Songs for this chapter are:

 Flawless- The Neighbourhood

WDYWFM- The Neighbourhood

How- The Neighbourhood

Hardin's POV.

"Dude! Get up. Carla's almost here and you're hogging the only bathroom." James voice rings in my ear and his bare foot is rubbing against my cheek..

"Fuck off," I groan, closing my eyes again. If I could move I would break his toes.

"Scott, get the fuck up. You can crash on the couch but you're a fucking giant and I need to piss and at least attempt to brush my teeth." His toes press against my forehead and I attempt to sit up. My body feels like a fucking bag of bricks and my eyes and throat burn.

"He's alive!" James calls.

"Shut the fuck up," I cover my ears and walk past him into the living room. Empty beer bottles and red cups are being tossed into trash bags by a half naked Janine and an over enthusiastic Mark.

"How comfortable was the bathroom floor to sleep on?" Mark asks through the cigarette between his lips.

"Very," I roll my eyes and sit down on the couch.

"You were fucking wrecked. When was the last time you drank like that?" He questions. 

"I don't know." I rub my temples and Janine hands me a cup. I shake my head but she pushes it closer.

"It's only water."

"I'm fine." I dismiss her. I don't mean to be a dick to her but fuck, she's annoying.

"You were so fucked up, I thought that American.. what was her name, Tessa?" My heart pounds in my chest at the mention of her name, "I thought she was going to tear the place down! She was a feisty little thing."

Images of Tessa screaming at me, throwing a bottle against the wall, and walking away from me flood my memory. The weight of the pain in her eyes presses me further into the couch and I feel like I'm going to get sick again.

It's for the best.

It is.

"Little? I wouldn't say she was little," Janine rolls her eyes. I'm immediately on defense.

"I know you're not insulting her looks." I coolly respond, despite the burning urge to throw the cup of water in Janine's face. If Janine thinks she is anywhere near as beautiful as Tessa, she's snorting more cocaine than I thought.

"She's not as skinny as me," she says.

One more comment Janine, and I'll tear your self-confidence to shreds..

"Sis, no offense but that chick was way hotter than you." Mark tells his sister. "That's probably why Hardin is so in loveee," he draws out the last word.

"In love? Please! He kicked her ass out of here last night," Janine laughs and the knife twists in my stomach.

"I'm not-" I can't even finish the sentence with a steady voice. "Don't bring her up again. I'm not fucking around." I threaten the siblings. Janine mumbles something under her breath and Mark chuckles while emptying an ashtray into the trash bag in his hand.

I lay my head against the cushion behind my back and close my eyes. I'm not going to be able to be sober, ever. Not if I want this pain to go away, not if I have to sit here with a hallowed fucking chest.

I feel antsy and impatient, nauseous and exhausted, and it's the worst fucking combination.

"She will be here in twenty minutes!" James says. I open my eyes and find him dressed and walking in circles in the small living room.

"We know. Shut up already. We go through this once a month." Janine lights a joint and I reach for it the moment she exhales.

I have to self medicate, there is no other option for a coward like me, hovering in a corner and hiding from the throbbing ache of having my entire life ripped away from me.

I cough on the first hit. My lungs haven't missed the dry burn from forcing too much pot on them. After the third hit, the ache is dimming, the numbness is taking over, not completely the way it should, but I'm getting there.

"Give me that too," I reach for the bottle in Janine's hand.

"It's not even noon." She says, screwing the lid on.

"I didn't ask you for a damn time report, I asked for the vodka." I rip it from her hands and she huffs in annoyance.

"So you dropped out of university, then?" Mark asks, blowing circles with the smoke leaving his mouth.

"No," Shit. "I don't know, I haven't gotten that far yet." I take a swig of the liquor, welcoming the burn as it travels down into my empty body.

I have no fucking idea what I'll do about college, I only have half a semester left until I graduate. I've already dropped the graduation packet and opted out of the damn ceremony. I also have an apartment with all my shit in it and a car parked at Sea-Tac.

"Janine, go make sure the sink is empty of dishes." Mark says to his sister.

"No, I always get stuck doing your fucking dishes-"

"I'll buy your lunch, I know you're broke." He says to her, she seems to like that idea because she leaves us alone in the living room. I can hear James shuffling around in his bedroom, it sounds like he's redecorating the place.

"What's with this Carla chick?" I ask Mark.

"She's James' girlfriend. She's real cool actually but she's a bit of a snob. Not like bitchy or anything, she's just not into all this shit," Mark waves his hands around the shitty apartment. "She's in med school and her parents have money and shit."

I laugh, "then what the hell is wrong with her that she's with James?"

"I can hear you, fuckers!" James yells from his bedroom.

Mark's laughing now, much harder than I am. "I don't know but he's fucking pussy whipped and he panics every time she comes to visit. She lives in Scotland so she only comes here once a month but this is how it is when she comes. He's always trying to impress her. That's why he enrolled in uni, but he already failed two classes." Mark laughs at James' expense.

