The songs for this chapter are:

How to save a life- The Fray

Stay- Safetysuit

Tessa's POV.

"Christ," I hear Hardin's voice, deep inside of my cloudy mind. It has to be him. "Fuck Tess, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." Sorry for what?

"You've got that right! This is your fault, now get out of my house before I have you escorted by the police!" My mother shrieks.

"Would you give it a rest! I'm not going anywhere. Go ahead and call the police and have them show up here this late, you'll be the talk of the town and we all know you don't want that." Just stop! I want to scream at the two of them, I can't keep up with them fighting this way. My mother speaks again but it's impossible for me to hear her, the darkness is dragging me under, pulling hard, maybe that's why my head is so heavy..

"I hope you can hear me, I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry for all of this. I shouldn't have let you walk away in the first place. What was I thinking?"

"But you weren't even there?" I say to him. Can he hear me?

"You would be proud of me, a little, I think. I didn't kill Dan when I found him, I only kicked him in the face.. oh and I choked him a little but he's still breathing, and I almost drank tonight but I didn't. I couldn't make things even worse between us. I know you think I don't care but I do, I just don't know how to show you," Hardin's voice cracks as he speaks softly. "Can you hear me?" He asks.

"Yes, what about Zed? Did you hurt him?" I breath, the thoughts are there and I am trying my hardest to say them, I'm just not sure if my mouth is working with my mind.

"No, it's Hardin. I'm Hardin, not Zed."

I know.. I think. Hardin is here, not Zed. Wait, Zed is here too. Isn't he?

"No, Hardin, did you hurt Zed?" The darkness is tugging me in the opposite direction from Hardin's voice.

My mother's voice enters the room but I can't make out a word, the only clarity I have is in Hardin's voice.

"No, I'm not." He barks. "Sure, where is the room?"

A few moments later, I feel something push under my body, Hardin's arm? I'm not entirely sure but I'm lifted off of the couch as the familar minty scent fills my nostrils. Why is he here and how did he find me?

Only seconds after I'm gently laid back on the bed, I'm lifted again. I don't want to move. Hardin's shaky hands push a shirt over my head and I want to scream at him to stop touching me. The last thing I want is to be touched but the moment Hardin's fingers brush against my skin the memory of Dan's disgusting touch is erased.

"Touch me again, please. Make it go away," I beg.

He doesn't reply.

Can he not hear me? I know deep down he can't but I was silently praying that he somehow could. His hands keep touching my head, my neck, my hair, and I try to lift my hand to his but it's too heavy.

"I love you and I'm so sorry," I hear before my head rests back on the pillow.  "I want to take her home,"

No, leave me here. Please, I think to myself. I don't waste the energy to try to speak.

But don't go...

....

My head is heavy, so heavy and the light is shining too bright through the yellow curtains. Yellow curtains? I reopen my eyes to find the familiar yellow curtains of my old bedroom covering the windows.

The last twelve hours come flooding back in pieces, broken and jumbled memories that make little sense to me.

Nothing makes sense. It takes seconds, minutes maybe, for my mind to even attempt to comprehend what happened.

Steph and her betrayal is the strongest memory from the night. How could she do that to me? I never saw it coming. I remember my relief when she walked into the room, only to hear her admit that she was never a friend to me after all. She put something in my drink to slow me down, or make me pass out, I'm not sure, but I know she drugged me. I was drugged, at a party by someone who I thought was my friend. The reality of this hits me hard and I swipe angrily at the tears on my cheeks.

Humilation replaces the sting of betrayal when I remember Dan and his camera. They took off my dress, the small red light in the dim room is something I don't think I will ever forget.

Every single time I think I may get a break from the constant battle that has become my life, something like this happens. I can't complain too much, I have a good life and I don't want to pity myself but it's becoming overwhelming lately. Steph out of all people? I still can't grasp it. If her reasoning was true, if she did it only because she doesn't like me and she has something for Hardin, why didn't she just tell me in the first place? Why did she pretend to be my friend all this time only to set me up?

I sit up slowly and it's still too fast. My pulse is pounding behind my ears and I want to rush to the bathroom and force myself to throw up the remainders of the drug. I don't though, instead I close my eyes again.

When I wake up again, my head is a little lighter and I manage to get out of the small bed. I don't have any pants on, only a small t-shirt that I don't remember putting on in the first place. My mother must have dressed me. That doesn't seem likely, I must have dressed myself.

The only pajama pants left in my old dresser are uncomfortably tight and too short. I have gained weight since I left for college, but I actually like my body more now than I ever have before.

My mother is leaning against the counter, reading a magazine when I enter the kitchen. Her black dress is smooth and lint free, her matching heels are high, and her hair is curled into perfect, classic waves.When I glance at the clock on the stove, it's only eight am.

"How are you feeling?" My mother asks timidly as she turns to face me.

"Terrible." I groan, meaning it.

"I'd imagine after the night you had."

Here we go.

