"I'm sorry for waking you up." I whisper to Landon who is still rubbing his eyes.

"It's okay." He mumbles and stumbles back to the bed. "Here, you can have this one, the other is flat." He pushes a fluffy white pillow against my chest.

"This is why I love you, well not the only reason but one of them." I smile, hugging the pillow close and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Because I gave you the best pillow?" He half smiles, his smile is even more adorable when laced with sleep.

"No, because you're always here for me .. and you have soft pillows." My voice is so slow when I'm drunk.. it's odd.

"Is he going to come after you?" He asks quietly. Landon lays back on the bed and moves his body over so that there is plenty of room for me on the other side.

"I don't think so." The moment of humor that came with Landon and his soft pillows has been replaced by the ache that comes along with thought of Hardin and the words we exchanged only moments ago.

I lay down on my side and look up at Landon. "Remember when you said he isn't a lost cause?" I whisper.

"Yeah."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yeah, I do." He pauses, "unless he did something else.."

"No, well nothing new really. I just.. I don't know if I can do it anymore. We keep moving backwards and we shouldn't be. Every single time I think we are moving forward, he becomes that same Hardin I met six months ago. He calls be a selfish bitch or basically tells me he doesn't love me and I know he doesn't mean the words but every syllable crushes me a little more than the last and I think I'm starting to understand that this really is just the way he is. He can't help it but he can't change it either."

Landon watches me with thoughtful eyes before his mouth turns to a frown, "He called you a bitch? Tonight?"

I nod and he sighs heavily, running his hand over his face.

"I was saying hurtful things to him too." I hiccup. The heavy combination of wine and whiskey is going to haunt me tomorrow, I know it.

"He shouldn't call you out of your name, he's a man and you're a woman. It's never okay Tessa, please don't make excuses for him."

"I'm not I just.." That's exactly what I'm doing.

"I think this is all about Seattle, he went from getting a tattoo for me and telling me that he can't live without me to telling me he only chases me because I fuck him. Oh my gosh! I'm sorry!" I cover my face with my hands. I cannot believe I just said that in front of Landon.

"It's okay, you did just fish your underwear out of the hot tub remember?" He grins, lightening the conversation, and I hope that he can't see my humiliated expression in the darkness.

"This trip has been a disaster." I shake my head, pressing it against the cool pillow.

"Maybe not, maybe this is what you two needed."

"To break up?" I ask him.

"No, is that what happened?"

"I don't know,"

"Is that what you want?"

"No but it's what I should want. It's not fair to either of us to keep doing this day in and day out. I'm not innocent here either, I always expect too much from him." My mother's flaws have been passed down to me. She expects too much from everyone too.

"There isn't anything wrong with expecting too much from him, especially when the things that you expect from him are reasonable." Landon replies. "He has to see what he has, you're the best thing that has ever happened to him, he needs to remember that."

"He said that it's my fault.. that he is the way he is. All I want is for him to be kind to me at least half of the time and I want security in our relationship, that's all.  It's pathetic really." I groan, my voice breaks and I can  still taste the whiskey laced with Hardin's mint on my tongue. "Would you go to Seattle if you were me? I can't help but think I should just call it off and stay here or go with him to England. If he's acting like this because I'm going to Seattle maybe I should.."

"You can't not go," Landon interrupts. "You have been gushing over Seattle since the day I met you, you have to go. If Hardin won't go with you then that's his loss. Besides, I give him a week of you being gone before he shows up at your doorstep. You can't give in on this, he has to know that you are serious this time. You have to let him miss you."

"I don't even have a doorstep for him to show up on." I smile while visioning Hardin showing up a week after I leave, desperately begging for my forgiveness with lilies in his hand.

"That was him wasn't it? The reason that woman wasn't calling you back?"

"Yeah."

"I knew it, realtors don't just not return calls. You have to go, Ken will help you find somewhere to stay until you find a permanent place."

"What if he doesn't come after all? And worse, what if he does come and he is even more angry because he hates it there?"

"Tessa, I'm only saying this because I care about you, okay?" He waits for my response, I nod. "You would have to be insane to give up Seattle for someone who loves you more than anything but is only willing to show it half  of the time."

"No, you make mistakes. A shit ton of them and I'm sick of it. You think I want to be this way? Fuck no I don't. You do this to me!"

"Do you think he would be better off without me?" I ask Hardin's step-brother.

"No, heck no! But seeing as I know you don't tell me even half of the messed up things he says to you, maybe it really isn't going to work." Landon whispers, reaching across the empty space between us. His hand touches my arm and he rubs slowly.

Using the alcohol in my veins as an excuse,  I grant myself permission to ignore the fact that Landon, one of the only people who actually had faith in my relationship with Hardin, has just thrown in the towel.

"I'm going to feel like hell tomorrow." I change the subject before I break the promise that I made with myself not to cry.

"Yeah you are, you smell like a liquor cabinet." He teases.

"I met Lillian's girlfriend, she kept giving me shots. Oh and I danced on a bar."

"You didn't." He gapes.

"I did. It was so embarrassing. It was Riley's idea."

"She's ..interesting." Landon smiles and seems to notice his fingertips still running over my skin. He pulls them  away and tucks his arm under his head.

"She's the female version of Hardin." I laugh.

"She is! No wonder she was so annoying!" He teases and in a moment of drunken insanity, I glance over to look for Hardin so I can see the deep scowl on his face caused by Landon's playful insult.

"You make me forget about everything." My mouth expels the words before my mind can catch up.

"I'm glad." My best friend smiles and grabs the blanket from below our feet. He pulls it up over both of our bodies and I close my eyes.

