(I have gotten a few requests to start naming the songs that I am listening to while writing each chapter so I am going to start doing that, some of the songs will be repeats of songs from the playlist :) During this chapter I listened to Where we land- Ed Sheeran, Love your memory- Miranda Lambert, Tomorrow-Chris Young, Fall Away-The Fray , Everything is you-Eli Young Band, In my veins-Andrew Belle)

"You okay?" Hardin asks when they disappear.

"Yea..I'm fine." I tell him.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing.. just that she wants me to forgive her." I shrug.

I need to process everything that Steph just told me before I bring it up to Hardin. I can't believe that he beat up Jace on Saturday. He must have been at one of their parties before he came to Seattle and Molly must have been there. I can't deny the massive relief that overcame me when Steph said Hardin turned Molly down when she came onto him. It's almost humorous that he had said he slept with Molly that same night but he was really denying her. The relief is quickly overshadowed by my guilt for kissing that stranger at the club while Hardin was pushing away Molly.

"Tess?" Hardin waves his hand in front of my face.

"What?"

"What's going on?" He stops walking.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about what to get your dad. Does he like sports? He does right? You two were watching that football game remember?" My voice is more rushed than I wanted it to be,

"The Packers, he likes the Packers." He informs me and we find the sport-themed store in the mall. I am positive that he wants to ask more about Steph but he stays quiet.

I stay fairly quiet as well and Hardin chooses a few things for his father, he refuses to let me pay for them so i grab a key chain off the display case in front and pay for it myself just to annoy him.

He rolls his eyes and I stick my tongue out at him.

"You do know that you didn't get the right team's keychain right?" He tells me when we exit the store.

"What?" I reach in and grab the small object.

"That's the Giants, not the Packers." He smirks and I shove the keychain back into the bag.

"Well.. good thing no one will know the good gifts are actually from you."

"Are you done shopping yet?" He whines.

"No, I have to get something for Landon remember."

"Oh he mentioned that he wanted to try a new shade of lipstick. Maybe coral?"

"You leave him alone! And maybe I should be getting you the lipstick since you seem to know the exact shade." I tease. It feels good to be bickering with Hardin in a playful way instead of an 'I want to kill you' way.

He rolls his eyes but I see a small smile appear before he speaks. "You should just get him hockey tickets. Easy and not too expensive." He suggests.

"That's actually a good idea."

"I know." He says. "Too bad he doesn't have any friends to go with him."

"I would go with him." I defend.

The way Hardin is teasing about Landon makes me smile because it is so different than before, there is no malice behind his tone now.

"I wanted to get your mom something too." I tell him.

"Why?"

"Because it's Christmas."

"Just get her a sweater or something."

"I am terrible at buying gifts for people. What did you get her?" I ask him.

The nook he got me for my birthday was so thoughtful so I imagine the gift for his mother is equally just.

"A bracelet and a scarf." He shrugs.

"A bracelet? Like a personalized bracelet?" I ask.

"No, I meant a necklace anyway. It's just a plain necklace that says 'mom' or some shit."

"How nice of you." I say as we walk back into Macy's.

"I will find her something here, she likes those track suits." I tell him.

"Oh god, please no more track suits. She wears them every day."

"So.. all the more reason to buy her another one." I smile at his sour expression.

I really want to know what Jace said to Hardin to make him finally snap. I vaguely remember Hardin's knuckles being busted last week, but then again they are always that way. Even now the scabs are still present. A sort of resolve has taken over my frantic thoughts when it comes to Hardin now that I know he wasn't actually sleeping with Molly while I was in Seattle.

"We need to talk tonight." I say suddenly.

The cashier looks at Hardin then to me as I place the mint green tracksuit on the counter. I can see the confusion in her eyes as she looks back and forth between Hardin and I. I want to tell her it is rude to stare but Hardin speaks before I get the courage.

"Talk?"

"Yea.. after we put that tree up that your mom brought home."

"Talk about what though?"

"Everything." I explain.

"Oh." He looks terrified.

"I will get the car." He says and leaves me at the register as the woman bags Anne's gift.

