What feels like hours go by before Hardin finally comes back home. I have since showered, cleaned up the kitchen, and read fifty pages of Moby Dick on my Nook. Most of the time that has passed has been filled with me thinking of every possibility of his behavior and what he will say. He fact that he didn't want me to leave so that is a good thing. Right? I sure hope so. The entire night is a blur but I remember the key points.

Hardin was beyond intoxicated, angry, and aggressive. I brought this upon myself in a way for being irrational and kissing that guy in front of Hardin but I wish he would have been more understanding of my intoxicated state. Then again, Hardin and understanding are not two things that typically go together. I just want him to forgive me, I will grovel as much as I need to.

When I hear the click of the front door I instantly still. Everything I have been preparing to say to him vanishes from my mind, I sit the nook down on the table and sit up on the couch.

When Hardin walks through the door he is wearing a grey sweatshirt and his signature black jeans. He doesn't leave the house in anything except black and occasionally white, so the contrast is a little strange but the sweatshirt makes him look younger somehow. His hair is messy and pushed off of his forehead and his eyes have dark circles under them.

In his hand is a lamp, different from the one he shattered last night but very similar.

"Hey." He says and runs his tongue along his bottom lip before pulling his lip ring between his teeth.

"Hi." I mutter in return.

"How..how did you sleep?" He asks.

I stand from the couch as he walks towards the kitchen.

"Good.." I lie.

"That's good." He says.

It is evident that we are both treading very lightly, afraid to say the wrong thing.

He stands by the counter and I stay near the fridge.

"I uhm.. I got a new lamp." He nods at the lamp in his hands. before sitting it on the counter.

"It's nice." I feel anxious, very anxious.

"They didn't have the one we had but they.." He begins.

"I'm so sorry." I blurt, interrupting him.

"Me too... well sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Yeah.. I mean I am sorry for some of it but not most."

"Okay.." I want to ask him to elaborate but I decide against it.

"Well I am sorry for all of it, I am so sorry. Last night was not supposed to go that way." I say.

"That is surely an understatement."

"It was a terrible night. I should have let you explain yourself before I kissed someone, it was stupid and immature of me."

"Yes it was. I shouldn't have had to explain myself, you should have trusted me and not jumped to conclusions." He leans his elbows on the counter behind him and I fiddle with my fingers, trying not to pick a the skin around my fingernails.

"I know. I am sorry."

"I heard you the first ten times Tess."

"Are you going to forgive me? You were talking about kicking me out."

"I wasn't talking about kicking you out, I was just saying that relationships do not work." He shrugs.

A big part of me was praying that he wouldn't remember the things he was saying last night. He basically told me that marriage is for fools and that he should be alone.

"What are you saying?"

"Just that."

"Just that what? I thought.. " I don't know what to say.

I thought the new lamp was his way of apologizing and that he felt different this morning than he did last night.

"You thought what?"

"That you didn't want me to leave because you wanted to talk about it when you got home."

"We are talking about it."

"So what then you don't want to be with me anymore?" A lump grows in my throat.

"That isn't what I am saying, come here." He says, opening his arms.

I stay silent as I cross our small kitchen and step closer to him. He grows impatient and when I get close enough he pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. My head lays on his chest, the soft cotton of his sweatshirt is still cool from the cold winter air.

"I missed you so much." He says into my hair.

"I didn't go anywhere." I reply.

"Yes you did. When you kissed that guy I lost you momentarily, that was enough for me. I couldn't stand it, not even for a second." He pulls me closer.

"You didn't lose me Hardin. I made a mistake, a mistake that I promise not to repeat."

"Please.." He begins to say but corrects himself, "Don't do it again. I mean it." He says instead.

"I won't." I assure him and mean it.

"You brought Zed here."

"Only because you left me at that party without a way to get home. I didn't have a choice." I remind him.

We haven't looked at one another so far during this conversation and I want to keep it that way. I am fearless.. well slightly fearless without those green eyes piercing mine.

"You really didn't give me a choice Tess."

"I waited outside, I thought you were coming back." I admit.

He lifts me gently from his chest and holds me back slightly so he can look at me. He looks so tired, I know that I do too.

"I may have handled my anger poorly but I didn't know what else to do." The intensity of his gaze causes me to move my eyes from his and stare at the floor.

"Do you care for him?" Hardin's voice is shaky when he lifts my chin to look at him.

"What?"

"Zed, do you care for him?"

He can not be serious.

"Hardin..."

"Answer me."

"Not the way you are assuming."

"What does that mean?" Hardin is growing anxious, or angry, I can't tell. Maybe both.

"I care for him in a way, a friendly way."

