The songs for this chapter are:

 Use Somebody- Kings of Leon

All at Once- The Fray

Story of my life- One Direction

Hardin's POV.

Boxes fall from the shelves and tumble onto the floor in a blur. My fist collides against the metal again, leaving a thick red stain behind. The familiar sting of splitting flesh across my knuckles only heightens my adrenaline, pushing me further into my rage. It's almost soothing, the calming relief of allowing myself to express my anger in the way I've always been used to. I don't have to stop myself, I don't have to overthink my actions. I can focus on the anger, let it inside and allow it to pull me under.

"What are you doing! Someone come help!" A woman calls yells. When I snap my head to face her she takes a step backward into the wide opening at the front of the aisle. Her eyes are low  and cautious as the obvious protective instinct to shield the little blonde haired girl clinging to her legs kicks in.

The little girl's bright blue eyes meet mine and I can't look away. The innocence behind them is being stolen with every angry breath that leaves my body. I break from the girl's hold and look toward the mess I've made in the aisle. Disappointment replaces rage in an instant and the realization that I'm destroying shit in the middle of a Target hits me hard. If the cops arrive before I can get out of there, I'm fucked.

With one last look toward the little girl in her floor length dress and sparkling shoes, I rush down the aisle and toward the front of the store. Avoiding the chaos brewing in the aisle, I cross from aisle to aisle, staying as out of sight as possible.

I can't think clearly. Not a single thought makes sense to me.

Tessa didn't fuck Zed.

She didn't.

She couldn't have.

I would know if she did.

Someone would have told me.

She would have told me.

The March air is unforgiving as it bites at my skin. I keep my eyes focused on my car toward the back of the lot and I'm thankful to be shielded by the darkness of the night.

"Fuck!!" I scream once I reach my car. My boot collides with my bumper and the grinding noise of metal bending out of it's place brings me to further frustration.

"She's only been with me." I say out loud.

 I push the key into the ignition just as two police cars pull into the parking lot with lights blazing and sirens howling. I slowly pull out of the parking space to avoid any unwanted attention and watch as they park on the curb and rush inside as if a murder has been committed.

The moment I make it out of the parking lot, relief floods through me. If I would have been arrested at Target, Tessa would have flipped shit on me.

Tessa.. and Zed.

I know better than to believe Steph's bullshit lies about Tessa fucking him. I know she didn't. I know that I'm the only man who has ever been inside of her, the only one who has ever made her come. Not him.

Not fucking anyone. Only me.

I shake my head to rid myself of the vision of the two of them, her fingers wrapped around his arms as he pushes into her. Fuck, not this again.

I literally can't think straight. I can't see straight. I should have wrapped my hands around Steph's neck and...

I don't allow myself to finish the thought. She got exactly what she wanted out of me and that pisses me off even more. She knew exactly what she was doing when she mentioned Zed to me, she was purposely  taunting me to make me snap, and it worked.

I immediately call Tessa but she doesn't pick up. Her phone rings.. and rings.. and rings. She did tell me that she was going to sleep but I know damn well that her phone is always on vibrate and that woman can't sleep through shit.

"Come on Tess, pick up the phone." I groan and toss my cell phone onto the passenger seat. I need to get as far away from Target as possible before they check the parking lot cameras and get my plate number or some shit.

The freeway is a fucking nightmare and Tessa still hasn't returned my calls. If she doesn't call me within the hour, I'm calling Christian.

I should have stayed in Seattle another night. Hell, I should have went there in the fucking first place. All of my reasons for not wanting to go seem so fucking pointless now. All of the fears I had, and still have, are only being brought to life by the distance between our cities.

"Deep down you know it won't work."

"You're covered in ink and it's only a matter of time before she's sick of being embarrassed to be seen with you."

"Bad boy fetish,"

"Marry a banker or some shit,"

Steph's voice pierces my ears over and over. I'm going insane, I'm literally losing my fucking mind while driving down the freeway. All the efforts that I have made all week mean nothing now. The two days that I spent with Tessa has been ruined by Steph.

