"What the actual hell was that? You and Noah.. you and Noah are like messing around?" She asks me and covers her face in mock horror.

"No! No way! We aren't messing around" I tell her. Are we? No, we just happened to kiss, twice. And he took my shirt off, and I was basically humping him but we aren't messing around. "I have a boyfriend remember?"

"So, that doesn't mean you can't mess around with Noah. I just can't believe this! I thought you guys hated each other. Well Noah hates everyone but I thought he hated you even more than his normal hatred for people" she laughs. "When did this even.. how did this happen?"

I sit on her bed and run my fingers through my hair. "I don't know. Well Saturday when you left the party I ended up in his room because this creep tried to hit on me and I kissed Noah. We promised to never speak of it again but then he came by today and he started messing with me, not in that way" I tell her after seeing her smirk grow. "Like he was throwing my stuff around and I pushed him and then somehow we ended up on the bed" I tell her. It sounds so bad as I repeat it. I really am acting "slutty" just like my mother said. I out my hands over my face, how could I do this to Nick, again?

"Whoa, that sounds hot" Sab says and I roll my eyes.

"It's not, its terrible and wrong. I love Nick and Noah is a jerk. I don't want to be another conquest of his."

"You could learn a lot from Nick.. you know sexually" she says and my mouth falls open. Is she serious? Is that something she would do.. wait has she? Her and Noah?

"No way, I don't want to learn anything from Noah. Or anyone besides Nick" I tell her. I can't imagine Nick and I making out like that. My mind replays Noah's words "You're so sexy, Dix" he said. Nick would never say something like that. No one has ever called me that before. I feel my cheeks heat as I think about it. "Have you?" I ask her. I have to know if her and Noah have slept together.

"With Hardin? No, well I haven't had sex with him but we had a little fling when we first met as embarrassing as that is to admit. But nothing came from it, we were sort of friends with benefits for about a week" she says like it's no big deal. I can't
help the jealousy that stirs inside me.

"Oh.. benefits?" I ask, my mouth is completely dry and I find myself suddenly annoyed by Sab.

"Yea, nothing too big. Just like a few heavy make out sessions, a grope or two. Nothing serious" she says and my chest hurts. I am not surprised really, but I wish I wouldn't have asked.

"Does Noah have a lot of friends with benefits?" I don't want to hear the answer but I can't help but ask.

"Yea, he does. I mean not like hundreds but he's a pretty.. active guy" She says and I can tell she is sugar coating it for my sake. I make the mental decision for what feels like the hundredth time to stay away from him. I will not be anyone's friends with benefits. Ever. "He doesn't do it to be mean or use girls, they pretty much throw themselves at him and he lets them know from the start that he doesn't date" she defends him. I remember her telling me that before.

"Why doesn't he date?" Why can't I stop asking these questions?

"I don't know really.. he just doesn't. I think you could have a lot of fun with Noah, but I also think this could be dangerous for you. Unless you know you will never develop any sort of feelings for him I would stay away. I have seen a lot of girls fall for him and it's not pretty" her voice is full of concern.

"Oh, trust me I do not have feelings for him. I don't know what I was thinking" I laugh and hope it sounds genuine because it definitely isn't.

"Good, so how much trouble did you get into with your mom and Nick?" She laughs and sits down on her bed across from me.

I tell her all about my mom's lecture, minus the part about me promising not to be friends with her anymore. We spend the rest of the night talking about classes, and everything I can think of besides Noah .

The next day Markell and I meet at the coffee house before class to compare notes for Sociology. It took me an hour to get all my notes in order from Noah's annoying stunt yesterday. I want to tell Markell about it but I don't want him to think badly of me and especially now that I know Markell's dad and Hardin's mom live together that would be awkward. Landon must know so much about Noah, I keep reminding myself not to ask him questions about him. I don't care what Hardin does. The day flies by and finally it is time for Literature. Noah is in his normal seat next to mine but he doesn't look my way at all.

"Today will be our last day on Pride and Prejudice, I hope you all have enjoyed it, for today's discussion we will be talking about Austen's use of foreshadowing. As a reader, did you expect her and Darcy to end up together in the end?" Professor asks and I raise my hand as always. Markell and I are always the first to answer, and usually the only.

