Songs for this chapter are:

 You and I- (look up the slowed down version that added rain in the background on tumblr, its perfection)

Happily- (edited acoustic version) I'm digging all of these edited songs! lol. They are so good.

In my veins- Andrew Belle

Tessa's POV.

"I apologize again for bringing that up at the table, I was completely out of line," Ken places his napkin back on his lap.

"It's okay, really. I really appreciate your offer," I force a smile. I do appreciate it but it's too much to accept.

"We will talk about it later," Hardin hums into my ear. I'm relieved that neither Hardin or Ken came back into the dining room with bloody noses or black eyes.

I nod and Karen stands to clear the table. I have barely touched my food, the mention of my father's.. problem, took my appetite.

"Eat some desert at least," Hardin pulls my chair closer to his. I'm cramping again, the ibuprofen has worn off and my headache and cramps have returned with a vengeance.

"I'll try," I agree. Karen brings tray stacked with mounds of her maple flavored treats to the table and I reach for a cupcake. Hardin grabs for the a square, eyeing the perfectly iced flowers on top.

"I did that one," I lie.

He smiles at me, shaking his head.

"I wish we didn't have to leave," I tell him when he glances at the clock. I try not to think about the watch he gave away to compensate for the money that my father owed. Is rehab really the best thing for my father? Would he even accept the offer?

"You are the one who packed up and moved to Seattle," he grumbles.

"I meant here, tonight." I clarify, hoping he will catch on.

"Oh no.. I'm not staying here."

"I want to," I pout.

"Tessa, we are going home.. to my apartment where your dad is,"

I frown, that's exactly why I don't want to go there. I need some time to think and breathe, and this house seems to be perfect for that, even with Ken's mention of rehab at the dinner table, I love this house and that apartment has been torturing me since I arrived yesterday.

"Okay," I pick at the corner of my cake and Hardin sighs.

"Fine, we will stay." He sighs in defeat. I knew he would.

The remainder of the time at the table isn't as awkward as the first half. Landon is quiet, too quiet, and I fully intend to ask him what's wrong after I finish helping Karen clean the kitchen.

"I've missed having you around here," Karen closes the dishwasher and turns to me, wiping her hands on a towel.

"I have missed being here, so much." I lean back against the counter.

"I'm glad to hear it. You've become like a daughter to me, I want you to know that," Karen's bottom lip quivers and her eyes shine under the bright lights of the kitchen.

"Are you alright?" I ask her, moving to stand next to the woman who I have come to care so much for.

"Yes," she smiles, "I'm sorry, I've been so emotional lately," she shakes it off and just like that, she's back to normal, smiling an assuring smile.

"Are you ready for bed?" Hardin joins us in the kitchen, grabbing another maple square on his way over to me. I knew he liked them more than he led on.

"Go on, I'm just a mess," Karen hugs me and places a loving kiss against my cheek before Hardin wraps his arm around me, practically forcing me out of the kitchen.

"I'm worried about her, and Landon." I sigh, something doesn't feel right.

"They are fine, I'm sure." Hardin leads me upstairs and to the door of his room here. Landon's bedroom door is closed and there is no light coming from under the frame. "He's sleeping,"

The familiar bedroom instantly welcomes me. From the bay window to the new desk and chair, replaced since the last time Hardin destroyed them. I've been here since then but I didn't pay much attention. Now that I'm here again, I want to take in every detail. 8

"What?" Hardin's voice startles me from my own thoughts.

I look around the room, remembering the first time I stayed here with him. "I'm just reminiscing, that's all," I admit, stepping out of my shoes.

"Reminiscing, huh?" Hardin grins. His black shirt is pulled up from over his head and tossed to me, dragging me further into my memories. "Care to share?" His jeans are next, he pushes them down his legs quickly, tossing them to the floor in a messy heap.

"Well," I thoughtfully admire his inked torso as he lifts his arms straight up, stretching his long body. "I was thinking about the first time I stayed here with you," it also happened to be the first time Hardin ever slept here.

"What about it?"

"Nothing specific," I shrug, undressing myself in front of his watchful stare. I fold my jeans and shirt before tugging the black t-shirt down my stomach.

"Bra off," Hardin raises a brow at me, his tone is stern and his eyes are a deep green.