Minutes pass in silence and my mind is putting up a fight as sleep tries to pull me under. Landon's breathing slows and I have to keep my eyes closed and pretend that it's Hardin breathing next to me otherwise my mind will never surrender. Hardin's angry scowl and harsh words float through my hazy thoughts as I finally fall asleep.

You're a selfish bitch.

..

"No!!" Hardin's voice startles me awake. It takes a moment to remember that I'm in Landon's room and Hardin is down the hall, alone.

"Get off of her!" His voice echoes down the hallway seconds later. I'm out of bed and in the doorway before he even finishes the sentence.

He has to see what he has.

He has to know that you are serious this time, you have to let him miss you.

If I go rushing in that room I know I will forgive everything, I will see him vulnerable and afraid and I will say anything he wants to comfort him.

I pick my heart up off of the floor and walk back over to the bed. I place the pillow over my head just as a "No!" sounds through the cabin.

"Tessa.. are you..." Landon whispers.

"No." I reply, my voice cracking at the end. I bite down on the pillow and break my own promise. I begin to cry. Not for myself. The tears are for Hardin, for the boy who doesn't know how to treat the people that he cares about, the boy who has nightmares when I'm not in bed with him but tells me that he doesn't love me. The boy who really does need to be reminded how it feels to be alone.

Hardin's POV.

They won't stop, they won't stop touching her. His dirty, wrinkled hands run up her thighs and she whimpers as the other man fists her ponytail in his hand, pulling her head back, hard.

"Get away from her!" I try to shout at them but they can't hear me.

I try to move but I am frozen on the staircase from my childhood.

Her gray eyes are wide, afraid, and absolutely fucking lifeless as she looks at me and purple bruise already forming on her cheek.

"You don't love me." She whispers, her eyes burn into mine as his hand creeps up and wraps around her neck.

What?

"Yes, yes I do! I do love you Tess." I tell her but she doesn't listen. She shakes her head as he tightens his grip on her and his friend reaches down between her legs.

"No!" I scream one last time before she begins to fade in front of my eyes.

"You don't love me," her eyes are bloodshot from his assault on her and I can't do a damn thing to help her.

"Tess," I fan my arm out across the bed to reach for her. The moment I touch her this panic will go away, taking the fucked up images of those hands wrapped around her neck.

She's not here.

She left the room and she didn't come back. I sit up and click on the lamp on the nightstand  and scan the room. My heart is hammering against my ribcage and my body is drenched in sweat.

She's not here.

A light knock at the door sounds and I hold my breath as it creaks open. Please be...

"Hardin?" Karen's soft voice fills the room.

Fuck.

"I'm fine." I snap and she opens the door further.

"If you need anything please let me.."

"I fucking said I'm fine!" My hand swipes across the nightstand, knocking the lamp to the ground with a hideous clash.

Without a word, Karen leaves the room, closing the door behind her and I'm left alone in the darkness.

...

"I just need to take some Tylenol and drink some water." Tessa groans, laying her head onto her crossed arms on the counter. She is still in her pajamas and her hair is in a nest on top of her head.  Landon is sitting next to her spooning cereal into his mouth.

"I'll get you some, once we get the car packed up we can head out. Ken is still asleep, he had trouble sleeping last night." Karen says and Tessa looks up at her but stays silent.

Did they all hear me screaming like a pathetic little bitch?

Karen walks over to open a drawer and I watch them, waiting for someone to acknowledge me. No one does.

"I'm going to go pack, thank you so much for the Tylenol." Tessa's voice is soft as she stands from her seat at the counter. She takes the medication quickly and when she sits the glass of water back onto the counter, her eyes meet mine but she quickly looks away.

It's only been one night without her and I miss her so much. I can't get the haunting images from my nightmare out of my mind, especially when she walks past me with no emotion at all.

It felt so real and she's being so cold.

I stand still for a moment debating whether or not to follow her but my feet decide for me as they scale the stairs.

When I enter the room, she is kneeling down unzipping the suitcase.

"I'm just going to pack everything then we can go," she says without turning around.

I nod then realize that she can't see me. "Yeah, okay." I mutter. I don't know what she's thinking, what she's feeling, or what I should say. I'm fucking clueless, as usual.

"I'm sorry." I say too damn loud.

"I know." She answers quickly. Her back is still turned to me as she begins to refold my clothes from the dresser and floor.

"I really am, I didn't mean what I said." I need her to look at me so I can be reassured that my dream was just that.

"I know you didn't. Don't worry about it." She sighs, I notice the way her shoulders are slumped lower than before.

"Are you sure.. I said some fucked up shit."

You're broken Hardin, and I can't fix you.

That was the worst possible thing she could have said to me. She finally realizes how fucked up I am and more importantly she realizes that she in fact, can't fix me. No one can.

"So did I. It's fine. I have a really bad headache, can we talk about something else?"

"Of course," I kick at a piece of the broken lamp from last night. I have to owe my father and Karen at least five fucking lamps by now.

I feel slightly guilty for snapping at Karen last night but I don't want to bring it up to her first and I don't see her bringing it up.

"Can you get your stuff from the bathroom, please?" Tessa asks.

The remainder of my time at that damn cabin was spent this way, watching Tessa as she packs our things and cleans up the broken lamp without another word to me.

(Sorry for the wait! I've been traveling and it's been a disaster! Between a cancelled flight, delayed flight, enterprise losing my confirmation, closed exits, traffic, etc I got about 2 hours of sleep :/  I will be home Wednesday so everything will go back to normal then! I decided my favorite part in SOML is when Zed says "baby running after you is like chasing the clouds" The whole song is perfect though! Ily all!