Songs for this chapter are:


Tomorrow- Chris Young

Miserable at best- Mayday Parade

Hardin's POV.

"How was the kick-boxing yesterday?" Landon asks, his voice strained as he lifts yet another bag of mulch. "You could help you know,"

"I know," I prop my feet up on one of the wooden shelves inside Karen's greenhouse.

With a dramatic eye roll Landon tosses the bag onto the floor and wipes his brow.

"Kick-boxing was okay, the trainer was a woman so that was fucking lame."

"Why? Because she kicked your butt?"

"You mean my ass? And no, she did not."

"What made you go anyway? I told Tess not to buy you that because you wouldn't use it." Annoyance flares in my chest at the way he called her "Tess", I don't like it one fucking bit.

It's only Landon, I remind myself. Out of all the shit I have to worry about right now, Landon is not one on the list.

"Because I was pissed off and I felt like I was going to break everything in that god damned apartment so when I saw the voucher while I was pulling out all of the drawers in the dresser, I put my shoes on and left."

"You pulled out all the drawers? Tessa is going to kill you," he shakes his head and finally takes a seat on the stack of mulch bags. I don't know why he agreed to help his mum move all this shit around anyway.

"She won't see it anyway, it's not her place anymore." I remind him, trying to keep the edge out of my voice.

"Sorry,"

"Yeah," I sigh, I don't even have a witty comeback.

"It's hard for me to feel bad for you when you could be there with her." Landon says after a few beats of silence.

"Fuck you." I lean my head back against the wall and I can feel him staring at me.

"It doesn't make sense." He adds.

"Not to you."

"Or her, or anyone."

"I don't have to explain myself to anyone." I snap.

"Then why are you even here?"

Instead of answering him, I look around the greenhouse, unsure of the answer myself. "I don't have anywhere else to go." Does he think that I don't miss her every fucking second? That if I would much rather be with her than here?

"What about your friends?" He questions.

"You mean the one who fucking drugged Tessa? Or the other one who set me up to tell her about the bet, or you could mean the one who is constantly trying to get in her pants," I count them on my fingers to add to the dramatic effect. "Shall I go on?"

"Guess not," he shrugs. "So what are you going to do?"

"Exactly what I'm doing now."

"So you're going to hang out with me and mope around?"

"I'm not moping, I'm doing what you told me to do and 'bettering myself'," I mock him with air quotes. "Have you talked to her since she left?" I ask.

"Yeah, she text me this morning to tell me she arrived."

"She's at Vance's isn't she?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself?" Fuck, Landon is annoying.

"I know she is, where else would she be?"

"With that Trevor guy," Landon smirks and I fight the urge to tackle him to the ground. It won't hurt much, he's only about four feet off the ground anyway. It probably wouldn't even leave a bruise..

"I forgot about fucking Trevor," I groan, rubbing harshly at my temples. Trevor is almost as infuriating as Zed, only I believe that Trevor does actually have good intentions when it comes to Tessa, which pisses me off even more.

"So what's next in project self-improvement?" He smiles but it fades slightly and his expression turns serious, "I'm really proud of you for doing this you know? It's nice to see you actually trying for once instead of making an effort for an hour then going back to how you were the moment she forgives you. It will mean a lot to her to see you making these changes,"

"Don't try to lecture me, I haven't done shit yet it's only been a day."

A long, miserable, lonely, day.

"You didn't turn to alcohol and you haven't gotten in a fight, you haven't been arrested, and I know you came to talk to your dad."

"He told you?" I gape. That fucker.

"No, he didn't tell me. I live here and I saw your car."

"Oh,"

"I think you talking to him really would mean so much to Tessa,"

"Would you just stop? Fuck, you're not my shrink. Stop acting like you're better than me and I'm some damaged fucking animal that you need to.."

"Why can't you just take a compliment? I never said I was better than you, all I'm trying to do is be there for you as a friend. You don't have anyone, you said it yourself, and now that you let Tessa move to Seattle, you don't have a single person." He looks at me but I look away.

