People have asked for a cast list since you cannot see it on mobile so here it is;

Tessa Young- Indiana Evans

Hardin, Landon, Zed, Logan, Nate- themselves

Richard Young- Matthew Fox

Carol Young- Denise Richards

Ken Scott- Dylan McDermott

Karen Scott- Laura Leighton ( you can also picture the actually Karen Payne but she is who I pictured in the beginning but Laura keep creeping into my mind)

Trevor Bennett-  Ian Somerholder

Noah Porter- Zach Roerig

Christian Vance- Joseph Morgan

Kimberly Barney- Elizabeth Banks

Jonah Soto- Blair Redford

Max Thompson- Adrian Pasdar

Sasha- you can decide that one ;)

Lillian- Alexandra Daddario

RIley- Kylie Bunbury

Chad (Richard's "friend") - Ben Foster

(If forgot anyone just name them in the comments and I'll add them next chapter:)

The songs for this chapter are:

Skinny Love- Birdy

Shelter- Birdy

Seattle- Jason Walker

Through the Dark - One direction

.

"Shh," Hardin softly hums into my hair. He's holding me in his arms as I ride out the last cluster of heaves accompanying my sobbing fit.

I'm not sure why I'm crying so much, I've just missed Landon terribly and his warm reaction to my return made me emotional.

"Can her old man get a turn?" I hear my father's voice behind the limb cage Hardin has created for me.

"In a moment," Hardin pulls away enough to look down at me, assessing my mental state.

"I'm okay, just happy." I assure him. His shoulders visibly relax and he unwraps his arms from my body. Landon stands only feet away, his smile still bright and loving, as I hug my father. He must have known that I would be coming to visit, his.. Landon's clothes are tight on his body, and his face is clean shaven.

"Look at you!" I exclaim with a smile, "no beard!" He whoops a loud laugh and hugs me tighter.

"Yeah, no more beard for me," he tells me.

"How was the drive?" Landon asks, shoving his hands into the pockets of his navy colored slacks.

"Shit," Hardin says at the exact moment that I say, "good,"

Landon and my father both laugh, Hardin looks annoyed, and I am just happy to be home.. not home, in Pullman, with my best friend and the closest relative that I am in contact with. I really need to call my mother soon, I keep putting it off.

"I'm going to put your bag in the room," Hardin announces, leaving the three of us to continue our welcoming. I watch as Hardin disappears into the bedroom that we once shared, his shoulders are set low and I want to follow after him but I don't.

"I've missed you too much, Tessie. How's Seattle treating you?" My father asks. It's odd to look at him now, wearing one of Landon's collared shirts and dress slacks, with no hair on his face. He looks like a completely different man. The bags under his eyes have increased heavily though, and I notice the way his hands are slightly shaking at his sides.

"It's good, I'm still getting used to it." I tell him.

"That's good to hear." He smiles. Landon steps closer and my father takes a seat on the edge of the couch.

"It feels like you've been gone a month," Landon remarks, holding my gaze. He looks tired too, maybe from staying at the apartment with my father? I don't know, but I want to find out.

"It does, time is strange in Seattle, how is everything? I feel like we  have barely talked," it's true. I haven't called Landon as often as I should have and he must have been really busy with his last semester in Washington. If less than three weeks is this tough, how will I bear him moving all the way to New York?

"I knew you would be busy, everything's okay." He says, his eyes dart to the wall and I sigh. What has been happening in Pullman since I departed and why do I feel like I'm missing out on something obvious?

"Are you sure?" I glance back and forth between my best friend and my father, taking in his drained expression.

"Yes, we'll talk about it later. Tell me about Seattle," Landon beams, the dimmed light in him, turnes up and magnifies into a bright burn of happiness, the happiness that I have missed so much.

"It's okay.." I trail off and his forehead creases from his frown. "Really, it's okay. Much better now that Hardin is visiting more,"

"Some space, huh?" He playfully teases, nudging my shoulder with the palm of his hand. "You two have the strangest definition of breaking up," he quietly laughs and I roll my eyes, agreeing.

"It's been really nice having him there, I'm still as confused as ever but Seattle feels more like the Seattle in my dreams when Hardin is there with me." I admit just as Hardin joins us in the living room.

"I'm happy to hear it," Landon smiles, his gaze shifts to Hardin as Hardin walks up and stands next to me.