"And that's why he fucks your sister all the time?" I raise a brow. James was never a one-woman-man, that's for damn sure.

"I only see Carla once a month and I haven't fucked Janine in weeks!" James defends himself. "Now stop talking shit before I kick both your asses out!"

"Fine! Go shave your balls or something," Mark taunts him and passes the joint to me.

"Look, I'm not into all this relationship drama bullshit but you're not fooling anybody here with this whole act," he taps the label on the vodka bottle resting between my legs.

"It's not an act." I snap.

"Sure, sure. All I'm getting at is that you show up here in London after being gone for three years, not to mention that chick you brought with you," his eyes move from my face to the bottle, to the joint. "And you're binging. Plus, I think your hand is broken."

"It's none of your business. Since when do you give a fuck about binging? You do it every day." I'm growing more and more annoyed with Mark and his sudden need to pry into my fucking life. I ignore his comment about my hand. That shitty drywall couldn't have broken my hand.

"You can binge all you want, don't be a dick. I don't remember you being this sensitive, you were fucking ruthless before."

"I'm not sensitive, you're just making something out of nothing. That chick is some random girl from my college in America. I met her and fucked her, end of story." I take another drink of vodka to drown the bullshit I'm spewing. Mark still doesn't look convinced.

"Sure." He rolls his eyes. He must get that pesky habit from his sister.

"Look, when I met her she was a virgin and I fucked her to win a bet worth a good chunk of fucking change so no, I'm not sensitive. She's no one to me." The vomit rises in my throat again but this time I can't swallow it down. I cover my mouth and ignore James  as he cusses me out for puking all over the bathroom floor.

Tessa's POV.

"This thing is like a little laptop," I press another button on my new phone. It's more than confusing but I'm in no hurry to learn how to navigate the thing. I've had it for one day and haven't made any progress except learning how to send funny little pictures to Landon.

"I'll show you how to get your music back, it's easier on this phone anyway." Landon says, smiling as he turns onto the freeway. We are on our way back from the mall where I had to spend too much money on a week's worth of clothes.

As much as  I always to refuse a new phone when he used to pestered me to get one, I'm really glad I did now. It felt surprisingly refreshing to start over, no contacts, no pictures, nothing. The woman behind the counter insisted that I take my old memory card with me just in case I decide that I want to keep the memories after all. I agreed with a polite smile when she handed me the thing, but the moment we left the mobile store, I tossed it into the nearest trashcan.  

A clean break, that's what this needs to be. No reminiscing, no scrolling through photo after photo of him. I don't know where to go, what to do next, but I do know that holding onto something that was never mine will only hurt more.

"Do you know how my father is doing?" I ask Landon over lunch.

"Ken called in on Saturday and they told him that Richard was adjusting. The first few days are going to be the worst." He tells me, reaching across the table to steal fries from my plate.

"Do you know when I can visit him?" If all I have is my estranged until only a month ago-father and Landon, I want to hold onto both of them as closely as I can.

"I don't know for sure but I will ask Ken when we get back to the house. I know it's only been one day but have you given New York any thought?"

"Yes, a little." I admit. I am waiting to make the decision until I talk to Kimberly and Christian in person. I heard from her this morning and she said they will be leaving London on Thursday. I'm still trying to figure out how it's only Tuesday. It feels much longer than two days since I left London. My mind goes to him and what he's doing.. or who he's with. Is he touching that girl right now? Is she wearing his shirt again?

I was both hurt and pathetically relieved when I found a dirty black t-shirt in the bottom of my suitcase. I couldn't bring myself, no matter how many times I tried to walk downstairs and throw it into Ken's dumpster, I couldn't. Instead, I shoved it back into the suitcase and buried it under my clothes.

So much for a clean break, my subconscious taunts me. I ignore her, she doesn't know how this feels. She gets to sit back and enjoy the show while my entire world is ripped apart and I'm left alone to sort out the pieces.

These thoughts are getting me no where. Feeling sorry for myself only makes it worse.

"I am leaning towards New York but I need a little more time to decide." I tell Landon.

"Good," his smile is contagious. "We would leave in a week and a half, so you'll need to drop your classes at WSU for this semester. I never thought anyone taking time off of college would be a good thing but I really think a semester off would be good for you."

"I hope so," I sigh, desperately wanting time to pass. A minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, any time that passes can only be a good thing for me at this point.

And so it does, time passes and somehow I find myself moving along with it. The problem is, I haven't decided if that's a good thing or not.

Hardin's POV.

I open the front door of the apartment and I'm surprised when I find all the lights on. Tessa usually doesn't keep them all running at once, she is a stickler for our electricity bill.

"Tess, I'm home. Are you in the room?" I call to her. I can smell dinner in the oven and hear soft music playing throughout the small apartment.

I toss my binder and keys onto the table and go in search of her. The bedroom door is cracked, voices pour through the opening and I push it open the moment I hear his voice.

