Songs for this chapter are:

 It's time- Imagine Dragons

Hardin's POV.

I can't remember the last time I attended a funeral. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I've never been to one. When my mum's mum died, I simply didn't feel like going. I had booze to drink and a party that I just couldn't miss. I never had the urge to say a final goodbye to a woman I barely knew. One thing I did know about the old woman was that she didn't care much for me anyway. She could barely stand my mum so why would I spend my time sitting in a pew, pretending to be upset about a death that in all reality, didn't affect me at all?

Yet here I sit years later in the back of a tiny church, mourning the death of Tessa's father. Tessa, Carol, Zed, and what appears to be half the damn church are all sitting in the front row. Only me and an old woman, who I'm sure doesn't actually know where she is, sit in the lone pew against the back wall. Zed is sitting on one side of Tessa and her mother on the other.

I don't regret calling him, well I do, but I can't ignore the flicker of life that has been revived since his arrival earlier today. She still doesn't look like my Tessa, but she is getting there and if that asshole is the key to that light, then so fucking be it.

I've done a lot of fucked up shit in my life, a lot. I know this, Tessa knows this, hell, everyone in this church probably fucking knows it, but I will make this right with Tessa. I don't give a fuck about making amends with any of the other shit from my past or present, I only care about fixing what was broken within her.

I broke her, she says she couldn't fix me, that she will never be able to, but my damage wasn't caused by her. I was healed by her and while she was healing me, I was splintering her beautiful soul into too many pieces. Essentially, I single handedly broke her, broke her fucking brilliant spirit, while selfishly being stitched back together. The most fucked up part of this massacre is that I didn't even realize just how much I was hurting her, just how much of her light I had dimmed. I knew it, I knew it all along but it didn't matter, it only mattered when I finally got it. When she denied me, once and for all, I got it. It hit me like a damn truck and I couldn't move out of the way even if I tried.

It took her father's death to make me see just how stupid my plan to save her from me actually was. If I had thought about it, really thought this mess through, I would have known how stupid it all was. She wanted me, Tessa has always loved me more than I deserve and how did I repay her? I pushed and pushed until she was finally done with my shit. Now she doesn't want me, she doesn't want to want me, and I have to find a way to remind her how much she loves me.

Now here I sit, watching as Zed raises his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his side. I can't even look away. I'm stuck staring at them. Maybe I'm punishing myself, maybe not, but either way, I can't stop staring at the way she leans into him and he whispers something in her ear. The way his thoughtful expression somehow calms her and she sighs, nodding once, and he smiles at her.

Someone slides in next to me, temporarily interrupting my self-torture.

"We're nearly late, why are you sitting back here?" Landon asks. My father.. Ken, sits down next to him while Karen takes it upon herself to walk to the front of the small church to approach Tessa.

"You may as well go up there too. The front row is only for people who Tessa can stand," I complain, glancing at the line of people in the front, from Carol to Noah, I can't stand any of them, even Tessa. I love her but I can't stand being so close to her while she's comforted by Zed. He doesn't know her the way I do, he doesn't deserve to be sitting next to her right now.

"Stop that. She can stand you. This is her father's funeral, try to remember that." Landon says and I catch my father, fuck. Ken, I catch Ken staring at me.

He's not even my father. I knew this, I've known for the last week, but now that he's in front of me it's like I'm finding out for the first time again. I should tell him right now, I should reaffirm his long time suspicions and just let the truth out about my mum and Vance.

I should tell him right here, right now, and let him feel as fucking disappointed as I was. Was I disappointed? I don't know for sure really, I was pissed. I am still pissed, but that's about as far as I've gotten.

"How are you feeling, son?" His arm reaches across Landon to rest his hand on my shoulder.

Tell him. I should tell him.

"I'm fine," I shrug, wondering why my mouth won't cooperate with my mind and just say the words. Like I always say, misery loves company and I am as miserable as it gets.

"I'm sorry about all of this, I should have called the facility more. I promise you that I had checked on him, Hardin. I did, and I had no clue that he left until it was too late. I'm sorry." The disappointment in his eyes silences me from forcing him to join my pity party.

"I'm sorry that I always fail you," he adds. My eyes meet his and I nod, deciding in this moment that he doesn't need to know. Not right now.