I agree with Hardin that these track suits aren't exactly 'in' but who am I to say anything about anyone's sense of style when I have none. Also, Anne looks very good for her age, can pull off a track suits and it's not like she wears them everywhere. Next year I will make sure to get everyone amazing gifts to make up for my terrible gifts this year. Next year? I don't know where that thought came from.

Both of us stay silent during the ride back to the apartment, me because I am trying to think of everything I should say, and him..well I get the feeling he is doing the same.

"Wait I forgot wrapping paper!" I say when he pulls into the parking lot.

"My mum bought a bunch yesterday."

"Oh thank god. Can you help me find the hockey tickets for Landon so I can print them out tonight?"

"Yea." He says and pushes his hair back over his forehead.

Everything would be so simple, so easy if we could just go on like this forever, never bringing up the problems we have but this is reality and we can't do that. Easy or not.

I grab the bags, except the baking set for Karen and rush into the lobby to avoid the freezing rain coming down. I'd take the snow over this freezing rain any day. Hardin jogs through the sludge and joins me inside within minutes.

When we step into the elevator my stomach grumbles.

"I'm hungry." I tell Hardin when he looks down at me.

"Oh." He looks like he wants to say something sarcastic but decides against it.

When we get inside the smell of garlic takes over my senses and instantly makes my mouth water.

"I made dinner, how was the mall?" Anne asks.

Hardin grabs the bags from my hands and disappears into the bedroom.

"It wasn't too bad, it wasn't nearly as crowded as I had thought it would be." I explain.

"That's good, I thought maybe we could put that tree up? I doubt Hardin will want to help but the two of us could do it if you don't mind?"

"Yea of course." I smile.

"You should eat first." Hardin's voice commands as he walks back into the kitchen.

I scowl at him and turn my attention back to Anne. Hardin and I are going to have our dreaded talk tonight after assembling the small tree with his mother so I am in no rush. I also need to wrap the gifts I bought and get online to purchase Landon's hockey tickets. I hate being unprepared, I never wait until the last minute to do things and this is beyond stressful.  I also feel rushed because of the impending discussion with Hardin, I need at least an hour to muster up enough strength to be able to say everything that I want to say. It's probably not the best idea to have such an important talk with his mother here but I can't wait any longer, everything that is going to be said needs to be said, now. We can't stay in this easy in-between place much longer.

"Are you hungry now?" Anne asks me.

"Yes she is." He answers for me.

"Yea, I am." I tell her, ignoring her obnoxious son.

The dish she made for dinner is some sort of chicken casserole with spinach and garlic. It smells delicious and looks even better. I make myself a plate and sit down at the table.

"You could take the pieces out of the box for us, make it a little easier." Anne tells Hardin.

"Sure." He says and walks over to the small box. He tears the top open and dumps the contents onto the floor.

"I got a few ornaments too." She smiles.

Hardin has the branches slid into the slots and the tree assembled before I finish eating.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Anne asks Hardin and he grabs the box of ornaments and opens it.

"We will help with those." She tells him and I stand up from the table.

Putting together a Christmas tree with Hardin and his mother in an apartment that was ours is something I would have never thought I would be doing. Ever. The ornaments are randomly hung on the miniature tree and Anne seems very pleased when we finish.

"We should get a photo in front of it!" She suggests.

"No, I don't do pictures." Hardin grumbles.

"Oh come on Hardin, it's the holidays." She bats her lashes and he rolls his eyes at her for the hundredth time since she arrived in America.

"Not today." He replies.

"Just one?" I ask him, knowing that this isn't fair of me but I feel for his mother.

"Fine, fuck. Just one." He stands next to Anne in front of the tree and I grab my phone to take a picture of them.

Hardin barely smiles but Anne's bright smile makes up for it. I am relieved when she doesn't suggest that Hardin and I take a picture together, we need to figure out what exactly is going to happen before we start taking family pictures in front of a Christmas tree.

I get Anne's phone number and send a copy of the picture to her and to Hardin. He walks back to the kitchen and makes himself a plate of food.

"I'm going to go wrap some gifts before it gets too late." I announce.

"Okay, see you in the morning sweetie." Anne says and hugs me before I leave the room.