"This place is in much better condition than I thought it would be," I say to the three men.

"We've been cleaning it while Hardin was in Seattle." My father says and I laugh, reminded of Hardin's grumpy complaint that the two of them were messing with his things.

I glance around the apartment, remembering the very first time I stepped through the door with Hardin. I instantly fell in love with the old charm of the place, the classic brick wall was so enchanting, and I was beyond impressed by the expansive book shelving covering the far wall. The concrete flooring added to the personality of the apartment, unique and beautiful. I couldn't believe that he had chosen the most perfect space, accenting both of us in a way I didn't think was possible. It wasn't extravagant, not in the slightest, but it was so beautiful and so thoughtful. I remember how nervous he was that I wouldn't like it, I was nervous too though. I thought he was insane for wanting to me live with him so soon into our back and forth relationship, I now know that my apprehension was very well justified, Hardin had used this apartment as a trap. He thought that I would be forced to stay with him after I found out about the wager between his group of friends. In a way, it worked but I wouldn't change it now.

For some reason I can't shake the unsettling rustle in my stomach. I feel like a stranger here now. The once charming brick wall has been stained with blood too many times to count, the books on those shelves have been witness to many screaming matches,  the pages have soaked up many tears coming from both ends of endless fighting, and the image of Hardin crumpled on his knees in front of me is imprinted into the concrete floor. This place is no longer the treasure to me that it once was, these walls now hold memories of sadness and betrayal, not only Hardin's, but Steph's as well.

"What's wrong?" Hardin notices my dreary expression the moment it shows.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I tell him. I want to shake off the unpleasant memories lodging at my mind, taking away from these moments of happiness to be reunited with Landon and my father after the lonely weeks I've endured in Seattle.

"I'm not buying it." Hardin huffs and walks into the kitchen. "Is there no food in the place?" His voice travels into the living room.

"Ahh, here it goes. It's been nice and quiet." My father whispers to Landon and they share a friendly laugh. I'm so thankful to have Landon in my life and to have somewhat of a budding relationship with my father, though it seems that Hardin and Landon both know him better than I do.

"I'll be back in just a minute," I tell them. I want to change out of this heavy sweatshirt, it's too warm in the small apartment and I feel my lungs struggling for a fresh breath as the moments pass. I need to read Hardin's letter again, it's my favorite object in the entire world. It's much more than an object to me, it expresses his love and passion in a way that his mouth never could. I've read it so many times that I have it memorized but I need to psychically touch it again. Once I hold the tattered and worn pages between my fingers, all the negative anxiety will be replaced by his thoughtful words and I will be able to breathe again and enjoy my weekend here.

I search the top of the dresser and each drawer before moving along to the desk. My fingers push through piles of paperclips and pens, where else could he have placed it? I find my nook and the bracelet resting on top of my religion journal but the letter is no where to be found.  After placing the bracelet on the top of the desk, I move to the closet and search through the empty shoe box that Hardin uses to store his work files during the week. I lift the lid to find it empty except one single piece of paper, I'm sad to see that it's not the letter. I make a mental note to come back and read the scribbles on that page. I put the lid back onto the box and store it back where I found it.

Worrying that I may have overlooked it in the drawer, I stalk back over. What if Hardin threw it away? He wouldn't, he knows how much the letter means to me. He would never do that.

I pull my old journal out once more and lift it upside down, hoping the letter will fall out. I am beginning to panic, until a flicker of white catches my attention. It's a shred of paper, twirling through the air between my journal and the floor. I reach down and pick it up just as it rests on the concrete floor.

I recognize the words immediately, they are etched into my mind. It's only half a sentence, it's almost too small to read, but the smeared pen is clearly written in Hardin's handwriting. My stomach drops. I stare at the fragment of paper and realization hits me. I just know that he did, in fact destroy it. I begin to weep and let the shred slip from my shaking fingers and fall back onto the floor. My heart is instantly broken and I begin to wonder just how much one heart can bear.

Hardin's POV.

 "You're free to go," I dismiss Landon of his babysitting duties.

"I'm not going, she just got here." He challenges me. I guess he is one of the biggest reasons, if not the only, that she wanted to come to this damned place at all.

"Fine," I huff and lower my voice, "how was he while I was gone?" I quietly ask.

"He was good, he's less shaky and he hasn't thrown up since yesterday morning."