"It's not your fault," I quietly remark. I can feel Tessa's eyes on me, calling my attention from so many feet away. Her head is turned toward me and Zed's arm is no longer around her shoulders. She's staring at me, the way I was her, and I literally have to force myself not to rush across the church to her by wrapping my fingers around the wooden pew.

"Either way, I'm sorry." Ken apologizes and removes his hand from my shoulder. His brown eyes are glossy, matching Landon's.

"It's fine." I mumble, still focusing on the gray eyes holding mine.

"Just go up there, she needs you." Landon suggests, his voice soft. I ignore him and wait for her to give me some sort of signal, any tiny little fragment of emotion to show me that she does need me. I will be next to her in seconds.

The preacher steps to the podium and she turns away from me without beckoning me to her. Before I can feel too sorry for myself, Karen smiles down at Zed and he slides down, allowing her to take the seat next to Tessa.

Tessa's POV.

"Thank you for coming," I give another fake smile to another faceless stranger and move on to the next. The funeral was short, apparently this church doesn't take kindly to celebrating the life of an addict. A few stiff words and phony praises were given and that was that.

Only a few more people, a few more simulated thanks and forced emotions as condolences are given. If I hear what a great man my father was one more time I think I'll scream. I think I'll scream right in the middle of this church, in front of all my mother's judgmental friends, many of them have never even met Richard Young, why are they here and what lies has my mother told them about my father if they are praising him?

It's not that I don't think my father was a good man, truthfully I didn't know him well enough to accurately judge his character, but I do know the facts and the facts are that he left me and my mother when I was a child and he only came back into my life a few months ago by chance. If I wouldn't have been with Hardin at that tattoo parlor, chances are I wouldn't have seen him again.

He didn't want to be in my life. He didn't want to be a father or a husband. He wanted to live his own life and make choices that revolved around him and him alone. That's fine, it is, but I can't understand it. I can't understand why he would run away from his responsibilities only to live the life of a drug addict. I remember how I felt when Hardin mentioned my father's drug use, I couldn't believe it. Alcoholic yes, but drug addict, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I'm slowly realizing that, like Hardin always says, I'm naïve. I'm naïve and foolish to keep trying to find the good in people when all they do in return is prove me wrong. I'm always proven wrong and I'm sick of it.

"The ladies want to come over to the house when we leave here so I need you to help prepare for that as soon as we get home." My mother says after the last hug is given.

"Who are the ladies? Did they even know him?" I snap. I can't help the harsh tone of my voice and I feel slightly guilty when my mother frowns. The guilt is pushed back when she glances around the church to make sure none of her "friends" caught my disrespectful tone.

"Yes, Theresa. Some of them did."

"Well, I'd love to help as well." Karen interrupts as we walk outside. I'm so glad to be out of the  "If that's okay, of course," she smiles. I am so thankful for Karen's presence. She's always so sweet and thoughtful, even my mother seems to like her.

"That would be lovely," my mother returns Karen's smile and walks away while waving at an unfamiliar woman in the small crowd across the lawn of the church.

"Do you mind if I come too? If not I get it. I know Hardin's here and all but since he called me in the first place.." Zed asks. I can't help but scan the parking lot in search of Hardin at the mention of his name.

"No, of course you can come. You drove all the way here," I assure him. Across the lot, I spot Landon and Ken getting into Ken's car, as far as I can see Hardin isn't with them. I wish I would have gotten a chance to speak to Ken and Landon but they were sitting with Hardin and I didn't want to take them away from him.

During the funeral I couldn't help but worry that Hardin would tell Ken the truth about Christian Vance right in front of everyone. I pray that Hardin has enough decency to wait until he can find the right time to disclose the hurtful truth. I know he's decent, deep down Hardin is not a bad person. He's just bad for me.

"Do you want to walk back? It's not a far walk, twenty minutes at most." I turn to Zed. His fingers are picking at the dots of fuzz on his red button down shirt.

He agrees and we slip away before my mother can shove me into her small car. I can't stand the thought of being trapped in an enclosed space with her right now. My patience with her is growing thin. I don't want to be rude but I can feel my frustration grow with every stroke of her hands over her perfectly curled hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Zed breaks the silence ten minutes into the walk through my small hometown.

"I don't know. Anything that I say probably won't make any sense." I shake my head, not wanting Zed to know just how crazy I've become during the last week. He hasn't asked about my relationship with Hardin and for that I'm thankful. Anything involving Hardin and I isn't open for discussion.

"Try me," he challenges with a warm smile.

