Hardin's POV.

When I turn around my mum is standing in the living room grasping a mug of coffee between her hands and her eyes are bloodshot.

"Where were you?" I ask her.

"The bathroom." She says, her voice cracking.

"How could you tell Tessa to go? To leave me?" I say. I knew she would be disappointed but when she agreed with Tessa's mum was too much.

"Because Hardin, you aren't good for her. You know you aren't. I don't want to see her end up like Natalie, or the others."

"Do you know what will happen to me if she leaves me mum? I don't think you understand.. I can not be without her. I know I am not good for her and I regret what I did to her every single time I look at her but I can be good for her. I know I can be." I walk to the middle of the living room. Pacing back and forth.

"Hardin.. you have never been emotional this way, are you sure you aren't just feeding into your own game right now?"

"No mum.." I try to keep calm.

"This isn't a game to me, not this time. I love her, I really love her. I love her more than I can even begin to tell you because I don't even understand it myself. I never thought I could or would feel this way. All I know is that she is my only shot at happiness, if she leaves me I will never recover. I won't mum. She is the only chance I have to not be alone for the rest of my life. I don't know what the fuck I did to deserve her, nothing I know, but she loves me. Do you know how that feels to have someone love you despite all the fucked up shit you do? I am nothing compared to her, she is way too good for me and she loves me. I have no fucking clue why but she does. She is always there for me mum, she always forgives me even when she shouldn't, she always says the right thing, she calms me but challenges me, she makes me want to be a better man. I know I am a shitty person, I know that. I have done so much shit but Tessa can't leave me, I don't want to be alone anymore and I will never love anyone again, she is it for me. I know it. She is my ultimate sin mum, and I will gladly be damned for her." I am out of breath by the time I finish and my mum's cheeks are wet and she is staring behind me.

I turn to find Tessa with her hands at her sides, her eyes wide and her cheeks just as wet as my mum's.

"I am going to go out for a little while.. give you two some privacy." My mum says, walking over to the door to retrieve her shoes and coat.

"Keys?" She asks. I point to the rack above her head and she nods.

There aren't many places for her to go on Christmas Eve, especially in the snow but I need to be alone with Tessa right now. As soon as my mum is out the door I pad across the room to her.

"What you said.. just now.. you meant it?" She asks through her tears.

"You know I did." I tell her.

The corners of her lips turn up and she reaches across the small space between us to put her hand on my chest.

"I need to know what you did." She speaks.

"I know.. just promise me that you will try to understand.."

"Tell me Hardin."

I nod and walk over to the couch, I need to be sitting to tell her this shit. She sits down and crosses her legs less than two feet away from me.

"Okay.." I take a deep breath. I don't know where the fuck to start.

Tessa's POV.

Hardin's face is pales and he rubs his hands over his knees before he speaks.

"I had a group of shitty friends back home, they were like Jace I guess.. We would do this thing.. this game I guess. We would pick a girl .. pick a girl for one another and see who could fuck their girl first.

My stomach drops and he continues. "Whoever won would get the hottest chick the next week, and there was money involved.."

"How many weeks?"  I regrettably ask. I don't want to know yet I have to know.

"Only five weeks went by before this girl.."

"Natalie." I suppose.

"Yea.. Natalie was the last one."

"What did you do to her?" I am terrified of his answer.

"The third week.. James thought Martin was lying so he came up with the idea of proof.." Hardin says.

The blood stained sheets pop into my mind and my chest physically hurts.

"Not the same type of proof.." He knows what I was thinking.

"Pictures.." He says and my mouth drops.

"Pictures?"

"And a video.." He admits and covers his face with his large hands.

A video?

"You recorded having sex with someone? Did she know?" I know the answer.

He confirms it when he shakes his head.

"How could you? How could do that to someone?" I begin to cry.

The realization that I don't know Hardin at all hits me and I have to swallow the bile rising in my throat. I scoot away from him without thinking and I see the pain in his eyes.

"I don't know.. I just didn't care. It was.. fun to me.. well not exactly fun but I didn't care." His honesty slices through me and for once I long for the days where he kept everything from me.

"So what happened with Natalie?" My voice is coarse as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

"When James saw the video of her... he wanted to fuck her himself and when she turned him down he showed everyone the video."

"Oh my god. That poor girl." I feel so terrible for her.

I feel terrible for what they did to her, what Hardin did to her.

"The video spread so quickly and her parents found out before the day ended. They were really big in their church community.. so the news didn't go well. They kicked her out of their house, and when word got around she lost her scholarship to the private university she was supposed to go to that fall."

"You ruined her." I say quietly.

Hardin ruined this girl's life, the way he once threatened to ruin mine. Will I end up like her? Am I already just like her?

"You said you had never been with a virgin before.." I look at him.

"She wasn't a virgin. She had slept with a few guys already."

"Oh."

