.

I can't deny it and I won't defend that it was right, because it wasn't.

"I know, and I know what you're thinking about me but I would like if you gave me another chance. At least time to learn my name?" I raise a brow to her, she shakes her head.

"You have about three minutes, that's it." She smiles, mocking me in a sweet way.

"Thank you," I sigh, not knowing why I care so much about her opinion. I don't even know the girl, but there is just something about her.

"Two and a half minutes now."

"I'm Zed," I reach out to shake her hand. She hesitates for a moment before reaching for my hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Therise, and I'm not sure I can say the same yet." She smiles, this time there is more effort behind it and thirty minutes later we are still sitting on this wall.

Hardin's POV.

"We need to talk," I repeat and sit down on the step just below her and look up to her, forcing my hands to stay in my own lap.

"I would say," she forces a smile. Her knees are dirty, marked with angry red lines.

"What happened? Are you alright?" My plan to keep my hands to myself goes out the window as I reach for her legs, examining the wounds closer.

"I tripped, that's all." She turns away, cheeks red and eyes matching.

"None of this was ever supposed to happen."

"You wrote a book about us and shopped it around to publishers. How was that not intentional?"

"No, I mean all of this. You and i, everything." The air is dry and humid and I'm finding it harder than I expected to get the words out. "This year has been an entire lifetime for me. I have learned so much about myself and about life and about how life should be. I had this fucked up view of everything, I hated myself, I hated everyone around me."

She sits, silently on the step below me and I can tell by the trembling of her bottom lip that she's doing her best to keep a straight face.

"I know you don't understand, not many people do, but the worst feeling in the entire fucking world is hating yourself and that's what I dealt with every single day. That wasn't an excuse for the shit I pulled, I should have never treated you the way that I did and you had every damn right to leave me the way you did. I only hope that you will read the entire book before making your decision. You can't judge a book without reading from cover to cover. "

"I'm trying not to judge Hardin, I'm really not but this is too much. I fell out of this pattern and I didn't see this coming and I still can't wrap my head around it." Her head shakes as if she's trying to clear the rapid thoughts that I see firing behind the gray of her eyes.

"I know, baby. I know." When I reach for one of her hands and wrap my fingers around her palm, she winces. I gently turn her hand over to examine the welts covering the skin of her palm. "You okay?" I ask again and she nods, allowing me to trace the wound with my fingertip.

"Who would even want to read it? I can't believe so many publishers want it." Tessa looks away from me, focusing on the city that somehow keeps moving around us, as busy as ever.

"A lot of people." I shrug, stating the truth.

"Why? It's so.. not a typical love story. I've only read a little bit of it and I can see how dark it is."

"Even the damned need their stories told Tess."

"You aren't damned, Hardin," she promises.

I sigh, slightly agreeing with her and continue, "In hopes for redemption maybe? Maybe not, maybe some people only want to read about happiness and cliche love stories, but there are millions of people, people who aren't perfect and have been through shit in their lives and maybe they want to connect with it? Maybe they would see some of themselves in me, and hell," I rub my shaking hand over the back of my neck. "Hell, maybe someone could learn something from my mistakes, and yours." She's looking at me now, as I vomit the words onto the concrete stairs.

Uncertainty is still clear in her eyes, pushing more words from my mouth. "Maybe sometimes everything isn't so black and white and maybe not everyone is fucking perfect. I've done alot of shit in my life, to you, and to others that I regret and I would never, ever repeat or condone. This isn't about that, this book was an outlet for me. It was another form of therapy for me. It gave me a place where I could just write whatever the fuck I wanted and what I felt. This is me and my life and I'm not the only person out there who has made mistakes, an entire fucking book of them, and if people judge me for the dark content of my story, then that's on them. I can't possibly please everyone and I know there will be more people, people like us Tessa, that relate to this book and want to see someone admit their issues and deal with them in a real way."

Her lips turn up at the corners and she sighs, shaking her head slightly. "What if people don't like it? What if they don't even take the chance to read it but they hate us for what's inside of it. I'm not ready for that type of attention. I don't want people talking about my life and judging me."

"Let them hate us. Who gives a fuck what they think?" They weren't going to read it anyway." I say.

"This is just.. I can't decide how I feel about this. You wrote such hurtful things, what type of love story is this?" She asks, her voice shaky and unsure.

"This is the type of love story that deals with real fucking problems. It's a story about forgiveness and unconditional love, and it shows how much a person can change, really change, if they try hard enough. It's the type of story that proves that anything is fucking possible when it comes to self recovery. It shows that if you have someone to lean on, someone who loves you and doesn't give up on you, you can find your way out the darkness. It shows that no matter what type of parents you had, or addictions you were faced with, you can overcome anything that stands in your way and become a better person. That's the type of story After is."