"Have some coffee and some Advil, you'll feel better."

I nod slowly and walk over to the cabinet to grab a coffee mug.

"I have church this morning, I assume you won't be coming along?" She asks in a clear voice.

"No, I'm in no shape to be in church right now." Only my mother would offer me to go to church with her when I just woke up after  sleeping off a date-rape drug.

"Okay, I'll tell the Porter's you said hello." She grabs her handbag from the kitchen table then turns back to me, "I'll be home around eleven, maybe shortly after."

I still haven't called Noah since I learned of his grandmother's passing. I know I should have and I need to. I will call him after church ends, if I can find my phone that is.

"How did I get here last night?" I try to piece the puzzle together. I remember Zed storming into the room and breaking the camera.

"His name was Zed, I believe," she looks back down at her magazine and queitly clears her throat.

"Oh,"

I hate this, I hate not knowing what happened last night. I like to be in control of everything and last night I wasn't in control of my thoughts or my body.

"Call me if you need anything," my mother says as she walks out of the front door.

"Okay,"

"Oh, and go through my closet and find yourself something to wear for the day," she gives one last disapproving glance toward my tight pajamas and leaves the house.

The moment the screen door closes, a flash of Hardin's voice pops into my mind.

"This is all my fault." He said. It couldn't have been Hardin, my mind is playing tricks on me. I need to call Zed and thank him for bringing me here. Actually, I need to thank him for coming into that room and taking me away from the party. I can't imagine what would have happened in front of that camera had he not shown up.

Salty tears mix with black coffee for the next half hour. Finally, I force myself from the table and into the bathroom to wash last night's disgusting events from my body. By the itme I'm searching my mother's closet for something without a wired bra built in, I feel much better.

"Do you not own any normal clothing?" I groan, pushing through hanger after hanger of cocktail dresses. I'm at the point where I would rather sit naked before I finally find a cream colored sweater and dark jeans. The jeans fit perfectly and the sweater is tight on my chest but I'm grateful to have found anything at all so I'm not going to complain.

I stay in a towel until my bra and panties are washed and dried, searching the house for my phone and purse in the process. I don't have a single memory that could hint to their hiding place. I'm assuming my car is still parked outside of Steph's dorm, hopefully she hasn't slashed my tires.

"Where's the room?" A male's voice had asked. Why can't my mind just clear through the jumbled night and make sense of everything?

I go back into my old bedroom and pull open the desk drawer. My phone sits inside, on top of my small purse. I press the power button and wait for the home screen to appear, I nearly turn it back off when the vibrations seem endless. Text message after text message, voice mail after voice mail, pop onto the small screen.

Hardin.. Hardin... Zed.. Hardin.. unknown..Hardin.. Hardin..

My stomach flutters in the most uncomfortable way at his name on the screen. He knows, he has to. Someone told him what happened and that's why he called and text messaged me so many times. I should call him and at least let him know that I'm okay before he worries himself crazy. Regardless of the state of our relationship, he's probably upset after hearing about what happened.

I hang up the phone after six rings, just as his voice mail picks up, and head back into my mother's bedroom to attempt to style my hair. The last thing I care about is my appearance today but I also don't care for the idea of listening to my mother's insults all day if I don't make myself look at least decent. I cover the deep circles under my eyes and apply a few swipes of mascara to my lashes and brush my hair. It's nearly dry now, working in my favor as I rake my fingers through the natural waves. It doesn't look nearly as good as I would like but I don't have the energy to mess with the frizzy mess any longer than I already have.

The faint sound of someone knocking at the front door draws me out of my mother's room and down the hallway. Who would be here right now? My paranoid subconscious makes my stomach turn at the thought of Hardin being on the other side of the door.

"Tessa?" A voice calls as the door opens and Noah lets himself in. Relief and guilt hit me as I take in his familiar but shaky smile.

"Hey," he nods, shifting from one foot to the other.

Without thinking I practically throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, I bury my face in his chest and begin to cry.

"Are you okay" His strong arms wrap around me and hold me, keeping both of us from toppling over.

"Yes, I'm just... No, I'm not." I lift my head from his chest, not wanting to smear my mascara on his tan cardigan.

"What happened? Your mom said you were in town," he continues to hold me while I continue to relish the familiarity of him.

"So much, too much to even explain. I'm being so dramatic," I groan and remove myself from him.

"College still isn't treating you the way you hoped?" He asks with a smile while he follows me into the kitchen. I make another pot of coffee and he sits down at the table.

"No, not at all. I'm moving to Seattle."

"Your mom told me."

"Are you still going to WSU in the Spring? I wouldn't recommend that school." I try to make a joke from my misfortune but fail as tears fill my eyes.

"Yeah, that's the plan. Becca and I have been thinking about San Francisco though. You know how I love California."

"Becca? You're still dating her?" The disgust is clear in my voice.