"You have to stop pushing people away, I know you don't like me, you hate me because you think I am somewhat responsible for some of the issues you have with your dad but I care deeply for Tessa and you, whether you want to hear that or not."

"I don't." I fire back at him. Why does he always have to say shit like this? I came here to.. I don't know, talk to him. Not to have him to tell me how much he cares about me. Why would he care about me? I've been nothing but an asshole to him since the day I met him but I don't hate him. Does he really think that?

"Well that's one of those things you need to work on." He stands to his feet and walks out of the greenhouse, leaving me alone.

"Fuck," I kick my foot out in front of me and it collides with the wooden shelving unit . A crack sounds through the room and I jump to my feet. "No, no, no!" I try to catch the flower boxes, pots, and random shit before it crashes to the floor. Within seconds all of it is on the concrete floor. This isn't fucking happening, I didn't even mean to break this shit and here I am with a pile of dirt, flowers, and cracked pots at my feet.

Maybe I can clean some of this shit up before Karen...

"Oh my," she gasps.

Fuucck.

"I didn't mean to, I swear. I kicked my foot out and accidently broke the shelf and all this shit started falling down and I tried to catch it!" I frantically explain as Karen rushes over to a pile of broken pottery. Her hands sift through the rubble, trying to piece together a blue flower pot that has no chance of ever becoming one again.

She doesn't say anything but I hear her sniffle and she lifts her arm to wipe her cheeks with her dirt covered hands.

"I've had this pot since I was a little girl, it was the first pot that I ever planted in."

"I," I don't know what to say to her. Out of all the shit I have broken, this time it truly was an accident.

 "This and my china were the only things left from my grandmother." She cries.

The china. The china that I smashed into a million pieces.

"Karen, I'm sorry. I,"

"It's okay Hardin." She sighs, tossing the pieces of the vase back into the pile of dirt. It's not okay, I can see it in her brown eyes. I can physically see how hurt she is and I'm surprised by the heaviness of guilt on my chest from the sadness in her eyes. She stares at the shattered pot for a few more seconds and I watch her silently.

"I'm going to finish dinner, it will be ready soon." She wipes her eyes again and leaves the same way her son did only minutes ago.

...

Tessa's POV.

"Where's your Hardin?" Smith asks in a quiet voice.

"He's at home, back in Pullman."

"Where's that?"

"It's a long way away." I do my best to smile.

"Is he coming?" Smith looks up at me with bright green eyes.

"I don't think so, you like Hardin don't you?" I laugh and push the sleeves of my old maroon dress over a hanger and place it inside the closet.

"Sort of, he's funny."

"I'm funny too." I tease and he smiles a shy smile.

"Not really." He bluntly answers and I laugh harder.

"Hardin thinks that I'm funny." I lie.

"He does?" Smith follows my actions and begins to help me fold my clothes.

"Yes, he won't admit it though."

"Why?"

"I don't know." I shrug. Probably because I'm not very funny, and when I try to be funny it's even worse.

"Well tell your Hardin to come here and live, like you."

My chest tightens at the sweet little boy's words. "I'll tell him. You don't have to fold those," I tell him, reaching for the blue shirt in his small hands. 

"I like to fold." He hides the shirt back behind him and I nod.

"You'll make a good husband one day," I smile at him and his dimples show when he smiles back. At least he likes me a little more than he did before.

"I don't want to be husband." He says, scrunching his nose, and I roll my eyes at the five year old who speaks like a grown man.

"You'll change your mind one day."

"Nope." He ends the conversation and we finish folding my clothes in silence.

My first day in Seattle is coming to a close and tomorrow will be my first day at the new office. I'm extremely nervous and I can't help but feel on edge. I don't care for new things, they terrify me. I like to be in control of every situation and enter new environments with a solid plan. I haven't had time to plan anything about this move, except enrolling into my new classes and honestly, I'm not looking forward to them as much as I should be. Somewhere in the middle of mentally scolding myself, Smith has disappeared from my temporary bedroom, leaving a perfectly folded pile of clothing on the bed.

I need to get out and see Seattle tomorrow after work. I need to be reminded of what I loved so much about this city because right now, in this foreign bedroom, hours away from everything I have ever known, it just feels so... lonely.