I remove my bra and climb into the bed to lay next to him. "Now, tell me what you were thinking about," he pulls me by the waist and rests his hand on my hip when I'm securely laying on my side, as close as possible to his body. His fingertips trace over the lining of my lace panties, sending a chill down my spine, spreading through my entire body.

"I was just thinking of when Landon called me that night," I look up at him to gauge his expression, "You were making a giant mess of the place," I frown at the clear memory of broken china cabinets and porcelain dishes broken into hundreds of pieces, scattered across the floor.

"Yeah, I was," he softly replies. The hand that isn't being used to trace circles onto my bare skin reaches up and gathers a lock of my hair between his fingers. He twirls the strands slowly, never breaking eye contact with me.

"I was frightened," I admit, "not of you, but of what you would say,"

He frowns, "I confirmed your fear then, didn't I?"

"Yeah, I guess you did," I confirm. "But you made up for your harsh words,"

He chuckles, finally breaking his eyes from mine, "yeah only to say more fucked up shit the next day,"

I know where he is going with this, I try to sit up but his palm flattens on my hip and presses me down, "I loved you then," he speaks before I can.

"You did?"

"Yeah, I did." He nods once, tightening his grip on my hip.

"How did you know?" I quietly ask. Hardin has mentioned that this was the night he knew that he loved me, but he never elaborated. I'm hoping that he will now.

"I just did. I know what you're doing," he smiles a bright smile.

"And what is that? I place my palm on his stomach, covering the center of the moth drawn there.

"You're being nosey," he wraps the section of my hair around his fist and tugs playfully.

"I thought I was the hair-puller here," I giggle at my corny statement, he does the same.

"You are," he removes his hand from my hair, only for a moment, so he can gather the entire mass of messy blonde waves into his hand. He tugs, pulling my head back so I am forced to look at him. "It's been too long," he dips his head down, gently leading me to sit up straight, and runs his nose along my exposed jaw and neckline.

"I've been hard since your little tease this morning," he whispers, pressing the evidence between my thighs. The heat of his breath on my skin is almost unbearable, I am wriggling underneath his dirty words and intense stare. "You're going to take care of that, yeah?" He pulls his fist full of my hair down and back up again, gently forcing me to nod my head.

I want to correct him and tell him that he, in fact is the one who went about teasing me this morning, but I stay quiet. I like where this is going. Without a word, Hardin releases my hair and my hip and pulls himself up to his knees. His hands are cold as they push the fabric of the t-shirt up, exposing my bare stomach and chest. His fingers greedily wrap my breasts and his tongue pushes into my mouth at once. I'm instantly ignited, all of the stress from the last twenty-four hours is depleted and Hardin fills all of my senses.

"Sit up, against the headboard," he instructs after removing the shirt completely. I do as he says, lowering my body until my shoulders rest halfway up the enormous slate headboard. Hardin's boxers are tugged down and he lifts one knee at a time to remove them from his body. "A little lower, baby," I reposition myself lower and he nods in approval.

He scoots across the bed, on his knees and positions himself in front of me. My tongue slides out of my mouth, eager to be on his skin. My jaw relaxes and Hardin wraps his fist around his erection and I watch in awe as he brings it to my lips, pumping slowly. I open my mouth further and Hardin's thumb glides over my bottom lip, dipping into my mouth only fractionally, before his finger is replaced. He pushes into my mouth slowly, as if savoring every inch as it disappears into my mouth.

"Fuck," he groans from above me. I look up to see his eyes burning into me, one hand is grasping the top of the headboard to steady himself as he withdraws and pushes back in. "More," he pants, and I wrap my hands around the back of his tighs, puling him closer.  My mouth coats him and I take slow drags of him, enjoying this just as much as he does. He feels like silk across my tongue and his rapid breathing and low calls of my name, telling me how good I am for him, how much he loves my mouth, makes my entire body burn with need for him.

"So fucking good," he keeps moving, in and out, in and out, "look at me," he begs.

I blink up at his face again, taking in the way his brows have lowered, the way lip is pulled between his teeth, and the way his eyes are watching me. He hits the back of my throat repeatedly, and I notice the way the muscles along his stomach are expanding and tightening, signaling what is next.