"Nothing more?" Hardin's tone is pleading, begging me to assure him that I only care for him.

"Nothing more, I love you. Only you, and I know I did something very stupid but that was only out of anger and I had too much to drink. That has nothing to do with me having feelings for anyone else."

"Why did you have him out of all people bring you home?"

"He was the only one who offered. Why are you so hard on him?" I ask and instantly regret it.

"Hard on him? You are not serious."

"You were very cruel by humiliating him in front of me."

Hardin takes a step sideway so we are no longer standing face to face. I turn to face him and he runs his fingers through his messy hair.

"He should have known better than to come here with you. He shouldn't have even offered to bring you home, he just got what he had coming. He is lucky he left here without a broken nose."

"You promised to keep your temper at bay." I am trying not to push him, I want to make up not dive deeper into this argument.

"I have been. Until you cheated on me and left that party with Zed. I could have beat the shit out of Zed last night and hell I could leave right now and do it." His voice raises in volume.

"I know you could have, I am glad you didn't."

"I'm not, but I am glad you are."

"I don't want to drink again." I tell him.

"Me either, I don't know what the hell I was thinking last night. I don't remember much but I know the living room was trashed."

"I don't like when you drink that much, you aren't the same." I can feel the tears coming and I try to swallow them down.

"I know.. I didn't mean to get that way. I was just so pissed off and.. hurt.. I was hurt. The only thing I could think to do besides kill someone was drink so I went down to Conner's and got the whiskey. I wasn't going to drink that much but the pain just wouldn't go away so I kept going." He doesn't look at me.

I have half a mind to drive down to Conner's and yell at that old woman for selling Hardin alcohol but his twenty first birthday is in exactly a month from today and the damage of last night has already been done.

"You were afraid of me, I saw it in your eyes." He says.

"No.. I wasn't afraid of you. I know you wouldn't hurt me."

"You flinched, I remember that. Most of everything is a blur but I remember that clear as day."

"I was just caught off guard." I tell him.

He steps closer to me, almost closing the entire space between us.

I knew he wasn't going to hit me but he was behaving so aggressively and alcohol can make people do unspeakable things that they would never do when sober.

"I don't want you to ever ...be caught off guard again. I won't drink like that ever again, I swear it." He brings his hand to my face and traces over my temple with his index finger.

I don't want to say anything in response, this whole conversation has been confusing and very back and forth. One second I feel that he is forgiving me but the next I am unsure. He is speaking in a much calmer tone than I expected but his anger is just under the surface.

"Did you mean those things that you said about getting married?" I hesitantly ask him, unsure whether I want to know the answer.

"You already know how I feel about marriage."

"I know but you were extra.. I don't know.. extra against it last night." My voice comes out as a whine despite how neutral I tried to come off.

"Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about where we go from here." He moves his hand from my cheek to my jaw.

"I don't want to be that guy, and I definitely do not want to be like my father. I shouldn't have drank that much but you were wrong too." He says.

"I.." I start to say but he silences me.

"However, I have done a list of shit.. an entire book of shit to you and you always forgive me. I have done far worse than you so I owe it to you to do my best to let it go and forgive you. It isn't fair to you for me to expect things from you that I can't return. I really am sorry Tess, for everything last night. I was a fucking idiot."

"I was too. I know how you feel about me with other guys and I shouldn't have used that against you in anger. I will try to think before I act next time, I am sorry."

"Next time?" A small smile plays on Hardin's lips.

He changes moods so quickly.

"So we are okay then?" I ask.

"That's not only up to me."

"I want us to be." I make eye contact with him.

"Me too baby, me too." Relief washes over me from his words and I lean into his chest once more.

I know that a lot of things have purposely been left unsaid but we have resolved enough for now.

"I won't call you out of your name again." He places a kiss on my the top of my head and my heart flutters.

"Thank you."

"Hopefully the lamp will make up for it." I can hear the humor in his voice and I decide to go with it.

"Maybe if you could have managed to get the same lamp." I smile and he looks down at me equally amused.

"I cleaned the entire living room." He smiles.

"You are the one who trashed it."

"Still, you know how I feel about cleaning." His arms wrap tighter around me, hugging me.

"I wouldn't have cleaned that mess, I would have left it there." I tell him.

"No you wouldn't have."

"Yes I would."

"It would have driven you mad, there is no way you would have left it there." He chuckles.

I know he is right so I just laugh with him.

"I was afraid you wouldn't be here when I got home." Hardin says.

I look up at him and he looks down at me.

"I'm not going anywhere." I tell him and pray that it's true.

Instead of speaking he presses his lips to mine.