"After?" She questions, tilting her chin up, using her hand to shield the sun from her eyes.

"That's what it's called," I look away, suddenly feeling self conscious about the name. "It's about my journey, after meeting you."

"How much of it is bad?" Tessa asks me.

"Not as much as you think, you read the worst of it. Those pages that you didn't see, the ones that are the true essence of the story, they are about how much I love you, how you gave me a purpose in life, and how meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. The unread pages share our laughs along with my struggles, our struggles."

"You should have told me that you were writing this. There were so many hints, how did I not see it?" She covers her face with her hands out of frustration and I lean backk against the steps.

"I know that I should have, but by the time I understood and began to change what I was doing wrong, I wanted it to be perfect before I showed you. I truly am sorry for that, Tessa. I love you and I'm sorry that you found out about it this way. My intentions were not to hurt or deceive you and I'm so sorry that you felt that way. I'm not the same man that I was when you left me, Tessa. You know that I'm not."

"I don't know what to say," her voice is barely a whisper.

"Just read it, will you please just read the entire book before making any decisions. That's all I ask, please just read it."

Her eyes close and she shifts her body, making her knee lean into my shoulder. "Yes, I'll read it."

A fraction of air returns to my lungs, some of the weight is lifted off of my chest, and I couldn't put my relief into words even if I tried.

She stands up, brushing off her scratched knees. "I'll get something for you to put on those," I tell her.

"I'm fine,"

"When will you stop fighting me?" I try to lighten the mood. It works and she fights a smile.

"Never," she begins to walk up the steps and I stand to follow her. I want to go into the apartment and sit next to her as she reads the entire novel, but I know that I shouldn't. I use the small amount of judgment that I have and decide to take a walk around this dirty city.

"Wait!" I call after her when she reaches the top. I reach into my pocket and pull out the crumpled piece of paper. "Read this last please. It's the last page."

She open her hand and holds it out in front of her. I take the steps quickly, two at a time, and place the wad of paper into her hand. "Please don't peek." I beg of her.

"I won't," Tessa turns away from me and I study the way she turns her head to smile back at me. One of my greatest wishes in life would be for her to understand, to truly understand that she is rare. She's one of the few people in this world who know forgiveness and when many would call her weak, she is truly the opposite. She's strong, strong for standing by someone who hated himself. Strong for showing me that I'm not damned, that I am worthy of love too, despite growing up thinking the opposite. She was strong enough to walk away from me when she did, and she's strong enough to love unconditionally. Tessa is stronger than most and I hope she knows that.

 Tessa's POV.

When I enter the apartment, I take a moment to gather my thoughts. I'm at a loss for them at the time being and when I reach the binder laying on the table. All of the pages are shoved inside of the binding, out of order.

I reach for the first page, holding my breath as I prepare myself to read. Will his words change my mind? Will they hurt me? I'm not even sure that I'm ready to find out but I know that I need to do this for myself, I need to read his words and his emotions to see what was going through his mind all of those times when I couldn't read him.

That's when he knew. That moment was when he fucking knew that he wanted to spend his life with her, that his life would be meaningless and empty without the light that Tessa brings into it. She gave him hope, she made him feel as if maybe, just maybe, he could be more than his past. 

I drop the page to the floor and start on another.

He lived his life for himself and then it shifted, it became much more than waking up and going to sleep. She gave him everything he never knew that he needed. 

Page after page, I read them and drop them into a pile on the floor.

He couldn't believe the shit that came from his mouth. He was disgusting, He hurt the people that love him and he just couldn't stop. "Why do they love me?" He constantly wondered. "Why would anyone love me? I'm not worthy of it." Those thoughts filled his head, haunted him no matter how much he hid from them, they always returned.

He wanted to kiss away her tears, he wanted to tell her that he sorry and that he was a ruined man, but he couldn't. He was a coward and he was damaged beyond repair and treating her this way made him hate himself even more.

Her laugh, her laugh was the sound that brought him out of the darkness and into the light. Her laugh dragged him, by his damn collar, through the bullshit clouding his mind and infecting his thoughts. He wasn't the same man that his father was and he decided then, as she walked away from him, that he would never let the mistakes of his parents control his life again. He decided then, that this woman was worth more than a broken man could offer and so he did everything in his power to make it up to her.

Page after page, confession after dark confession, I continue to read. My tears have stained my cheeks, along with some of the pages of his beautiful yet twisted story.