Hardin's POV.

"Steph's a psycho, no one knew she was going to do that." Logan assures me while downing a frosted mug full of beer.

"Dan knew. And if I find out that anyone else did.." I warn him and he nods.

"No one else knew, well not that I know of but you know no one tells me shit anyway." A tall brunette appears at Logan side and he slides his arm around her. "Nate and Chelsea will be here soon," he says to the girl.

"A couples night," I groan. "Time for me to go." I move to stand but Logan stops me

"It's not a couples night. Tristan is single now and Nate isn't dating Chelsea, they are just fucking."

I don't know why I came here anyway but Landon would barely speak to me and Karen looks so sad at dinner, I just couldn't sit there any longer.

"Let me guess, Zed will be here too?"

"I don't think so, I think he was even more pissed than you about the shit that went down because he hasn't spoken to any of us since then."

"No one is more pissed than me," I say through my teeth. Hanging out with my old friends isn't helping me 'better myself', it's only pissing me off. How dare anyone say that Zed cares more about Tessa than I do.

"I didn't mean it like that, my bad. Have a beer and chill out." Logan says and waves his hand in the air. Nate, the girl named Chelsea, and Tristan are walking across the small bar toward us.

"I don't want a fucking beer," I say quietly, trying to control my attitude. Logan is only trying to help but he's annoying me. Everyone is annoying me. Everything is annoying me.

"Long time no see," Tristan tries to joke but it's only awkward and neither of us even crack a smile. "I'm sorry about the shit that Steph did, I had no idea what she was going to do." He finally says, making it even more awkward.

"I don't want to talk about it." I forcefully remark, closing the conversation.

While the small group of my friends drink and talk about shit that I give absolutely no fucks about, I find myself thinking about Tessa. What is she doing right now? Does she like Seattle? I wonder if she feels as uncomfortable at Vance's house as I think she does. Are they being nice to her?

Of course they are, Kimberly and Christian are always nice. Does Tessa miss me the way I miss her?

"Are you going to have one?" Nate interrupts my thoughts and waves a full shot glass in front of my face.

"No, I'm good." I gesture to my soda on the table and he shrugs before tipping his head back to take the shot.

This is the last thing I want to be doing right now. This adolescent, drinking until they throw up or black out, shit may be good enough for them, but not for me. They haven't had the luxury of having someone's voice nagging in the back of their mind, telling them to be better, to do more with their lives. They haven't had anyone love them enough to make them want to be better.

"I want to be good for you, Tess." I once told her. What a great job I've done so far.

"I'm going." I announce but no one even notices as I stand from my seat and leave the bar.

I've made up my mind that I will no longer waste my time hanging out at bars with people who really don't give a shit about me. I have nothing against most of them, but in all actuality none of them really know me or care enough to. They only liked the drunk, fun, fucking random girls, me. I was only another prop at one of their massive parties. They don't know shit about me, they didn't even know that was father is the fucking chancellor at our campus.

No one knows me the way she does, no one has ever even cared to get to know me the way Tessa does. She always asks the most intrusive and random questions,

"What are you thinking?"

"Why do you like that show?"

"What do you think that man across the room is thinking right now?"

"What is your first memory?"

I always acted as if her need to know everything was obnoxious but it made me feel... special.. or like someone cared about me enough to want to know the answers to these ridiculous questions. I don't know why my mind won't connect with itself, one half is telling me to get over myself and take my pathetic ass to Seattle, knock down Vance's door and promise to never let her leave again. It's not that easy though, there is a bigger, stronger, other part of me, the half that always wins, telling me how fucked up I am. I'm so fucked up and all I do is ruin every fucking thing in my life and everyone else's, so I would be doing a favor to Tessa by leaving her alone. That's the only side I can believe, especially without her here to tell me that I'm wrong.

Landon's plan for me to become a better person sounds good on paper but then what? I'm supposed to believe that I can actually stay that way forever? I'm supposed to be believe that I'll be good enough for her just because I decide not to down a bottle of vodka every time I get pissed off?