As if he can read my mind he groans, "Fuck, I'm going to come," his movements pick up and he is being more forceful now. I squeeze my thighs to relieve some of the pressure and I suck harder. I'm surprised when he withdraws from my mouth and releases across my bare chest. With another moan of my name, he leans forward in exhaustion, his forehead pressed against the headboard. I wait patiently for him to catch his breath and lower his body to sit next to me. His hand reaches over, and to my horror he rubs his hand across the mess he made on my skin, "all mine," he cheekily grins, pressing a soft kiss to my open mouth.

"I-" I stare down at my marked chest.

"You like it," he smiles, I don't deny it. "It looks good on you," I can tell by the way his eyes are focused on the shining skin, he really does think that.

"You're filthy," is all I can think to say.

"Yeah? And so are you," he nods to my chest and grabs me by the hips to yank me off of the bed.

I squeal and he covers my mouth with one hand, "Shh, we don't want an audience while I'm fucking you over the desk, do we?"

..

Hardin's POV.

The smell of coffee fills my nostrils and I reach for Tessa, knowing she is close by. When my search comes up empty, I open my eyes to find her packing her bag, two cups of coffee rest on the dresser.

"What time is it?" I ask her, hoping she says it's still early.

"Nearly noon,"

Fuck, I've slept through half of the damn day. "I've already packed everything and had breakfast. Lunch will be ready soon," she tells me with a smile. she's already showered and gotten herself dressed. She's wearing those damn jeans again, the tight pair.

I force myself out of bed and try to keep myself from lashing out at her for not waking me earlier. "Cool," I respond and reach for my pants from the floor, only they aren't on the floor anymore.

"Here," Tessa hands me the jeans, folded of course. "Are you okay?" She must sense my hostility.

"I'm fine,"

"Hardin," she presses. I knew she fucking would.

"I'm okay, the weekend just went too fast that's it,"

Her smile is enough to melt the ice that has formed, "it really has," she agrees with me.

I hate this living separate shit. I hate it so fucking much.

"We only have to get through until Thursday," she tries to make the distance seem less.. distant.

"What did Karen make for lunch?" I change the subject, "nothing involving syrup, I hope."

She laughs, "no, no syrup."

Landon is pouting at the table when we walk into the dining room and Karen is carrying a tray of sandwiches. Tessa sits down next to Landon and I watch as she asks him if he's alright.

"I'm okay, just feeling a little off," he lies to her. I never thought I would see the day.

"Are you sure because you've been acting so-"

"Tessa," he reaches up and I swear if he puts his hand on hers.. "I'm fine," he smiles, dropping his hand from the table. I quickly reach for her hand and rest our hands on my lap.

The boring table chat fades in and out, I don't participate and all too soon, it's time for me to drive Tessa back to Seattle. I'm once again reminded of what a fucking idiot I am for not moving there in the first place.

"I'll see you again before you leave, right?" Tessa's eyes water as Landon hugs her goodbye. I look away.

"Yeah, of course. Maybe I'll come up there to visit you once you're back from your trip?" He offers, making her smile. I appreciate his effort, especially since I'm going to be the one she loses her shit on when she finds out that him and Delilah broke up and I kept it from her.

Ten minutes later, I'm practically dragging her ass out of the house, Karen is much more upset than could be considered reasonable and she tells Tessa that she loves her, which is pretty fucking weird.  

"Does it make me a horrible person that I feel more comfortable around  your family than my own?" Tessa asks me after fifteen minutes of silence.

"Yes," I tease her.

She glares at me, making me roll my eyes at her false anger, "both of our families are fucked up," I say and she nods, returning to her silence.

The closer my car gets to Seattle, the stronger the current of anxiety begins to swarm in my chest. I don't want to spend the entire week from her, four days away from Tessa is a fucking lifetime for me.

"I'll be here Wednesday night since we fly out early Thursday," I cut through the silence. The moment I get back to Pullman, I'm heading straight to the gym.

..

Tessa's POV.

On Monday morning I arrive to my appointment a half an hour early and take a seat in one of the mass produced, blue checkered chairs. The waiting room is nearly full, crying children and coughing women fill the space. I try to keep myself occupied by flipping through a magazine, but the only one available is a Parenting magazine, full of diaper ads and breast feeding tips.

"Thank god you have an appointment tomorrow. I've been telling you for seven months now, good thing you didn't get yourself knocked up," Hardin had said during our phone call last night.