"I'm mad." I tell him.

"Upset mad or crazy mad?" He teases, playfully touching his shoulder to mine as we wait for a car to pass before crossing the street.

"Both," I try to smile. "Mostly just upset mad. Is it wrong that I feel sort of angry at my father for dying?" I hate the way the words sound. I know it's wrong but it feels so right. The anger feels better than the nothing and the anger is a distraction. A distraction that I'm in desperate need of.

"It's not wrong to feel that way but then again it sort of is. I don't think you should be mad at him. I'm sure he didn't know what he was doing when he did what he did." Zed looks down at me and I look away.

"He did know what he was doing when he brought those drugs into that apartment. Sure, he didn't know he was going to die, but he knew it was a possibility but all he cared about was getting high. He didn't think about anyone except himself and his high, you know?" I swallow the guilt that comes with the words. I love my father but I need to be truthful, I need to let my feelings out.

"I don't know, Tessa." He frowns. "I don't think it was like that. I don't think I could be mad at someone who died, especially my parent."

"He didn't raise me or anything. He left when I was a little girl." I tell him. Did he already know that? I'm not sure. I'm so used to talking to Hardin who knows everything about me that sometimes I forget that other people only know what I let them.

"Maybe he left because he knew it was better for you and your mom?" He tries to comfort me but it's not working. It's only making me want to scream.

"I don't know," I sigh. "Let's just not talk about it anymore." And we don't. We stay silent until we arrive at my mother's house and I try to ignore the annoyance in her voice when she scolds me for taking too long to arrive.

"Luckily Karen is here to help," she says as I walk past her and enter the kitchen. Zed stands uncomfortably, unsure whether to help or not, before my mother hands him a box of crackers, ripping open the top and she points to an empty tray. Ken and Landon have been put to work, chopping vegetables and arranging fruit on my mother's best serving trays. She only uses them when she wants to impress people.

"Yeah, luckily." I say under my breath. I thought the spring air would help cool my anger but it hasn't. My mother's kitchen is too small, too stuffy, and it's filling with overly dressed women with something to prove.

"I need air. I'll be back, just stay here." I say to Zed when my mother rushes down the hallway. As thankful as I am that he drove all the way here to comfort me, I can't help but hold our conversation against him. I'm sure once I clear my head I'll see it differently but right now I just want to be alone.

The back door opens with a creak and I curse at myself, hoping that my mother doesn't come flying out into the yard to drag me back into the house. The sun has worked magic on the thick mud that covered the floor of the greenhouse. Dark, wet patches still cover half the space but luckily I am able to find a dry spot to stand. The last thing I need is to ruin these high heeled shoes my mother couldn't afford to buy me in the first place.

A movement catches my eye and I begin to panic until Hardin comes into view from behind a shelf. His eyes are clear and dark circles shadow his pale skin. The usual glow, the warm tan of Hardin's skin has vanished and been replaced with a fragile, haunted ivory.  

"Sorry, I didn't know you were here." I am quick to apologize and I immediately begin backing out of the small space. "I'll go."

"No, it's fine. It was your hiding space to begin with, remember?" He gives me a small smile and even the tiniest of smiles from him feels more real than the countless fakes I've received today.

"True but I need to go inside anyway." I reach for the handle of the screen door but he reaches out to stop me from opening it. I jerk away the moment his fingers graze my arm and he sucks in a harsh breath from my rejection.

He quickly recovers and reaches past me to hold onto the door handle, making sure I cannot leave.

"Tell me why you came out here." He softly demands.

"I just.." I struggle for the words. After my conversation with Zed, I lost the urge to discuss my terrible thoughts about my father's death. "It's nothing."

"Tessa, tell me." He knows me well enough to know that I'm lying and I know him well enough to know he isn't going to let me leave this greenhouse until I tell him the truth.

My eyes look him over and I can't help but focus on the new dress shirt he's wearing. He must have purchased one solely for the funeral because I know every shirt he owns and there is no way he could fit into Noah's clothes. Not that he would ever wear them anyway. The black sleeve is ripped open from the cuff, making room for his cast.

"Tessa," he presses, bringing me from my inner distraction. The top button on his shirt is undone and the collar is crooked.

"I don't think we should do this." I take a step back from him.

"Do what? I just want to know what it is you're hiding from."