Is all of this worth it? Is all of this constant trying worth it? Will I always have to stop myself from saying or doing the wrong shit? And if I do continue this potential transformation, will she love me after?

After all this, will there be enough of me left for her to love? Will I even be the same man that she fell in love with or is this her way of transforming me into someone she wishes I could be?

Is she trying to make me more like him.. more like Noah?

"You can't compete with that."

 Steph is right. I can't compete with Noah and the simple relationship Tessa shared with him. She never had to worry about anything when she was with him. They were good together. Good and simple.

He isn't broken the way that I am.

I remember the days when I would sit in my room and wait hours for Steph to tell me when Tessa returned from her time spent with him. I interfered as much as I could and surprisingly enough, it worked out for me. She chose me over him, over the boy she grew up loving.

The idea of Tessa telling Noah she loves him makes me sick to my stomach.

"Bad boy fetish,"

I'm more than a fetish to Tessa. I have to be. I've fucked more than my share of girls who were only looking to piss off their daddy's but Tessa isn't one of them. She has put up with enough shit from me to prove that.

My thoughts are jumbled and frantic and I can't keep up with them.

Why am I letting Steph inside my head? I shouldn't have listened to a word that bitch said. Now that I let her in, I can't get her out and it's going to drive me fucking mad. I wipe my bloody and busted knuckles across the legs of my blue jeans and park the car.

When I look up, I find myself parked in the lot at Blind Bob's. I have driven all the way here without so much as a thought about it. I shouldn't go inside but I can't stop myself.

Carly, an old.. friend.. stands behind the bar, wearing minimal clothing and deep red lipstick.

"Well..well.. well.." She grins at me.

"Save it." I groan and slide onto a bar stool directly in front of her.

"Not a chance." She shakes her head, her blonde ponytail whips back and forth. "The last time I served you it spiraled into one big drama-fest and I have neither the time nor patience for that tonight."

The last time I was here I got so shit faced that Carly forced me to stay on her couch, only to lead to a huge misunderstanding with Tessa and she left me.

"Your job is to get me a drink when I order one," I point at the bottle of dark whiskey on the shelf behind her.

"There is a sign right there that states otherwise," she leans her elbows onto the bar top and I lean back in my seat, creating as much space between us as possible.

The small "we have the right to refuse service to anyone" is taped to the wall and I can't help but laugh.

"Easy on the ice, I don't want it watered down." I ignore another eye roll from her as she pushes herself up with her hands and grabs an empty glass.

As the dark liquid pours in a heavy stream into my glass, Steph's voice replays again and again. This is the only way to rid my head of her accusations and lies.

"She's calling," Carly's voice breaks me from my daze and I glance down at my phone on the counter. A picture that I snapped while Tessa was asleep this morning, flashes on the screen.

"Fuck," I instinctively push the glass away, spilling it's freshly poured contents onto the bar top. I ignore Carly's high-pitched voice cussing me out as I leave the bar just as quickly as I arrived.

I swipe my thumb across the screen, "Tess,"

"Hardin! Are you okay?" She panics.

"I called you so many times." I let out a breath of relief at the sound of her voice through the small speaker.

"I know, I'm sorry. I was asleep. Are you okay? Where are you?"

"Blind Bob's." I admit. There is no use in lying, she always finds out one way or another.

"Oh," she barely whispers.

"I ordered a drink." I may as well tell her everything.

"Only one?"

"Yes, and I didn't get the chance to even taste it before you called," I can't decide how I feel about that.

"That's good then. Are you leaving there?"

"Yes, right now." I pull the handle on my car door and climb into the driver's seat.

"Why did you go there?" Tessa asks after a long silence. "It's okay that you did, I'm just wondering why."

"I saw Steph."

She gasps, "What happened? Did you.. did anything happen?"

"I didn't hurt her, if that's what you mean," I keep my car in park. I want to talk to Tessa without the distraction of driving. "She said some shit to me that really... it really pissed me off. I lost my temper in Target."

"Are you okay? I thought you hated Target."

"Out of all the things.." I begin.

