I rush out the back door to find Noah. He has knocked over the patio table and is pacing back and forth on the deck with one hand balled into a fist at his side, and the other tugs at his thick hair.

I'm not sure how, or if I can help the situation at all but I know I would rather be out here with Noah than in the dining room after his outburst. I feel responsible for this whole mess because I agreed to come in the first place when Noah didn't want to, now I see why.

Noah spots me and sends me an annoyed glare and he turns away from me when I approach him.

"Noah," I keep my voice gentle and low.

"Don't, Dixie." He warns. He's always warning me and I'm never listening. "I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that I need to go back in there and apologize to them and there is no way in hell that is happening so don't waste your breath! Why don't you just go back in there and enjoy your dinner and leave me the hell alone," he spits.

"I don't want to go back in there." Is all I can manage to say.

"Why not? You fit in perfectly with their prudish and boring fucking personalities."

Ouch. Why am I here again? Oh right yea, to be Noah's punching bag.

"You know what?" I raise my voice. "Fine! I will leave, I don't know why I can't just stop trying with you!" I shout. I hope they can't hear me inside.

"I don't either! You just can't take a hint I guess." As the words leave his mouth, I feel the lump growing in my throat.

"The hint is well taken." I try to swallow the sting from his words but it's nearly impossible. I look up at Noah and his cold eyes meet mine.

"That's it? That's your defense?" He laughs and shakes his hair.

"You don't deserve anymore of my time. You don't deserve for me to even speak to you, or those nice people in there to spend their time setting up this dinner to have you ruin it! That's what you do is ruin things, everything! And I'm done being one of those things." I yell.

Unwelcomed tears soak my face as Noah steps towards me. I back away, my feet disagree and I fumble over them. Noah's hand reaches out to steady me but I grab ahold of the railing instead. I don't want or need his help.

"You're right." he sounds exhausted.

What?

"I know I am." I turn away from him again.

He snakes his hand around my wrist and pulls me to his chest. I lean into him without hesitation, I want to touch him so badly, but I know better. I can hear the heavy thump of my heart, rapid beneath my chest. I wonder if he can hear it, it seems impossible that he doesn't. Can he feel the pounding of my pulse under his grip? His eyes are full of anger and I know mine mirror his.

I have no warning before he crashes his lips down on mine, the force of his mouth is almost painful. His action is so full of desperation and hunger that I am lost. Lost in Noah. Lost in the salty taste of my tears on both of our lips, lost in his fingers threaded through my hair. His hands move from my hair to my waist and he lifts me onto the railing of the deck. My legs part for him and he moves between them, never losing contact with my mouth. We are all heat and gasps, tangled in each other. My teeth graze over his bottom lip causing him to groan and pull me closer until my chest is flush with his.

The back door creaks open, breaking the spell. I'm horrified as Markell's soft eyes meet mine. His cheeks are flushed, and his eyes are wide in surprise. I push Noah away from me and jump down from the rail, adjusting my dress as my feet hit the deck.

"Markell, I.." I begin. He holds up his hand to silence me and steps towards us. Noah's breathing is so loud that I swear it is echoing between the house and the trees. His cheeks are flamed, his eyes wild.

"I don't understand? I thought you guys hated each other, and here you are.. you have a boyfriend Dixie, I didn't think you were like that." he says. His words are harsh but his tone is soft.

"I'm not.. I don't know what this is" I motion between me and Noah. Noah stays silent, for which I am glad. I'm ashamed by my behavior and that shame is only multiplied by Markell's clear disappointment.

"Nick knows, well about before. I was going to tell you, I just don't want you to think differently of me." I defend myself, even though I know I'm wrong. So wrong.

"I don't know what to think.." Markell says and walks back towards the door. Like something out of a movie, a clash of thunder rolls through the air.

"It looks like it may storm." Noah says, his eyes scanning the darkening sky. Despite his flushed appearance, his voice is calm.

"A storm? Markell just caught us.. kissing." I say and feel the fire slowly burning out between us.

"He will be okay," Noah tells me.

I look up at him, expecting to see a smug expression, but it's not there. He puts his hand on my back and rubs gently. The fire ignites again. I am still reeling from the kiss, now he is comforting me? I can't decide which is more shocking.

"Do you want to back inside or do you want me to take you home?" He asks. It's astounding how abruptly his mood can change from angry to lustful to calm.

"I would like to go back inside and finish dinner, what do you want to do?"

"I suppose we can go back in, the food is pretty good" he smiles and despite the awkward situation at hand, I find myself laughing.

"That's my favorite sound," Noah surprises me by saying.

"You're in a much better mood." I meet his eyes and he smiles again.