What a simple yet loaded demand. I'm hiding from everything. I'm hiding from too many things to name and he's the most important one of those things. I want to vent my feelings to Hardin but it's just too easy to slide back into our pattern and I'm not wiling to play these games anymore. I can't take another round. He has won and I'm learning to be okay with that.

"You and I both know you're not leaving this greenhouse until you spill, so save us both the time and energy and tell me." He attempts a joke but I can see the flicker of desperation behind his eyes.

"I'm mad." I finally admit.

"Of course you are." He nods.

"I mean I'm really mad, like pissed off."

"You should be," he states and I look over at him.

"I should be?"

"Hell yeah you should be. I'd be pissed too." He says. I don't think he gets what I'm trying to say.

"I'm mad at my father, Hardin. I'm so mad at him." I clarify and wait for his response to change.

"So am I." He agrees.

"You are?"

"Hell yeah I am. And you should be too, you have every right to be pissed at his ass. Dead or not."

I can't stop the laugh that falls from my lips at the serious expression covering his face while he speaks such ridiculous words.

"You don't think it's wrong that I can't even be sad anymore because I'm so damn mad at him for killing himself?" I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and pause before continuing, "that's what he did. He killed himself and he didn't even think about how it would affect anyone. I know that's selfish of me to say that, but that's how I feel." My gaze focuses on the dirt floor. I'm ashamed to say these things, to mean them, but I feel so much better now that they are out there floating around. I hope the words stay here, in this greenhouse and I hope that if my father is up there somewhere, he can't hear me.

"Hey," Hardin's fingers press under my chin and he tilts my head up. I don't flinch from his touch but I'm grateful when he drops his hand. "Don't be ashamed to feel that way. He did kill himself and it's no one's fault but his own. I saw how fucking excited you were when he came back into your life and he's an idiot for throwing that away to get high," his tone is harsh but his words are exactly what I need to hear right now.

"Ironic huh?' He softly chuckles, "I'm one to talk, right?" He closes his eyes and slowly shakes his head back and forth.

I quickly direct the conversation away from our relationship, "I feel bad for feeling this way. I don't want to disrespect him."

"Fuck that," he waves his cast covered hand through the air between us. "You are allowed to feel how you want to fucking feel and no one can say shit about it."

"I wish everyone felt that way," I sigh. I know confiding in Hardin isn't healthy and I have to tread lightly here, but I just know he's the only one who actually understands me.

"I mean it, Tessa. Don't you let any of those snobby fuckers make you feel bad for how you feel."

I wish it were that simple. I wish I could be more like Hardin and not care what anyone thought of me or how other people feel, but I can't. I'm just not made that way. I feel for others, even when I shouldn't and I would like to think that eventually, that trait will stop being such a downfall for me.

In the few short minutes I've been in the greenhouse with Hardin, almost all of my anger has disappeared. I'm not sure what has replaced it but I no longer feel the burn of anger, just the steady burn of pain that I know will be a long companion of mine from now on.

"Theresa!" My mother's voice sounds through the yard and Hardin and I both wince at the interruption.

"I have no problem telling any of them, her included, to fuck off. You know that don't you?" His eyes search mine and I nod. I know he doesn't and part of me wants to unleash him on the crowd of nosey women who have no business being here.

"I know." I nod again, "I'm sorry for venting like this. I just-" the screen door opens and my mother steps into the greenhouse.

"Theresa, please come inside." She says. She's trying her best to mask her anger toward me but her façade is slipping, and fast.

"I was just leaving anyway," Hardin looks from my mother's angry face to mine before stepping past both of us.

The memory of my mother finding him in my dorm room all those months ago passes through my mind. She was so mad and Hardin looked so defeated when I left with Noah and my mother. Those days feel so ancient now, so simple. I had no clue what was ahead, none of us did.

"What are you doing out here anyway?" She asks as I follow her through the yard and up the porch steps.

It's none of her business what I was doing. She wouldn't understand my selfish feelings and I would never trust her enough to reveal them. She wouldn't understand why I was talking to Hardin after avoiding him for three days, she wouldn't understand anything that I could tell her because she doesn't understand me.

So instead of answering her question, I stay quiet and wish that I would have had the chance to ask Hardin what he came to my greenhouse to hide from.

(I'll be traveling tomorrow through Thursday so I won't be able to update! I'll miss you guys! I will still be on twitter so I won't miss you too much! lol. I hope everyone has an amazing week!! xo)