"Sorry. I'm half asleep," I can hear the smile in her voice but it's quickly replaced by worry, "Are you okay? What did she say?"

"She said that you fucked Zed," I tell her. I don't want to repeat the other shit she said about Tessa and I not being good for each other.

"What? You know that's not true. Hardin, I swear nothing happened between us that you don't already-"

"She said his roommate heard you,"

"You don't believe her right? You couldn't possibly believe her Hardin, you know me. You know I would have told you if anyone else had touched me," her voice cracks and my chest aches.

"Shhh.. " I shouldn't have let her go on about it for so long. I should have told her that I knew it wasn't true but being the selfish bastard that I am, I had to hear her say it.

"What else did she say?" She's crying.

"Just bullshit. About you and Zed."

And she played on every fear and insecurity that I have about us.

"Is that why you went to the bar?" There is no judgment in Tessa's voice, only an understanding that I wasn't expecting.

"I guess so," I sigh. "She knew things. About your body that only I should know." I shiver rakes down my spine.

"She was my roommate. She saw me change a handful of times, not to mention she undressed me that night," She sniffles.

Anger ripples through me again. The thought of Tessa, unable to move while Steph forcefully undressed her..

"Don't cry, please. I can't bear it, not when you're hours away." I beg her.

Now that her soft voice is on the line, Steph's words seem to hold no truth and the madness, pure fucking madness, that I felt only minutes ago has dissolved.

"Let's talk about something else while I drive home," I shift my car in reverse and put Tessa on speakerphone.

"Kimberly and Christian invited me to their club this weekend,"

"You aren't going,"

"If you would let me finish," she scolds me.

"But since you will hopefully be here and I knew you wouldn't come along, we agreed on me going Wednesday night."

"What kind of club is open on a weeknight?" I glance into my rearview mirror, answering my own question.

"I'm going."

"Why? You don't like clubs, remember?"

"It's not a nightclub. It's a low-key jazz style club."

"I will go with you this weekend. I don't want you to go Wednesday."

"I'm going on Wednesday. We can go again this weekend if you'd like but I already told her that I'm coming and there is no reason that I shouldn't."

I really don't have the patience to have this conversation with her right now. 

"Except me. I'm a reason, aren't I?" My voice comes out a pathetic whine.

"You are never going to be enough for her,"

"If you had a valid reason for me not to go, yes. I'll be with Kim and Christian, nothing is going to happen."

"I would rather you not go," I say through my teeth. I'm already on edge and she's testing me. "Or I can come Wednesday too." I offer, trying my best to be reasonable.

"You don't have to drive all the way here on Wednesday when you'll already be coming Friday."

"Embarrassed to be seen with you."

"Why don't you want me to go, Tessa?" I ask her.

"It's not that I don't want you to go, you know it's not. I would love if you came here Wednesday too but I know it's a long drive and-"

"You don't want to be seen with me?" The words are out before I can stop them.

"What?" I hear the click of her lamp turning on in the background. "Why would you say that? You know that's not true."

"Well it sure-"

"What did Steph say to you? She got into your head didn't she? What aren't you telling me?" Tessa's voice raises through the line. I pull into the parking lot of the apartment and park the car before I respond.

Tessa waits in silence for an explanation.

"Nothing," I repeat.

"If you won't tell me that's fine but I can't help you if you shut me out."

I say nothing.

"We have to learn to fight together, not against one another. It shouldn't be Steph versus you versus me. We have to be in this together," she continues.

"That's not what I'm doing.."

She's right. She's always fucking right.

"I will come on Wednesday and stay until Sunday."

"You'll miss classes."

"And?"

"I have classes and work."

"It sounds like you don't want me to come." My paranoia seeps through my already broken confidence.

"Of course I do. We will talk about it tomorrow."

Why doesn't she want me to come?

"Did you tell Zed that he can't come to Seattle yet?" I ask her.

"No, I haven't heard from him."

I may have to tell him myself.

"Are you home yet?" Tessa asks just as I turn off the ignition.

"Yes, I just got here."