"I don't understand it either," he says, rubbing his neck like he always does.

So he is just as confused as I am? I wish my feelings weren't so strong for him, then I could deal with him much better. When he says things like this it makes me care for him that much more. I only wish he could feel the same, but I have been warned by Sab and Noah  himself that it would never happen. I remember when he told me I wasn't his type, it hurt a little then but I didn't consider him my type either so I didn't mind. Little did I know, he would have me hoisted on the ledge of a deck kissing me less than a month later.

Thunder rolls again and Noah takes my hand. "Let's go inside before it rains."

I nod and he opens the door and leads me inside. He doesn't remove his hand from mine as we walk back into the dining room. Markell's eyes dart down to our hands but he says nothing. As much as I don't want Markell to see it, I love the way Noah's hand feels over mine. I love it too much to pull away. Markel focuses back on his plate as we take our seats. Noah lets go of my hand too soon and looks up at his father and Karen

"I am sorry for yelling at you that way," he mutters to his father

The surprise on everyone's face is evident and Noah looks down at the table. "I hope I didn't ruin the dinner that you put so much effort into" He continues. I can't help myself, I reach over and put my hand over Noah's, giving it a light squeeze.

"It's okay Noah, we understand. Let's not let the night be ruined, we can still enjoy the dinner." Karen smiles and Noah looks at her. He gives her a small smile, which I know takes a lot of effort from him. Tim doesn't say anything but he nods his head at Noah as if to say "It's okay". Forgiveness is clearly a strong trait among this family in everyone except Noah.

I slowly pull my hand away but Hardin laces his fingers through mine and looks sideways at me. I hope I don't wear the surprised but very pleased expression that I feel inside. For what seems like the first time since I met him, I don't overthink why I'm holding Noah's hand under the table during a dinner with his family while I'm still dating Nick.

The dinner continues well but I find myself intimidated by Ti. a little more now that I know he is the Chancellor at WSU. That is a huge deal. Tim tells us about when he moved from England, and how he loves America, Washington in particular. Noah is still holding my hand as we both struggle to eat using one hand, but neither of us seem to mind

"The weather could be better, but it is beautiful here." He muses and I nod in agreement.

"What are your plans after college?" Karen asks me as everyone finishes eating.

"I am going to move to Seattle, and hopefully work in publishing while I work on my first book." I say with confidence.

"Publishing? Do you have any houses in mind?" Tim speaks.

"Not exactly, I will take any opportunity I can get to get my foot in the door, I know how hard it is for a student to find anything so I won't be picky."

"That's great, I happen to have some pretty good connections at Vance Publishing, have you heard of it?" he asks and I look at Noah. He had mentioned knowing someone at Vance Publishing before.

"Yes, I've heard great things about it." I smile.

"I can make a call for you if you would like, it would be a great opportunity for you and you seem like a very bright young woman, I would love to help you." He offers and I take my hand out of Noah's to put them under my chin.

"Really? That would be so kind of you! I really appreciate it." I tell him and reach my hand back under the table to find Noah's but he quickly moves his hand away. Well, his affections didn't last long.

Tim tells me that he will call whoever it is that he knows on Monday and I thank him repeatedly. He assures me it's no problem at all and that he loves to help anytime he can. Noah excuses himself when Karen stands and begins to clear the table, I decide against following him this time.

"Can I help you?" I ask Karen and she smiles appreciatively.

"That would be lovely." She beams and I help her clear the table. I load the dishwasher while she washes the large serving plates that can't be put in the dishwasher. I really wish Noah wouldn't have destroyed a large amount of her dishes, he can be so cruel.

"If you don't mind me asking, how long have you and Noah been seeing each other?" She blushes at her question but I give her a warm smile.

"We have only known each other about a month, he's friends with my roommate Sab." I didn't exactly tell her we aren't dating, I just dodged the question.

"I haven't met any of Noah's friends, only seen them in passing but you, you are.. well, you are different from the ones that I have came across." I gather that she's trying to say that I'm not tattooed and pierced like them, but she is too polite to come out and say it.

"Yes, Noah and I are very different." I tell her, meaning that in more ways than she could imagine.

Lightning flashes and the rain begins to pound against the windows.

"Wow it's really coming down out there." Karen says and pushes the small window in front of the sink closed.

"Noah isn't as bad as he seems," her voice is so sweet when she tells me this and I can't help but laugh. I can't imagine the terrible things he has said to her since she has met him and I'm well aware of him destroying her dishes.

"He is just hurt, I would love to believe that he won't always be this way. I must say I was very surprised that he came tonight, and I can only believe that is your influence on him."