"That's why my mom sent me here.. everyone back home knew about it. I wasn't in the video.. well I was fucking her in it but I wasn't visible, only a few of my tattoos on my arms were. That's sort of what I am known for there now.." He says.

My head is spinning. It sickens me to think about Hardin being with anyone else and the images won't stop playing.

"What did she say when she found out what you did?"

"She said she fell in love with me.. and she asked if she could stay at my house until she found somewhere else to go."

"Did you let her?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to, I didn't care for her."

"How can you be so cold about this? Do you not understand what you did to her? She fell for you and you lead her on. You had sex with her and taped it, you showed your friends and she lost her scholarship and family because of you! Then you don't even have the compassion to let her stay with you when she had no where else to go?" I shout and stand up.

"Where is she now? What happened to her?"

"I don't know. I didn't care to find out."

The most chilling part of this whole thing is how casual and cold he is about this. This is nauseating.

I see the pattern here, I see the similarities between Natalie and I. I was left with no where to go because of Hardin too. I have no relationship with my mother because of Hardin. I fell for him while he was using me for some sick game. Hardin stands up with me but keeps  few feet of space between us.

"Oh my god.. you recorded me.. didn't you?" My entire body begins to shake.

"No! Fuck no! I would never do that to you! Tessa I swear to god I did not. I put that on everything."

I know I shouldn't but I believe that he didn't.

"How many others?"

"How many others what?"

"Did you record?"

"Just Natalie.. until I came here."

"You did it again! After everything you did to that poor girl, you did it again?" I scream.

"Once.. to Dan's sister." He says.

Dan's sister?

"Your friend Dan?"

"Yea.."

"That's what Jace meant when you were fighting!" It makes sense now. I had forgotten all about Dan and Hardin's fight. Jace had hinted to some previous tension between the two of them but I didn't think much of it at the time, I was too distracted by Hardin beating the crap out if him.

"Why did you do that if he was your friend? Did you show everyone?"

"No, I didn't show anyone. I deleted it after I made sure Dan knew about it. I don't know why I did it really. He told me to stay away from her when he brought her around the first time and that made me want to fuck her just to piss him off. He is a dick anyway Tessa."

"How do you not see how fucked up this is! How fucked up you are?" I yell.

"I know it is! I know that Tessa!"

"I thought the bet was the worst thing you had done.. but oh my god this is even worse."

It doesn't hurt me nearly as bad as finding out about Hardin and Zed's bet but it is vile, revolting, and makes me question everything I thought I knew about Hardin. I knew he wasn't perfect, far from it but this is a whole new level of disgrace.

"This was all before you Tessa, this is my past. Please let it stay that way. I am not the same person now, you have made me a better person." He pleas.

"Hardin you don't even care about what you did to them! You don't even feel guilty do you?"

"I do."

"Only because I know now."

He doesn't argue.

"You didn't care about them, about anyone!"

"You're right! I don't care, I honestly don't give a shit about anyone, except you!" He shouts back.

"I don't know what to think about all this.. this is too much Hardin! Even for me, the bet, the apartment, the fights, the lies, getting back together, my mother, your mother, Christmas, it's too fucking much. I don't even get a chance to breath between these.. these messes. As soon as I get over one thing, another comes out. God knows what else you have done!"

"I don't know you at all, do I?' I cry.

"Yes you do Tessa! You do know me. That wasn't me, this is me. This is me now. I love you, I will do anything for you, for you to see that this is me. The man who loves you more than breathing, the man who dances at weddings and watches you sleep, the man who's day can't start until you kiss me, the man who would rather die than be without you. That is me, that's who I am." His eyes are glossy and I am moved by his words.

"Please don't let this ruin us, please baby." He steps towards me and I back away.

I need to be able to think.

"I can't think straight, I need time. I need to think about all of this. This is too much for me right now." I tell him.

"Okay..okay.. take time to think." He seems relieved.

"Away from you." I explain.

"No.."

"Yes Hardin, I can't think straight around you."

"No Tessa, you are not leaving." He commands.

"You will not tell me what I will or will not do." I snap.

He sighs and wraps his fingers in his hair, tugging hard at the roots.

"Fine.. fine.. Let me go then. You stay here."

I want to argue but I really don't want to leave. I have had enough of hotel rooms and tomorrow is Christmas. I have no idea what is going to happen before we have to be at Ken's. This is a disaster. How am I supposed to smile and socialize when I just had all of this information dumped on me?

"I will be back in the morning.. unless you need more time." He says, he puts his shoes on reaches for the key rack before remembering that his mother has taken his car.

"Take mine." I say.

He nods and walks toward me to.

"Don't." I bring my hands in front of me and he frowns.

He walks into the bedroom, I don't follow him.  When he returns less than two minutes later he is dressed and has his wallet in his hands.

"Please remember that I love you and I have changed." He says once more before leaving me alone in the apartment.

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