"I wish you would tell me what Steph said to you."

"I told you enough, don't worry about it."

"Don't shut me out, please."

The sadness in her voice stops me in my tracks, "I'm not. I'm sorry. I'm going crazy without you, Tess."

"I am too." She sighs and it makes me want to apologize again.

"I'm a dumbass for not coming to Seattle with you in the first place."

"What?" Coughing sounds through the speaker.

"You heard me. I'm not repeating it."

"Fine," she finally stops coughing as I step onto the elevator. "I know I couldn't have heard you correctly anyway."

"Anyway, what do you want me to do about Steph and Dan?" I change the subject.

"What can you do?" She quietly asks.

"You don't want me to answer that."

"Nothing then, just leave them be."

"She is probably going to tell everyone about tonight and spread the rumor about you and Zed,"

"I don't live there anymore. It's okay." Tessa tries to convince me. I know how much a rumor like this will hurt her feelings, whether she will admit it or not.

"I don't want to leave it alone." I admit.

"I don't want you getting in any trouble over them." She's not going to agree to my ideas on how to stop Steph, so I decide to drop it.

"Fine," I unlock the door to my apartment to find Richard sprawled out and sleep on the couch. Jerry Springer's voice fills the entire apartment. "Hold on," I turn the television off and go straight to my bedroom.

...

 I'm dead on my feet the entire morning. I don't remember walking into my first class and I begin to wonder why I even bother. I can finish my last assignments and drop them off that way I won't ever have to come to this campus again.

When I walk past the Administration building, Nate and Logan are standing in front of the steps. I pull my hood up and pass by them without a word. I have to get the hell away from this place.

 In a split decision, I turn back around and take the steep flight of stairs up the front of the building. My father's secretary greets me with the fakest smile I've seen in a while.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Ken Scott."

"Do you have an appointment?" The woman sweetly asks, knowing damn well that I don't.

"Obviously not. Is my dad in there or not?" I gesture to the thick wooden door in front of me. The fogged glass in the center of it makes it hard to tell.

"He's in there but he's on a conference call at the moment. If you have a seat I will-" I walk past her desk and straight to his door. When I turn the knob and push the door open my father's head lifts toward the door and he raises a finger to ask me to give him a moment.

Being the polite gentleman that I am, I roll my eyes and take a seat in front of his desk.

 "I wasn't expecting you." My father returns the phone to it's base and stands to his feet to greet me.

"I wasn't expecting to be here," I admit.

"Is something wrong?" His eyes move to his closed office door behind me and back to my face.

"I have a question," I rest my hands across the dark cherry-wood desk and look up at him. Dark patches of hair are visible on his face, making it obvious that he hasn't shaved in a few days and his white button down shirt is slightly wrinkled at the cuffs. I don't think I've seen him wearing a wrinkled shirt since I moved to America. This is a man who comes to breakfast in a sweater vest and pressed khakis.

"I'm listening," my father replies.

The tension between us is abundant but even so, I struggle to remember the searing hate that I once felt toward this man. I don't know how to feel about him now, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him completely but it simply takes too much fucking energy to hold onto the anger I've always felt toward him. We will never have the relationship that he has with my step-brother but it's sort of nice to know that when I need something from him, he usually tries his best to help. Majority of the time, his help doesn't get me anywhere, but his effort is somewhat appreciated.

"How hard to you think it will be for me to transfer to Seattle?"

His brow rises dramatically, "Really?"

"Yes. I don't want your opinion, I want an answer." I make it clear that my sudden change of mind isn't open for discussion.

He eyes me thoughtfully before answering, "Well, it would set your diploma back. You're better off staying at my campus for the remainder of this semester. By the time you apply to transfer, register, and move there, it wouldn't be worth the hassle and time."

"Couldn't you help speed the process along?" I sit back against the leather chair and stare at him.

"Yes but it would still add more time to your graduation date. The semesters there don't have the same start and end dates."

"So basically I have to stay here."

"You don't have to," he rubs the dark stubble on his chin, "but it makes more sense for now. You're so close."