"Fucking junkie," I run my hands over my hair, "fuck."

"Calm down, it will all work out." My stepbrother assures me.  

I ignore his words of wisdom and leave him alone in the kitchen to find Tessa. When I reach the doorway, I hear a strangled sob come from inside the bedroom. I take a quick step forward to find her with both hands cupped over her mouth, her blue eyes bloodshot and full of tears as they focus on the floor. One more step is all it takes for me to spot what it is that she's looking at.

Fuck.

Fuck.

"Tess?" I had planned on coming up with a plan to fix the problem that I created by ripping up that damned letter, I just haven't had the chance yet. I was going to find the pieces left and try to reattach them.. or at least tell Tessa what I did before she found out on her own. Too late now.

"Tess, I'm sorry!" The apology tumbles out as tears roll down her tinted cheeks.

"Why did you-" she sobs, unable to finish the sentence. My heart constricts in my chest. For a brief moment, I'm convinced that I'm hurting worse than she is.

"I was so mad after you left me," I begin to explain. I walk over to her but she backs away. I don't blame her. "I wasn't thinking properly and it was there, on the bed where you left it."

She doesn't speak nor look away from me. "I am so sorry, I swear it." I frantically promise her.

"I.." she chokes, furiously wiping at her cheeks, "I.. just need a minute, okay?" Her eyes close and a few more tears escape under her fluttering eyelids.

I want to give her a minute like she asked but I'm selfishly afraid that she will grow more and more hurt as time passes and decide she doesn't want to see me.

"I'm not going to leave the room," I tell her. A muffled cry breaks through the barrier that she has created over her mouth using her hands and I flinch as the sound cuts straight through me.

"Please," she begs through her pain. I knew she would be hurt when she found out about me destroying that letter, but what I didnt expect was for it to hurt me this way.

"No, I won't." I refuse to leave her in here alone to cry over my mistakes, again. How many times has that happened in this apartment?

She looks away from me and sits down at the foot of the bed, her shaky hands clasp together on her lap, her eyes half closed, and her lips are quivering as she tries to calm herself down. I ignore the push of her hand against my chest when I drop to my knees in front of her and wrap my arms around her body.

After a few exhausted refusals, she finally gives in and allows me to comfort her.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I repeat the words, I don't know if I have ever meant the words so truly before.

"I loved that letter," she cries into my shoulder, "it meant so much to me,"

"I know it did. I'm so sorry." I don't even try to defend myself because I'm a fucking idiot and I knew how much that thing meant to her. I gently push her back by her shoulders and take her tear stained cheeks between my hands and lower my voice, "I don't know what to say except I'm sorry."

 Finally she opens her mouth to speak, "I won't say it's okay because it's not.." her eyes are red-rimmed and already swollen from her sudden breakdown.

"I know," I bow my head, dropping my hands from her face. Moments later I feel her fingers press under my chin, tiliting my face up to look at her, the way I usually do to her.

"I'm upset.. devastated really, but there is nothing I can do about it and I don't want to sit here and cry all weekend, and I certainly don't want you backtracking and beating yourself up over it." She is trying her hardest to talk herself up, pretending that it doesn't bother her the way that I know it does.

I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding, "I'll make it up to you, somehow."

"Okay?" I press.

Her fingers wipe at her eyes, the makeup on them smearing under her fingertips. Her silence is making me uneasy, I'd rather be screamed at than have her cry in silence.

"Tess, please talk to me. Do you want me to take you back to Seattle?" Even if she says yes, I sure as hell won't do it, but the offer is tossed between us before I can think it through.

"No," she shakes her head, "I'm fine."

With a sigh, she stands her feet, side-stepping my body in front of her. Tessa exits the bedroom while I climb to my feet, following her. She closes the bathroom door and I go back into the bedroom to grab her small bag. I know her, she will want to fix that black smudged mess underneath her eyes.

I tap on the bathroom door and she opens it slightly, just enough for me to shove the small bag through the opening.

"Thanks," her voice is small, defeated.

I've already ruined her weekend and it's barely started.

"My mom and your dad want you to bring her by the house tomorrow," Landon says from the end of the hall.

"And.."

"I'm just saying, my mom misses Tessa,"

"So.. your mum can see her some other time." I have to think of something to get Tessa's mind off of that damned shredded letter. "Fine," I cut in before he can get a word out, "I'll take her by tomorrow."