This would be so much easier if I wasn't willing to admit how much of a fuck up I am. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm not going to decide tonight. I'm going to go inside my apartment and watch Tessa's favorite television shows,  the worst shows that are full of ridiculous plot lines and horrible acting. I'll probably even pretend that she's there explaining every scene to me even though I'm watching it right next to her and I clearly understand what is going on. I love when she does that. It's annoying but I love how passionate she is about the smallest thing, like who is wearing a red coat and harassing those obnoxious girls.

As I step off of the elevator, I continue to plan my night. I will end up watching that shit, then eating, take a shower, probably get myself off while picturing Tessa's mouth around me, and I will do my best not to do anything stupid. Maybe I will clean up the mess I made yesterday.

I stop in front of my apartment door and look back down the hall. Why the fuck is the door cracked open? Is Tessa back, or did someone break in again? I'm not sure which answer would piss me off more.

"Tessa?" I push the door open with my foot and my stomach drops to the floor at the sight of her father slumped over, covered in blood.

"What the fuck?" I shout and slam the door closed.

"Watch out," Richard groans and my eyes follow his to the movement in the hallway.

"What the hell happened to him and why the fuck are you here?" I ask the man, I think his name is Chad..

"I was hoping to see the girl, but you'll do." He sneers.

My blood boils at this vile man's mention of my Tessa. "Get the fuck out and take him with you." I gesture to the piece of shit that brought this man to my apartment. His blood is making a mess on my floor.

"The problem with that is he owes me a lot of money and he doesn't have a way to pay it." Chad's dirty fingernails scratch at the small red dots on his arms.

Fucking junkie.

"That's not my fucking problem, I'm not going to tell you again and I'm sure as hell not giving you any money."

"You don't know who you're talking to kid," he smirks at me and kicks Richard just below his rib cage. A pathetic whine falls from his lips as he slides down onto the floor and doesn't get up.

"I don't give a fuck about you, or him. You're sadly mistaken if you think I'm afraid of you." I hiss, I am not in the mood to deal with fucking drug addicts breaking into my apartment.

What the fuck else could possibly happen this week?

I don't want to know the answer to that.

I step toward Chad and he backs away, just like I knew he would. "I will say it once more, get out or I'll call the cops and while we wait for them to show I will beat you with the baseball bat I keep under my couch in case some dumb-fuck tries to pull shit like this," I reach under the couch and pull the weapon out to prove my point.

"If I leave without the money he owes me, whatever I do to him is on you. His blood will be on your hands."

"I don't give a fuck what you do to him." I say, unsure whether I actually mean that or not.

"I'm sure his daughter would love to know that you're responsible for her daddy getting his ass beat, burned, or whatever it is I feel like doing to him."

I'm tempted to smash the aluminum bat against the side of Richard's face myself.

"How much?" I ask.

"Not more than you can afford, I'm sure." He looks around the living room.

"How fucking much money?" I repeat.

"Five hundred."

'I'm not giving you five hundred dollars."

Tessa's face when she finds out that her father is in fact a drug addict and he led this asshole to our apartment, makes me want to throw my wallet at the asshole and give him everything I have.

"I don't have that kind of cash on me,"

"Two hundred?" He offers.

"Fine." I can't believe I'm actually giving money to this junkie who has broken into my apartment and  beaten Tessa's dad to a pulp. I don't even have two hundred in cash, what am I supposed to do, take him with me to the ATM? This is such fucking bullshit. Who the fuck comes home to this shit? Me. That's fucking who.

I pull my wallet from my pocket and toss the eighty dollars I just pulled from the bank at him and walk into the bedroom, the bat still in hand. I grab the watch my father and Karen bought me for Christmas and throw it at him.

"That's worth more than five hundred. Now get the fuck out." I don't want him to leave really, I want him to try to come at me so I can bust his head open with this bat.

"Until next time Rick." Chad threatens Richard and walks toward the door.

"If I see you again, I will kill you." I assure him and slam the door behind him.

(#hessamemories was trending on twitter the other night and I loved reading everyone's favorite lines, memories etc so if you missed It there, comment them here! It was a lot of fun ( to me at least haha)