"I'm not attending that graduation." I remind him.

"I had hoped you changed your mind," my father sighs and I look away.

"Well, I haven't so.."

"It's a very important day for you. The last three years of your life.."

"I don't give a shit. I don't want to go. I'm fine with having my diploma mailed to me. I'm not going, end of discussion." My eyes travel up the wall behind him to focus on the frames hanging heavily on the dark brown walls of his office. The white framed certificates and diplomas mark his achievements and I can tell by the way he proudly stares up at them that they mean more to him than they ever would to me.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he continues to stare at them, "I won't ask again." My father frowns.

"Why is it so important to you for me to go?" I dare to ask.

The hostility between us has tightened, the air has thickened, but my father's features have softened tremendously in the passing moments of silence.

"Because,' he draws in a long breath before saying, "there was a time, a long time, that I wasn't sure.." another pause, "how you would turn out."

"Meaning?"

"Are you sure you have time to talk right now?" His eyes move to my busted knuckles and blood stained jeans. I know he really means, Are you sure you are mentally stable enough to talk right now?

I knew I should have changed my jeans. I didn't feel like doing much of anything this morning, I literally rolled out of bed and drove to campus.

"I want to know." I sternly reply.

He nods, "There was a time that I didn't think you would even graduate high school, you know how much trouble you always got into."

Flashes of bar fights, burglarized convenience stores, crying half-naked girls, pissed off neighbors and a very disappointed mother play before my eyes.

"I know," I agree. "Technically, I still into trouble." I was just detained by campus security a month ago, nearly resulting in my expulsion.

"Not nearly as much. Not since her." He softly replies.

"She causes most of my trouble." I rub the back of my neck with my hand, knowing I'm full of shit.

"I wouldn't say that," his brown eyes narrow and his fingers play with the top button of his vest.

Both of us sit in silence, unsure what to say to one another.

"I have so much guilt Hardin. If you wouldn't have made it through high school and gone to college, I don't know what I would have done."

"Nothing, you would have been living your perfect life here." I snap.

He flinches as if I've slapped him, "that's not true. I only want the best for you. I didn't always show it and I know that, but your future is very important to me."

"Is that why you had me accepted into WSU in the first place?" We have never discussed the fact that I know he used his position to get me into the damn school in the first place. I know he did. I didn't do shit in high school and my transcripts prove it.

"That, and your mother was at her breaking point with you. I wanted you to come here so I could get to know you. You aren't the same boy you were before I left."

"If you wanted to know me, you should have stuck around longer." Fragments of memories that I have tried so hard to forget push their way up, "You left and I never had the chance to be a boy."

I used to occasionally wonder how it felt to be a happy child with a strong and loving family. While my mum worked from sun up to sun down, I would sit in the living room alone, just staring at the aged and barely standing walls for hours. I would make myself some shitty meal that was barely edible and imagine that I was sitting at a table full of people who loved me. They would laugh and ask how my day was.  When I would get in a fight at school, I sometimes would wish I had a father around to either pat me on the back or bust my ass for starting trouble.

It was much easier for me as I grew up. Once I was a teenager and I realized I could hurt people, everything was easier. I could get back at my mum for leaving me alone while she worked by calling her by her first name and denying her the simple joy of hearing her only child say, "I love you".

I could get back at my father by not speaking to him.

I had one goal, to make everyone around me as miserable as I felt, that way I would finally fit in. I used sex and lies to hurt girls, and made a game of it. That backfired when my mum's friend spent too much time around me, her marriage was ruined along with her dignity and my mum was heartbroken that her fourteen year old son had done such a thing.

He catches on, as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking, "I know that and I'm sorry for all the things you were subjected to because of me."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," using my feet, I push the chair back and stand up.

He stays seated and I can't help the thrill of power that I get from standing over him this way. I feel so.. above him, in every way possible. He is haunted by his guilt and regrets and I'm finally coming to terms with mine.

"So much happened that you wouldn't understand. I wish I could tell you but it wouldn't change anything."