"Is she crying?" He calls me out.

"She's..it's not really any of your business is it?" I snap.

"You've been back here for less than twenty minutes and she's locked herself in the bathroom." He crosses his arms.

"This isn't the time to start shit with me, Landon. I'm already at the point of explosion, the last thing I need is you butting your damn nose in where it doesn't belong." I growl, but he rolls his eyes in a very Tessa-like way.

"Oh, so I'm only allowed to butt in when it involves doing a favor for you?" My step brother challenges me. What the fuck is his problem and why do I keep referring to him as my stepbrother.

"Fuck off."

"She is probably already overwhelmed so the two of us need to stop this before she lets herself out of that bathroom." he tries to reason with me.

"Fine, then stop talking shit to me." I say.

Before he can respond, the bathroom door clicks open and Tessa, looking put together but very exhausted, exits into the hallway.

"What's going on?" Worry crosses her face.

"Nothing. Landon is going to order pizza and we are all going to spend the remainder of the night as one big happy family," I glance at him, "isn't that right?"

"Yes," he agrees for Tessa's sake. I miss the days when Landon wouldn't smart off to me. They were few and far between but he has grown ballsier as the months have dragged on. Or maybe I've grown weaker.. I haven't a damn clue but I don't like the shift.

"Okay," a heavy, drawn out sigh makes Tessa's shoulders slump and I nod my head at Landon, dismissing him to order dinner.

I look down at her the moment I hear Richard suggesting pizza toppings. "I don't want to ruin your weekend," I clasp one hand around both of hers and bring them to my lips. "I'll behave this entire time, okay?"

"Okay," she sighs again. I need her to smile, I need to know she can get over this.

"I'm going to take you by my father's house tomorrow, maybe Karen can share some recipes or some shit with you?" I offer.

Her eyes lighten and she grins, finally. "Recipes or some shit?" She chews on the corner of her bottom lip to keep from grinning further. The pressure in my chest dissolves.

"Yeah, or some shit." I smile back at her and lead her to the living room where we are set to enjoy a torturous night of entertaining Richard and Landon.

..

"Can you pass me another supreme?" Richard asks for the third time since we started this hideous movie. I look at Tessa and Landon who of course, are completely fascinated by the email love affair between Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. If this were a modern movie, they would have fucked after the first email, not waited until the last scene to even kiss.

"Here," I groan, sliding the pizza box to Richard. He's already taking up the entire couch and now he's interrupting me every ten minutes for more fucking pizza.

"This last part used to make your mom cry every time," Richard's hand reaches out and squeezes Tessa shoulder, I try my best not to scoot between them or bat his hand away.If she had any idea what her father has been doing the last week, if she had watched the drugs leave his system in a mess of vomit and convulsing withdraws, she would push his hand away herself.

 Richard is laying across the span of the couch, Landon is in the chair, and Tessa and I are sitting on the floor.

"Really?" Tess looks up at her father with glossy eyes.

"Yes. I still remember you two watching every time it was on. More around the holidays of course."

"Was that-" I begin but halt my vicious words before I release them.

"What?" Tessa asks me.

"Was that.. uhm dog supposed to be there?" I dumbly ask. It makes no sense but Tessa, being Tessa, goes into full discussion mode about the last scene of the movie and that the dog Barkley, I believe she said his name is, is essential. Blah, blah.

A knock at the door stops Tessa's explanation and Landon stands to his feet to answer.

"I got it," I push past him. This is my fucking place after all.

I don't bother to look through the peephole, but once I pull the door open I wish that I would have.

"Where's he?" The foul smelling junkie asks.

I step out into the hallway and close the door behind me, Tessa will not be bothered by this shit.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hiss.

"I'm just here to see my buddy, that's all." Chad's teeth are browning and his facial hair is matted to his skin. He can only be in his thirties but he possesses the face of a man pushing fifty. The watch my father got me is resting on his filthy wrist.

"He's not coming out here and no one is giving you anything, so I suggest you take your ass back where you came from before I bash your face against that railing," I point to the metal railing lining the case holding this floor's fire extinguisher. "then, while you're bleeding out, I'll call the police and have you arrested for possession and trespassing." I know he has drugs on him, fucking asshole.

His eyes focus in on me and I take a step toward him, "I wouldn't test my patience, not tonight." I warn.