"It's not what you think, she didn't know what she was getting herself into. That Steph girl, your old roommate set her up." Noah's blue eyes shine under the fluorescent kitchen lights.

"What? How?"

"Well Becca met her at her job, she works at Zooms or something, a store in the mall there, and she saw me there with Becca one day."

"You were in Pullman?" I interrupt him.

"Yeah, to see Becca. I should have called you or something but everything was so weird between us.."

"I know, it's okay." I assure him and let him finish.

"Well anyway, I guess after that Steph asked Becca to hang out and stuff so Becca was excited. I warned her to stay away from her but she kept most of it from me anyway and didn't tell me about any of the crap Steph was doing to her. She basically told her that you were.. a .. you know, and she told her a bunch of stuff about you that wasn't true,"

"Like what?"

"Just stuff, I don't want to repeat it but she gave Becca a pretty bad impression of you so that's why she didn't have a problem when Steph told her to hang out with that Zed guy."

"Steph told her to hang out with Zed to spite me?" I gape, the reality of Steph's hatred towards me stings once more.

"Yeah, I didn't know any of this until recently, I would have told you. You know that," he says and I know he's being honest. "I broke up with her at first but she explained everything and she really is sorry,"

"I feel like I can't trust anyone any more." I sigh and Noah frowns, "except you. I'm not talking about you. Every single person that I've met since I arrived at that school has lied to me in some way." Even Hardin. Especially Hardin.

"Is that what happened last night?"

"Sort of," I wonder what my mother told him.

"I knew it had to be something big to bring you home."

I nod and he reaches across the table to cup my hands in his. "I missed you," he murmurs, sadness clear in his voice.

"I'm so sorry that I haven't called about your grandma."

"It's okay, I know you're busy."

"That's not an excuse, I've been so terrible to you."

"You haven't." He lies.

"You know that I have. I have treated you so poorly since I left home and I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve any of it."

"Stop beating yourself up, I'm okay now." He assures me with a warm smile but the guilt doesn't subside.

"I still shouldn't have done it,"

"If you could do it all over again, what would you change?" He surprises me by asking.

"The way I went about things, I shouldn't have strung you along and went behind your back. I've known you half my life and I dropped you so suddenly, it was terrible of me."

"It was," he starts, "but I get it now. We weren't good for each other, well we were perfect together but I think that was the problem." He laughs and the weight lifts from my chest.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I do. I love you and I'll always love you. I just don't love you the way I always thought I did and you could never love me the way you love him." I choke on my breath at his mention of Hardin.

He's right, he's so right, but I can't talk about Hardin with Noah. Not right now.

I need to change the subject, "So Becca makes you happy then? She's not exactly who I pictured you dating after me," I smile. Her dark features are opposite of mine and she has tattoos. Not a lot of them but I can't imagine her and Noah as a couple.

"And Hardin isn't exactly who I expected you to break up with me for," his smile isn't harsh as he chuckles softly. "I guess we both needed something different than each other,"

He's right, yet again.

"I guess so," I laugh along and we continue to lighten the conversation until another knock at the door interrupts us.

"I'll get it," He says, standing to his feet and leaving the small kitchen before I can stop him.

Hardin's POV.

I'm early.. too damn early. I knew I should have sat in the car longer but I couldn't take it. Watching the clock change from minute to minute was literally slowly murdering me. I'd rather pull my hair out piece by piece than sit here and wait in this god damned driveway until noon. Tessa's mum's car isn't here, there are no cars in the driveway except Tessa's, which I am sitting in, and Landon's, which he has parked on the street. He agreed to follow me here so I could drop the car to her, all of her belongings inside, and drive me back to the apartment after. Luckily he cares about her well being more than anyone, except me, so it didn't take much convincing. None actually, I asked and he agreed instantly.

"Go knock on the door or I will," Landon says into the phone the moment I pick up.

"I am! Fuck, give me a second. I don't know if anyone is here."

"Well if not, leave the keys in the mailbox and we will go." That's exactly why I haven't done that already, I want her to be inside. I have to know that she's okay.

"I'm going up now," I say and hang up on my obnoxious step-brother.

The seventeen steps up to her mum's front door are the worst of my life. I knock on the door but I'm not sure if it was loud enough. Fuck it, I knock again, this time much harder. Too hard, too hard. I put my hand down when the flimsy wire on the screen bends. Shit.

The door creaks open and instead of Tessa, her mum, or anyone else on the fucking planet that I'd rather see, it's Noah.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I say and he tries to close the door in my face but I stop it with my boot.

(Hey guys! I'm sorry for not updating for two days, I had a really busy weekend! Pleaseeeee read the author's notes if you can. I made a typo on my ig picture for the last chapter and said the wrong number which confused a lot of people so I made an authors note on the last chapter but everyone still kept asking where the chapter was lol!  I try not to say too many irrelevant things in these notes, sometimes they are just random but sometimes they have important(ish) things  too:) Anyway, don't forget to comment and vote! Ily all ! xoxo)