Hardin has already placed the box full of wrapping paper, bows, tape, and everything else I could possibly need for wrapping the gifts in the bedroom. I hurry and get to wrapping so we can get to 'the talk' sooner rather than later. I really want to get it over with but at the same time I am afraid of how it will go, I know that I have made my mind up but I am not sure if I am ready to admit it. I know how foolish it is of me but I have been a fool since I have met him and that hasn't always been a bad thing.

I hear some clanging around in the kitchen so I assume Hardin will be entering the room any minute. I finish writing Ken's name on the gift tag  just as the bedroom.

"Done?" He asks.

"Yea.. I need to get those tickets printed for Landon before we talk."

"Why?"

"Because I need your help and you're not helpful when we are fighting."

"How do you know we will fight?" He asks.

"Because it's us." I half laugh and he nods in agreement.

"I'll get the printer from the closet." He walks away and I turn my laptop on.

Twenty minutes later we have two tickets to the Seattle Thunderbirds printed and wrapped in a small box for Landon.

"Okay.. so any other distractions before we.. you know, talk?" Hardin asks.

"No." I reply.

We are both sitting on the bed, him against the headboard with his long legs stretched in front of him, and me with my legs at the end of the bed. I have no idea where to start or what to say.

"So.." Hardin begins.

This is awkward.

"So.." I pick at my nails.

"What happened with Jace?" I ask.

"Steph told you." He states.

"Yea, why did you fight him? I thought he was your friend?" Then again Hardin beat up Zed who I know he is closer to than Jace.

"Because he is a dick and I told you before that he isn't my friend."

"Well what happened that made you fight him?"

"He was running his mouth."

"Hardin, you have to talk to me or this isn't going to work."

"I am talking now."

"Hardin.."

"Okay. Okay. He was planning to try to hook up with you." He says and my stomach turns at the thought.

"So? You know that would never happen."

"That doesn't make a difference, even thinking about him touching you.." He shudders and continues, "and he is the one who, well Molly too, who planned to tell you in front of everyone. They all said they wouldn't say shit then the those two fucks had to go and fucking ruin it."

"You ruined it, they just told me about it." I remind him.

"I know that Tessa." He is getting annoyed.

"Do you? Do you know that though because you haven't really said anything about it."

"Yes I have, I was crying the other day for fuck's sake."

"You need to stop cursing at me so much for one thing, and two that was one time. That's really the only time you have said anything."

"I tried in Seattle but you wouldn't talk to me and you've been ignoring me so when was I supposed to?"

"If we are going to even try to move past this I need you to open up to me, I need to know exactly how you feel." I tell him.

"And when do I get to hear how you feel Tessa? You're just as closed off as I am." He makes eye contact with me.

"No.. No I am not." I defend.

"Yes you are! You haven't told me how you feel about any of this. You just keep saying you are done with me but here you are." He waves his hands toward me.

I need a moment to think about what he just said. I have had so many thoughts, jumbled and confusing thoughts, in my head that I have forgotten to say any of them to him.

"I have been so confused." I say.

"I'm not a mind reader Tessa, what are you confused about?"

"This. Us. I don't know what to do." The lump in my throat grows. We have just started this conversation and I am already on the verge of tears.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do." He calls me out.

"What do you want me to do?" There are a lot of things that I need to hear him say before I can be sure of what I want to do.

"I want you to stay with me. I want you to forgive me and give me another chance. I know I have asked you too many times but please just give me one more chance, I can't be without you. I've tried, and I know you have too. There isn't anyone else for either of us, if it's not us, its nothing and I know that you know that too." His eyes are glossy when he finishes and I wipe my tears away.

"You hurt me, so terribly."

"I know baby, I know I did. I would give anything to take that back, actually I wouldn't. I wouldn't change anything, well I would have told you sooner obviously." He says. I snap my head up to look at his face.

"I wouldn't take it back because we wouldn't have been together if I wouldn't have done such a fucked up thing. Even though it has destroyed by life, without it I wouldn't have had one at all. I'm sure that makes you hate me even more but that's the truth."

I don't know what to say because when I think about it, really think about it, I don't think I would change anything either.

(Everyone is commenting 'double update" so if you all vote and comment like crazy people then I will highly consider it :) ily!)