"Young? Theresa Young?" An elderly woman calls my name from her clipboard. I stand quickly, sidestepping the toddler scooting around on the floor with a toy truck in his hand. The truck rolls over the top of my shoe and he giggles. I smile down at him, earning an adorable smile in return.

"How far along are you?" A woman, the boy's mother I assume, asks. Her eyes dart to my stomach and I instinctively place my hand on my belly.

"Oh! I'm not," an uncomfortable laugh escapes.

"I'm sorry!" she flushes, "I just assumed, you don't look it..I just thought.." the fact that she's as uncomfortable as I am makes me smile. Asking a woman how far along she is never ends well, especially when she isn't pregnant.  "Well now you know for future reference when you're a mother yourself, the filter disappears!" she laughs. I politely smile and make my way to the nurse.

I don't allow my mind to go there, my subconscious is being sneaky, trying to crawl her way to that closed door in the back of my mind. I catch her and she quickly retreats. I don't have time to ponder over the future and the fact that if I want a life with Hardin, I'll never be a mother. I'll never have an adorable toddler running a toy truck over my shoes or climbing onto my lap the way the boy is doing now as I turn back to look at him one last time.

I am immediately handed a small cup and instructed to go to the restroom down the hall to complete the pregnancy test. Despite my period, I'm battling slight nerves at the idea. We have been so careless lately and the last thing we need is an unexpected pregnancy, Hardin would be pushed over the edge. I hand the cup, now full, back to the woman and she guides me into an empty room.

"Dr. West will be in momentarily," she informs me while wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm. "Uncross your legs dear," she sweetly instructs and I do as I'm told.

After taking my temperature the woman disappears and a knock on the door is followed by a middle aged man entering. Gray covers most of his brown hair, he removes a pair of thick glasses and reaches a hand out to me.

"Dr. West, it's nice to meet you Theresa," he kindly introduces himself. I was hoping for a female doctor but Dr. West seems nice enough. I do wish he was less attractive, it would make things less awkward for me during this uncomfortable experience.

He asks many questions, most of which are absolutely horrifying. I have to tell him about Hardin and I having unprotected sex, on more than one occasion, during which I force myself to keep eye contact with the doctor. Halfway through the embarrassing ordeal, the nurse returns and places a piece of paper on top of the desk, Dr. West glances over it and I hold my breath until he speaks.

"You're not pregnant, so now we can begin," he gives me a concerned smile and I let out the deep breath I was holding.

He lists off many options, some of which I have never heard of, before we settle on choosing between the common pill and the shot.

"Before I give you the shot, I'll need to do a brief pelvic exam, is that okay?" He asks me. I nod and swallow the nerves. I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable, he's only a doctor and I'm an adult. I should have scheduled this appointment after my period, I didn't think about exams while scheduling, I only wanted Hardin off of my back.

"Almost finished," Dr. West announces. The exam is quick and not nearly as awkward as I assumed it would be. "Have you had a pelvic exam before?" He asks, a deep line forming on his forehead.

"No, I don't think so," I quietly answer him. I know I haven't but the last part of my response was a nervous add-on. My eyes turn to the screen in front of him and he moves the probe around the bottom of my belly, across my pelvis.

"Hmm," he says to himself. My unease grows, is there a baby in there? I begin to panic. Hardin will lose his mind, and I.. well, I'm too young and I haven't finished college and we are in such an in between place and-

"I'm a little concerned about the size of your cervix," he finally speaks. What? "It's nothing to worry about at the moment, but I would like to  see you again to do further testing,"

"Okay?" My mouth is dry and my stomach is in knots, I don't know why my palms are sweating. "What does that mean?" I force the question.

"Nothing as of now, I can't be sure," his tone isn't convincing.

I pull myself up, pushing the gown back down, "what could it mean?"

"Well.." Dr. West pushes his thick glasses back up his nose, "worst case would be infertility but without further testing there is no way to know just from this, I don't see any cysts so that's a really good sign," he gestures to the screen. My heart drops onto the cold tile floor.

"What.. what are the chances?" I can't hear my own voice or thoughts.