"What the fuck!" I scream, the sound booms through the small bedroom.

"Hardin? What are you doing here?" Tessa shrieks, pulling the comforter up to cover her bare body.

"What am I doing here? What is he doing here?" I turn to Zed. He scrambles off of the bed to pull his boxers on and Tessa continues to yell at me like I'm the one fucking someone else in our bed.

"You can't keep coming here, Hardin! This is the third time this month," she sighs, lowering her voice. "Have you been drinking again?" The question is laced with concern. Zed crosses the bed and protectively stands in front of her, his arm hovering over her swollen belly.

No..

"Are you? You're.. you and him?" I choke.

She sighs again, tightening the blanket around her. "Hardin, we have been over this so many times. You don't live here. You haven't lived here for over two years now." Her eyes search Zed's face for comfort and I crumple to my knees in front of the two of them.

Tessa quietly sobs and I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry but you have to go. You're upsetting her," Zed's voice is gentle as he mocks me.

I stand to my feet and face her. "You can't do this to me," I beg her, my hand dangerously close to her pregnant belly.

"You did it to yourself," she says and my hands move up toward her neck. "I'm sorry Hardin but you did this." Zed rubs her arms to calm her and rage rips through me.

"If you touch her I will kill you. It won't be like last time," Zed threatens. Last time?

My hands reach the delicate skin of her neck and her eyes widen. "Hardin please, I'm pregnant." Her plea comes out as a choke as my hands tighten around her neck. The blood rushes beneath her skin and she claws at my arms, trying to stop me.

I squeeze harder.

..

"Hardin!!" Mark's face is the first thing I see when my eyes fly open. I push myself from the couch and fall onto the floor in a panic.

Tessa was.. and I was..

"You were having one hell of a dream, man." Mark shakes his head at me. "Are you okay? You're soaked."

I blink a few times and run my hands through my sweat drenched hair. My hand is killing me, I figured the bruising would lighten up by now but it hasn't.

"Are you okay?" He asks again.

"I.." I have to get out of here. I have to go somewhere or do something. The image of her blood-red face is burned into memory.

"Take this and go back to sleep, it's four in the morning." He pulls the top off of a pill bottle and drops a single pill into my sweaty palm.

I nod,  unable to speak even if I wanted to. I dry swallow the pill and lay back on the couch. Mark disappears back into his bedroom and I pull my phone from my pocket and look at her picture. Before I can stop myself, my finger is running over the call button. I know I shouldn't call her but if I can just hear her voice once, I'll sleep peacefully.

"Your call cannot be completed as dialed.." the robotic voice speaks through the line. I check my screen and try again. Same message. Again and again.

She couldn't have changed her number, she wouldn't.

"Your call cannot be-" I hear for the tenth time.

Tessa changed her number. She changed her phone number to make sure I can't reach her.

When I fall asleep again, I'm met with a different dream. It begins the same, me coming home to that apartment, but this time no one is home.

..

"You still haven't let me finish what I started on Sunday," Janine leans into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I move away from her but she only moves closer.

"I'm good." I turn her down for the hundredth time in the past four days. Has it really been only four days?

Fuck.

Time needs to move faster or I don't know if I'll survive it.

"You need to loosen up. I can help you with that." Her fingers trail down my bare back. I haven't showered in days, or worn a shirt. I couldn't bring myself to put the damn thing back on after Janine wore it. It smelled like her, not like Tessa.

Fucking Tessa. I'm going crazy. I can feel the already unstable hinges being pulled further, ready to snap completely.

"I need a drink." I tell Janine. This is what happens every time I sober up, she creeps into my mind. The nightmare I was tortured with last night still taunts me. I would never hurt her, not physically. I love her. Loved her. Fuck, I still love her and I always will but there isn't shit I can do about it.

I'd rather not fight everyday of my life to be perfect for her. I'm not what she needs and I never will be.

"Hurry up," I order Janine.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to? If you're going to be an asshole, you can at least make it worth my while." She stands to her feet and grabs the bottle of liquor from the table.

I haven't left this apartment since I arrived, not even to walk down and get a change of clothes from my rental car.

"I still say your hand is broken. Carla knows what she's talking about. You should just go to the clinic." James interrupts my thoughts.

"No, I'm fine." I ball my fist and splay my fingers to prove the point. I flinch and curse at the ache. I know it's broken, I just don't want to do shit about it. I have been self medicating for four days now, a few more won't hurt.

"It's never going to heal if you don't. Just go real quick and when you get back you can finish that bottle to yourself." James insists. I miss the asshole James. The James that would fuck a chick and show the tape to the chick's boyfriend an hour later. This concerned for my health, James is annoying as fuck.

"Yeah Hardin, he's right." Janine has to butt in.

"Fine! Fuck." I grumble. I grab my keys and phone and leave the apartment. I grab a shirt from the backseat and throw it on before heading to the hospital.