"I said I don't want to talk about it anymore.  I've already had a shitty day and this is too much. I get it, you regret leaving us and all that shit. I'm over it." I lie and he nods. It's not a full-on lie really, I am much closer to being over it than I have ever before.

When I reach the door, a thought comes to mind. I turn around to face him. "My mum's getting married. Did you know that?" I ask him out of curiosity. I can tell by his blank stare and the way his brows lower that he had no fucking clue.

"To Robin, you know the neighbor guy?"

"Oh," he frowns.

"In two weeks."

"That soon?"

"Yeah." I nod, "is that a problem or something?" I ask him.

"No, not at all. I'm just a little surprised, that's all."

"Yeah me too." I lean my shoulder against the door frame and watch as my father's expression transforms from sullen to relieved.

"Will you be attending?"

"No."

Ken Scott stands to his feet and walks around his massive desk to stand in front of me. I have to admit, I'm slightly intimidated. Not by him of course, but by the raw emotion in his eyes when he says, "You have to go, Hardin. It will break her heart if you don't. Especially because she knows that you attended my wedding to Karen."

"Yeah, well we both know why I attended yours. I didn't have a choice and your wedding wasn't across the damn globe."

"It may as well been. You have to go. Tessa knows about it?" He asks.

Fuck. I hadn't considered this.

"No, and you don't need to tell her either. Or Landon, he won't keep his mouth shut if he knows."

"Is there a reason that you are hiding it from her?" Judgment fills his voice.

"It's not that I'm hiding it. I just don't want her to worry about going. She doesn't even have a passport. She's never even left the state of Washington."

"You know she will want to go. Tessa loves England."

"She's never even been there!" The volume of my voice raises and I take a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down. It drives me insane the way he acts as if she's his own daughter, as if he knows her better than I do.

"I won't say anything," he gives up on the subject.

I don't say anything else on the topic, or any other topic. I've done enough talking already and I'm fucking exhausted. I got absolutely no sleep last night after I got off of the phone with Tessa. My nightmares came back, full fucking force and I forced myself to stay awake after the third time I woke up dry heaving.

"You should go by and see Karen soon, she was asking about you last night." He says just before I walk out of his office.

"Uhm, yeah." I mumble and close the door behind me.

Tessa's POV.

"Who did you vote for in the election?" The future politician leans over and whispers to me.

"I didn't, I wasn't old enough."

He laughs, "Right."

I feel slightly uncomfortable around my new classmate. He's charming, too charming, and his dressy clothes and brown skin make for a very distracting sight. He's not attractive in the same way that Hardin is but he's certainly attractive and he knows it.

I managed to avoid conversation with him until the last few minutes of class when our Professor instructed the class to talk amongst themselves while he took a phone call. I'm relieved when the clock strikes ten and it's time to go.

His attempt at making small talk with me as we exit the classroom fails miserably and after a few seconds he dismisses himself and walks the other way.

I've been distracted all morning. I haven't been able to stop thinking about what Steph must have said to Hardin to get him so worked up. I know he believed me about the rumors with Zed, but whatever else it was that she said to him bothered him enough that he didn't want to repeat them. It was almost alarming the way he calmed so quickly.

I hate Steph. I hate her for what she did to me but I hate her much more for getting into Hardin's head and hurting him. By the time I make it to my art class, I've planned ten different scenarios of how to murder Steph in my mind.

I spend the entire hour of Art History laughing at the blue-haired boy's jokes which is a good distraction from my homicidal thoughts.

My phone vibrates repeatedly as I climb into my car, thankful the day is finally over. I expect it to be Hardin, but it's not. I have three text messages, two of which came in at once.

I decide to read my mother's first, *Call me. We need to talk.*

Next is Zed's, I take a deep breath before pressing the small envelope shaped button, *I'll be in Seattle Thurs-Sat. Let me know when you're free :)*

I rub my temples, grateful that I saved Kimberly's for last. Nothing she has to say could possibly be as stressful as telling Zed that I take back my offer of seeing him or having a conversation with my mother.

*Did you know Loverboy is going to London next weekend?*

I spoke too soon.

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