He needed to tell her, he needed to tell her how fucking sorry he was for the nerve he had to throw children in her face. He was selfish, thinking only of the way he could hurt her and he wasn't ready to admit what he truly wanted out of life with her. He wasn't ready to tell her that she would make the most amazing mother, that she would be nothing like the woman who raised her. He wasn't ready to tell her that he would try his hardest to be good enough to help raise a child with her. He wasn't ready to tell her that he was absolutely terrified of making the same mistakes that his father made and he wasn't ready to admit that he was afraid of failing. He didn't know the words to express that he didn't want to come home drunk and he didn't want his children to run and hide from him, the way that he did his own father.

He wanted to marry her, to spend his life by her side, reveling in her kindness and her warmth. He couldn't imagine a life without her and he was trying to figure out a way to tell her this, to show her that he really could change, and that he could be worthy of her.

Time passes somehow, and before long hundreds of pages are scattered onto the floor. I am unaware of how much time has passed and I couldn't possibly count the tears that have fallen from my eyes or the sobs that have escaped through my lips.

I keep going though, I read every single page, out of order, scattered and disarranged, but I make sure to soak in every single confession from the man that I love, the only man outside of my father that I have ever loved, and by the time I reach the end of the stack of pages, the apartment has grown darker and the sun has begun to set.

I look around the mess that I've made and try to take it all in. My eyes scan the floor, resting on the crumpled ball of paper on the entry table. Hardin said that it's the last page, the very last page of this story, our story, and I try to calm myself down before reaching for it.

My hands shake as I pick it up, unwrap the crinkled page, and read the words written there.

He hopes that she will read this someday and that she will understand just how broken he was. He doesn't ask for her pity, or her forgiveness, he only asks that she see just how much she effected his life. That she, the beautiful stranger with a kind heart, turned into his lifeline and she made him into the man he is today. He hopes that with these words, no matter how harsh some of them are, that she will be proud of herself for dragging a sinner from the pits of hell and raising him into her heaven, allowing him redemption and freedom from the demons of his past.

He prays that she will take every single word to heart, and that maybe, just maybe, she will still love him after everything they have gone through. He hopes that she will be able to remember why she loved him, why she fought so hard for him.

Lastly, he hopes that wherever she may be as she reads the book that he wrote for her, she will read it with a light heart and that she will reach out to him, even if these words find her years from now, she has to know that he hasn't given up. Tessa has to know that this man will always love her and that he will be waiting for her for the rest of his life, whether she returns to it or not. He wants her to know that she was his savior and that he could never repay her for everything she has done for him and that he loves her with his entire soul and nothing will ever change that.

He wants to remind her that whatever their souls are made of, his and hers are the same.

I gather every last bit of strength left inside of me and leave the scattered pages on the floor of the apartment, the last page of the book still in my hand.

.(Only one chapter left! I can't believe how fast this book has gone and I am in awe of how supportive all of you are. I'm sorry for the delay for this chapter, I have started to revise the first after with the new names and it's the strangest, most emotional thing for me. I am so grateful for everything in my life and I owe all of it to you guys. Being a published author is something I dreamed of but never thought would actually happen to me. I was going back and forth between majors in college, working odd jobs while my husband was deployed in Iraq on and off for the last seven years, and I had no direction (pun intended) I loved to read and I used to joke about how I wish I could just read for a living, until I started writing After. I didn't write this expecting any of the amazing opportunities  that have come to me, I was just a fangirl with an obsession with reading who wanted to express her feelings and share her words with someone. I never dreamed that this would take off and that so many of you would love the story as much as I loved telling it, and I'm just so thankful, and still in shock in a way, that this is all happening to me.

I'm not out to teach life lessons, or influence anyone, but I do hope that at the end of the day, you can at least see that you should never sell yourself short. If you like to write, write. If you like to sing, sing. Do what makes you happy and literally anything is possible. And please, never EVER let anyone bring you down. People can be cruel and judgmental but that's the wicked way of the world we live in, so please just remember that they don't matter. The only people that matter are the people you love and sit across from at the dinner table. (This is a quote from a close friend and mentor and yes, I'm stealing it because she's awesome and better at saying things than I am)

So yeah, I'm sorry for this long author's note but I just wanted to get all emotional and share how I'm feeling about all of this happening.

Oh yeah! And the title of the second book has been released on Amazon, it's ... After We Collided...

The first title will be After, that's the second, and the third will be released next Saturday!! This is all so crazy to me and I am getting all reminiscent and emotional because I'm just so thankful and I love you all so much. Thank you again for everything!