His mouth opens just as the door to the apartment opens behind me. Fucking hell.

"What's going on?" Tessa asks, moving in front of me. I instinctively jerk her back and she asks again.

"Nothing, he was just leaving." I stare at Chad, so help him god if he fucking-

"Is that your watch?" Tessa's eyes narrow in on the shiny object dangling from his thin wrist.

"What? No-" I begin to lie but she already knows. She isn't stupid enough to think it's coincidence that this drug addict fuck has the same exact expensive ass watch as I do.

"Hardin," she glares at me. "So what, you've been hanging out with him or something?" She crosses her arms and puts more distance between us.

"No!" I half shout, why would that be the conclusion she draws from this?

I'm conflicted between calling her father out and defending myself or making up yet another lie.

"I'm not friends with him, he's leaving." I shoot him one more warning. This time he takes it and backs away down the hall. I suppose it's only LIam who isn't intimated by me anymore, I haven't lost my edge so it seems.

"Who is there?" Richard joins us in the hallway. Well isn't this just great..

"That man, Chad." Tessa answers, inquisition clear in her tone.

"Oh," Richard pales and looks helplessly at me.

"I need to know what is going on," Tessa is getting upset. I shouldn't have let her come back here, I saw it on her face the moment she stepped through this damned place.

"Landon!" Tessa calls for her best friend and I look at her father. Landon will tell her, he won't lie to her face the way I have so many times.

"Your dad owed him money and I gave him that watch for payment," I admit. She gasps and turns to Richard.

"You owed him money for what? Hardin's father gave him that watch as a gift and you let him give it away for payment!" She shouts.

Okay.. this isn't exactly the reaction I was expecting. She's more focused on the stupid watch than the whole "your father owed this creep money" aspect.

"I'm sorry, Tessie. I didn't have any money and Hardin-"

Before I realize what she is doing, she is halfway to the elevator. What the fuck!

I panic, running after her but she slides into the steel cage just before I reach her. Those doors move tortuously slow any other time, yet when she's escaping from me, they close instantly.  

"God damn it, Tessa!" I pound my fist once against the metal. Does this place even have a staircase? When I look back down the hall, Landon and Richard are both staring blankly, un-moving. Thanks for the fucking help, assholes.

I move my feet quickly and find the staircase, taking two stairs at a time to get to the bottom. I reach the lobby and glance around for Tessa. When I don't see her, I begin to panic again. Chad could have friends with him... they could approach Tessa or hurt her..

The elevator opens with a ding and Tessa steps out of it, the most determined face imaginable covers her features, until she spots me.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" I shout at her, my voice filling the lobby.

"He's giving that damn watch back, Hardin!" She shouts back. She stalks toward the glass doors and I wrap my arm around her waist, yanking her back against my chest.

"Get off of me!" She claws at my arms but I don't relent.

"You can't just chase after him, what are you thinking?" She keeps fighting me. "If you don't stop moving, I will literally carry your ass back up to the apartment. Now listen to me," I say.

"He can't have that watch Hardin! Your father gave that to you and it meant alot to him and to you,"

"That watch didn't mean shit to me," I tell her.

"Yes it did. You'll never admit it but it did, I know it." Her eyes are watering again. Fuck this weekend is going to be hell.

"No, it didn't.." did it?

Her hands stop moving and she settles down slightly. I gently coax her back toward the elevator, her drug dealer chasing mission has been aborted and she's not happy about it.

"It's not fair to you that he took that because of my father owing him beer money! How much freaking alcohol does one consume that they actually owe people money?" She asks, her temper is flaring and I'm torn between thinking it's amusing and feeling terrible for what I have to tell her.

"It wasn't alcohol, Tess." I watch as she tilts her head to the side, looking anywhere and everywhere but my eyes.

"It had to be," her chest is moving up and down at an unhealthy pace.

"I'm sorry," I don't know what else to tell her. I am sorry, sorry that I couldn't shield her from her fuck up of a father, just like I couldn't shield my mother from the repercussions of mine.

"No, he's not.. he's not doing drugs." She shakes her head. I punch the number on the elevator wall and she stares into space as the doors close us in.

(I can't believe it's already the new year! (almost) this is the last update for 2013! 2013 has been a really great year for me, I hope it was for you all too. I am so glad I started writing After, I've made friends with so many of you and I hope you feel the same<3 What has been your favorite memory from this year? )