She takes me by surprise when she wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. Unsure what to do or say, I hug her back and she pulls away but keeps her well manicured hands on my shoulders.

"Really, thank you." she says again and removes her hands.

She blots her eyes and returns to washing the dishes. She is too kind for me to tell her that I don't have any influence onNoah. He only came tonight because I did, and he wanted to annoy me. After I finish loading the dishwasher, I stare out the window watching the rain drops trickle down the glass. It is remarkable that Noah who hates everyone, except himself and maybe his mother, has all these people who care about him but he refuses to let himself care for them. He is lucky to have them, us. I know I am one of those people, I would do anything for Noah, even though I would deny it to him, I know it to be true. I have no one, except Nick and my mother and both of them together don't care about me the way Noah's soon to be step mother does him.

"I'm going to go check on Tim, make yourself at home dear." Karen says to me. I nod and decide to go find Noah, or Markell, which ever one of them I see first.

Markell is no where to be found downstairs so I make my way up to Noah's room upstairs. I hope he is in there, if not I will have to just go sit downstairs alone. I turn the handle but it won't budge. He has locked the door.

"Noah?" I try to speak quietly so no one hears me. I tap my knuckles against the door but hear nothing. Just as I turn away the door clicks and he opens it.

"Can I come in?" I ask him and he nods once and pulls the door open just enough for me to come in. There is a breeze in the room and I can smell the cool scent of the rain coming through the bay window. He walks over and sits down on the built in bench surrounding the window and raises his knees up. He stares out the window but doesn't say a word to me. I sit across from Noah and wait as the constant drumming of the rain creates a calming rhythm.

"What happened?" I finally ask. He looks at me with a confused expression.

"I mean downstairs, you were holding my hand and then.. why did you pull away?" I'm embarrassed by the desperation in my voice. I sound too needy but the words have already been delivered.

"Do you not want me to take that internship for some reason? You offered to help me before?" I question.

"That's just it Dixie, I want to be the one to help you, not him." he says.

"Why? It's not a competition, and you were the one who offered first, so thank you." I try to ease his stress even the gh I don't understand why it matters.

He sighs and exasperated sigh and hugs his knees. Silence hangs between us as we both stare out the window. The wind has picked up, swaying the trees back and forth and the lightning is more frequent now.

"Do you want me to leave now? I can call Sa  and see if Bryce can pick me up?" I whisper. I don't want to leave but I have to eventually and sitting in silence with Noah  is driving me insane.

"Leave? How do you get that I want you to leave from me wanting to help you?" He raises his voice.

"I don't know, you aren't speaking to me and the storm is getting worse.." I stutter.

"You are maddening, absolutely maddening, Jane."

"How?" I squeak.

"I try to tell you that I .. that I want to help you and I hold your hand but that doesn't do anything.. you still don't get it. I don't know what else to do." he puts his face in his hands. He can't possibly mean what I think he does?

"Get what? I don't get what Noah?"

"That I want you. More than I have ever wanted anyone or anything in my entire life" he looks away from me.

My stomach flips over and over and my head starts to spin. The air between us has once again shifted. Noah's unguarded admission hit me hard, I want him too. More than anything, not in the same way I am sure but he wants me. More than anything.

"I know you don't .. you don't feel that way but I.." he begins and this time I am the one to cut him off.

I move his hands off his knees and pull them, bringing him to me. He hovers over me, uncertainty clear in his green eyes. I hook my finger into the collar of his shirt and pull him down to me. He rests his knee beside my thighs on the bench and I look up at him again. I expected him to kiss me by now.

"Kiss me." I beg and he moves his head closer. Leaning into me, he snakes his arm around my back and guides me down so my back is laying flat on the cushioned bench. I open my legs for him, for the second time today, and he lays his body between them.

noah's face is inches away from mine when I lift my head up to kiss him, I can't wait any longer. As our lips brush, he gently pulls away, he nuzzles his head in my neck, planting a small kiss there, then slowly bringing his lips back up. He kisses the corner of my mouth, then my jaw before, sending shivers of pleasure through me. His lips brush over mine once more and he runs his tongue over my bottom lip before closing his lips around and opening them again. The kiss is gentle and slow, as he laps his tongue around mine. One of his hands rests on my hip, fisted around the material of my dress where it has bunched up at my thighs. The other hand caresses my cheek as he kisses me, my arms wrap around his back, hugging him tightly to me. Every fiber of me wants to bite as his lip, to pull his shirt over his head, but the soft and gentle way he is kissing me feels even better than usual burn of fire.

If y'all can tell me why Noah calls Dixie 'Jane' I will update again