"I can't say, this isn't a diagnosis. It's a worse case scenario, don't fret over it until we get some testing done. I want to go ahead with your shot today, and we will schedule a follow up and get some blood work done to be sure,"

I nod, unable to speak. I just heard him say it wasn't a diagnosis but I feel as if it is. I felt the dreadful, empty flutter of my nerves crawling up my spine at the first mention of a problem.  Only the hammering of my heart can be heard in the quiet room, I'm sulking and I know that, but I don't care.

"This happens all the time, don't worry yourself over it. We will clear it up, it's nothing, I'm sure," on that note, he leaves the room, leaving me with the cruel irony of the situation. He isn't sure, nothing is certain, so why can't I shake the gnawing anxiety coursing through me?

I'm given the birth control shot by the nurse who has suddenly shifted into a mother hen, talking about her grandchildren and their love for her homemade cookies. I stay quiet mostly, only speaking enough to stay polite. I feel nauseous.

She gives me a thorough briefing about my new contraceptive, going over the pros and cons that Dr. West has already given to me. I am thrilled to not have a period anymore, slightly concerned over the weight gain, but it's an even trade. She tells me that since I am on my period now, the shot will be effective immediately, but to wait three days to have unprotected sex, just to be safe.

After scheduling my dreaded follow-up appointment, I head straight downtown to take my passport photo and finalize the paperwork. Of course, it has already been paid for by Mr. Vance. I cringe at the amount of money everyone around me seems to have no problem spending on me. My biggest priority when I return from England is to get my own apartment. I haven't been looking as aggressively as I should.

Every single person I pass on the street seems to be pregnant or carrying a child in their arms. I shouldn't have pressed the doctor for information, now I'm going to be paranoid until my follow-up appointment, which of course isn't for another three weeks. Three weeks to drive myself mad, three weeks to obsess over the chance that I may not be able to get pregnant. I don't know why the idea is so painful, I thought I had somewhat come to terms with the idea of not having children. I can't mention this to Hardin yet, not until I know for sure. Not that it will make a difference to his plans anyway.

I text Hardin when I get back to my car, telling him that my appointment went well and head back to Vance's house. By the time I arrive, I have convinced myself that I will spend the week avoiding the topic. There is no reason to worry myself when Dr. West assured me that nothing is definite at this point. The hollow in my chest says otherwise, but I have to ignore it and move on for now. I'm going to England. For the first time in my life, I am traveling outside of the state of Washington and I couldn't be more excited. Nervous too, but mostly excited.

Hardin arrives late Wednesday night, looking tired, his work binder tucked beneath his elbow and he spends the entire night working while I complete the Political Science paper I have due next Tuesday.

..

Hardin's POV.

"Are you sure you have everything?" I sarcastically ask a nervous Tessa. She looks like she could pass out any minute. An ink pen is shoved between her teeth as she looks over her checklist again. Apparently traveling across the globe kicks her neurotic tendencies into high gear.

"Yes," she huffs, focused on the task of rechecking her carry-on bag for the tenth time since we arrived at the airport.

"If we don't go inside now, we will miss our flight," I warn her.

"I know," she looks up at me, her hand still digging around that damn bag. She's crazy, adorable as hell, but fucking nuts. "You're sure about leaving your car here?" She asks.

"Yes, that's what this lot is for," I point up at the "long term parking" sign above our heads. Christian offered to have his driver bring us to Sea-Tac but I refused, it would be a waste of time for the driver to take us then come back the next day to bring Vance.

"Give me the bag," I pull the hideous thing from her shoulder. It's too heavy for her to be carrying around. The woman has packed half of her shit in this bag alone.

"I'll pull the case then," she reaches for the handle of the pull-along suitcase.

"No, I've got it." I dodge her. "Relax, would you? It will be fine," I assure her. I'll never forget how frantic she was this morning. Folding and re-folding, packing and re-packing, our clothes until they fit perfectly in the case. I took it easy on her because I know how out of her element this is, she's never even left the damn state before. Even though she's being as annoying as ever, I can't help but feel excited. Excited to be taking her on her first trip, excited to watch her gray eyes widen at the clouds as we fly through them. I made sure she had a seat next to the window for that reason only.

"Ready?" I ask her as the automatic doors open.

"No," she smiles nervously and I lead her through the crowded airport.

(Don't forget to vote! I understand that things may not go in a way you want them to you just have to trust me and enjoy the ride:) xo)