"Miss D'amelio." he calls on me.

"The first time I read the novel I was on the edge of my seat to see whether they would end up together. Even now, as I have read it at least ten times I still feel anxious during the beginning of their relationship. Mr. Darcy is so cruel and says hateful things about Elizabeth and her family so I didn't know if she would forgive him, let alone love him." I answer and smile.

"That's a load" A voice says. Noah's voice.

"Mr. Beck? Would you like to add something?" The professor asks, clearly surprised at Noah's participation.

"Sure. I said that's a load. Women want what they can't have. Mr. Darcy's rude attitude is what drew Elizabeth to him, it was obvious they would end up together." Noah says and picks at his fingernails as if he isn't the slightest bit interested in the discussion.

"That isn't true, about women wanting what the can't have. Mr. Darcy was only mean to her because he was too proud to admit he loved her. Once he stopped his hateful act she saw that he really loved her" I say, much louder than I intended. As I look around the room everyone is staring at me and Noah.

"If he loved her he wouldn't have been mean to her. The only reason he even ended up asking for her hand in marriage was because she wouldn't stop throwing herself at him" he says and my heart drops. I get the feeling he is no longer talking about Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.

"She did not throw herself at him! He manipulated her into thinking he was kind and took advantage of her weakness!" I scream and the room goes silent. Noah's face is flushed with anger and I can't imagine mine looks much different.

"He manipulated her? Try again, she is...I mean, she was so bored with her boring life that she had to find excitement somewhere so she was certainly the one throwing herself at him!" He yells back, his hand gripping the desk.

"Well maybe if he wasn't such a man whore he could have stopped it after the first time instead of showing up to her room!" After the words leave my mouth I know that people have caught on to us. Snickers and gasps are heard throughout the room.

"I think that's enough for today" The professor says and I grab my bag and run out of the room.

"You don't get to run this time Jane!" I hear Noah's voice yell as I reach the corner of the block. He grabs my arm and I jerk away.

"Why do you always touch me like that? Grab my arm again and I will slap you!" I scream. I am surprised at my harsh words towards him but I have had enough of his crap.

He grabs my arm again but I don't follow through on my promise to slap him.

"What do you want Noah? To tell me how desperate I am? To laugh at me for letting you get to me again? I am so sick of this game with you, I won't play it any longer. I have a boyfriend and you are a terrible person. You really should see a doctor and get some medication for your mood swings! I can't keep up with you. One second your nice then you're hateful. I want nothing to do with you so do yourself a favor and find another girl to play your games because I am done!"

"I really do bring out the worst in you don't I?" he asks, I expect him to be smiling or laughing but he's not. If I didn't know any better I would think he was.. hurt? But I do know better and I know he couldn't care less. "I am not trying to play games with you." he says and runs his hand over his head.

"Then what are you doing because your mood swings give me whiplash" I snap. A small crowd has gathered around us and I want to curl into a ball and disappear but I have to know what he will say next. Why can't I stay away from him. I know he is dangerous and toxic for me. I have never been so mean to someone as I am to Noah. He deserves it I know, but I don't like being mean to anyone. Hardin grabs my arm yet again and pull me between two buildings, away from the crowd.

"I.. I don't know what I am doing. You kissed me first remember?" he reminds me again.

"Yea.. I was drunk remember. And you kissed me first yesterday"

"You didn't stop me. It must be exhausting" he says. What?

"What must be exhausting?"

"Acting like you don't want me when I know you do" he steps closer.

"I do not want you. I have a boyfriend" The words tumble out too fast, making him smile.

"That you're bored with. Admit it, Dix, not to me, but yourself. You're bored with him. Has he ever made you feel the way I do?" His voice is much lower and he is talking even slower than usual.

"W..What? Of course he has" I lie.

"No.. he hasn't. I can tell that you've never been touched.. in that way" The words send that now familiar burn through my body.

"That's none of your business" I say and back away, making him take three steps towards me.

"You have no idea how good I can make you feel" he says and I gasp. How does he go from yelling at me to this? And why do I like it so much?

________________________________

fighting about books. YES